Remembering My First Mentor Sr. Carol

   

Mentor : A a wise and trusted guide.

      Wife was addressing envelopes to send  out after Christmas family photo.We cheat- We  don’t  send them out until after the first of the year.  It’s that whole holiday stress thing.   If you haven’t gotten yours by the 10th of January, it’s probably not coming.       

       As she was going through the rolodex, she asked if she should send one to a former mentor of mine -  Sister Carol.    We’ve lost touch with her since  1990, though we did run  into her the Summer of 2006 at a  50th Jubilee for Sr Madonna. 

  (A 50th Jubilee is a celebration for being a sister 50 years).

    So it wasn’t  surprising that Sr Carol came to mind this morning.  The lights came on for me spiritually in 1980.  This isn’t the place to go into that.  All I will say for now is, when the Bible talks about  all of us needing a spiritual birth   it happened.  There was a definite before and after moment. 

       I would be the first to tell you I still have as many unanswered questions as the next guy.  If you were physically blind for 20 years then  a Doctor performed a surgery on your eyes so that you could see, it wouldn’t matter  if a  blind man came up to you afterwards  and tried to tell you he could see just as well as you  and  his “view” of the world  was just as good as your.   I’ll leave the  debating and arguing to someone wiser than I. 

       Back to Sr Carol.

      So there I was, this spiritually hungry baby Christian.  I read anything I could get my hands on, (both good and bad).  Just like a baby sticking anything into his mouth because he doesn’t know any better, that was me.   A pastor saw my hunger and gave me a study bible w/ notes.   Then as I got to know Sr Carol, I was drawn to her nurturing heart.  I would pop into her office periodically, just to chat.  At one point I asked her point blank to help me overcome a big inferiority complex.  I write in more depth about it here in a chapter titled “A Song Of Deliverance”

     Sr Carol and our family spent 5  years together until life took us to New Jersey, and she headed to South America.  Here are some of the things I appreciate about my first mentor:

     She was a great listener!  A great one.  Never underestimate the encouragement you give someone when you take time to genuinely listen and empathize.

     She knew the Scriptures.  Jesus was alive and you could sense she knew him personally.

     She was feisty and  principled.  Any woman who can move to Central America in the midst of a civil war because of her compassion for the poor is someone I’m honored to call my first mentor.

    She had a soft heart.  I still remember the tears in her eyes when she found out we  had decided to switch Church denominations

     She could pray.  I loved the times together when she and I and my wife would hold hands and pour out our heart in prayer together…loved it. 

     She understood mutual accountability.  There was never this sense that she was speaking down to me, even though she was miles ahead of me on this walk called “faith”.  At one point she realized she was too busy, burning the candle at both ends, and trying to do God’s work in her own strength.  We talked about her need to set aside at least one day a month to regroup and be still before the Lord.  I became her accountability partner…what an honor.  I was her  accountability partner and it was my job to ask her  if she was still taking  her monthly break.  Sr. Carol, if you are reading this, how are you doing with that discipline?   

  This post is my humble way of celebrating my first mentor and first deep Christian relationship Sr. Carol.

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While I’m on this topic of mentors…let me ask, who would you list as the top 5 people in your life who have mentored you and why?   If you want, write a post about the mentors in your life then link it here. Otherwise, just  leave a comment.

      In  my case, in addition to Sr Carol, I would have to list Pastor Dan Oostdyk from New Jersey, and three authors: Charles Swindoll, Rebecca Manley Pippert and Rick Warren

My “Notebook” (Or Spiritual Journaling My Way)

  

       I have a thing for paper.  It probably boarders on a  fetish.

fet·ish

 (ftsh, ftsh) :

3.

fetish – excessive or irrational devotion to some activity; “made a fetish of cleanliness” fetich devotion – commitment to some purpose; “the devotion of his time and wealth to science”

I went here  to get this definition.  ( I’m learning how to reference my sources;-)

     Starting in 2004 I have 3 ring binders holding the highlights of my year.   I know some of you love to scrap book.  Why do you like to do it?  What motivates you?

