Wrote a note to a friend this morning. Told her I was battling a case of the “Gnaws”. Debated whether or not to post it here, if you’re alive, you’ve experienced it to some degree @ some point , even if you wouldn’t admit it on the internet….I think it’s part of being human. I wrote extensively about it here so I’m not going to repeat myself. That post continues to be the most “hit” post on my blog.
Decided I would put my note on the blog….why? Because the blogs I enjoy the most are the ones where I get to know the whole person, not just a sanitized “mask” wearing shell.
There is also a verse from the Scriptures that comes to mind as I’m writing.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die,….a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance…..a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak…”
(Portions of Ecclesiastes Chapter 3)
I’m not looking for sympathy, many of you reading this have way more on your plate than I do. Here’s that note I wrote this morning:
Hi Friend ,
Still home puttering around…have a moderate case of the “gnaws”
today…my gut/heart feeling empty and restless, like a rat gnawing on my
soul, thought about blogging about it, but not sure what to say. I “know”
the right answers: get busy. It’s overcast outside which is contributing
to it. I’m out of my routine, I’m all caught up on my bookkeeping, don’t want to be
“clingy” w/ people..whether on line or w/ wife 
so I’m trying to
stay occupied. I have this almost obsessive compulsiveness to keep checking my e-mail to see
if anyone has written. ever do that? …anyway..that’s where I”m at
today…
when I do inventory…HALT Hungry, Angry Lonely Tired…there is a little
“L” …nothing compared to someone single…I know it will pass but while
this heavy blanket of “yuk” is hovering over my heart…I can feel it almost
tangibly..W hy to do tell you all of this?…because I too have my moments
when I’m not firing on all cylinders and I want you to know the real me
warts and all ..thanks for listening! DM
As my friend Shalene would say “There is no MORE to this post”
December 6, 2007 at 2:53 pm |
DM, my dear friend, thank you for living and blogging authentically. We grow with Jesus and others. A little boy gave a sermon on Sunday past about JOY (Jesus, Others and You). We find His joy in all three. What you call ‘clingy’ I call a deep desire to connect with someone, as you are – warts and all as you put it – in a way that not everyone is equipped to respond to. While God was meant to fill our deepest needs He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We can feel alone in a room full of people. That need we have to communicate and tell people, “I don’t expect you to fix me, just love me this way.” It’s also important to cut yourself some slack. You’re permitted to “feel.” Jesus felt overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. I’ve felt that way too, for different reasons of course. But He took upon Himself everything we would ever feel and when He did, He never said, “Well, your gnawing isn’t as important as Hope’s or Enola’s or Anne’s. Because they are YOUR feelings. Sometimes we can’t explain why we feel what we feel. You know in your heart, it will not last. Don’t castigate yourself for being human and feeling the need to reach out. When you say your reasons aren’t as valid as others’ you are negating your value in life. You are of value. You are loved. You are important. EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL IT. Feel free to drop me a line and vent, share, cry, laugh, yackety yack – anytime about anything. You do me the service of taking my mind off of me when I can think about you when reading your heart. Your heart to my heart … heart to heart…right? God bless you, friend.
Thank you for the the invitation to “vent” (and all the other stuff you mentioned)… you probably won’t hear me cry any time soon…I’m still “thawing” out w/ that particular emotion…..I think there is a lid welded on to the container of that particular emotion.
December 6, 2007 at 11:27 pm |
Thanks for visiting my site the other day, I hope you come back. I just added you to my blogroll. I like your stuff even in a day of gnawing. We all have them. We all get lonely. I have a husband too. Although, he meets 99.9 percent of my needs theres that .1 percent that I need from someone else. Actually honestly, I need people in my life. LOTS of people. I hate to be alone. Nice to meet you and it will be great getting to know you.
Heidi, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment..I just added your name to the blog roll too
December 7, 2007 at 7:10 am |
A person much wiser than me once told me when I feel that way to reach out and call – any time day or night. I would tell you the same thing
You are so wise!…
December 7, 2007 at 12:34 pm |
Cheer up, my friend, The Lord gives us bad days and good days for us all. Live, rest and rejoice in every single one!
maybe the right answer is to rest, contemplate, meditate and marvel at Your Maker!
One of the things I’ve appreciated about your blogging is your transparency! When you say something I always sit up and listen because I know you’ve been there a time or too.. Today is going much better by the way…thanks for checking on me!
December 7, 2007 at 2:40 pm |
Hi DM, As far as having a case of the “gnaws” I do have a good idea of what you are talking about. Sometimes, we just feel a need to be known, not only by God, but by others as well. I do know the feeling of checking my email, just to see if anyone out there cares. Blessings to you!
Hi Shalene, thanks for stopping by the blog and leaving a comment! How was your trip?…I remember reading you guys were going to be out of town for a few days. Glad you made it home safe and sound.
December 8, 2007 at 12:22 am |
I get the gnaws too when I’m out of routine. I used to be real bad about that though. I got so dependent on a routine that I couldn’t handle it when God said…”No, go here today Tam.” Or simply “Stay and be still Tam”. Errr!
We’re all on this magnificent journey together!
Nice to meet you DM! Thanks for participating in Fill-in-Friday today!
Tam, thank you for posting a comment here as well…your comment about it happening when you’re out of the normal routine…that deff. is a contributing factor…and would explain why when my work slows down it is more frequent..
December 8, 2007 at 12:55 pm |
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