A Serendipitious Encounter With Unconditional Acceptance

 

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.” – Edna Buchanan

 

    Serendipity:  An unsought, unintended or unexpected discovery or occurrence made by accident.

  I created http://hearttoheart.wordpress.com/ in February 2007.   I find writing to be a great way to process life.    Kristina   The Home Engineer was the first blogger I read with any regularity.    I was struck by  her  transparency….a real person who didn’t claim to always have it all together.   You can read  her story here.    She became  a role model for me as I tried to find my blogging “voice.”

 

       Imagine for a moment someone finding a  diary- your diary,  they read it, not to be nosey , but to discover the owner.  They read your inner most thoughts, They read about  your high lights, low lights,  struggles, insecurities,  joys,  goals,  fears.  In the end they get in touch , you meet….and discover, you have made a  friend .

     Something like that  happened to me this past weekend,   someone who has been reading  “my stuff” (the blog)  since last August came to visit.   It was a profound experience.   Unconditional acceptance in marriage is a gift.  My wife and I have it-  most of the time   

         Here’s a link to “Our song”

     Then  to experience unconditional acceptance in a  friendship  is a gift  I never imagined when I started blogging.

         

Life Metaphors

      I have two things on my mind  tonight.

   First….. what is your life Metaphor?   You have one.  We all do, maybe more than one.   I’m pretty sure Rick Warren develops this idea in his Purpose Driven Life Book.  I loaned my copy out and I can’t remember everything he said but  basically, it’s how we look at our lives.    Ie.  “It’s a jungle out there, dog eat dog, survival of the fittest”  or “Life is like a deck of cards…you have to play the hand you’ve been dealt.” or  ”Life is like a marathon, you need to pace yourself for the long haul.” 

      I have two life metaphors that seem to be hard wired into my soul.  One- I am a piece of clay that is being shaped and molded by an unseen hand.  There is no doubt in my mind about this.  I embrace challenges and change.  When I spot an area of my life that seems to be out of whack, I try to cooperate and  run toward it.   When I came to the realization  that I was afraid to stand up in public I signed up for a program that forced me to stand up in public weekly.  Week after week, my knees would knock, my hands would shake, I go through a mini panic attack, and over time…it got a little better (not much, but a little)

     My second life metaphor:   I feel like  I’m enrolled in a continuing education program.  When I screw up or  and learn things the hard way,  (financially for example)  I will  comment…”that was just some tuition I had to pay for a class.”

       Well, today I set up an appointment with with Marilyn (counselor and friend)  because there is  an “issue” that seems to be coming to the surface of my life   and I’m sick and tired of trying to figure it out.  I feel like there is this “sink hole” in my soul  and I am tired of trying to pretend it’s not there.  A longing for deep relationships…  It is a good thing, cause I’m guessing I’m not the first person who has wrestled with this issue.  If I can get a breakthrough, then I will be able to speak with authority on yet another “issue.”

      If you’re reading this and you can in any way relate…talk to me…

      The second thing I wanted to tell you about is a comment someone made to my wife today as they were taking a walk around our property.  I’ll call her “Jen.”  Jen and her husband  stayed with us last night and again tonight as guests in our B and B.  Jen told my wife today as they were walking around the property savoring things… “You two validate the existence of God.“…Whoa..now that is the ultimate compliment….I can live off that one for a long time…so what a paradox…someone sensing the presence of the divine in our lives (she’s the second person who has visited our home this past month said something like that…and here I am…battling  this inner “poverty.”

Giving Or Receiving Unexpected Kindness

      Our farewell  party was winding down,  I was asked to come forward.  Gilgal Bible Chapel (80 people tops on a Sunday morning)  wanted to present us with a going away present.  We’d lived among them for 5 years.    We’d worked together, cried together, sweat together, laughed together, prayed together….God had done so many things in my life, it was like a spiritual “boot camp.”   I was given an envelope which my friend John suggested I   open  before  getting  off the stage….inside I found a check for $4000.00   (which by the way is framed and sitting on my bookshelf)

 I used to read verses from the Bible like this from the book of Acts:

     “Now  the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common…..and great grace was upon them all.  There was not a needy person among them….”  Chapter 4 vs 32-34

        and wonder why Christians today didn’t look like that.    Imagine my delight when God moved us  from Iowa to New Jersey, and  ”planted us” in just   such a church ..and now it was time to return to Iowa.