      Here are some of the things you will find in my binders: 

Great articles from magazines

Notes from a class  I  teach

Pictures  (mostly taken @ this point with a simple digital camera)

Some personal correspondence

Very private thoughts I write out  as I’m processing something.

Blog postings I feel  I want to save.

Special cards from people

Beside this computer you will find a 3 hole paper punch.  If I write something I want to save I will print it off, punch it and slip it into the binder.   The photos are in their own section of the binder ( I organize the other categories as well rather than just have a mass of paper)…things go in to the binder  as they happen so I end up with a Chronological overview of my whole year.  Some day if and when I’m old and feeble I will have a collection of journals (a hybrid diary,scrapbook,resource of articles, correspondence all rolled into one), of each year.

   If the house starts burning, after we grab  the  cross stitch I just finished see here:

     The instructions are to grab the binders!!!!

      Did you see the movie The Notebook?  There were a few questionable parts I’m not endorsing..but the underlying message was beautiful. 

       These are   my  “Notebooks”

Do you have a method of capturing the highlights of your life?  I’d love to hear about it if you care to share!

Character, Integrity, And Who We Are When No One’s Looking…What Does It Really Matter?

             I posted the following illustration in August before I had much traffic on the blog . It was buried in the archives.  I got it from my daughter Angie who got it from her Insurance Agent, and now I’m passing it on to you.  Feel free to pass it on.

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      A Successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.  Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different.  He called all of the young executives in his company together.

    He said, ” It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you.”  The young executives were shocked but the boss continued.  “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today-  one very special SEED.  I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here in one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.  I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

    One man named Jim,  was there that day and he, like the others received a seed.  He went home and excitedly told his wife the story.  She helped him get a pot, soil, and compost and he planted the seed.  Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

     After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds, and the plants that were beginning to grow.  Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.  Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.  By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.  Six months went by and still nothing in Jim’s pot.  He just knew he had killed his seed.  Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.  Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however.  He just kept watering and ferilizing the soil.  He so wanted the seed to grow.

     A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.  Jim told his wife he wasn’t going to take an empty pot.  But she asked him to be honest about what happened.  Jim felt sick in his stomach.  It was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life. but he knew his wife was right.  He took his empty pot to the board room.  When Jim arrived, he was amazed at all the variety of plants grown by the other executives.  They were beautiful- in all shapes and sizes.  Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed.  A few felt sorry for him!

      When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.  Jim just tried to hide in the back,  “My what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO.  “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”  All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot.  He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front.  Jim was terrified.  He thought, “The CEO knows I am a failure!  Maybe he will have me fired!”  When Jim got in front, the CEO asked him what happened to his seed  Jim told the story.

     The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim.  He looked at Jim and then announced to the young executives, “Behold, your next Chief Executive!  His name is Jim!”

     Jim couldn’t believe it.  Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.  How could he be the new CEO the others said?  Then the CEO said,  “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.  I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today.  But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead.  It was not possible for them to grow.  All of you, except Jim have brought me trees, plants and flowers.  When you found that the seen would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you.  Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it.  Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive!”

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends,

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness,

If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment,

If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective,

If you plant hard work, you will reap success,

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.

So, be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap later.

What a great reminder for us all, to live our lives with integrity and be that “trusted” friend.  If you have children, you might want to share this story with them.  Character doesn’t just happen.  It’s taught…by our words, but mostly by our life….

       Your thoughts? 

Posting “Images” On Your Blog From A Google Search

      Rather than try to spend a lot of time coming up with a catchy phrase to start this post , I am going to  get right to the point.   Seems when I “google” images to look for just the right picture to include w/ a post I’m writing, I may have  been  committing a  ”no-no” without my knowledge.   Eva made a comment on my last post regarding my social blunder, she was straightforward, but gracious, and I didn’t   take her attitude for granted.

       We recently completed watching a marriage enrichment series called “Love And Respect.”  One of the points that I came away with had to do with conflict resolution. If someone does or says something to provoke me,   If I can stop before I respond in anger and remind myself, the other person, as often as not, is a good willed person and   are probably not doing this activity to intentionally provoke me.   

