Relaxing in a log cabin and the simple pleasures of life

 

      “When you want to get away from a fast paced urban life, there’s nothing quite like relaxing in a log cabin.”    

Site of future log cabin

Freshly fallen snow

View to the North

      We awoke this morning to a dusting  of fresh still  falling snow.  After two very large cups of black coffee,  I grabbed our Cannon Powershot A560  to try and capture  what it feels  like to wake up in rural Iowa this time of year.

   To the North of our house are rolling fields of grass, timber,  and corn.   Behind the 32 by 70 ft  red barn (where we host our annual music festival)  there is a one hundred year old  windbreak.  Behind the windbreak (first picture above) is the spot where I would like to build a 12 ft by 16 ft  log cabin.  

     From here it is easy to imagine  you have just stepped back in time 170 years.    Try to imagine stepping into the cabin with its field-stone  fireplace on the West wall, an authentic antique bed frame to the left as you enter, two wooden chairs and a table by the window on the right.    On the porch is stacked a chord of split wood…. 

       Speaking of split  wood…

      I love the smell of wood smoke coming from a chimney, my parents still heat with wood though dad said this might be the last year  :-(

     I grew up cutting , splitting, hauling and stacking wood to heat our home.   I can still remember grandpa and I heading to the  timber  with the John Deere, a hay rack, and the Bobcat skid loader.    There was a tangled pile of dead trees just East of our farm.  We would hook the log chain around a tree trunk, pull it away from the pile, cut off the smaller branches, then  load the trunk onto the hay rack with the skid loader , to be cut up in smaller chunks later back at home. 

         My favorite time of year to cut wood is on a day like today, when it’s about 20 degrees. I enjoy the whole experience- the feeling of power as  the 18 inch husqvarna chainsaw   chews it’s way through a dead tree, the smell of  wood chips and gas, working up a sweat- even though you’re dressed from head to toe.

       At the end of the day after a hot bath and something to eat I guarantee you’ll  sleep like a baby.  _______________________________________________________________

    So tell me, when you think of getting away from it all what would that look like to you?  Describe it in detail.

    

Ibiza

   

      I’ve often said, your  first born child is like the first batch of cookies in a new oven.  You as  the  parent don’t really   know what you’re  doing  on this one.  (We both know you feel like you’re flying by the seat of your pants more often than not)

     I’m a first born, as well as the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family, which may explain a lot of things

     Dad’s mom ( Oma)  had a step sister (Aunt Sophie) who owned a vacation home on the island of Ibiza,  (little island off the coast of Spain)  She  never had any children….keep that in mind.

     I’m not sure who hatched the idea, but someone thought it would be good if all the grand children could take a trip to stay with Aunt Sophie as long as the opportunity lasted.  

        I was in  the first deployment with my cousin Carol.  The plan was for my brother to go the following year with our cousin Colleen,  they never got to go.

      Picture me,  a farm boy from Iowa with a snorkel and flippers, slowly working  my way along the shore line.  No big deal right?   Well, first of all, I can’t swim,  flunked beginner’s 3 times, quit when I was a head taller than the rest of the class.  Secondly , I was thousands of feet from the beach where I’d started, just a tiny speck by the time Carol’s mom  spotted me.  She told me later, she had visions of shipping me home in a box.  I had discovered that the Mediterranean was so salty it was next to impossible to drown.  For the first time in my life, I was  swimming!

     I’d had one year of Spanish in school, so Carol’s mother (my Aunt Ruth) assumed I was fluent in Spanish.   We stopped by a beach restaurant to grab a bite to eat.   Our waiter did not speak English.  After  pointing at the menu, he brought each of us a coke and lemon and one scrawny chicken, coved with  pin feathers   to split between the three of us.

         Aunt Ruth looked at me and said, “I thought you could speak Spanish, what in the heck did  you tell him????”

     “I don’t know, all I know how to do is count to one hundred and  tell him my name is Doug.”

     “For crying out loud…”  she said   

     Well, the two weeks went by way too fast. 

     Even though Carol and I were two of the most docile teens you could have ever found, our visit  was too much for Aunt Sophie- she said that was  last time she would host the grand children.

        In closing:

     Children are remarkable resilient.

     And second, the things that go wrong on your vacation  often   turn into  your fondest memories .

 

     So tell me, what are some of your fondest memories growing up?

Old School

  

Some of my former teachers as I remember them

                    Two weeks ago, a former teacher called me up to ask if I could help him install a new window in their kitchen.   My work schedule is full into  late December, but   I always enjoyed bantering with  him, so I said I would do it some  Saturday morning on one condition  –  he helped me.

     Yesterday we installed the window.

