What Do You Do When You Feel Rejected?

I went from hurt to pissed in just a few seconds.

(see photo above…what is the monkey with the peanut sized brain doing?)

I’m sitting here, still feeling waves of untempered emotion rumble back and forth in my heart. I had a restless night. Came across another blogger** who had deleted me from their recommended reading list- last night- right before I went to bed. (that makes two this week), then had one of those conversations with my dear wife, so I sucked it in, tried to remember all of the good things I have to be thankful for.

The title of my blog is heart to heart, that means my intention is to write the raw-uncut version of what goes on in my heart. I’m secure enough to know, most of us battle with the same stuff. You may not be letting anyone close enough to your life to see the struggles when they happen- but we all smoke and sputter at times because we’re human.

C.S. Lewis wrote a book called A Grief Observed It was his personal journal after the death of his wife Joy Grisham from cancer. It is powerful stuff. What made it powerful, was the fact that you can read his inner most thoughts in the midst of his grief.

Now I’m not C S Lewis, and I’m not dealing with the loss of my wife, but most of us get rejected from time to time, and I’m not the only one whose had a restless nights sleep because of it.

I’m not sure where to go with this post. Just writing it out has helped defuse a lot of my anger. Hurt (for me) doesn’t stay hurt for very long. It quickly ferments into a low grade anger. I’m temped to delete several names off my recommended reading list….people whose blogs I read but never hear back from. The only problem with that is, most of them are really good blogs, and I do think you’ll enjoy most of them or I wouldn’t have them listed.

Most of us leave a trail of burnt bridges . Some of them needed to be burnt…abusive toxic relationships….

Others, we burn because we’re hurt and it feels good to strike back. The only problem with that is, sooner or later, in virtually every close relationship, there are going to be misunderstandings. The closer you get to another person, the more likely it is, one of you is going to say or do something to hurt the other person- and there’s a good chance they won’t even know it. Do I want to get to the end of my life-pretty much alone, due to my habit of torching relationships the first or third time the other person did something to upset me? I have that option, and I’ve done it….I’ve also forgiven my friends when maybe someone else would have walked away, and those relationships feel that much richer and deeper because of it. Thanks for listening to an old fool vent.

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PS. these thoughts are being added several hours after my initial post. I think the reason I decided to post my thoughts today were not so much these were life and death issues as much as I think all of us experience moments where we feel rejected by people close to us….and for me this is what it feels like.

** There is more going on with this that I’m letting you in on.

*** I got this comment via e-mail this morning:


> ” We as humans are wired to connect, and when
> we are abandoned everything inside of us rises up
> screaming. I continue to read your blog and enjoy it
> immensely.”

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32 Responses to “What Do You Do When You Feel Rejected?”

  1. Hope Says:

    While in rehab I learned that anger is a secondary emotion that cannot exist without resting on the foundation of another. You sound angry but the hurt is definitely fueling it. Have you asked these people why they deleted your link? I think another good question is, what are your motives behind blogging?

    I’ve deleted people from my blogroll before for several reasons. Most recently, I felt the roll was too long and so anyone with more than one blog had one removed. Their blogs always link to their other blogs. I’ve also deleted links because I may have been to quick to add them on. I keep in mind that I want my blog to be scripturally sound and healthy to those who read it, so I’ve felt the need to delete people who misrepresent the gospel – it’s not a judgment thing. To me there is only one Truth. I also deleted someone who only updated about once per month; I did this to make room for someone who had something more to say on a consistent basis. Sure I could have a blog roll a mile long, but it’s my blog and I don’t want to so people need to deal with that.