  When Eva noticed   I had scanned a photo  of hers off a google search, she politely asked me to remove it.  She was straightforward but not rude.  I wrote her back to let her know as soon as I could get back on line I would do so, as luck would have it, our internet provider has been down the past couple of days and I couldn’t access my blog.  She thanked me and wrote me a very kind response, part of which I’d like to post here, because I’m guessing I’m not the only blogger out there who doesn’t know some of this stuff.

     In general a Google image search is a really bad way to find pictures.  Many of them will be copyrighted and often people will get very upset if you use images of their homes, pets, friends, or loved ones….”

     I wanted to say three things with this post.  First,  Thank you  again Eva for your gracious response.  Secondly,  just because the internet can give us the opportunity to be tacky or rude , don’t  do it.  Relate to others on the internet the same way you would have someone relate to you. Finally, I told Eva I am going to have to go back and edit my  posts to make sure there are no other pirated images still embedded in my stuff.    Any thoughts?

Update of this post 12/25/07

    After writing this post, I started contacting the original sources connected w/ my images and got this note :

     I appreciate the thought behind your e-mail but it is totally unnecessary.  It is not a no-no to use images on Google for blogging.  It is considered part of the Fair Use Act.  If you are writing an article and you find something on Google that you can use in your article it is considered OK to do so.  It gets quite confusing but if you were trying to use an image …in a newspapter article that is  a no-no.  Another example would be to use the image for something for sale such as a mug for resale.  To link to the image is preferred but not to hot link, which is to have the image on their server but have it appear in your blog using their bandwidth is what people find annoying.  It is best to upload the image to your server and then link to it and then give credit to the author of the image.  It is always best to give credit to the original writer or photographer of a story.  If you use content of another blog, it is considered bad manners not to give reference to the source with a link back to said source.” End of Quote

     Eva had mentioned something about a “hot link” and “bandwidth” which  I’m just now starting to grasp.    I still don’t understand some of this stuff, but I’m gathering in layman’s terms…if I “click” an image on my blog and it takes me somewhere else, then it is “hot linked” to that site, whereas, if I click it and nothing happens, then it is not hot linked.   At this point, the right thing to do is  give credit to where the image came from.  Do I have you confused enough yet?  

She Started Out As Someone’s Little Girl

      Grandma Jones lived with our family for three months.  She insisted we call her “Grandma” thought we’re not related.  My wife and I were friends with her daughter Kim.  Kim mentioned her mother was slated to be homeless, ler lease was running out, and her government subsidized apartment not ready for at least three months.  “Why can’t she just move in with your brother?” I asked.  I don’t need to go into all the details here, let’s just say, Grandma Jones had burned that bridge years ago, and if I were the son, I may not have let her move in with me either.  I’m always up for a good challenge, so I asked my dear wife if she would mind if we made room for “Grandma Jones” just until her apartment was finished.

    “OK” she said.  Besides the fact that she was a widow, I thought…here is a perfect opportunity for me to grow…I wanted to work on my non-assertiveness, and what better way than to bring a manipulative, pushy, demanding, cranky, mean old woman into our home for three months.  Sort of like taking a grain of sand and sticking it in an oyster…the irritation produces a pearl.  I know,  that sounds so hokey..but that’s where I was at spiritually, so she moved in.  

     And I got what I wanted.  Plenty of opportunities to stand up to Grandma Jones.   We had three young children at this point in our life, and Grandma Jones wanted to “help” us be better parents. That three months is now a blur, I would be lying if I gave you specific details of the  conflicts.  I do remember one evening @ the dinner table where “Grandma” insisted our daughter Kathy eat her peas.  Kathy didn’t want to eat her peas, and frankly, I hate peas too,  and said she didn’t have to.  Grandma and I got into it right there at the table.  I was the dad, she was the guest, and I said she didn’t have to finish her peas!    It was  a turning point in our relationship.  I had stood my ground,  Grandma Jones knew I was the boss, and that’s all there was to it. 

     One evening after supper we were visiting about her life growing up.  She’d married young, had a jealous, abusive husband. He would fly into a rage, accusing her of being unfaithful.  She broke down and wept, even though the memories was  forty years old. 

