“Wake Up America- You’re sucking on the hind teat of a dead cow.” Thomas Paine

 

I (DM) saw this over @ Michael’s blog tonight.  He says it better than I could ever say it so without apology  I wanted to post it  too.

Bodhrán

      This past Saturday night,  the beat of a  Bodhran  drum cast it’s spell over young and old…. I watched as my granddaughter   got out of her stroller,  with child like abandon began to move  her arms and then her  feet to the beat of the Irish drum.

    If you’ve never heard one, take a minute  to listen to this  clip:

      

 

     Saturday night was our 2nd  concert in the 2009 Bear River Concert Series  we’re co-hosting with Camp Courageous of Iowa…It rocked.   Here is a picture of Jacquie Manning from Small Potatoes playing her Bodhran:

 

     Here is a snapshot  my granddaughter  dancing to the drum….

      Before I met my wife, I spent  2 yrs drink’n, smoke’n the wacky weed (I didn’t inhale), and trying various other methods  to catch a buzz.  Woke up a few times not remembering where I’d parked my car.  There’s  a good chance many of you reading this have done similar stupid things….that’s not my point.  If you’re still doing that sort of thing. or if you did it when you were younger, why do we do it????

I did it to fit in

 I did it because I was bored…

I did it for the  fun,  which it sometimes delivered short term, but I hated waking up the next morning, w/ a splitting headache  feeling like I was going to loose my cookies.

       There was a moment in a budding relationship w/ my future wife where I thought to myself…if she  finds out about some of this stuff, she is going to  drop me like a hot potato,   so I made an intentional decision to step away from the booze and drugs.    It’s possible you know….

   It doesn’t mean I don’t still have an occasional beer, but honestly, the rush I felt on Saturday night, listening to the Bodhran,  and watching Addison dance  is  so much sweeter, and I’m still living off of it, 96 hours later.

If you absolutely have to take something  for  a mood enhancer, I’d recommend a cup of coffee- black/ no sugar, it’s all natural, legal and in moderation can be good for you.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts   DM

How To: Keep The Romantic Fire Burning Long term

This is a picture of us in 1978…When I look @ that happy couple  I see two young people who were clueless about the pressures and stresses heading their way. 

 

     Here we are 25 years later…still together, not quite as clueless…

      In Mid May, I had a small kitchen remodel project for Bill and Sue.  Everything looked solid and normal until we opened up the wall.  The 2 by 4’s on the left side of the window had little white bugs on them, and the wood had been turned to paper, it would fall apart when you touched it…..

Their house had   Termites

Fortunately, they caught them in time.  The exterminator came, did a thorough examination and only found one other spot where they may have been working.  He thought they had only been gnawing for maybe 3 years. 

     I’d never seen termites in action before….they completely destroy a home from inside the walls, they are silent, you never know they are working, unless you know what to look for.   I can see why  house could suddenly fall into a heap if it had been infested for years.

     The exterminator told Bill and Sue, termites are everywhere in the soil of Iowa.    You just need to be aware of them, best thing you can do, is look for the little tubes:

picture of termite mud  tube on the foundation of a house.

I believe there are “relational termites” you need to watch out for, if you are married.  They’re  like the wood termites.  They quietly eat away @ the structure of  your marriage…might be there for years…then one day, you wake up and your standing in a pile of rubble.

(disclaimer- I got this termite  analogy from a great book by Charles Swindol on marriage – Strike the Original Match.  This is his word picture )

Here are some of the “termites” we’ve encountered in our 30 yrs of marriage:

Children come first termite -  The best gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage.  Unless you are very careful and intentional about it, once you start having children, it’s very easy for one of the parents to begin placing the demands of their child above everything else.  It sounds so noble, and babies do demand a lot of your time and energy- especially at first.  Like I told my eldest again recently…you need to keep  dating, just the two of you, carving out some one on one alone time.  Months can go by without the two of you going out on a date.  It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money-  just take a walk.  Barter with another family- you watch their kids while they watch yours.  You need to stay engaged with each other on an emotional, relational level. ..talk about your feelings, your thoughts, the highlights and low lights of your day…work @ staying in touch w/ each others lives.  Keep dating, keep having fun.   In our relationship,  probably the most significant daily time for us, is coffee  in bed in the morning…I stumble down stairs, grab 2 cups.  Every couple needs to find routine that works best for them..preferably daily