    When I was new in this arena, I didn’t really understand the protocol but I have noticed that more than a few of the blogs that I “used to” visit never responded to my comments. They perhaps prefer the lurkers. Some people just want to get there thoughts out there and don’t want to get into a relationship with the readers. I’m not one of those.
    It may feel like someone slammed a door in your face. You’ll either have to directly ask them, or perhaps try and let go. But I sure hope that you get some kind of satisfaction from whatever you choose to do. :)

  2. eclexia Says:

    Thanks for your honesty. I have days when I want to throw out the whole relationship thing because of how much work it is. Right now it feels like life has enough other struggles. I know, ultimately, it is a lie that it would be easier without the relationships, and also that, if I fell for that lie, I would be very alone come the time I conveniently thought I could handle being in relationship again.

    I step back periodically and look at the deep and long relationships I have, then look around at relationships of others that have been broken over intensities which seem huge to those involved and not so big to me looking on. I want to be sobered by that, because I do see how easy it is to let the intensity of “now” destroy something big and wonderful. My heart’s cry in those moments is, “Lord, don’t let me screw up this friendship.” And, “Help me not trash this relationship because it takes work right now.”

    I think it helps to hear stories of people, like you, who have chosen to forgive (again) and have the friendship thrive because of it. I know there are no “rules” and every life and situation is different. Still, it is very good to have stories and pictures of the hope of hanging in there when it gets rough.

    There are some relationships which are not good to hang in there for (I’m thinking of abuse) and having extricated myself from one of those types of relationship, I find I now need real life pictures (role models?) of how “hanging in” and “working hard” looks in a more normal, give and take relationship between ordinary people. Meaning it was so freeing to get out of that relationship, and sometimes I think that adds to the temptation to delude myself into thinking I can go it alone.

    • Lea Ann Ambler Says:

      Hi — I have never blogged before. But in the past week I’ve been deeply hurt twice. And I’m not sure how to respond.

      One — Someone I consider a close friend never called me. I had called her two days before my surgery because she was out of state seeing her parents. So I called two days after she arrived to make sure she was there safely — She was supposed to text me when she arrived, but didn’t. So after my surgery, she was back in town the next day, but never called. I was concerned and wanted to make sure she made it home safely, so I texted her on Monday. When I didn’t get a reply to that, I decided to call her cell. She answered – and was at work, business as usual. I am so hurt, and never want to speak to her again. The only reason I’ve continued to try to reach her is because this is so out of character for her. What do I do?

      Two – I had talked to my associate pastor several weeks ago, letting him know that I had scheduled my surfery. He told me to email the details to the church, and that someone would be there for me. I did that, and after a few days, when I hadn’t gotten any response, I emailed about a week prior to surgery, then the day before surgery. I never had a response. So when no one from my church came to the hospital or called to see how I was doing, I was crushed. I finally reached someone at our home church office, and the associate pastor called me. At first he said he had not received my email, but after he looked closer, he found it – It had never been opened. He was very apologetic, but still could not explain why my voice mails had gone without notice. This was two days ago, and still no one from the church has called to check on me – which would have been the right thing to do in order to make this right. I’m at a loss as to what to do!

      LAA
      ______________________________________________
      Lea Ann, First, thanks for taking the time to leave a comment! Be careful…it can be addicting. Secondly, your first situation really has me stumped..there must be more going on in that person’s mind than they are letting on….very unusual behavior for someone whom you thought was an intimate friend.
      The church thing…hummmm…poor timing on the heels of the first situation. I would also feel rejected…most of the time, when these things happen, its not something we’ve done personally as much as the other party just dropped the ball in some way w/o even really realizing they’ve done something to hurt us. I have on occasion felt rejected by people and have point blank asked them about it. It is either that or just trying to stuff the feelings down and try to pretend nothing is wrong. Just the fact that you took the time to leave a comment on a blog tells me, these both hurt you very deeply..I would encourage you to sit down with your friend one on one and see if there was more going on than she alluded to…same w/ your church family. if you can’t shake the hurt, I would encourage you to talk to whomever would have gotten the phone call @ church and find out why your message wasn’t relayed.d keep me posted ! DM

  3. Eva Says:

    I think Hope has some excellent points. There are a lot of people who consider the relationship between personal relationships and blogs a bit differently than they would email or face to face conversation. Some people are going to read your blog because, well, it’s interesting. They may not have interest in debate or discussion or they may not have the courage to speak up.

