Repeated Sexual Harassment

I’m still pissed 1 year and 1/2 later.

- I would still like to  take a baseball bat  to get the attention of (3) morons – 1 store manager  who did nothing and 2  supervisors who repeatedly harassed my daughter verbally over a several month period while she worked at a local Wal-Mart store.

When I (the dad) finally talked my daughter into doing something about the harassment that had taken place at  Wal-Mart it was too late to take legal action.   We called a   female attorney  who had successfully prosecuted other sexual harassment cases last Fall.  The office  took a statement by my daughter but when they got back to her, they said they were not going to be able to do anything about it.

     Today I talked with my daughter about work- she’s dreading going back into the work world.  I can’t say that I don’t blame her.

  After the harassment came to light two years ago, I offered her a job- she spent the better part of a year working for me- until her wrists started bothering her.  I put her on temporary unemployment but  that is going to run out in another couple of months so she’s needing to find another job.

     My daughter has one of the sweetest personalities you could find-  Unfortunately, guys have misread her “niceness” for something else and instead of telling these jerks where to go- she’s kept quiet which has only compounded the problem. 

    Before she worked @ Wal-Mart, she worked @ a local golf course where the same type of perverted harassment took place.  The manager of the golf course was a whore who did nothing about it and my daughter didn’t  realize she didn’t have to put up with it. 

      So,  this Friday my daughter and I are going to talk about what’s next- I’m going to encourage her to talk with the local community college  to take some career placement tests-  but more importantly-  I think she needs some practical coaching on how to handle sexual harassment the next time it happens-

Any suggestions?

Conversation with a Prepper

     

  I (DM) came across the following  article today on a Prepper website.  What’s a Prepper?  I never heard of the term before today.  If you have a minute-  check out the blogger links @ the bottom of this post  and let me know what you think. Thanks. DM

_______________________________________

“Recently I was in a verbal argument with another woman. I politely listened to her spew foul language, in an attempt to get her point across. As I attempted to counter point a few of the reasonable things she said, and was constantly interrupted, I politely pointed out that this conversation was going nowhere and that I was happy for her that she was so committed to believe in half truths, and then excused myself.

Then the calls of Punk b***h and coward rang out after me. I was tempted to turn around and tell her exactly how I felt. But I knew that this was not going to be a situation that I was going to be able to win with words. I knew that if I persisted to acknowledge this woman, that she would more than likely haul off and hit me. Of course then it would be on, but there were children in our presence and I decided to be the bigger man or woman in my case.

I was on the not so popular view side of the conversation. But I did have facts to back up my views. She too had facts, but the ones she brought forth were outdated, and at times, unintelligible.

We are not all spokesmen. We have not been trained to gracefully argue our points. We get frustrated and angry. We can cause ourselves to sound uneducated and ill-informed. When arguments get heated, we tend to forget our legitimate points, and fall to the side of name calling. We forget that we should be “the bigger man.” There is no shame to walk away from a verbal assault. You are not a punk b***h, you are the victor of morals.

Of course, I could be saying all of this to justify my walking away. And that is a valid point. But not one I am arguing here.

We need to carefully watch our words as we speak. Our defense should be laid out carefully and without raising our voices. Why? Because those that are witnessing the arguments will ultimately be the judge. If you want to sway people to your side of things, litter your views with humor and calmly laid out facts. People are more willing to listen to some one that can keep their cool, that can debate without getting personal, that can walk away when the other person has gone off the deep end. Your job isn’t to convince the person you are disagreeing with, your job is to convince those that are listening outside of the conversation.

Many people have forgotten what it means to take the high road. Many now see that to be the bigger person means that you hit harder. This is not what I wish to teach my children. Being polite in an argument doesn’t make you come across as arrogant, only to the losing side does it feel that way. We should all remember that currently as preppers, we are not on the popular side of the argument. We need to remember that our views differ greatly from the world at large and that it doesn’t bring more people around to our way of thinking when we scream, or curse or be the bigger man with physical confrontation. Even in this group, we don’t all agree in our views, but we have found a way to argue our personal points without bashing each other over the head. Just remember that the next time an anonymous person, or an acquaintance tries to push you down, not to stoop to their level. Be the bigger man, and defend yourself, using your words.