      Talking to her daughter Kim, I learned more about her mother.   A lifetime of heart ache had taken it’s toll on Grandma Jones,  by the time our paths had crossed, she was  one of those mean old people, you try to avoid.  

     I was struck by this thought…  She used to be someones little girl, she used to have a mom who loved her, who probably read her stories, tucked her in bed, and do all those things mom’s do for their little girls. 

     You’ve probably heard this illustration before, but it fits so I’m going to use it….

    The Sun…how can the same sun melt butter and cause clay to get dry and hard?  It’s the same sun, right?  It doesn’ say to the butter…”I’m going to melt you”..and to the clay..”I’m going to really bake you hard”..no, the butter and the clay  make the choice to either melt or get hard.  The sun simply exposes  the character qualities of each.  So too in life….adversity comes to all men, at different degrees, at different times,  the details vary….some of us will get hard and bitter, others will stay soft and pliable.   Stay with me on this one..this is not a “trite platitude”  hopefully you know me well enough that I wouldn’t do that to you….I know there are Christians who have suffered grievous losses and have managed to stay “soft”.  Elisabeth Elliot   as well as Corrie Ten Boom  both come to mind.   Grandma Jones,  on the other hand, has come to the end of her life,  a bitter, manipulative,  crippled up old person.   That is not where I want to wind up.  Any thoughts? 

Boundary Issues

  “Bill wants to know why you haven’t called him,”  (I hear this and respond, well…”because the last time you and I talked we left it, that you   were going to let me know if the lumberyard has the material to do the job, and then you  were going to call me back and let me know….and I never got a call back, therefore, I never called Bill.”

     I could feel the manipulation coming through the phone.    Currently I am neck deep, on a  commercial job, and have no time what so ever to take on  more work.  If I can’t get to something, then I’m not going to string you along just to get the job.  I would rather have a couple of slow days on my calendar, than 3 people mad at me because I promised all of them I would be there and no show.

      Contractors as a whole  are notorious for doing  this sort of thing.   The temptation to over book , so you can be stay busy, yet, know good and well you can’t get to it right away, is common, but not the way I run my business.   

     So last week, a family member calls me with this small project for another family member.   Initially, I thought, no way, but as we talked, I conceded to squeezing the work in, as long as someone else (ie. the caller) lined up the material.  An elderly couple needed a hand rail installed on their outside steps, we’ve had 2 or 3 ice storms already this December, and I didn’t want to just blow their need off. 

     Then I  get this call, reaming me out for not following through on my “promise” to take care of so and so’s railing….hummm…I told my wife, it felt like someone was trying to push my boundaries…I pictured an imaginary wrought iron fence around the boarders of my life…This fence protects my priorities, my time, who I am.  At this point in life, I’m pushing 50 yrs. old and I have a great sense of these things in my life.   I’m a lot harder to manipulate than I used to be,  not saying I don’t still get sucked into something once in a while, but I’m light years from where I used to live. 

    I grew up the first born child, a people pleas-er to the core.   You can sense it when you’re talking to someone like that, at least I know I can.   They have “push over” written across their forehead. 

    You and I are responsible for our boundaries. (Imagine that  wrought iron fence around your life)   Why do we struggle with this?   Any thoughts?

There’s A What In Your Bedroom???

     “Did you hear that noise ?” My wife whispered to me in the middle of the night.  “What noise?” I  mumbled, “It’s probably just a mouse.”   I didn’t hear anything, and I was too  tired to care.

“Shhhhh, there it is again, and it’s  not  a mouse!”

I heard something at this point, so I knew it wasn’t just her overactive imagination…I grabbed the reading light mounted on our headboard, and shined it toward the noise.  It was coming from the closet…

There sticking out of our  closet  was the tail of a skunk.  At one in the morning, my mind could not quite grasp why in the world there was a skunk in our  bedroom closet.  There were two other families living in the building, and I knew neither of them had a pet skunk.  This must be a  prank I’m thinking.   How would a skunk climb 3 flights of stairs??? At this point, the skunk came out of the closet and wandered under our bed.  We looked at each other, trying to decide what to do next.  I suggested running out the door and getting some help.   So we ran.