       When I got there, a second teacher  (who I will call Mr Taylor) was there to assist.   He had his favorite students, I wasn’t one of them

      ;-)  

        There I was standing on the  scaffolding with Mr Taylor, carefully taking off the wood trim around the old window (it’s an older  house  with some character, so we needed to be careful) Suddenly I hear an “oh-oh” to my left.   Mr Taylor had split a large chunk of trim all to heck. 

      We looked at each other-both of us knew that wasn’t a good thing that just happened.     

       I just smiled and said “Put your name on it.”

     An hour later, we were ready to slip the new 6 ft wide by 42 inch Andersen window into place.

     (think  big window)

      I had one section of scaffolding set up next to the house.   The scaffolding planks have metal hooks on each end which snap over  metal rungs.  We were five feet off the ground.

    Mr Taylor has one end of this big honk’n window and I had the other, he’s walking across the scaffolding plank  while I’m still on the ground lifting my end.  All of a sudden the scaffolding plank drops down about  a 1/2 inch.  Apparently, one of the hooks had not been completely seated- he wasn’t going anywhere, but it scared the cr*p  out of him. 

     I   looked at him  with a smile and said, “That was for the B you gave me.”   

The List

    ” I am learning …I can’t make anyone love me. Either they do or they don’t”

     That sentence jumped off an e-mail to me three weeks ago and I have continued to mull over its implications.

     I decided to write down names of people who I perceive   like  and accept me for who I am.  I came up with 16 names. 

      (I’m related to nine , including Mrs DM, my three daughters and one son.- I’m a rich man and I know it)

      Then I wrote down the names of people  where I once sensed this, but the relationship have grown dormant.   (There were  3)

     That was 3 weeks ago….

         Jim  was telling us last Sunday in our house church , there was this plant in his  living room with heart shaped leaves that  had started to flourish after sitting  dormant for years as a result of a little TLC on his part.  

 “That sounds like a  ”bachelor’s plant“  I told him with a smirk.

A  philodendron

    When I was a batchlor I had a couple of these-they were  very forgiving.  A philodendron  will put up with a lot of neglect before it dies.  But if  you do take the time to nurture it, the philodendron  will reward you by throwing out new runners and leaves in short order.  

       So like my friend Jim with his “bachelor’s plant,”  I decided to begin to  intentionally water these 19 relationships on a more regular basis, (rather than continue the hit and miss approach I’ve been getting by with for years)  Think about it…here are 19 people I already have some depth of significant relationship with..doesn’t it make sense to invest more of  my relational energy there? 

      Sure does    :-)  

     So I decided to

      - Go  out for breakfast with one man.

      - Went “road tripp’n” with a second.

    road trip:  Head for parts unknown w/ full tank of gas, large thermos of coffee with the intention of getting lost to shoot the bull.

      - Stopped by my mom and dad’s  just to visit, (they’re both on the list),

      - Picked up the phone and called one of the ushers in our wedding I hadn’t talked to since ????

      -  Attended a school musical of a friend’s daughter…something I would have never done had I not put him on “the list”  a few days before.

       One last thought…  I’m a blogger and if you haven’t already picked up, deeply relational.   I got an e-mail last week from Lori   encouraging me to embrace this relational bent in my life, rather than to always  second guessing it.     (Thank you Lori…I was listening)   

      I’ve been sharing my heart  for 22 months via this blog.    This past year we got to meet 2 fellow bloggers in the flesh.    To have someone read my stuff on a regular basis  and still want to meet me…talk about unconditional acceptance.  Probably needless to say but  they both made “The list.”

      Imagine hosting a party with all the people from “Your  list” there at the same time.  

       (besides your funeral) 

     How do you measure the depth of your relationships?

     Thoughts, comments, questions?

Pictorial Highlights Of Our Fall

     I have sensed a cut back in my blogging activity since mid August, both in the amount of time I have to write and the time I have to post comments on other blogs, in large measure due to my work situation.

    To  make it up to you, if you’re a regular reader,   I thought it would be fun to share some of our pictorial highlights of this past Fall.

 

     Here’s a picture of Kristina The Home Engineer ( fellow blogger) and her son Jesse meeting Winston our pig for the first time.

 

    This is Jesse getting some tips on how to drive our 6 foot John Deere Diesel mower

 

Kristina, Rodney (my neighbor) and I auctioneering off some knitted items during Applejam

 

This is a picture of myself, Wendy Jans and my wife @ Applejam 2008

 

   This is me doing a live TV appearance after my “walkabout” this Fall.  (My mind went blank during the live interview…I mean completely blank ) 

 

    This is a picture of Elaine West (age 98) and myself the day we did an oral history taping

 

Harvesting apples

 

 

Jesse and myself making some fresh apple cider for Applejam

 

   For our daugher’s birthday she rented a charcoal hog roaster.  This was a first for me.  This is a picture of me firing it up

    Picture of my friend Larry and I right before we put these kayaks into the river for the first time

 

Larry and I just shoving off  

I’ll close with this truth  Shalene shared with me recently :

 

“I’m learning …

I can’t make anyone love me.