___________________________________________________

http://thesurvivalmom.com/

http://www.prepper.org/Whats_A_Prepper.asp

Writing Your Own Bucket List Workshop

Bucket list:  Things you’d like to do, see, accomplish, etc before you kick the bucket .

Kick the bucket:   die, decease, perish, go, exit, pass away, expire, pass,  cash in one’s chips, buy the farm, conk, give-up the ghost, drop dead, pop off, choke, croak, snuff it.

      The Spring of 2009 I had the chance to  teach  over a 4 week period my thoughts on writing a personal “ bucket list” at our local community college.  When the advertisement went out for the class, a local business contacted the school and asked if I could come in and do a 2 hour workshop for their employees.    I told them I’d be glad to but  needed  to condense it down from a 4 week class to a 2 hour session….

      I still haven’t made it to that local business, but today my wife and I had the chance  to attend the Beyond Rubies  Women’s conference   and present it in a 1 hour session.   The time flew-  I wish we would have had another hour.

    Here are some of the tips I shared:

1.   When attempting to create a personal “bucket list” you do not have to share this list with anyone although you can.  A Bucket list  (or 50 things to do before you die list)  is a very personal list and does reveal a lot about you as a person

2.  Do NOT thinkg about money when you’re writing ideas down.  Money is not the issue-  you may never be able to do some of the things on your list and that’s OK.  If you always filter your “list” through a grid of “I can’t afford it” it stifles your creative thinking.

3.  You may not be able to always do some of the things on your list exactly the way you want and that’s OK too- but you still might find a way to experience some aspect of your goal  (ie.  might not be able to get your pilot’s license, but how about a 30 minute ride in a small plane for $30.00)- you get the idea.

4.  Don’t wait until you “retire” to do these sort of things-  by the time you get that old, you may not be able to do some of these things, plus there is no guarantee you’ll live that long-   (re listen to that Nickelback song @ the beginning of this post if you need to)

5. Some great places to get ideas for your list include:  The Internet, other people’s lists,  just paying attention as you go through your day- look for things that “resonate”

6.  As we get older, the items on our list may be less materialistic and action oriented though not necessarily  Don’t ignore relationship goals.

7.  Leisure is more than just taking a nap or a 2 week vacation once a year.    As Tim Hansel said in his book When I Relax I Feel Guilty  Leisure is not idleness .  It is a catalyst for new experiences, new ideas, new people and new places.

And finally here are a few quotes I shared this morning:

“My friend gave me the best advice – He said each day’s a gift and not a given right…”

“Against the grain should be a way of life…”

“Live like you’ll never live it twice.”

“Don’t take the free ride in your own life…”

                          Nickelback -  If today was your last day

I mentioned Winston the Pig to the ladies- so just in case someone from the workshop  checks out this blog….

                 Here’s an early  picture of Winston

And here what she looks like today:

If you happened to attend the workshop this morning  I would love to hear from you-  DM

Why Do YOU Blog? Leora wants to know

     I (DM)  got a comment on the blog this week from Leora Trub asking if I would complete  a survey on blogging.  She is a  student in the Clinical Psychology Ph.D. Program at The Graduate Center of the City University of New York (CUNY),  conducting a study of the reasons that people blog and what benefits it brings.  I’m going to post her letter below- I took the survey (it takes about 45 minutes) and realized I was making  a mistake by pulling the plug on this blog-Periodially I battle this little voice in my head that tells me, no body really reads my stuff anyway- (like the above mentioned  cartoon).  It gets worse when I have too much time on my hands- when I’m busy, I’m not dogged by that sort of stuff.  Anyway, if you’ re a blogger and would like to participate in Leora’s survey- shoot her an e-mail and tell her DM sent you.

_______________________________________________

Comment:
Dear hearttoheart:

My name is Leora Trub and I am a student in the Clinical Psychology Ph.D. Program at The Graduate Center of the City University of New York (CUNY). I am conducting a study of the reasons that people blog and what benefits it brings, which at this point are still largely unexplored in research studies. I am therefore reaching out to you as a blogger who can help deepen our understanding of this phenomenon. I believe that your voice is an important one to be heard and hope you will enjoy participating in the study. I have developed an online questionnaire that asks about specific aspects of blogging as well as asking about feelings about yourself and others in your life. The survey is a mix of numerical scales and opportunities to reflect in an open-ended format about the role of blogging in your life, and how it has changed over time.