Financial Stress termite  We live in such a materialistic, hedonistic saturated culture.  Young people today sometimes make the mistake of thinking they have to have all nice fancy things their mom  and dad have…forgetting it took years for their parents to get to that place financially.   Easy credit allows them to borrow more than they should, forcing both parents to work, full time and then some just to stay one step ahead of the wolf.  The financial pressure will cause stress in your relationship.  You meet each other coming and going, you’re both irritable, you’re not on the same page financially.  If there is tension in your home because of money, don’t ignore that- that’s like seeing a termite mud tube and thinking, “Oh well, I don’t see the little buggers,  we’ll be fine.  I just have to work a little longer.”

 

Other things/relationship termite   You start out, with your partner as the love of your life, your first priority, but over time, other things start competing for that place in your heart and your spouse gradually feels like there is another lover in your life they are in competition with.  It could be your work, (because you love your job), it could be another relationship, as weird as it might sound, it could be your commitments @ church- dumping more of your energy and passion into some group so there is nothing left for your mate, it could be your hobby (s)..it might be the amount of time you invest on the Internet,  it could be just about anything.

Unresolved conflict termite     You know how it is, you have an argument about something, it never gets completely worked through, next thing you know,  you have another..before too long, you sense tension in your marriage, can’t really put your finger on it, discount it, maybe you’re just tired and need a break…when in reality, the two of you have allowed all of these little conflicts and issues to pile up, can’t even remember some of them anymore…but because they are unresolved, this low grade anger and disgust has replaced the love, and affection you once felt for that other person sleeping in the bed with you.  The smallest things they do irritate you..  Yep, you’ve got this termite…the unresolved conflict termite.  I think it’s one of the easiest ones to  acquire.    and simpliest to get rid of-  easy, not always   simple yes….give and receive forgiveness, admit when you’ve said or done something to hurt the other person.

      If after reading this, you think you might have termites in your marriage- don’t despair.  They’re everywhere.  Like I told Bill and Sue, just be glad you found them now..and not 10 years from now.  It’s never too late.  There are so many awesome resources out there. 

     I’ve written on this topic before, so some of this may sound familiar.

Thoughts, comments, questions?

100 years from me

Father’s  Day 2009.   

      When I woke yesterday morning , the idea for this song was flitting through my mind….

100 years from me

___________________________________________________

You came to mind this morning

a hundred years from me,

My daughter’s

daughter’s

daughter….

a hundred years from me.

_________________________________________________________

There’s some things I  want to tell you

Bout  things  that shouldn’t be.

about the world 

you woke up in this morning.

100 years from me…..

_______________________________________________

I think about my grandpa,

and his grandpa too

I wonder if they ever

gave much thought

bout the things

they’d say and do

___________________________________________________

  

  the choices this  generation makes

are landing at your feet….

Our leaders  spend the

children’s money

they legislate

deceit

________________________________________________________________

  

You came to mind this morning

a hundred years from me,

My daughter’s

daughter’s

daughter….

a hundred years from me….

___________________________________________________

“We’re  sorry” just don’t cut it,

hollow words

to my ears they sound

We need to live with a long term view

if we hope you’ll be around….

_________________________________________________________

  

You came to mind this morning

a hundred years from me,

My daughter’s

daughter’s

daughter….

a hundred years from me….

 

 

final thought…this is just a rough draft, I ‘m sure it can be polished.  My intention is to ask one of my musician friends to help me “tweak it” and put it to music….I can hear the song in my mind.  Wanted to post it, this Father’s day morning.  DM

 

 

 

 

 

Permission to fail

“You create your opportunities by asking for them.”

                                                        Shakti  Gawain

     “Gardening is like cooking:  Read the recipe and then use your head.”   A dash of skepticism can do no harm.  Go lightly on caution, heavily on adventure, and see what comes out.  If you make a mistake, what of it?  That is one way to learn and tomorrow is another day.” 