Either they do, or they don’t.”

__________________________

 

I want to thank those of you that do

 

take  the time to stay

 

 involved in my life. 

 

I don’t take you for granted.  DM

 

Wild Chicks

 

    These are newly hatched baby pheasants.   

    During plowing season when I grew up, we would sometimes run into pheasant nests.  If the hen was there and took off, we’d stop to retrieve the eggs.  After plowing, we usually tried to rebuild the nest, but never knew if that worked or not.

     One year we put the eggs under a chicken.  Chicken chicks stay with the hen until they are quite grown, while she protects and shields them under her wings.  Pheasant chicks only stay about an hour before they take off like the wild wind.

     The poor hen nearly had a nervous breakdown- running in all directions, trying to gather the wayward chicks.

___________________________________________________________________

     I read that story in the latest addition of Country   It made me chuckle.    I thought to myself, there  has got to be a lesson in that story.  then it hit me-no wonder I am tired…God gave us 4 pheasant chicks to  raise   and since our youngest only moved out this past August, I’ve just spent the past  28 years chasing pheasant chicks.  If you have a strong willed child,  then you know what I’m talking about- if all of your kids are of the compliant variety- don’t be too quick to pat yourself on the back-  the fact that they are behaving has less to do with your parenting skills than you might think, and if yours are still running in the opposite direction than what you’d hoped, you’re not alone.

         I was listening to Family Life Today last week-  speaker said some things  that choked me up:

       “If I knew my kids would turn out in the end, then I’m ready to die and go home and be with the Lord.”   There really is nothing more important in life  that seeing your kids thrive spiritually,and nothing as heart breaking as watching them flounder.

      “Why is it that two children can grow up in the same home, in exactly the same environment,  one will turn out great and the other one will continually grieve your heart? ”

    Too many times thought, we as parents find ourselves going on a  guilt trip- “if only, I’d spent more time with them, or if only we hadn’t  done this or that.”

     “What do you tell the parent who has one (or several) prodigal children?”

     “All you have to do is look at God the Father- he IS the perfect parent, and look at all of the prodigals he has.”

       So here’s to all you young mothers and fathers who find yourselves taking care of a little pheasants.

You’re Beautiful, You Know That Don’t You?

    

(Picture of my eldest @ a recent concert)

       Any one ever tell you you’re beautiful, (handsome, smart, gifted…you can fill in the blank)  and inside you’re thinking to yourself…”yea, right, I am NOT “beautiful”  my ears are too big, (or too small) ,my lips are too big (or  too small)  my nose is too big, or (too  small, )  my butt is too big, (or too small), I’m too tall, too short, stocky, bla bla bla and we NEVER in our wildest dreams for a moment believe that the person was telling us what they really felt, because in our minds we simply could not receive it. 

footnote-  Speaking only as one  man, beauty IS more than skin deep…you can have all the right features and have the personality of a pig, or you can cultivate the inner person of your heart and I will notice.

    Have you ever told someone they’re beautiful, ( handsome, smart, gifted, fill in the blank)  and you could  sense  they didn’t hear  you, by the look  on their face they  discounted  what you said

     What’s happening in those moments is our  core beliefs about ourselves  are  filtering what we’re hearing.  All of us have them-  They determine  our  feelings of worth, competence, belonging, loveablity, security, trust and self reliance.

  And the funny thing is, the little stinkers are hard to spot, they exist below the radar and it takes some real effort to coax them out into the open.

    Our culture  values good looks, athletic abilities  brains and money.   The ironic thing is (especially good looks, athletic ability and money) is they are so fleeting.  If  you as a person have been blessed with good looks,  and you’re not careful, when you get old and things start to sag, wrinkle and   go to pot, it will rock your world to the core. 

    This weekend I had an awesome time of personal reflection.  My name means “Dweller by the dark stream”  (Douglas) so I was just doing what comes naturally.   Anyway I e-mailed a few people a note..here’s a portion of it: 

     ” MY self esteem/ self worth has healed and changed 90% from when I was a kid growing up…people today who interact w/ me in person can not imagine the shy insecure person I was growing up.  I simply am not the same person (Thank God)  Most days, I am living the good life, secure, passionate about life, (not just externally, but genuinely down to the core of my being)..and yet there is still this root of insecurity and fear that occassionally raises it’s flipp’n head that I would like to pull out, roots and all, once and for all..let me see if I can flesh it out for you”

     Hannah sent me list  of possible core belief’s from the book Prisoners of Belief:Exposing and Changing Beliefs that Control Your Life  After perusing this list (which I will post below)  I was able to spot  a “core belief” in my life I didn’t realize was still there….not going to share it with you because of the personal nature of it, but I will tell you, I’ve already begun to address it head on and  I can feel the difference.