You are eligible to participate if you are at least 21 years of age and have been maintaining an English-language personal blog for at least six months that you update or visit at least twice a week (on average). Your participation involves completing a confidential online questionnaire.  The data will be downloaded onto a secure server to which only I have access. No identifying information, such as your names or address, will be collected, and you will be given the opportunity to be identified by a code name in research reports and to have your blog description changed slightly so it cannot be identified if you wish. In addition, you may choose not to share your blog information, in which case I will not access your blog for any reason after this point.

The survey takes approximately 45 minutes to complete and participation is completely voluntary. Three participants who complete the survey will be randomly selected by a lottery to receive a $75 cash prize.

There are no foreseeable risks to participation in the study. Although some of the questions are personal in nature, participation in the study provides an opportunity to think about the role that your blog plays in your life. 

If you have any questions about this research, you can contact me at (732) 407-7928 or ltrub@gc.cuny.edu, or my advisors Dr. Arietta Slade at (212) 650-5658 or asladephd@earthlink.net and Dr. Tracey Revenson at (212) 817-8709 or trevenson@gc.cuny.edu.

The study has been approved by the Institutional Review Board of the Graduate School of the City University of New York and meets of their guidelines as well as all state and federal guidelines for research with human participants. If you have any concerns about the project at any time, you can contact Ms. Kay Powell, Institutional Review Board at the Graduate School of the City University of New York (212) 817-7525 or kpowell@gc.cuny.edu. 

In order to participate in this study, I need to send you an invitation through survey monkey. If you are interested, please send an email to ltrub@gc.cuny.edu from the email address to which you would like the invitation sent. I hope that you will decide to participate and also that you will share it with others if you decide you would like to. Please feel free to contact me with any questions.

Sincerely,

Leora Trub, M.A.
Doctoral student in Clinical Psychology
Graduate School of the City University of New York
365 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10016-4309
ltrub@gc.cuny.edu

Winding Down

     “People have schedules.  Plants have cycles.  People will stay up late, get up early, skip meals, cut corners, drive too fast, and otherwise work themselves into a frenzy to get something done in less time. 

      Some people live their entire lives this way, rushing from one thing to the next…   Plants aren’t like that.   Plants know just what is meant by “the fullness of time….”  Joyce McGreevy

__________________________________

     Before I started blogging in 2007 I had an e-mail group  I corresponded back in forth with also called “heart to heart”- this went on for several years.      

     There came a point however where I felt the creative urge begin to dry up so I quit sending out those “heart to heart” e-mails.  As a result, I lost touch with 90% of the people on my e-mail list.    Several months later,  I discovered the world of blogging, and for the past 3 years  this blog has been my personal window  to the world- giving anyone who cared, a glimpse into my  heart.

When I started blogging I….

    -purposed to keep it real

     - tried my best to stay off  the soap box

      -tried to stay away from rants

    – and tried to stay away from spewing “trite platitudes”

      My thought was, if someone took the time to read my musings , then I owed it to them to keep it real.

    Well,  for several months now, I have felt  that familiar sense of  ”winding down” of my creative juices on this blog  s0 I’m thinking it may be time for a change. 

       I know most of my regular readers @ this point-  Many of you are on facebook- some of you I’ve even had the privilege to meet in person…so assuming this blog is winding down,let’s  stay in touch  either on facebook-email, or come for a visit

    If you do read my blog but have never left a comment, I would love to hear from you.  Anyone that blogs knows knows most of us wonder who in the world is out there reading our “stuff” 

    Well, time for my Sunday afternoon powernap. DM

A Cat Tale

 

Picture of “Fuzzy” the stray cat  dad brought home from work 

     My dad was managing    Shomont  Read-mix and  Lumberyard  in 1967 when  our family moved to the country.

  I  had  just turned 9.  