    There are also people who collect blogs lightly or compulsively. I know my fiancee has several hundred on his blogroll, and as much as he loves them, he can’t read or respond to very many at all.

    People also get confused by celebrity bloggers. I mean, if you’re reading blogs where the person regularly gets 50 or 100 comments a day, you stop expecting a personal dialog or really any sort of response at all.

    There really is a very real chance that this person has no idea that they’ve hurt you, and had no intention of doing so. It’s so much easier for us to hurt others by neglect than by malice. I know I have (both hurt and been hurt) far more often than there’s been evil intention in my life.

    I’ve been very impressed with how much you’ve considered and responded to the comments I’ve left here (even if I have been a bit bad about replying to email sometimes ;). Don’t let someone else’s careless and poorly considered action convince you to stop being any less of the awesome open minded and communicative person that you are.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    <I’ve deleted people from my blogroll before. At least twice it was accidental – I switched computers once and something messed up. Then when I briefly debated switching to wordpress I lost a few. Periodically I’ll add blogs and then delete others that really don’t relate to the themes I post on most often. Or delete those that aren’t kept current – where people haven’t posted in weeks or months.

    The prior commenters make some good points. Some people blog to get to know others. Some people to get to “meet” others in similar circumstances. Others to just express themselves and not to get to know anyone at all.

    I will tell you that some people may feel uncomfortable having comments left. Or being contacted about a comment they leave on someone else’s blog. I did that once – emailed someone about a comment they wrote and was firmly (but somewhat politely) asked not to do that. That person didn’t realize I could obtain their email from their comment and was upset that their online anonymity had been breached, so to say.

    I tend to internalize hurt and anger. Look for things I’ve done or said or what I did to cause the issue. I don’t ask the “why” questions to anyone else. I just make up my own reasons – all assuming that ~I~ am to blame. I think if you have the courage to discuss the issue with someone, you are going to obtain a far better result. Then again as you’ve said, there are some relationships that need to be terminated. The key is rationally and objectively determining which relationship is which.
    ___________________________________________________________________________________________

    DM Here…. _____________________________________________________________________________________
    I guess like I mentioned on the PS of the post, for me the “theme” of this post wasn’t blog rolls as much as it was my reaction when I felt rejected. I’m hearing you all say, and you’re probably right, it wasn’t an intentional slight in the first place….what you all read today was me processing and the inner crap that sometimes goes on in my head. What did I do about it?…I wrote about it, voiced my frustration and that was it. I tend to get over something pretty quick if I can let off some steam…what you were reading was some steam :-)…hey, like I’ve said all along, 90% of the time I tend to be an optomist, but like everyone, I have my moments…this is just my way of staying authentic with you all….

  5. Melissa Says:

    Thank you for being authentic. When you share what you’re feeling… even the stuff that’s not necessarily the prettiest stuff to write about… it encourages other people to be more real and open. So thanks for being an encouragement to the rest of us. :)

  6. hermipowell Says:

    Hey I’ll also say, thanks for being authentic. Burning bridges after feeling rejected was a real problem for me too. I haven’t done it in a long time, but now I just have a problem accepting God-given peace in a relationship when there isn’t resolve on a conflict. When I’ve done that I’ve backsliden. It sucks, and I thought ALOT about that last week. Now I think that unresolved conflict between Christian believers doesn’t have to be resolved but is just cause for forgiveness, reconciliation and then coming together to work on a better way of living. The reconciliation and coming together is a two way street though. Any thougths?

  7. Tara Says:

    Hey there! I only come here to read your stuff, don’t blog on my own here. But I understand the feeling you’re describing. I feel the same hurt/anger when there are people in my life that I feel I’ve put in a higher place of priority than what I appear to be in their life. When I can rearrange my day with my three young kids and our home school time and various other things only to have them always cancel on me when we have scheduled meetings, not return phone calls, or always tell me they are too busy. I know we all have lives that we fill every possible moment of, but it does hurt when the exchange of moments goes uneven for longer periods! Thanks for your openness as always friend! I appreciate the time you take giving from your heart.