     At this point, my wife, said, “What about Rebekah?”  What about her, I asked.?….”Well, we can’t just leave her in there with a skunk running around!”.  (In my mind, she was completely safe…she was in her baby bed, 3 feet off the ground, she was a new born, so there was no risk of her getting out of the bed…”She’ll be fine!” I assured her.  Well, my wife was not going to leave this baby that she had just worked so hard to deliver in the same room with a skunk from who knows where, so I reluctantly agreed to go back in the room, grab the baby and then go find help.

      I knocked on Joe V.’s door, told him what was going on, he said our neighbor  Patrick  had a 22 rifle, and went to go get it.  We got the gun, and tried to come up with a game plan.  Apparently, someone had left the entrance door ajar to the apartment building, and as hard as it was to believe, the skunk decided to climb the steps…all the way to our place…which meant, he was not a pet, and he was “loaded”.  We decided to get everyone out of the building,  have them wait outside until we could shoot it.  We went back into the room, skunk  was  back in the closet.  What he found so interesting in there, was beyond me.  I opened the window…the plan was for Joe to shoot the skunk,  I would  grab the dead skunk  before it sprayed and throw it out the open window.   I can still see  Joe  on top of a dresser, and  BANG.   I grabbed the skunk,  threw him out the window.. and then heard screaming from the ground.  Apparently, everyone was gathered  right below the window,  when I threw the skunk, it just about hit  them.

      Did you know a dead skunk can still spray?  Yes they can.  It was weeks before we could reuse the room. 

What’s the weirdest or funniest run-in you’ve had with the animal kingdom?

You Are What You Read

     If that statement is true (You are what you read) then I’m a combination of Scripture and stories like this next one which I read in Robert Fulghums’s All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten.

     NOW LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LARRY WALTERS, my hero.  Walters is a truck driver, thirty three year old.  He is sitting in his lawn chair in his backyard, wishing he could fly.  For as long as he could remember, he wanted to go up.  To be able to just rise right up in the air and see for a  long way.  The time, money, education, and opportunity to be a pilot were not his.  Hang gliding was too dangerous, and any good place for gliding was too far away.  So he spent a lot of summer afternoons sitting  in his  backyard in his ordinary old aluminum lawn chair-the kind with the webbing and rivets.  Just like the one you’ve got in your backyard.

     The next chapter in this story is carried by the newspapers and television.  There’s old Larry Walters getting UP there.  Still sitting in his aluminum lawn chair, but it’s hooked on to forty-five helium-filled surplus weather balloon.s  Larry has a parachute on, a CB radio, a six-pack of beer, some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and a BB gun to pop some of the balloons to come down.  And instead of being just a couple of hundred feet over his neighborhood, he shot up eleven thousand feet, right through the approach corridor to the Los Angeles International Airport.

     Walters is a taciturn man.  When asked by the press why he did it, he said:” You can’t just sit there.”  When asked if he was scared, he answered; “Wonderfully so.”  When asked if he would do it again, he said: “Nope.”  And asked if he was glad  that he did it he grinned from ear to ear and said:” Oh, yes.”

     The human race sits in its chair.  On one hand is the message that the human situation is hopeless.  And the Larry Walterses of the earth soar upward knowing anything is possible, sending back the message from eleven thousand feet: “I did it, I really did it.  I’m FLYING!”

     It’s the spirit here that counts.  the time may be long, the vehicle may be strange or unexpected.  But if the dream is held close to the heart, and imagination is applied to what there is close at hand, everything is still possible.

     But wait!  Some cynic from the edge of the crowd insists that human beings still can’t really fly.  Not like birds, anyway.  True.  But somewhere in some little garage, some maniac with a gleam in his eye is scarfing vitamins and mineral supplements, and practicing flapping his arms faster and faster.

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     Here’s a picture from google:

.
                     
Larry Walters
(Associated Press)
Larry Walters
(Associated Press)

     This post is dedicated to all of you that take the time to read and comment on my blog!  You inspire me to keep “flapping my wings”  (as I practice writing)

When I Was A Hamster

      Today I had a major flashback reading this  post from Lawyerchik .  It took me back to  a “watershed” moment in my life.

