Emotional Numbness

There are 4 people I know who are wrestling with something I’ll call for lack of a better term “Emotional Numbness “ right now.    I googled the term last night and came across an excellent article here.

Before I go any further, I have to put this on the table….I HATE it when  I see well meaning people come up to others with “trite platitudes” (ie. the person quote a bible verse, or talk down to the person, almost like they are trying to comfort a baby).  Don’t  ever do that to me please .  I will probably not respond very nicely.    I’m one of those people who when things are really bugging me, will raise my voice and  vent heavenward. To give you a mental picture…have you ever seen Fiddler On The Roof?:

  That is my approach to living by faith…straightforward, w/o pretense….and how I’d like to explore this issue.  I am not a formally trained “counselor”, but I’ve spent my fair share of time on the couch, in the chair, and observing another person  ”unthaw” (ie. begin to feel their emotions, where once there was numbness).

I am interested in some hearty participation on this post.  I would love to hear from anyone who has regained some of their ability to feel, where once there was numbness, as well as anyone who is still trying to come to a place of “feeling”.

Here are some random thoughts:

Just like there is more than one type of cancer, so too there are different reasons/causes a person may find themselves feeling “numb” or detached.   There is not a one size fits all approach to cancer treatment, so too, there is probably not a “one size fits all” response to this problem.

Medicine and chemicals definitely have a place in the restoration process.  If you are a Christian, don’t let any well meaning platitude spouting fellow Christian throw that guilt trip on you.

At some point, part of your long term healing will come only as your thinking process  is looked at.  You may have to be on some type of prescription medication long term…that’s between you and your doctor/counselor.  One of my loved ones  commented they felt real progress happen  when their  counselor would ask great questions that made them think…(side note: it is important you have someone on your team trained in counseling, preferably w/ a Biblical worldview)

Unconditional Love….you need someone (even several someones) that will give you this gift.  Hopefully you have someone locally, if not, I’ll do my best …If I suddenly get 500 requests for unconditional  love, I’ll  have to enlist some of my fellow blogger friends to help me out on this one.

Any thoughts?

The Poetry Of Ricardo Spadaro

             Mary, one of the regular readers to my blog asked me if I would  include some poetry from Ricardo Spadaro the hitchhiker I picked up and wrote about here  on one of my blog posts.  So   Mary this post is  for you ….

Lullaby In The Key Of “Sea”

While I lay in fields in the quiet of night,

      I can hear my good neighbor the sea.

I can hear her wave.  She’s waving alright!

I can hear her waving at me!

She lives near the beach at the foot of the cliff,

      not far below the fields where I lay.

She’s almost in reach.  I can smell her breath.

There she waves!  She’s waving at me!

I visit her now and then in the day,

     and I have sailed on her trough and her crest.

We frolic together sometimes in the bay,

     not far from the autumn fields where I rest.

And the light from the moon, and many a star,

     has arrived in time and on cue.

It sings with the sea through the night from afar.

It’s part of the lullaby too!

Sea-song in the quiet of night-

     a lullaby from my good neighbor the sea.

Shine on moon bright, starlight.

You’re a sea of heavenly harmony.

footnote: Mostly written in the month of November 1999 in Carpinteria, California.  I finally found the right key, and completed the poem in La Jolla, Ca. on May 6 2000. Copyright C Richard Anthony Spadaro

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The Pepper Pickers

Here I sit in Greenfield

     at El Camino Liquors

I’m trying to get to Carmel

     while watching pepper pickers

The men are picking peppers

     out yonder in the fields

Red-hot chili peppers

     is what that farm there yields

(Mouth-puckering, eye-watering, pouch-pickling chili peppers)

The pickers pick the peppers off the plant

     and put them in a big black bucket

When the bucket is full, the pickers take the peppers

      over to a nearby truck

On the truck is a mound of peppers,

      with two men standing on it

The bucket of peppers is thrown by the pickers

      up to a man on the mound

The man on the mound empties the bucket,

      and throw the buck back down

The bucket is caught by the man who brought

     the bucket to the truck to begin with

Then these persistent pepper-pickin- people return to the field

     and commence to pick some more peppers

This painstaking process is repeated

     until the pepper truck is packed

 

 Here I sit in Greenfield

     at El Camino Liquors

I’m trying to get to Carmel

      while watching pepper pickers.