  8. Gabsylv Says:

    I’ve had this “burning bridges” problem for as long as I can remember. I was on a second date with someone that I really thought was going to turn out well, when they started to flirt (from my perspective) with another guy. Well, we both had been drinking; so I kept my cool, but inwardly I thought “I can’t trust this person.” So I left an email the next day that was blaming in tone. I had to get the “insult” off my chest. Then the other person called several times, apologized, etc., ad by then I really wished I had kept my cool and just rolled with the punches for a while, because we got off to a really rocky start with my showing my insecurities like that. Not acting right away on hurt emotions is a really really tough one for me. I wish there was some mantra I could carry to keep me from acting out in ways I later regret.
    Tara’s comment above about people not calling/cancelling really hits home, because that would be an instance where I would really suffer because of the feeling of unfairness/rejection/insult, etc. I hope we can stay on this topic and share insights.

  9. lawyerchik1 Says:

    On the topic of relationships/burning bridges, I’ve been one to just walk away from people because it’s easier than working things out. Probably I’m better at it because I’ve had more practice – I’ve always said I’ve left more people than a lot of my friends have even met, but that wasn’t entirely my doing. When you move around as much as our family did, it’s inevitable.

    The hurt that came from realizing that even as much as I grieved over leaving friends, they stopped giving me a second thought after a week or a month was … searing, and not in a good way. If I decide to do it (and if that happens, it’s usually for a real reason – not just a fit of pique), I can drop people from blogrolls or phone calls or whatever in a nanosecond and never look back. When that happens, I don’t think about it anymore – it’s as if the person was never in my life to begin with.

    It’s still hard for me to form the relationships in the first place because I know the pain that comes when someone leaves. I allow that scarring to keep me from developing relationships so that I don’t have to go through it again, but there is still that longing to know and be known.

    Which is how I got into blogging in the first place. And which is why I have a dog. :)

  10. anonymous Says:

    If you have been rejected many times in your life, then one more rejection isn’t going to make much difference. If you’re rejected, don’t automatically assume it’s your fault. The other person may have several reasons for not doing what you are asking her to do: none of it may have anything to do with you.

    Perhaps the person is busy or not feeling well or genuinely not interested in spending time with you. Rejections are a part of everyday life. Don’t let them bother you. Keep reaching out to others. When you begin to recieve positive responses then you are on the right track. It’s all a matter of numbers. Count the positive responses and forget about the rejections.

    - Thom Yorke (Radiohead)

  11. T. Art Says:

    Wow! I really needed to read all the thoughts here. I even took notes. I woke up this morning feeling really down, and cried over what some friend(s) did yesterday. I prayed 1st then I googled “When friends reject you”, and I got this site-what a blessing! I have never blogged before-so here goes my story of rejection: My son has a best friend he’s had since he was 2 (he’s 18 now). His mother and I have been pretty good friends. I say pretty good because there are things about her that have made me take an emotional step back (not important what they are). She is a sister in Christ, my son’s best friend, a long time friend of many of my other (even closer) friends, and she can be fun, too. I have called her at least a couple of times a month for years(she seldom calls me), had her son to our home at least once a week, have helped her out with dogs and children on several occasions, and recently prayed for her daily as she flew hours away many times this summer to care for her sick mother. I suggested (and made calls)to try to get together a bunch of mutual friends for lunch (at another friends house with a pool)so we could show our love and support to her. Schedules just weren’t working. I found out yesterday that she had 2 of the ladies over to her house. Did not include me. I am very hurt. I have given as a friend, overlooked many faults, prayed for her, supported her with phone calls and loved her son like he was my own. I wanted to have a luncheon for her, and she had one without me. I don’t have a problem being left out of gatherings, as we are a large circle of friends, but I was trying to do something nice for her and she planned this without including me. I’m taking my husbands advice and stearing clear of her for awhile, so I don’t say anything I will regret. Not that I normally would, but maybe I need to say something this time. I don’t want my friends to think they have to hide gatherings (where I’m not included) from me. Perhaps my own insecurities are emerging here, but I can’t help but ask myself why I wasn’t included. I can easily make excuses for them, like they all have a child going away to school, they’ve known each other longer than me, etc. Maybe this is something I need to work out without discusion or with. I honestly don’t want to know why they didn’t include me (it might hurt), don’t even know if they would be honest about the reason (they wouldn’t want to hurt me), or even if they should have to explain. As you can see I am confused and hurt. I don’t want to burn bridges, just want to see what I need to learn from this and move forward. Advice is welcome.