                                                                                    Ruth Stout

____________________________________________________

      I enjoy learning new things.    It   adds a richness and adventure to my life.   When I’m wading into an uncharted area , it feels akin to learning to fly.   I know there’s a chance I may hit the dirt- hard- ,but  if I ask a lot of questions, keep a humble attitude,  do my best, then I’m OK w/what happens next.  Better that than always playing it safe and living a shallow fear-filled life. 

     But then again, that’s  JMHO .

        Looking back, I can point to two men who  helped cultivate this attitude in my life.   Both of them are named John- One is my uncle Johnny, the second is John Fea.

       I worked for my Uncle John   the first 9 years out of high school.   I was probably  18  when Uncle Johnny  came up to me one morning @ the shop with a set of blueprints- 

     “Here Junior, look these over, and see if you have any questions-  if not, then I want you to take a couple of guys with you and get started.” 

         I’d been working for them since I was 14 so it wasn’t something I hadn’t been around ,  yet, this was the first time he was giving me 100% responsibility to stake out the foundation  and pour the footings for a new project. 

      Wow-  what if  I forgot something important???? 

    There was a “little discussion”  @ that point between Johnny and  the other owner of the company  on whether I was ready-  I remember Johnny saying, “Ah, he’ll be fine, even if he does make a mistake, how else are you going to learn?”   

      Then around 1988, I was working on a  basement remodel  as a crew foreman for Mark G.    Our crew was doing a project for another contractor- John Fea.      There was a small Formica counter-top that needed to be custom built for the bar area.  I’d never worked with Formica before, but this seemed like the perfect size to learn on.  I asked John Fea if I could bid on making the counter top-  “Sure, why not”  he said.  When Mark (my boss) heard about it, he came over and the three of us discussed whether or not it was wise to put me in charge of something John would have to stand behind. 

     John looked at Mark, and me, and basically said the same thing my uncle Johnny had said so many years before… ““Ah, he’ll be fine, even if he does make a mistake, how else are you going to learn?  I can always get some more Formica if he messes up.”

     

 photo of John  Fea  and his wife Joan 

     The attitude I’m talking about is a “transferable concept.” – both  for the  learner, and the person in charge, on the job as well as in your home. 

 Are you a hard #@* with those around you?  Do people walk on egg shells  when they’re with you, or do they have the freedom to occassionally fail?   If so,  maybe you need to take a pill and relax.

Sorry for  little outburst- it just came out of nowhere     as always, thanks for reading my “stuff”  DM

“I Hate Boundaries” said the chicken to the farmer

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.”

 George Orwell

Ben the Cat looking for a meal

 

 Here is the meal Ben the cat would love to have

When I went outside this morning to do chores, I spotted Ben our cat hanging out next to the range fed chicken pen. (see top two photos)   I could almost read her mind (yea, you read that right- the cat’s name is Ben and he’s a she/ but that’s a whole nother story, which will have to keep for now)

     Ben loves fresh meat, twice this week she came trotting into our yard with a baby rabbit in her mouth- I was able to free one of them, the second one, not so lucky- Oscar our beagle ate it.  That’s just the way it is…

      The chickens we have are inside of that enclosure for a reason-I don’t want them eaten by Ben, Oscar,  the red tailed hawk family we have roosting in the pine trees by our house, or the raccoons that rob the cat food every night.  I guarantee you,within a week,  none of those chickens would be alive if I just let them run free.   If you’ve never lived in the country and didn’t know about all the predators that enjoy fresh chicken, you may be tempted to think I was a kill joy.  Who am I to  put boundaries in their young lives?  What kind of sadistic farmer am I?   If you were to think that, you  obviously don’t know me very well.

      I picked that quote by Orwell to give you the heads up on something I want to say about sex  if your still reading along- 

    Boundaries in life are not a bad thing-  If you’ve bought into the politically correct BS   that passes for truth in today’s culture, then you’ve been set up by Ben the Cat.

    My heart grieves for all of the young people today who have bought into the lie that sexual intimacy outside the context of marriage is good and safe.  Sooner or later, the cat will get you.  You may be able  to pull it off for a season, you may be quicker than your peers,  but @ some point you will get hurt.