Rickard A.Spadaro  Oct.24 1996  Greenfield, Ca

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Here is a link to Richard’s book on Amazon

Feeling Powerless From Inside the Lighthouse

       Just got up to get my coffee.  Checked in on a couple of blogs I enjoy reading lately… Life: The Journey  and Enola  Both of these women are going through hell and I feel powerless to do much for them.

      To give you a word picture, I feel like I’m sitting here warm and cozy inside high up on a hill overlooking the ocean.  I am in a lighthouse, it’s warm, the lights are on, I’m enjoying a fresh cup of coffee, the wind is howling outside and I’m looking out the window with my binoculars.  I can see Enola, Debi, and two other boats (two of my children) , each in a small boat…the waves are rolling,  the little boats are being battered to and fro,    I can tell a couple of them are trying to row towards shore…the  other  two I’m not so sure they know where shore is.    I can get in touch with them over  a small crackly radio…(e-mail, phone, by blog, etc.)  to let them know I can see them, but I feel so powerless to do anything to help them get to shore, then inside  where it’s warm and cozy.

    Word picture continuing….

     I’ve heard those trite poems about God either  stilling the storms of our lives or going through them with us…well…I’m not God so I don’t know what he has in mind in each of these people’s lives….all I can do is radio God  (pray) and ask him to come down here to the bridge  ASAP because there are 4 boats I can see with my own eyes that need to either be towed to shore, or since he’s God…have him calm the sea.

     Here’s the kicker, I’ve been on that ocean myself, in a little boat  a time or two when things got crazy, and it’s only by the Grace of God that I’m sitting  here right now where things are stable and safe instead of out there with them.

    

Addressing Issues Head On (or not)

     “Check on me in a half hour” I told my wife this morning.  I planned to knock down 20 feet of rock wall  on  our 130 old barn.

     The barn was built in the 1880′s, you can  still see ax marks  on the beams.  As a builder myself, I am in awe at the type of workmanship that went into this barn .  In September, I noticed the rock wall on the North side  starting to lean.   I realized I would either have to  address the problem directly, or just let it collapse. 

     I asked my wife to check on me  because there were several tons of rock, not to mention the building itself looming directly above me, and as I removed the rock, there was no telling what else might decide to give.    I had visions of me laying there under a pile of rubble…and didn’t want to lay there  any longer than necessary.

      I had Paul install braces  earlier this week, I  understand “load bearing points”, so it’s not like I’m going into this task completely clueless.  Never the less, When you’re dealing with something  this old.  anything is possible.

     As I removed the rock, my mind went back to that season in our lives where we lived in a Christian Community.   We literally lived for 18 months on a Church property with our own apartment, but sharing a kitchen with 2 other families.  I was attending a Biblical Counseling program through CCEF  .

     As I described what it was like to a friend (who was a nun)  she commented that it was just like  living  in a convent w/ several other Sisters.   One of the first things I discovered living in community was the fact that   just like you and I rub on each other in our homes, the same things happen in community, except on a more intense level.    One of the most valuable skills that came out of that time in my life was learning how to address issues instead of simply ignoring them.   The beautiful thing about this, is that it is a transferable concept.  Not only did I learn how to address and work through conflict with  the other people in our building, we (my wife and I) learned how to “speak the truth in love” in our marriage,  with our children, and even at work. 

     As our children are now growing up, I can see the fruit of it in their lives.  They are much quicker to address things in their relationships with others than most of their peers. 

     Going back to that barn I was working on this morning…there are some real parallels to both….

#1   Initially, it may get pretty messy when you wade into a problem

#2  The bigger the issue, the more time and energy you may have to expend

#3  When we ignore a problem, it doesn’t mean it will somehow magically fix itself…all you are doing is postponing a bigger problem later…guaranteed

#4  Living life this way (addressing problems instead of ignoring them)  makes life so much richer…your relationships are are based on reality instead of everyone walking around on egg shells.

      I read a post by Hope last week that reminded me of a similar situation in our family.  We had a single man  in our church  who had “emotional issues” Long story short,  he started wanting to hug my teen age daughters every week. as well as some of the other women   (Not the older ones mind you, just the  young ones).  I approached the pastor and said, it was making my daughters uncomfortable and someone in leadership needed to say something to him privately or I would  do it myself.   The hugging stopped. 