  12. Sarah Says:

    T.Art: I understand the rejection you feel. What you have experienced I have felt many times in my life, where I put myself into relationships, then am overlooked. It does hurt but has given me the courage to invest my time in myself and what I want to do and be. I have learned to redefine my expectations of the role others play in my life. For example, a woman I know quite well is going through chemotherapy right now. I offered to drive her there if needed and gave a gift certificate for her family to get a pizza. That was it; then I left the situation and felt good about my offer. That was last March. She never called me to take her to her treatments but did call other people to do that. I still feel ok about it. I don’t know her reasoning for not including me in something I offered but she has her reasons. Her reasons probably have nothing to do with me at all…
    Sometimes I feel I need to be simple and to the point where other people are concerned. The times I have felt rejected by others were usually when I had overinvested myself into their life and let myself get too high of expectations about what I expected in return. How others respond to me is so much out of my control…(And coming to that conclusion took me a LONG time…) Have a great day!!

  13. Vespa Says:

    You feel rejected because you care what others might or might not think of you. It is caring that makes you feel rejected. It’s none of my concern but the only way to stop feeling rejected is to stop caring.

    let it all go to hell, you are who you are, what you are, however you are, whenever you feel like it.

    but then again, maybe it’s just me.

  14. Susan Says:

    I was waiting for you to get honest, but you didn’t even go there.
    For the past year I have asked myself what I have done so wrong that I don’t have any lifelong friends, and I think it’s because I feel and think too deeply. I am a scuba diver and most people are simply people who only wade in the water and have no interest in knowing what lurks beneath the waves crashing about their feet. They don’t want to know what swims around in the deep. It’s too scary.

    I think you are like me and should really look for people who are deep thinkers. The problem is is that they are very hard to find and may like to go deeper than even you or I like to go.

  15. DrDreamer Says:

    Thank you for posting this DM :)
    I hate when people just ignore me or don’t tell me what the heck happened, specially when is somebody we care even a little but Gosh, there should be a way to just let it go without feeling hurt. Thanks and I am letting it go right now.
    Love that attitude vespa :) Gracias!

  16. CHLOE ST CLAIRE Says:

    Rejection and jealousy, or someone being irritated by you, are all mean-spirited actions. I think anyone who comes to this specific site is HIGHLY SENSITIVE. We can’t help it, and why should we? The world needs feelers to balance out the suckers and do-nothings out there. It is a gift. It is difficult to be this way, but I would rather be caring and sensitive than jealous and shallow! Been this way my whole life. When you meet others who appreciate Christ-like behavior– and I don’t mean so-called ‘Christians’–it makes it all worthwhile. Sometimes it even causes me to feel like I understand my purpose on the planet! haha
    Hang in there, all you wonderful, sensitive souls. We can appreciate each other. Know the next time you feel rejected, I am thinking of YOU, with LOVE.
    Chloe

    • Judy Says:

      Your post got me through my evening….one of many for all of my entire 56 years of my life. I feel much better knowing you truly get how I feel and that some people really understand my angst. THANK YOU! Judy from Ohio
      _______________________________________
      Judy..thanks for letting me know it encouraged you DM! :-)