     I’m going to close with something  another old farmer told  his grand daughter-

“I’m not telling you what to do…I”m just telling you what I know.”

The Best $45.00 I Ever Spent

   

       September of 1990 I attended a workshop sponsored by Kirkwood community college on assertive communication.  The cost  was $45.00.  There were probably 12 to 14 people in the group all totaled- two men and the rest women.   We covered something they called the “Assertiveness Bill of Rights.”, we role played, we laughed.  It was a fun workshop. I re-cooped  the $45.00 investment  within  in two weeks of taking that class.   Over the next few  years,  I could directly attribute several thousand  additional  dollars to what I learned.   The payback is not just in dollars  , it can also be measured in healthier relationships, increased self respect and  less stress.    

      Quick story. 

     We lived in New Jersey from 1985 till  July of 1990.  The month before we moved back to Iowa, I did a small carpentry project for Mary.    The bill was $65.00, $40.00 in special ordered trim from Andersen Windows and $25.00 of labor.  Mary  knew I was moving, I’d asked her if I could get a check before we left the state, but it never came.  A month after we moved back to  Iowa,  I attended that assertiveness workshop and  decided, I was going to collect on that $65.00- didn’t matter I   was now  1000 miles from her.  I sent her another  invoice for $65.00 with a note.   I thanked her for the work, gave her my new mailing address ,  stated that payment was due within 10 days- after that, I would charge her 18% interest on the unpaid balance.   I got a check within a week.

     Some of you reading this know me personally.    Growing up, I was shy, a people pleas-er, battled low self esteem, and had a hard time telling anyone “No.”   If you’ve never struggled with these sorts of things,  you have no  idea of the inner poverty that rules your life.   I know from reading, depression is often times connected to a person’s inability to express what they’re really thinking.  Instead of speaking up, you internalize the frustration, which then ferments into depression, and other things like  ulcers, certain cancers , headaches, and who knows what else.

    Here is a copy of the Assertiveness Bill of Rights…I found a copy of them on line:

Assertiveness Bill Of Rights

1. I have the right to be the ultimate judge of my own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
2. I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify my behavior.
3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes – and to be responsible for them.
6. I have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
7. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
8. I have the right to make decisions without using logic.
9. I have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
10. I have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

_________________________________________________

 Now you don’t have to buy into all of those “rights”   I’m not sure I do, I do exercise  # 2 and # 4 all the time- especially the one about having the right to change my mind..I do it all the time- just to stay in shape. 

       My heart goes out to those of you that do have a hard time speaking up for yourself.  I am here to tell you, you can do it, it is possible to be gracious and assertiveness…. these are learned skills anyone can acquire.

    One last thing we covered-

Assertiveness is not the same as aggressiveness.

Assertiveness: 

A form of behavior that is directed toward claiming one’s rights without denying the rights of others.

Aggressiveness:    ready to attack or oppose; quarrelsome

The White Wolf

     Johnson County Iowa 1850- A creature resembling a large  white  wolf,   said to stand  over four feet tall, with tracks as large as a lion,  had been raiding  local  farms.   It  was carrying  off 200 pound sheep  with perfect ease,  and something had to be done. 

     At one point, Jonathan Talbott caught the beast in a trap.    The creature was so powerful, it ran with the trap several miles before loosing a toe.   

     Imagine you are a farmer, you wake up in the morning  to discover something has killed another one of your  ewes    This happens off and on for several months.   

      If you’ve ever raised animals, or been attached to a  pet, then maybe, you can relate to the anger that rises up in your heart.    You get to the place where you would kill this marauder with your bare hands if  you could. which is kind of how the rest of this story shakes out  ;-)

     As I retraced Old Military Road this past Fall,  this is one of the stories dancing around in my head.

     I am starting to work on the manuscript of  my next book.   I have the title : “On The Trail Of Lyman Dillon” , and think I have the intro to the book about finished.  The next step is to organize  the rest of the book.

    As I researched early  Iowa history in preparation for my walk, I came across stories like the one about the white wolf,  the thing is, these stories are not just in once source.  You find them in old diaries, county history books, old magazine articles, etc.