      Our family  lived in “Christian community” for 5 years.   An experience like that is bound to leave a mark on your life.  Twice during that period,  someone gave us a  vehicle  when ours needed replacing- gave it…not a loaner…a gift. We’ve had people show up at our home with boxes of groceries, had a Christian landlord who knocked several hundred dollars a month off the rent because he knew our situation.  My employer (Mark) was also an  assistant pastors at the church.   When it became obvious we were struggling financially, we met with Kurt, (a church deacon and accountant)    Kurt said  I could use a $2.00 an hour raise without  a doubt.  Mark said not a problem - plus he wanted to  find a  way to offer health insurance and  give me a work vehicle to drive…because he saw his business as an extension of his faith.     

      Giving and receiving  acts of  Kindness has become such a part of the fabric of our life, I forget what it feels like to experience it for the first time.

    Lest you think I’m just a big “mooch”   

       We also opened our home for 3 months  to an elderly lady whose own son was  going to let her wind up on the street because she’d been so ornery over the years.  I wrote more about that here  She needed a place to stay and I wanted to work on being more assertive (figured if she was with us for an extended period of time then stuff was bound to happen.

      I’m not going to give you any more stories from my life lest it sound like I’m tooting my own horn…let’s just say, I have no problem giving or receiving kindness, hospitality,  and unconditional love…it’s just part of who we are as a family.

       I’ve heard people  say, “ I have no trouble helping someone else,  but struggle  to  receive. ” To you I  say,   “It’s your pride,  If  God lays it on someones heart to help you, then  you need to let them, because you deprive them of the joy that comes from helping someone else.”

       What are some of the surprising ways people have encouraged you?  How about ideas…do you have any suggestions (big and small ways) we  can encourage someone else?  My newest blogging friend Sharon,   posted something recently on encouragement  check it out.

Iowa – The Beautiful Land

         ”When the Vikings found Iceland and decided it was so beautiful they wanted to stay.  However, they really didn’t want anyone to bother them, invade them, or join them…. so, they named it “Iceland.”  They named the landmass to the northwest of them “Greenland” simultaneously.  Iceland is green, and Greenland is nothing but ice.  They hoped people would go to Greenland first, find it to be impossible, and determine that Iceland must be a floating iceberg in comparison .”  

                                                                  from a recent e-mail

     What do Iowa and Iceland have in common?  - both are hidden treasures

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        This is a photo of Iowa  was taken by  my friend Emily.  It could have been taken in the area where we live.  I’m using the photo today with her permission.  (I’m learning Eva   ;-) )

          I can’t tell you the number of times when we lived in New Jersey I felt someone look down their nose at me when they found out I was from “Iowa.”  (They’d give me  this “duuu” look.) or ask “Do you guys have the Internet or Cable TV in Iowa?, )    (Iowa, Ohio, Idaho),  (Some of) my Eastern friends didn’t know one state  from the other.   

      The native Americans called  Iowa “The Beautiful Land” (or “Place of Peace”)

     Iowa has a reputation for being “backwards”,  behind the times in the national media…and that’s just fine with me.   I like it that way.  Keeps too many people from wanting to move here.    We live on 4 and 1/2 acres.   When we moved here in 1995 there were 2 barns, 7 out buildings and a 2 story 1800 sq ft house all for under $70,000.  Today, it would list at around $180,000.00 and I wouldn’t sell it to you if you offered me $750,000.00. (Honest)       

        At a recent Buy Fresh Buy Local Workshop, I learned that Iowa’s topsoil is some of the richest in the world- the other site is  in Russia. 