      I need to wrap this one up,  the word count on this post is heading towards 700.    Any thoughts or questions?   Thanks for stopping by the blog!  DM

Send a “Thank You card” to a serviceman through this link

     Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  We have so much to be thankful for in this country.  Mary, a former co-worker just sent me a link to a Xerox website that will allow you to send a personal card to someone in our military serving overseas.  All you need to do is go to this site :  http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1024.html 

       I would also encourage you to tell all your friends and blogging buddies about this site….thanks in advance!  DM

     

      

     

Goose Candy From The Sky

     You could hear them coming.  Geese.  It was a crisp Fall morning, The leaves were turning ,  Dean and I  were putting osb sheeting on a  12/12 pitch roof of  a  $750,000.00 house.   A Kodak moment.  We watched  as the formation flew over us, low enough to throw a rock at…plop,plop, plop… goose dung on his shoulder and hat.      Now  it was really a Kodak moment.  Since that time whenever geese are heading our way, I will call out to Ben, Paul, or whomever is with me…“Hurry, they’re coming!  Look up,  you might get some “geese candy”.    It hasn’t happened since, but I’m always hoping.

      Do you have fun at  work? I hope you do, at least some of the time.   I told someone the other day the atmosphere on our  crew could  best be described as “mirthful”.  

      Several years ago this same Dean and I were trying to put felt paper on a new roof in the dead of Winter.  The wind was howling,  wind chill was below zero, it was crazy we were even on a roof.  Finally, decided to go to the basement and warm up.  There was an LP heater hooked up, not vented,  which felt SO GOOD.     1/2 hour later,  we went back on the roof to finish papering,  the two of us  started giggling like a couple of little girls, the tears were running down our faces.  We decided that we must have been “gassed”, everything was funny.  the fact that we could barely hold on to the roll of paper w/o the wind ripping it our of our hands, the extreme cold, the fact we’d just about been gassed, everything.

     My wife read to me a proverb the other day that said  ”A cheerful heart has a continual feast”     She said it reminded her of me.  It made my day.    I have a “help wanted” add in the paper this week….here’s how it reads:

Temporary help wanted.  Could turn into full-time.  General construction.  Prefer someone with NO experience.  Must be able to read tape measure, climb, have valid driver’s license and GOOD ATTITUDE.

     If I’m going to spend  8 hours of  my day with you, the last thing I want  is  to work with someone who has a dark cloud overhead.  If you think you fit the qualifications, drop me a note.  I have been known to hire women in the past.

     (Hi Mary if you happen to read this!  I miss your great attitude)  

     Enough for now, time to set some cement forms.   Thanks for stopping by the blog! 

The Day I Got Stabbed

     I met Johnny at a  work day this Summer.   Friend of mine purchased an old  building,  asked if I could help  install a patio door 20 feet up, through an  exterior  wall, covered with Stucco.  

     I came prepared, brought a  cement saw with a diamond blade, a handful of new sawzall blades (they look like sharp steak knives) and two quarts of coffee.   Must have coffee.   People in  construction  remind me of my dad’s roosters, we  circle and size each other up, to establish a pecking order of sorts.  Johnny  and I were was no exception.  When I looked at the 4 sections of scaffolding set up for us to work on, the first thing I told him was I was allergic to heights.  “What???” he said,  “I thought you were a framer,  you’re telling me you are afraid of heights?”   “Yep” I smiled,    (I  sensed he wasn’t sure what to think of me now,  I was supposed to be the “expert”)

     I love to banter w/ somebody new   and watch them lighten up.   In 30 minutes working along side of me,  Johnny  went from questioning my sanity to thinking I was (his words, not mine  a “Master”). 

      I jumped on the section of scaffolding below Johnny,  asked him to hand me  the  sawzall.  He let it down by the chord, (it wasn’t running, but the 6 inch  blade was sticking down as he swung it to me).   It slid deeply into my wrist .  I took one look at the wound and  said, “Johnny, I need to go  to the hospital” .    Johnny said, “You’re kidd’n right?”   “No,  I said,  “I just got cut, and need to go to the hospital NOW!” 

           He felt terrible.  “It would be one thing, if you were just some “grunt”, but you are like a “Master” ” he moaned.

    Hour and 1/2,  $750.00 later I was back on  the job,  (arm wrapped  w/ 5 stitches)

        I knew the guys would not  to be able to finish the job w/o my help .  I tried to supervise , but it was taking forever,  so I  grabbed the cement saw and  went back to work.

       “Man, you are one bad #*&, he said.       If he only knew.