     My intention in writing this book,  is for the next person who wants to retrace my steps (either on foot or in a car)   to  know what life  would have been like 150 yrs ago along Old Military Road

      The drama, excitement and suspense  I came across rivaled any movie you would see today.   The difference  is, these things really happened, right here where I live. 

     It’s  like I feel the spirits of these people crying out to be remembered…their  stories are buried in  musty out of print  books.   Their grave stones are no longer remembered.   Their  children,  grand children and great grand children are gone.

      If you have any suggestions/ questions/ or thoughts about this book project, don’t be shy.  I’d love  to hear your thoughts.

Photo highlights of Our May 30th folk concert

         The Sill barn on the   Camp Courageous   property came alive this past Saturday night.   More than seventy Five people enjoyed an evening of great music in a rustic barn nestled back in the  tall pines.   The Dalziels and Beth Wood can each  hold their own with the best of them- Both have been finalists more than once @ theKerville folk festival, Beth won it in 2005.   If you have a second, check out that link to Kerville.  I’d never heard of it before we started hosting  music festivals..the level of talent will blow you away. 

      “The acoustics in the barn are so good, you might not even need a sound system.”  Scott Dalziel   commented 

      Judy F.(who attended the event with her husband Jamie)  said one of the things she loved about Saturday night was she could understand the words, it wasn’t just a bunch of noise.

    It’s hard to describe how magic the night really was.  If you’re not doing anything June 27th another evening is in the works.  A group called the Small Potatoes is coming to Monticello   We’ve already gotten calls from people as far away as the Twin Cities telling us they are coming. Most (not all)  of these artists coming for the concert series are  hand picked by Michelle Dalziel herself.   

        On July  18th Gayla Drake Paul is coming, she’s on a list of the top 100 acoustic guitarists on the planet!-

    Another fun project we have in the works with this concert series is a music DVD with highlights of the series.  A local TV station is taping each of the concerts and asked me to interview the artists  one on one for some “behind the music” clips as well. 

  Here are some photos from last Saturday night:

Here’s Michelle and Scott Dalziel, Beth Wood and the Mrs and I right after the concert

Here’s a picture of the crowd

Here’s my daughter Katie and her BF Jason helping us with check in

This is my co-worker and daughter Beka and her boyfriend Frank helping out at the merchandise table.

   

     

Johnny Appleseed and Me

     John Chapman, or Johnny Appleseed was born September 26th 1774,  the second child of Nathaniel Chapman and his wife, the former Elizabeth Symonds. of Leominster, Massachusetts. His father started young John upon a career as an Orchardist by apprenticing him to a Mr. Crawford, who had an apple orchard.

       There are so many legends and myths surrounding the guy, you might be tempted to blow him off as just a story. I (DM) got it in my head a couple of years ago to see if it were still possible to get a tree for our apple orchard that had some connection to Johnny Appleseed. I got on line and discovered Historic Trees where you can purchase direct offspring started from cuttings taken from the last known surviving tree he planted.  If you  like that sort of thing, I noticed this morning you can still get yourself  one of these young trees.

     We purchased (3) of them and planted them by our old barn. Here is a photo of one of them I took this morning.    The white tail deer are thick in our neck of the woods, so I had to put a fence around the young trees:

 

 Here is the certificate of authenticity  we got with the tree:

 

Here is a photo of the original tree from a magazine article before it died:

     There are over 7500 varieties of apple trees world wide!!!!

     This variety is called a Winter Rambo. It is a tart, red- striped apple. These flavorful heirloom apples,are great for pies and dumplings, and make good applesauce. My thought is, when this tree gets a little bigger, have an outdoor sign made w/ this certificate placed next to the tree. I love incorporating whimsy in my life, this tree, does that for me.

How about you? What sort of ways do you add whimsy to your life?

      Getting back to Johnny Appleseed for just a second. The guy was a real person. If you get on line, you can find him on the genealogy websites. If you know someone whose last name is Chapman it might be fun to see if there is a connection.

       Twice I have dressed up like Mr John Chapman (pot on my head, fake beard, bare foot) and given a presentation in our local library My wife has accompanied me dressed in period costume. I have a couple of pictures around somewhere…if I can lay my hands on them I will post them. I think there may be a little of Johnny in me.