      Today’s post is my humble way of celebrating Iowa.    If I could live anywhere in the world…it would be right here.  

      What words come to mind when you think of Iowa?  If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?  Do you have any questions about Iowa you would like me to answer?  How about a “title” for that picture Emily took – does any come to mind? 

When (Not If) We Suffer

      “The moment we find ourselves in trouble of any kind – sick in the hospital, bereaved by a friend’s death, dismissed from a job or relationship, depressed or bewildered – people start showing up telling us exactly what is wrong with us and what we must do to get better.  Sufferers attract fixers the way road kills attract vultures.  At first we are impressed that they bother with us  and amazed at their facility with answers.  They know so much!  How did they get to be such experts in living……..?”

      “In our compassion, we don’t like to see people suffer.  And so our instincts are aimed at preventing and alleviating suffering.  No doubt that is a good impulse.  But if we really want to reach out to others who are suffering, we should be careful not to be like Job’s friends, not to do our “helping” with the presumption that we can fix things, get of them or make them “better”  We may look at our suffering friends and imagine how they could have better marriages, better- behaved children, better mental and emotional health.  But when we rush in to fix suffering, we need to keep in mind several things….

       First, no matter how insightful we may be, we don’t really understand the full nature of our friends problems.  Second, our friends may not want our advice.  Third, the ironic fact of the matter is that more often than not, people do not suffer less when they are committed to following God, but more.  When these people go through suffering, their lives are often transformed, deepened, marked with beauty and holiness, in remarkable ways that could never have been anticipated before the suffering.”

     So, instead of continuing to focus on preventing suffering – which we simply won’t be very successful at anyway- perhaps we should begin  entering the suffering, participating insofar as we are able…”

     …”In other words, we need to quit feeling sorry for people who suffer and instead look up to them, learning from them, and if they will let us – join them in protest and prayer.  Pity can be nearsighted and condescending, shared suffering can be dignifying and life – changing.”

  Eugene Peterson -  Excerpts from his introduction to the book of Job

                                                     From The Message

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      I have a friend whose wife is  battling with reoccurring cancer.  He has been disabled for years, as a result of a back injury he sustained in a maximum security prison riot  ( He was a guard) 

      He and I talk weekly, get together  once a month.  I always feel  inadequate when we’re together. I made up my mind never  to comfort him with simplistic answers.  I do a lot of listening,  tease him, and take him to work occasionally.      Reading  the  introduction to Job this week  made me realize I  have been doing a better job of encouragement  than I realized.  (He says I do but you got to  wonder.)

      This morning in our house church we were talking about comforting someone in hard times.  One person shared from their first hand experience  the most effective thing  done for them was just to listen .

      On  a personal note.  If ever you and I cross paths and I have the privilege to be with you in a funeral home at the loss of someone close to you, here’s what I will and will not do…my wife and I will probably give you a hug (if you’re a hugger)…I will probably just look you in the eyes…let you talk…I will NOT say something like  ”Oh well, at least they are in a better place, bla bla bla… and if I’m the one in the receiving line @ the funeral home…I want to give you the heads up now..do not say that sort of stuff to me or I’m liable to take your head off.   ;-)  Got it?  Good.

   If you’ve experiences suffering, does any of this resonate with you?  If so, tell me about it.

     

Speaking In Incomplete Sentences – A Musing

      “… DM could you try to make your replies more legible? I gave up trying to read yours about four sentences in.”   

                                          excerpt from  a blog comment thread this week

           Ouch.

       I went back and reread what I’d said, sure enough, it was “choppy”. 

     The first indication  I might have “communication issues” was in 1985.   I was 27 yrs old,  enrolled in a  counseling program through CCEF.  The last phase of the program was the tutorial where we would  get to do some supervised counseling.  I was not accepted into the  tutorial  (along with 90% of my fellow students) because  in my case, “ my verbal communication skills were lacking”.

         Quick story.

