Grace

   Grace:  Unexpected and undeserved act of kindness

   Gilgal Bible Chapel  had decided to throw a going away party for our family the day before we were to move back to Iowa .   We’d spent five years of our lives, sinking our roots into the people and town of West Milford New Jersey.  We’d moved there so I could attend some classes in marriage and family counseling.  The schooling was only part time, so I’d got a job with Mark one of the men in the church who had a house framing business.  I loved it.

       Thuc (pronounced took) Mark, Vito, Paul, Charlie  and I worked side by side, in some cases 6 days a week…I was going to miss these people.  It was time to move and this was our going away party.  The 28 ft Ryder truck was loaded with all of our  2nd hand furniture, and this was our going away party.There were skits, people  sharing memories of our 5 years with them, food.

      My friend John called me up front to present  me with an envelope- a gift of money-  ”a little something” to help  as we relocated back to the Midwest.    I didn’t open it, thinking it might appear a little tacky-  I just said “Thank you.”

    side note-  This was a small church, mostly blue collar types… on a good Sunday, there would be between  60 and 80 people in attendance.

    Anyway, John, obviously knew what was in the envelope and thought I should open it…”psss, Doug, I really think you should open it now“…….

      I opened the envelop to discover a check for $4,000.00.  I was speechless.  A few years before, I’d seen the church send off another young family, and they’d given them a used car, maybe valued at $1,500- $2,000.00…and they as  a family were going to pastor a church somewhere…me..I was just a carpenter and his family heading back to Iowa.

       This was not the first time I’d experienced an unexpected, take your breath away gift of love….and it wasn’t the last time. 

     It happened again two weeks ago….are you still with me?   Still reading along?

       Long story short, we own a small apple orchard, it’s just now beginning to produce some beautiful apples :

Close up of the 2009  Honeycrisp crop

 

Closeup of the 2009 Gingergold apple crop

      2 years ago, someone gave us a walk in cooler (without the refrigeration unit).   I’ve been looking into what it would take to get the thing up and running…commercial compressors are not cheap.    As I have done some reading on the Internet , I came across a little electronic gizmo that attaches to a household air conditioner…it’s called a Coolbot- or a fraction of the cost.  Well,  about two weeks ago, someone out of the blue sent me an e-mail asking about the orchard, the status of the cooler, etc.  I told them it wasn’t going to happen this year…just didn’t have the money.  They wrote back, offering to help with funding, because they felt a spiritual nudge (prompting) to do so…and the rest is history:

closeup of the cool bot control

picture of the electrician hooking up the sub-panel

    picture of the ginger-gold apples I picked last night and put in the cooler.

A  friend and  electrician offered to help me hook up the wiring to the cooler.  He was able to pick up  175 foot of #6 UF wire for us at a contractor’s supply store..  This is the type of wire you can bury in the ground long term…it is not cheap.  When I asked him for the invoice he simply said, it was on him (as well as his time hooking things up)…so that made two people who felt prompted to help us out with the cooler this Summer…everything was up and running virtually to the day I needed it in order to refrigerate the first variety of apples.

       I as a person, I enjoy extending unexpected  kindness to others…to be on the receiving end is a little trickier     How many times do you hear people say, “I love to give -but have a hard time receiving…”

    To you I would simply say, get over it.   When you allow someone else to extend grace to you, you  bring them joy.

Thoughts, comments, questions?  As always, thanks for reading my stuff.  DM

My next Growing Edge- Relationships

  

Me  going to the mail box to see if there’s a letter.

 “ Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something:  they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good.  In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”  Anthony Robbins 

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Growing edge:  Area of your life that needs to change

My dad is my role model when it comes to cultivating healthy  attitudes in life.  Dad wasn’t preachy, but he did occasionally make comments about what  he was reading. It didn’t dawn on me until this morning that  dad is the one who planted the seeds in my life in terms of the importance of the  attitudes I choose to have.

“Look people in the eye when you meet them.”  Dad

“Make sure you have a firm handshake.”  Dad

So it is with a sense of anticipation, I have discovered I have an area in  my life that needs  attention… attitudes  and relationships. 

Candidly, I still haven’t figured relationships  out and my current attitudes are  wearing  me out.  I find myself getting frustrated and hurt way too often and I’m  tired of it.

I would describe myself as deeply relational.  I love interacting with people on a deeper level…I have always been that way as long as I remember.  I  enjoy active listening (both listening to someone share what’s really going on, and me trying to paint word pictures so the other person can hear my heart.)

I am loyal as the day is long.  You can do a lot to hurt me and I’ll stick with you..but after a point, if you  ignore me, I go from hurt to “delete”   and won’t look back.   Just last night, I deleted 2/3′s of the contacts on my face book account, because  either they never acknowledge me when I make a comment or they never take the time to comment on something I”ve posted.  These are people who are commenting on other people’s stuff, so I know they’re on face book…..so really, what in the world am I doing sharing  my life if they are indifferent.  

Sometimes I feel this bent toward deep relationships is a curse.

      Side note….I intentionally picked Charlie Brown’s picture because there is a lot of him in me…and my wife has always reminded me of Peppermint Patty.

     So talk to me about relationships.  I”m especially interested in hearing from those of you that would describe yourself as deeply relational. 

What am I missing?   Please do not start spouting trite platitudes or I will probably delete your comment     (honest)    

Pretense

     

   Photo of woman surrounded by a crowd of people wearing masks.

I was talking with my son on Saturday about his wreck of a car. He  had the passenger door torn apart trying to fix the lock.  He finally  got the lock to work but the inside  panel wouldn’t snap back on.          I joked that if he met someone who wanted to go out with him while he was  driving that car, then  she may be a keeper.

          In the early 1990′s I had a young man named Dan  for me.    While were roofing my house  he began to open up.  He was  frustrated.     He said it was hard to establish a  relationship  not based just upon the physical.   Dan  was good looking  and  had a great personality.  He said being too attractive was  like a curse.  I’d never heard that from anyone before, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me.

   Most of us long for  significant  relationships with people who  love and accept us  for who we are.  At the same time, we  have good reason to be guarded and skeptical when someone shows an interest in us.

         Relationships are often  shaped by pretense .

 

      Pretense:   Mere show without reality; outward appearance.  Something imagined or pretended.  The act of pretending; a false appearance or action intended to deceive.

    I hate pretense- hate it.

       Kevin contacts me about building a house.   We meet, he is all smiles, seems like I’m his long lost buddy. He picks my brain about everything from who  to recommend  to which materials to use.  Later  he attempts to hire my employee  behind my back to save himself a few buck on trimming.  By the end of the job, I feel I’ve been played like a fish.  He used me for what he needed and then moved on.

    Bloggers write for a plethora of reasons. 

      I blog for three reasons..

     First as a  way to release this stuff that rumbles around in my head.

     Secondly,  as a way to meet and connect with people in a meaningful way.

    Thirdly, I’m hoping that once in a while , my kids will read some of the stuff I’ve written and it will make a difference.

     Wordpress encourages me   to comment on  blogs to build traffic.     Now I love comments just as much as the next guy, but at some point I began to feel like I was playing Monopoly with pretend money.   It wasn’t real.   It felt   shallow and superficial so  I   backed off from commenting just to build “traffic” over at my blog.   If I leave a comment now, it’s because you said something worth noting. 

     Facebook.  You approve a  friend request  yet  never read the  updates.  Better to have 5 real face book contacts than 200 names that are meaningless.

        Thoughts, comments, questions?  

      Talk to me about your closest friends.  How did they happen? 

     If you’re married and have a healthy marriage, how in the world did you pull that off?