Today I had a major flashback reading this post from Lawyerchik . It took me back to a “watershed” moment in my life.
Watershed:
| An event marking a unique or important historical change of course or one on which important developments depend; “the agreement was a watershed in the history of both nations” |
Well into my 30’s I had trouble forming the word “No” with my lips. The end result… I was burning the candle from both ends. I was working full time framing houses, belonged to a high school youth program that took up two nights a week, was part of a weekly- Saturday work day, was a member of an adult discipleship program that had mandatory attendance at all Church meetings, in addition to a separate 2 hour Sunday afternoon meeting for this group, was the dad of 4 little children, and did I mention I had a wife at home that rarely saw me (or had my help with the kids)…
At this point in my life, I found myself trapped between the before mentioned wife who had – had enough, and all of my commitments. I came across a picture of a man running on a hamster wheel…going no-where fast!!!! That picture was me. It was at that point in my life I realized there are always going to be people who will tell me how to live my life. Came across a quote :
” He who is a hero to strangers, yet a stranger to his own children in the end is a failure.”
I was that man.
I made an appointment to speak to the men who were co-pastoring our church. (there were 5). I- the ultimate people pleas-er, looked those men in the eye and told them I was stepping out of most of my commitments because I needed to regroup and do a better job as a dad. I’ve never regretted that decision, and never looked back. Having a meeting like that was actually quite empowering…If I could look 5 men in the eye and tell them all NO at the same time, it became much easier to say “thanks but no thanks”, the numerous times since then when someone would ask me to take part in yet another great cause….
You’ve heard the line where someone says to you…’I think God is calling you to do such and such”…to which you reply…”That’s funny, I just talked to Him this morning and he didn’t mention anything to me.” 
I have become quite good at saying “No”, doing it with a smile on my face. Try it sometime, it really can be quite fun, if you’ve been the type who never says “No”.
Anyone who says they want to burn out for God can go right ahead and do so….to me it smacks of fleshly zeal…..Have you ever watched how an apple tree produces fruit?…(we have 100 of them). when is the last time you saw an apple tree “sweating and grunting” trying to make apples? You won’t see it – its a by product of staying connected to the root system.
Underlying all of this is (of course) you have a sense of your priorities, and you are connected to Christ Any thoughts?
Tags: Christianity, faith, Gilgal Bible Chapel West Milford NJ, Life, Minisry, spirituality, thoughts, Uncategorized
December 9, 2007 at 6:45 am |
This is an awesome post. I love the apple tree analogy.
Thanks for your comment! I loved your latest post about the bat as well
December 9, 2007 at 7:48 am |
Thank God for age. I’m finding that as I’m aging (my body anyway) I am less able to multi-task. I have no problems saying NO! Not anymore. I don’t know where it came from and cannot identify when it happened I just praise the Lord for this treasured gift. We have a rule at our church, “no involvement in more than 2 ministries.” However this can be difficult when most churches have 20% of the people doing %100 percent of the work. My order of priority is this: God, family, church, work (unless it’s Monday to Friday – then of course church drops into fourth place), friends. You’ll notice “I” am absent from the list however I am learning that “I” can actually take care of me in all these priorities especially the first two. I’ve learned that this has been enabled by my learning to say no. Now … if I could just take care of my body as well as I do my mind, heart and soul. (Yes, that means eating veggies – yuk!). It’s coming. Love your post and I love the analogy!
You don’t like veggies either?..why should that not surprise me…isn’t there any of them you eat? I hate most vegetables except for green beans….fresh green beans, steamed with new small potatoes, some bacon, onion, smothered with butter..now that makes me hungry just thinking about it. Thanks for stopping by the blog!
December 10, 2007 at 6:42 pm |
It takes a lot of maturity (and sometimes some pain) to realize that you just might have a personal mission, such as your family, that you’ve overlooked in your zeal and in all the accolades that you get for serving so publicly.
I was teaching a night class on spiritual disciplines and came across a story about a woman who was so busy making casseroles for church members in need that her family was at home eating sandwiches. Ouch. I started saying, “NO!” with no regrets.
If we do it all, how are the less active members ever going to get a chance to serve and grow?
Good post.
December 15, 2007 at 1:52 pm |
Saying NO is truly an art form! A lost art form at that. I am just 30, but I have been a christian since I was 14, therefore having many opportunities for “God to tell everyone around me what I am called to vollunteer to do”! Well, in recent years – like the last 5, I’ve finally learned that I am not everybodies solution! I first quit doing any ministry at all, finally feeling safe to do a couple little things at a time. Through that I have learned about myself what I truly love to do as a service to others. So now, as a rule, I know what to say yes to, and what I “don’t have the grace for” (as my pastor’s wife says!) Someone once told me that you will either have a burden to do something, or you will be a burden while you do it! If I over-extend myself for a time in an area while I have a true love to serve, I don’t risk the same burnout as if I just couldn’t say no to anyone and am running everywhere in too many directions. I still can burnout if I’m not careful, but the passion is there supplying fuel and optimism which keeps the grumpies away!
December 19, 2007 at 4:14 pm |
I have heard that phrase before and I love it. I just don’t get to use it often. I do have a friend though who has recently become obsessed with me, thinking that I am not saved. Apparently, she wasn’t actually saved at 7 like she had thought all these years (I was saved at 7) and now she has made it her mission to convince me I’m not saved either. She keeps telling me that God keeps placing me on her heart and telling her to pray for me. I want to ask her, “Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe I just need prayer because I’m going through a rough time? Not that you should be trying to convert me because I’m already there? Have you asked God HOW you can pray for me?” But I can’t say that because then she’ll think she’s being persecuted, which would just make her day. It’s frustrating and sad that I have to quit talking to her.
As for church activities/ministries, because I can play the piano and have played keyboard in our church’s praise band before, everyone just assumes that I want to do it. Problem is, practice is during Sunday School. I NEED to be in SS at this point in my life. I get so much out of it and it’s a refreshment to my soul, whereas the keyboard is not. I am going to have to “(wo)man up and just say ’sorry’.” So hard to do when people are manipulative and/or persuasive.