      I love to teach, still do.     Several years ago,  I voiced my frustration about these  things  to my friend Thomas.  He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said: 

       “Doug,  I don’t mind your choppy style.  It forces me to pay attention.  People who are  eloquent  put me to sleep.  There is no danger of that when I’m listening to you.”  ;-)

     You know the story of Moses-right?  God asks him to go and speak as his representative to  Pharaoh – Ruler of one of the most powerful nations at that time.

      And what is Mose’s response?  “No”,  says he is “slow of speech and tongue.  “  Some people believe Moses had a stuttering problem. 

      I don’t know about you, but that strikes me as pretty funny.  Of all the people in the world God could pick to speak in his behalf, he chooses a guy with “communication issues”.   Now why, I ask you would He do that?  Why would he take someone who can’t communicate  clearly to speak for Him?

         Just so you know, it takes a lot to offend me.  I appreciated my fellow blogger  telling me they couldn’t understand what I had been trying to say….so if ever  you have a hard time understanding me,   you’ll say something won’t you?  ;-)  

    Thoughs, questions, comments?     

     

The Rhythm Of My Life

     “A guy can work 12 to 16 hours a day, 7 days a week farming and never get caught up….and it will drive you crazy”

                                         Comment by a young farmer I recently worked for

     “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; (translation: burning the candle at both ends of your life) for he gives to his beloved sleep. (or even in their sleep)”

                                                                          From  Psalm 127

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      Reading the May 3/10 2008 issue of World tonight I came across a piece, profiling  on one of my favorite authors Eugene Peterson:

      “Peterson is the author of 35 books (all still in print) and translator of the bestselling The Message, the Bible in modern American English.”

     What does his life look like now… I won’t repeat the article, but would like to give you some snip-pits:

     “We like quiet, we like rhythm.”

     “Walking throughout the year, despite the weather, keeps him in touch with the seasons…”

     He’s an early riser….makes a pot of coffee…during the week they have

oatmeal.

     They eat lunch and take a nap!!!!!

    Then they read aloud….(to each other)

    Peterson says that living intentionally isn’t just for retired folks…

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     What was interesting to my wife and I as I read excerpts of the interview was how many parallels we saw between the Petersons and us.  It is just as if we’ve been  working out of the same play book.

          One of the  things that struck the farmer I referred to at the beginning of this post was my attitude about work. 

       I love my job, when we work, we get a lot done. (no brag- just fact) ;-)

      As this young man and I talked…I told him about our  music festival,  my 100 mile walk planned for this Fall, our Bed and Breakfast, etc.  he mentioned   he’d lost both his  brother and his dad within the past year or so, and you’re a fool if all you do is work.-  As he put it:

     “Sure you might make a lot of money…but so what…if you can’t enjoy it…”

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    Here’s some questions, I would love some interaction on:

       What are your thoughts  about taking  naps?

       Is it possible to find a “rhythm” even when you are in the midst of raising children? 

      What about when you’re battling  a major illness?

      Is it possible to step out of the rat race without being financially strapped?

    

   

    

Green Beans And Fresh Potatoes

     “Do you think you might be able to get me just a few of those new potatoes Doug?  The ones without any skins on them .  I like to steam them with some fresh green beans and a little onion.  Then I’ll add  a little bacon . top it off with some butter!  Now doesn’t that sound delicious?”

                                                                               Marie Otten (my Oma)

      Tonight as I was having a dish of steamed fresh green beans, potatoes, and onions.   my mind went back to  grandma.  I was the eldest grandchild, and just between you and I,  she told me I was her favorite.   ;-)  

        (My cousin Carol told me recently,  Grandma told her she was her favorite grandchild, so I’m not sure  about being the ”favorite” -  I do know, I still miss her unconditional love. 

     Oma as we called her, came to the United States when she was 19. She was from Wilhelmshaven, Germany-a port city on the North Sea- population  80,000.    Oma came to Iowa one weekend to visit her cousins, ends up meeting a young  second generation German farm-boy ..and the rest as they say is history.  Country mouse marries City mouse.  Flash forward 60 years.   Oma is in her 80′s,  her favorite grandson (me) brings her fresh garden produce so she can make a dish  from the old country.