  17. Steve Hanken Says:

    The human condition is such that you don’t have to be Christian to feel, or become emotional, or to suffer from angst, or even to create some. It does require you to be human and not a sociopath who happens to live in afew human bodies; thankfully most of are not sociopaths and do retain most of the human elements of compassion, love and trust, to name but a few lacking in the sociopath. There are those of us who feel under served by religion to the point we have abandoned it completely because it serves no particular good in our lives. We still live by a moral code, not because we have to in order to attain some fairy tale kingdom after death, but more because it is simply the right thing to do. And we also get these feelings of being under appreciated on ocassion. It does pass, as most who have suffered through it will tell you. There is no magic bullet, but always it helps if you are lucky enough to catch a break and someone responds to you, someone takes a minute to say thanks, or at least acknowledges your exisitance. My grandmother used to say what ever you give comes back to you three times over. There are times when you think, what am I doing wrong here? or is it something I said, or didn’t say? Eventually it will clear itself up rather quickly with no one at fault, just a lag time issue, not everybody responds as quickly as we think they should, or at all sometimes. Eventually someone will, and that is all that matters, if you can just hold on long enough for my grandmothers magic to happen! Of course, this also assumes you have done your job in putting yourself out as well. You can always busy yourself in doing more putting yourself out and maybe you won’t have time to find yourself unappreciated!

  18. mad cow Says:

    I think Vespa is right.thanks buddy,i feel better already.

  19. ChLOE ST CLAIRE Says:

    Oh, Mad Cow, Vespa’s motto is : “Don’t get Involved, Isolate.” Very dangerous.
    You get back what you invest. What some people do is get too self-involved, instead of reaching out. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, others see it and realize you are immature or self-centered. It is NOT all about YOU!
    Perhaps when we are shown a cruel response, we are meant to LEARN the LESSON. Face your weakness, smile, and get on with your day, thinking of and doing for, someone else!
    Hugs,
    Chloe

  20. Susan - How to Survive Your Grief Says:

    Hurt, pain, disappointment, rejection, grief, often turn into anger. Easier to be angry I think than feel the pain, but I also think anger is a call to action. That action could be to make new friends or find a different kind of friend. Sometimes it’s a call to reach out and help someone else. Sometimes it’s a call to simply turn around and face the fear, hurt, or grief.

  21. michelle Says:

    T Art and Sarah I was reading your posts and This is the theme that popped out at me and also reminded me somewhat of me. I don’t know if it will be relevant to you but you can maybe pray about it and see. I’m not usually an advise giver but I do want to help if I can myself and you.

    As Chritians we can want to be so good and caring that too some people it can be overbearing. I know sometimes when I am like this it is because I need or want others to be like this toward me, but then maybe if someone was I would also feel a little uncomfortable and like I owed them something. I know when people like this have been in my life I’ve felt so embarrassed and like I can’t be myself and just relax because they are so good. I was wondering if sometimes in our zealousness to please and be ‘good’ Christians we can be just a little too giving etc. Because I think we need to be able to give and recieve in an equal balance. Sometimes I give to people and don’t ask if they mind or do it privataly by putting it in thier letterbox annonymously so they don’t feel indebted or embarrassed by our giving or should I say kind of shamed even. For instance the woman with cancer might feel like she is so unhappy and miserable at times and wants to be authentic and doesn’t want to feel like a charity case.