      By the way- if you’re a regular reader to my blog and have left a comment in the past,  (that means YOU)….I wish I could sit down with you over a cup of coffee this morning and tell you  how much I appreciate  you as a person.  Do you believe that? 

 

Here is that list of possible core beliefs

1. I am worthy of love and respect

2. My world is a pretty safe place.

3. I perform many tasks well.

4. I am in control of my life.

5. I feel loved and cared for.

6. I can rely upon myself.

7. The world is neither fair nor unfair.

8. I feel a strong sense of belonging in my family and community.

9. Most people can be trusted.

10. I set reasonable standards for myself.

11. I often feel flawed or defective.

12. Life is dangerous—a medical, natural, or financial disaster could strike any time.

13. I’m basically incompetent.

14. I have very little control over my life.

15. I’ve never felt really cared for by my family.

16. Others can care for me better than I can care for myself.

17. I get upset when I don’t get what I want—I hate to take no for an answer.

18. I frequently feel left out of groups.

19. Many people would like to hurt me or take advantage of me.

20. Very little of what I do satisfies me – I usually think I could do better.

21. I feel OK about myself.

22. I can protect myself from most dangers.

23. Doing some things comes easy for me.

24. I have the power I need to solve most of my problems.

25. I have at least one satisfying intimate relationship.

26. It’s OK to disagree with others.

27. I accept it when I don’t get what I want.

28. I fit in well with my circle of friends.

29. I rarely need to protect or guard myself with other people.

30. I can forgive myself for failure.

31. Nobody I desire would desire me if they really got to know me.

32. I worry about getting sick or hurt.

33. When I trust my own judgment, I make wrong decisions.

34. Events just bowl me over sometimes.

35. My relationships are shallow—if I disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice.

36. I find myself going along with others’ plans.

37. There are certain things I simply must have to be happy.

38. I feel like an outsider.

39. Most people think only of themselves.

40. I’m a perfectionist; I must be the best at whatever I do.

41. I have legitimate needs I deserve to fill.

42. I am willing to take risks.

43. I am a competent person, as capable as most people.

44. My impulses don’t control me.

45. I feel nurtured in my family.

46. I don’t need the approval of others for everything I do.

47. Things tend to work out, even in the end.

48. People usually accept me as I am.

49. I seldom feel taken advantage of.

50. I set achievable goals for myself.

51. I’m dull and boring and can’t make interesting conversation.

52. If I’m not careful with my money, I might end up with nothing.

53. I tend to avoid new challenges.

54. I fear I’ll give in to overwhelming crying, anger, or sexual impulses.

55. I’m afraid of being abandoned—that a loved one will die or reject me.

56. I don’t function well on my own.

57. I feel I shouldn’t have to accept some of the limitations placed on ordinary people.

58. People don’t usually include me in what they’re doing.

59. Most people can’t be trusted.

60. Failure is very upsetting to me.

61. I count for something in the world.

62. I can take care of myself and my loved ones.

63. I can learn new skills if I try.

64. I can usually control my feelings.

65. I can get the care and attention I need.

66. I like to spend time by myself.

67. Most of the time I feel fairly treated.

68. My hopes and dreams are much like everyone else’s.

69. I give people the benefit of the doubt.

70. I’m not perfect and that’s OK.

71. I’m unattractive.

72. I choose my old, familiar ways of doing things over risking the unexpected.

73. I don’t perform well under stress.

74. I’m powerless to change many of the situations I’m in.

75. There’s no one I can count on for support and advice.

76. I try hard to please others, and I put their needs before my own.

77. I tend to expect the worst.

78. Sometimes I feel like an alien, very different from everybody else.

79. I must be on my guard against others’ lies and hostile remarks.

80. I push myself so hard that I harm my relationships, my health, or my happiness.

81. People I like and respect often like and respect me.

82. I don’t worry much about health or money.

83. Most of my decisions are sound.

84. I can take charge when I need to.

85. I can depend on my friends for advice and emotional support.

86. I think for myself, I can stand up for my ideas.

87. I’m treated fairly most of the time.

88. I could change jobs or join a club and soon fit in.

89. I’d rather be too gullible than too suspicious.

90. It’s OK to make mistakes.

91. I don’t deserve much attention or respect.

92. I feel uneasy when I go very far from home alone.

93. I mess up everything I attempt.

94. I’m often a victim of circumstances.

95. I have no one who hugs me, shares secrets with me, or really cares what happens to me.

96. I have trouble making my own wants and needs known.

97. Although my life is objectively OK, I have a lot of trouble accepting some parts that aren’t the way I’d like them to be.

98. I don’t feel I belong where I am.

99. Most people will break their promises and lie.

100. I have very clear, black-and-white rules for myself.

 

Thoughts, comments, questions?