    I took piano lessons from the age of 10 to 14, since we’d moved to a farm grandpa would pick me up after lessons, take me to their  home where I’d spend the night.  Grandma would usually make me my favorite dinner (baked Chicken).  Then they would invite Louise ( an older lady who lived across the street) over for a mean game of Pinochle.  Grandma was a no-nonsense card player…she didn’t cut her “favorite” grandson any slack if he screwed up with his card hand. 

     Here are some of the other things I remember about grandpa and grandma:  fresh rye bread, German marzipan, Hummels, swiss cheese, black coffee….and the way she pronounced my name…”Doggie”..here’s to you..Grandma…. it’s OK if I wasn’t your only favorite…but just between you and I…I was, wasn’t I? 

   Tell me about one of your favorite relatives….

      

 

 

C.S. Lewis

 

” We read to know we are not alone.”

                                    C.S. Lewis

 

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       The wife and I were watching Shadowlands this weekend.    It is my favorite movie, and has been for years.  Shadowlands is the true story of C S Lewis’s friendship and marriage to Joy Grisham- (American/Divorce former atheist Jew turned Christian) I won’t spoil the plot for you  if you haven’t seen it, but it’s powerful in it’s simplicity. 

      As I was doing some reading on this last night, someone said it was the best movie to come out of 1993- now that should tell you something. Have you seen the movie..and if so, what did you think?

    

     side note: You might have to do some looking to find a copy (I got one on e-bay)  (Make sure you get the version with Anthony Hopkins and Deb Wenger-there are two versions)

     “To know that we are not alone“    

      I think that’s why many of is are drawn to certain blogs.

           

Celebrating The Simple Things

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.
-  Ralph Waldo Emerson

        There is something about an oak tree that speaks to my soul.   It speaks of strength, long life, deep roots, beauty.  We decided when the grandchildren started coming to plant an oak tree in their honor.  In 2006 we planted our first oak, a white oak for Addison Claire (Addy)   Two weeks ago Addy got a baby brother- Rigg  Mattheson (Big Rigg)  

        Here’s a picture of me planting “Big Rigg” pin oak:

    By the time I was finished, I had  to use (4) ropes  to tie it off.  We live on a hill with the prevailing winds coming from the South/ Southwest, the trees  here to have a tendency to bend to the North/Northeast (even with   bracing)   

   Here are some additional thoughts about trees:

He that planteth a tree is a servant of God, he
provideth a kindness for many generations, and
faces that he hath not seen shall bless him.
-   Henry Van Dyke

 

Happy is the man … his delights is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a
tree planted by streams of water, that yields its fruit in
its season, and its leaf does not wither.
-   Psalms 1: 1-3

    

A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring
storm, waving, swirling, tossing their branches in glorious
enthusiasm like worship. But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease. Every hidden cell is
throbbing with music and life, every fiber thrilling like harp strings,
while incense is ever flowing from the balsam bells and leaves. No
wonder the hills and groves were God’s first temples, and the more
they are cut down and hewn into cathedrals and churches, the
farther off and dimmer seems the Lord himself.
-   John Muir

 

 

Trees are the best monuments that a man can erect to his own memory. 
They speak his praises without flattery, and they are
blessings to children yet unborn.
-   Lord Orrery, 1749

 

Good timber does not grow with ease;
the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.
-  J. Willard Marriott

He who plants a tree, plants a hope.
-  Lucy Larcom, Plant a Tree

 

A man does not plant a tree for himself, he plants it for posterity.
-  Alexander Smith

 

Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us that we are nothing
but acorns and that our greatest happiness will be to become bigger,
fatter, shinier acorns; but that is of interest only to pigs.  Our faith
gives us knowledge of something better:
that we can become oak trees.
-   E.F. Schumacher

 

 

 

Do you do anything special to celebrate the simple things in your life? Tell me about it.  DM