Dear ____________
When was the last time you heard a sermon on sexuality that made you laugh, gave you hope and wasn’t filled with “thou shall nots”?
I think I told you this story before but it bears repeating….
1985, I was auditing a class on marriage and family life. Wayne Mack author of Strengthening Your Marriage was my instructor. He modeled something powerfully for me, the ability to talk about sexuality without blushing, stuttering, or making me feel uncomfortable.
I’d never heard anyone teach on this topic in the flesh. To give you a word picture, it felt like the rush of cool mountain air on my soul to listen to him talk candidly about intercourse, breasts, masturbation, and the like.
According to Google, God and sex are the two biggest words googled. Why is it, that you rarely see or hear them together, and if you do, it is in the negative. There are so many tangents I could go with this post. I think I’m going to focus on just one thought….it is possible after 30 years of being married to the same person to still feel passion and energy in your relationship.
Is it automatic? Nope…
What is the key?
Two thoughts come to mind
#1 humility…..being willing to ask for help
#2 a sense of humor
Looking back, I don’t know how we survived those years when the kids were little. Fear of pregnancy, mental and physical exhaustion, me investing too much energy in everything BUT being the husband and father I should have been.
What I would really like to do, is bring together a bunch of young husbands and fathers, sit them down and have a man to man conversation. I’m guessing most of them are about as clueless as I was as to their wife’s needs….especially those first 10 to 15 years of marriage.
Here is a review of Wayne Mack’s book from the Amazon link for the book:
Wayne Mack wrote this book 19 years ago and it continues to be the best and most practical and effective for couples seeking long term biblical change. This is an explicitly Christian resource. It is understandable and down to earth. It is also only for the stout of heart who are ready to look hard at themselves and who want God’s help to change in the setting of their marriages.
Thought, comments, questions?
August 17, 2008 at 7:57 am |
August 17, 2008 at 8:09 am |
That sounds like a must read….
I was just thinking about getting the sex talk from you because Mom couldn’t stop giggling ;0)
August 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm |
A church friend gave my friend a “How to” book on sex for young, engaged Christian couples. She passed it on to me when I got engaged. She told me that my soon-to-be husband and I had to read it, out loud together the month before we married. The book was out of print then – written in the 70s with 1970s pictures.
It was a hoot. We laughed a lot. But it also forced us to use words we otherwise wouldn’t. Also to talk about things we otherwise wouldn’t bring up. It opened our eyes to some issues we might expect and to help us talk about those things when we ran into them.
August 17, 2008 at 8:05 pm |
I think I might refer my fiance to you for coaching – while there’s still time.
August 19, 2008 at 9:19 pm |
My husband and I read a little of Kevin Lemans book Sheet Music. Anything he writes is a hoot. We need to get back into reading together again. Maybe once we are back into the school year routine:)
August 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm |
[...] An Open Letter To A Young Married Couple On Your Sexuality perhaps Spelling it out the differences between men and women. What Are the Odds I know, Man Smart? Woman Smarter! Well put two and two together you don’t get four you suddenly get Secret Languages, Private Talk and 26 Reasons Why you Love your Wife and Outback Steak Houses! Seriously now though folks No more porn ok, perhaps you should rather just spend time and Get to Know Each Other [...]