    please please please don’t be offended by me saying these things, I’m just trying to put a different perspective on it and as I said reading myself into this as well. On the other hand your rejection is very real and your attempts and loving and being kind and nice are so beautiful and come from a heart that honestly loves the Lord and wants to love people in a practical way. It hurts soooo much to not have that taken advantage of in a postive way, for people to not acknowledge and see how caring and how we would go out of our way for anyone and all we want is that acknowledgment that we are a loving individual.
    I have this problem a lot. I have burnt many bridges. I’m a VERY sensative person. I get hurt so easily which isn’t a fault it’s just a fact. I don’t think or know of anyway to protect our heart in this life from hurt. If there was a way then Jesus would have been able to protect his but he died of a broken heart too. Love is openess, love is vulnerability. love is choosing to be your authentic self and not changing for anyone that soft loving heart that longs to give. I guess the only way we can stop from being hurt when we don’t need to though is to learn what we may be doing to set ouselves up for consistent hurt that is repeated. Like my ex used to say “why do you keep putting your head in the lions mouth’? I know and we all know that, the answer is maybe we don;t even realise out head is in the lions mouth sometimes and we need to Lord to show us if that is the case and how to avoid that in future. There is hurt that is outside of our control and there is hurt inflicted on us that we can avoid and that is what we need his wisdom to find out so we can grow whole and mended. Sounds good. hard to do though.
    Heavens looking better and better I reckon.
    Michelle

  22. V Says:

    I only got 1/3 of the way through reading the comments (2008 enteries and we are in 2010). I have to truly say that I am very deligted that someone was brave enough to put their inner feelings and thoughts out there for a person like me.

    I felt rejected yesterday, and like you, my hurt quickliy turned to anger. I knew inside myself that this was ill. I even stated out loud, in my room, by myself, that I don’t want to loose sleep over this feeling of rejection. Well guess what…. it’s 3am and I’ve been up since 1:23am, tossing and turning in my head trying to figure out, did I do something wrong and the result is rejection? OR Is this one of those buiness relationships that needed severance?

    So I googled “why do i feel sad when i feel rejected”…..I want to personally thank you again for sharing because I had this tremendous feeling of no one loving me….then wonderng what is wrong with me that no one loves me……

    I never respond to blogs, I just read them and I responded to yours. I believe you are something special and keep doing what you are doing. Your helping others with your testimony.

    V

  23. antoshkaninii Says:

    How do I send you a message rather than post on here, is that possible?
    ____________________________________________________
    I’ll shoot you an e-mail right now w/ my current e-mail . DM

  24. ZippyZappyZoe Says:

    I was really hurt a while ago. In school, we have our Christian Living Education class which was the last subject. And then I felt hurt because we were supposed to group ourselves into 6 members per each group. I immediately looked in front and told my best friend “Hey! So who are the members?”. She did not mind to look at me at all. She just ignored me and when I already shouted “Heeeeeeey! Are we groupmates?” And then she just replied “Maybe?” It really hurts when a really close friend rejected you. I thought I wouldn’t feel left out in class because we are already classmates this year and yet she made me felt that way. Good thing that I still have friends who were there to comfort me at my misery. They told me that “Gel, it is okay to cry. Just let it all out. We know how it truly feels to be rejected by the one you treasure the most.” And then I started to cry because those people who were unexpected were the one who felt my pain and ready to lend me a helping hand. I did not know that there were still people nowadays who can still care for you and cherish you as their friend. It really hurts my feeling since I thought that we’re best friends and now that she has done this to me I second the thought. I really doubt that now. I REALLY FEEL HURT. I wanna cry in class and yet, I REALLY DID. My friends were ready to listen to me even though I think I was kinda annoying at that time. :(( So I learned something really important: Starting from now on, I won’t expect something from my “best friend”. If I expect something, it just makes me feel pain. Some of my classmates think that I’m happy because on the outside I am always friendly and smiling. But in the inside they don’t know how much I bleed because of rejection, loneliness and sadness in my life. Sorry if this was too long, I just have to let my emotions out. And while typing this, my tears just won’t stop from falling. :(( I just wanna graduate in High School now and start a new life in College. I want to have those friends who truly understand you for who you are and not for you who are not.