      Growing up on  the farm during my formative years I  learned how to work….how to  milk  cows, farrow and castrate pigs, butcher chickens, work,  pitch manure,  bale hay, drive tractors, deliver baby animals, climb  a 60 ft silo, grind feed, smack rats with baseball bats  and work.

         Farming isn’t all work however.  I loved gathering eggs. You never knew how many eggs you might find in a nest…or lifting a bale of hay to uncover a litter  of newborn  baby kittens.   

    Fuzzy was our best “mouser”  Her hair was long and matted, not much to look @, but boy was she sharp.  She was a stray that used to hang out @ the Lumberyard.  Dad felt sorry for her so he brought her home .  Now if you were a stray cat, used to mooching meals @ the lumberyard, coming to our farm would have been like dying and going to heaven. ..a non-stop supply of  rich creamy milk- straight from the cow.- a barn full of hay to build your  nests.  Mice to hunt, fields to roam…. 

    Well, one day an older couple stopped by the farm - can’t remember the circumstances, but I’m betting it may have been to buy some farm fresh eggs…who knows…anyway, the lady happened to catch a glimpse of  “Fuzzy” sunning herself by the back door of the house… 

    “I used to have a cat that looked a little like that.” she said.  It was a show cat-  I won lots of blue ribbons with her…she  was a long-haired angora…she ran away and never came back….” 

      Mom told us later, that Fuzzy  was most probably her missing show cat-  turned out, the lady lived just down the street from the Lumberyard. 

Whoops. 

Don’t ask me why  mom  didn’t just come right out and spill the beans regarding the history of that cat, although the cat had lived with us for a few years by this point. 

I’m pretty sure if  we could have asked Fuzzy, she would have told us  she much prefered the simple life on the farm over the glitz of high society.  Away from the limelight   she could let her hair down,   hangout  with all the other farm cats, raise a family and enjoy the simple things in life.  

   

        

Losing My Religion

 

     I got a call last week from a friend- her  son had taken  a World Religion class last year  and no longer believes in God.   Our conversation took me  back to a time when something similiar happened to me- for a spell.

      I grew up Protestant, fell in love with a pretty young Catholic,  decided I’d convert which ment I  had to attend a series of classes- which stirred up a bee’s nest of questions.  For the first time in my life I found myself genuinely  wrestling with questions of faith, religion, spirituality, absolute truth.  

Who is right?  Who can I go to with my questions?   The Catholic priest  thinks  he is right,  my former Protestant minister  thinks  he is right…everyone’s  biased.  Then try to  make any sense out of all the denominations just within the Christian faith.  -   there are over 400 different Baptist denominations alone-not to mention, Pentecostals, Congregationalists, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Fundamentalists, Nazarenes, and  non-denominational, plus  all of the world religions that claim to have a corner on the truth….then you have your sincere atheists, Agnostics, and New Agers…have I missed anyone ?

  yep, what an emotional  roller coaster ride that was.

I went through a time of intense questioning- It felt like I was in the midst of a spiritual  earthquake-  the very foundations of  my life were  shaken – hard.

   I  told my friend to get herself a copy of Lee Strobel’s book-

A case For Faith  

 As a former atheist, Strobel understands the rational resistance to faith. He even names the eight most convincing arguments against Christian faith.  Here is a partial list of issues he tackles:

1) If there’s a loving God, why does this pain-wracked world groan under so much suffering and evil?
2) If the miracles of God contradict science, then how can any rational person believe that they’re true?
3) If God is morally pure, how can he sanction the slaughter of innocent children as the Old Testament says he did?
4) If God cares about the people he created, how could he consign so many of them to an eternity of torture in hell just because they didn’t believe the right things about him?
5) If Jesus is the only way to heaven, then what about the millions of people who have never heard of him?
6) If God really created the universe, why does the evidence of science compel so many to conclude that the unguided process of evolution accounts for life?
7) If God is the ultimate overseer of the church, why has it been rife with hypocrisy and brutality throughout the ages?
8) If I’m still plagued by doubts, then is it still possible to be a Christian?

       My conversation with my friend didn’t get this far but the second thing I would suggest is look at the personal life  of  any person telling  others how to live and think-  They are a walking billboard for what they really believe.