Watershed:

An event marking a unique or important historical change of course or one on which important developments depend; “the agreement was a watershed in the history of both nations”

       Well into  my 30′s I had trouble forming the word “No” with my lips.   The end result… I was burning the candle  from both ends.  I was working full time framing houses, belonged to a high school youth program that took up two nights a week,  was part of a weekly- Saturday work day, was a member of  an adult discipleship program that had mandatory attendance at all Church meetings, in addition to a separate 2 hour Sunday afternoon meeting for this group, was the dad of 4 little children,  and did I mention I had a wife at home that rarely saw me (or had my help with the kids)…

     At this point in my life, I found myself trapped between the before mentioned wife who  had – had enough, and all of my commitments.  I came across a picture of a man running on a hamster wheel…going no-where fast!!!!   That picture was me.    It was at that point in my life I realized there are always going to be  people who will tell me how to live my life.  Came across a quote : 

” He who is a hero to strangers, yet a stranger to his own children in the end is a failure.”

     I was that man.

    I made an appointment to speak to the men who were co-pastoring our church. (there were 5).  I- the ultimate people pleas-er, looked those  men in the  eye and told them I was stepping out of most of my commitments because I needed to regroup and do a better job as a dad.  I’ve never regretted that decision, and never looked back.  Having a meeting like that  was actually quite empowering…If I could look 5 men in the eye and tell them all NO at the same time, it became much easier to say “thanks but no thanks”, the numerous times since then when someone would ask me to take part in yet another great cause….

    You’ve heard the line where someone says to you…’I think God is calling you to do such and such”…to which you reply…”That’s funny, I just talked to Him this morning and he didn’t mention anything to me.”   I  have become quite good at saying  “No”, doing it with a smile on my face.  Try it sometime, it really can be quite fun, if you’ve been the type who never says “No”. 

    Anyone who says they want to burn out for God can go right ahead and do so….to me it smacks of fleshly zeal…..Have you ever watched how an apple tree produces fruit?…(we have 100 of them). when is the last time you saw an apple tree “sweating and grunting” trying to make apples?  You won’t see it – its a by product of staying connected to the root system.

     Underlying all of this is (of course)  you  have a sense of your priorities, and you are connected to Christ  Any thoughts?

A Gnawing In My Soul

     Wrote a note to a friend this morning.  Told her I was battling a case of the “Gnaws”.  Debated whether or not to post it here,  if you’re alive, you’ve  experienced it to some degree @ some point , even if you wouldn’t admit it on the internet….I think it’s part of being human.   I wrote  extensively about it here so I’m not going to repeat myself.  That post continues to be the most “hit” post on my blog.

      Decided I would put my note on the blog….why?  Because the blogs I enjoy the most are the ones where I get to know the whole person, not just a   sanitized “mask” wearing  shell.

There is also a verse from the Scriptures that comes to mind as I’m writing.

     “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die,….a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance…..a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak…”

(Portions of Ecclesiastes Chapter 3)

     I’m not looking for sympathy, many of you reading this have way more on your plate than I do.   Here’s that note  I wrote this morning:

     Hi Friend ,
     Still home puttering around…have a moderate case of the “gnaws”
today…my gut/heart feeling empty and restless, like a rat gnawing on my
soul, thought about blogging about it, but not sure what to say.  I “know”
the right answers:  get busy.  It’s overcast outside which is contributing
to it.  I’m out of my routine, I’m all caught up on my bookkeeping, don’t want to be
“clingy” w/ people..whether on line or w/ wife    so I’m trying to
stay occupied.  I have this almost obsessive compulsiveness to keep  checking my e-mail to see
if anyone has written.  ever do that? …anyway..that’s where I”m at
today…
when I do inventory…HALT  Hungry, Angry Lonely Tired…there is a little
“L” …nothing compared to someone single…I know it will pass but while
this heavy blanket of “yuk”  is hovering over my heart…I can feel it almost
tangibly..W hy to do tell you all of this?…because I too  have my moments
when I’m  not firing on all cylinders  and I want you to know the real me
warts and all   ..thanks for listening!  DM

As my friend Shalene would say “There is no MORE to this post”