  25. hodgepodge4thesoul Says:

    First time reading your blog. Feeling somewhat the same way as what I just read, I clicked the relationship tag and scrolled down and saw a title of your “class reunion” post. Your writing is so refreshing and honest; speaks volumes with few words. I’m not the first to say or think so, and certainly not the last. :)
    ________________________________________________
    Dear Hodgepodge, (love that name btw) thank you for your kind words and leaving a comment. DM

  26. Reduced to Rubble Says:

    Is there any one else who feels unesessary, unwanted, rejected since childhood and do not have a clue why he/she was ever born?

  27. Marashor Says:

    I understand your feelings, perfectly!

    Some would argue that it’s immature to feel such a way ( thoughts of deleting those whom have deleted you, losing sleep, etc.).

    But it’s only human to want to receive the same love, support, and appreciation back from those whom we issue it out to.

    Just remember: “You’re not the first nor last to receive rejection!” :)

  28. Frances Says:

    Wow thank you for your honest sharing, it really helped me to articulate and sort out what I myself went through just this whole week. I’ve always said to myself that I feel these things such as caring then rejection because I care too much. I’ve been told so many times that I was immature and too “needy” because I thought of people “too caringly” (whatever that means). Just today I finally got the slap in the face by a friend who I really trusted, someone I really respected for all the opposite things that I saw and received from her today. I’d rather be told by words “I don’t want to hang out with you anymore” but instead she just ignored me the whole day. It all started with little snappy replies then to cold short ones with body language that clearly said she didn’t want to hang out with me or have me near her anymore. It still hurts because I feel so rejected as a person. But speaking from the perspective of a Christian I can only trust in God’s promise that it is still a fact that He has a good plan, a good future that I can hope in, and that He will never leave me alone. I don’t ever have to feel like I am alone because despite being physically isolated, even from a friend that I looked up to and felt accepted by, I can still trust that God has more blessings and perhaps better friends that I can be inspired by along the way. Also, I’m very thankful for all these deep genuine responses from other people here. I feel encouraged and lifted up, and I didn’t expect to see this kind of wisdom here when I googled “when a friend rejects you”. (It’s also quite funny to me how many people did exactly what I did and came here) At this moment I also feel like we are really not all that different, that there are other human beings who feel what I feel, and that the world is not as it seems when we are perhaps blinded by temporary emotions and insecurities.
    ____________________________________________________________________
    Frances, thank you for taking the time to say something. I remember writing this post, and it is NO FUN at all when this sort of stuff happens…the reason I chose to talk about this stuff on my blog is for this reason…to encourage other people when they find themselves going through the same hard stuff and hopefully give them some hope, knowing they are not alone and it is part of being human. DM

  29. Esther Says:

    Lately I seem to be a crazy recluse. Wow, Gods really been taking me through issues from childhood and not maturing properly. I just turned 40 and realize that I have been a passive and passive aggressive, people pleaser, co-dependent. News flash to me what that I have a voice and a no and I’m not afraid to use it NOW! Still working out anger of being walked on for years and years and somehow grew up thinking I was not allowed to say no or even voice my opinion. Honestly I do not know how I got this way but by the grace of God I say no more. Fear of rejection brought me here…feeling rejected goes deep to the core of who you are. You believe that rejection or perceived rejection is a rejection of you the person, the soul but it is not because if someone rejects you they are really rejecting themselves. It’s funny how this all works in the world of humanity. Realizing I’m afraid! I fear! A lot helps me understand why I shrink back! The only person who can stand up for you is YOU! ME!!! God wants me to do this and you too. But back to burning bridges God taught me I write people off. They cross me (hurt me) and most often don’t know it because I don’t speak up!!! And I write them off. He says this must change for this is what love is all about forgiving. Ugh forgiving thugs that you think you will die if you forgive. But pointing the finger at myself and thinking…I must forgive because I am commanded and God has forgiven me times and again and I must have broken His heart a million more times than anyone has ever broke mine. I’m a very sensitive soul. It’s about boundaries….
    _______________________________________
    I can soooo relate to the years of being a people pleaser…and finally finding my voice to say “NO” It does feel good to get to that place…maybe not perfectly, but way better than the old days….. DM

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