The Shyness Project….

 

        About a week or two before New Years Day this year, I started thinking up an idea to do a one-year project to confront my shyness.  I’ve been reading a lot of great books lately and some of my favorites were ones about one-year projects. The first one I read was No Impact Man by Colin Beavan, which I really loved and couldn’t put down.  It’s about a guy and his family who try to live one year without negatively impacting the environment.  The next book I read was The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which was another year-long memoir where a woman tried to live a happier life by setting various goals for herself that were supposed to boost happiness.  And the other book I read was The One Week Job Project by Sean Aiken, which was about a recent college grad who tried out 52 jobs in 52 weeks because he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life career-wise.

I wanted to do a one-year project too.  I thought about various ideas, but decided that the one thing that I know the most about and want to do a project on is shyness.

Ever since I was in preschool, I have been labeled by teachers and peers as the “shy/quiet one”.  I had a hard time making friends and had a couple in elementary school, but I wasn’t that close to them.  In 5th grade I don’t think I had any friends that I could hang out with at recess.  I remember hating recess because I had to pass the time by wandering around the playground alone, and occasionally would stand near a group of kids to make it appear like I wasn’t friendless.  I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or to make fun of me.  I often hear my friends say they wish they could be in elementary school again when life was so easy and care-free, but I know I’d never want to go through that again.

In 6th grade, I was bullied by my “friends” for being quiet and shy.  They tormented me each day and made my life miserable, but that is a long story that will be told another time.

And now here I am, a senior in high school.  I’m still considered to be the shy and quiet one, but I’ve come a long ways.  But still, I feel like my shyness is interfering with my life.  There are many things I feel like I “can’t” do because I’m shy, and I want to be able to believe that I “can” do those things.

I’ve read some books on shyness(and plan to read more), but none of them have really been as effective and inspirational as the one-year project books were.  I liked how those books had a “show not tell” way of illustrating a story.  They weren’t just written by experts who have studied the subject and were giving out advice, they were written by people who have actually experienced what they are writing about. 

So this year is officially devoted to The Shyness Project.  The goals I brainstormed before New Years were to talk to strangers, improve friendships, participate in class, build self-confidence, make new friends, get over my fear of the phone, become a better speaker, become more comfortable in a large group, go out alone(driving and walking), let go, and try new things.  Each of those goals has more specific tasks within it that I will have to address.  They are not set in stone, and I can adjust as the year goes on if I find something else I need to work on.  Throughout the project I’m going to record my thoughts and findings, and I’m also going to work on recognizing and changing the way I think and perceive situations.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post, and if you would like to see how the project is coming so far you can read my blog at  http://theshynessproject.wordpress.com/

.  Thanks again to DM for letting me be a guest blogger!

Picture of me last Summer @ Yosemite

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Note from DM to you the reader…. Brittany is a new blogger who is just getting started.  I would really encourage all of my regular readers to take a minute and stop by her new blog.  Give her a big welcome!   Thanks…and thank you Brittany to taking the time to share a part of your story.   I’m excited for you, as someone who was also hamstrung by shyness all through my years in school.

How to: Garden without weeds…The Three Sisters Method

     Wife and I have been on a healthy eating kick the past 12 months.  I shed 36 pounds  in 6 months when I went from highly processed foods to eating more fruits, vegetables, nuts and no white breads.  Simple as that, cut out the highly processed sugar and the pounds started coming off.

    That’s why the article on homemade bread caught my eye as I was strolling past the magazine rack @ Walmart last week:

    That’s not what I wanted to talk about right now, but it does give  you a sense of where my brain has been the past 12 months.

 In the  January 2011 issue of Mother Earth News  was also a story on  Floriani Red Flint.  

(It’s an heirloom variety of corn)

I want to grow some now….

talk about the power of the printed page.

     I told my buddy Steve a week ago to help me design me a garden plot   I didn’t have to weed this year.  

     Steve and I  get together on occasion over lots of coffee to  chew the fat on everything from heirloom  tomatoes,  seed saving,   politics,  the underground railroad in Iowa, war,  current events…you name it..all topics are fair game and while he and I are in different camps  politically and spiritually, mutual  respect underpins  our discourse, so I always come away mentally stimulated.    

    Steve had mentioned something called a “sisters garden” in passing a few weeks ago, but I didn’t get it.,

Thursday I saw another reference to “The Three Sisters Gardening” philosophy and I finally I got it…really got it.

     In simple terms,  you plant 3 companion crops in the same area….corn, beans and  squash.    The beans add nitrogen to the soil, which the corn uses and vise versa.  The Squash (I’m going to plant an heirloom pumpkin) vines out and shades between the rows effectively shading out the weeds.  The corn acts as a natural trellis for the beans (you need to plant the pole bean variety)   so the beans climb the corn.

        Here’s a diagram of what a 10 ft by 10 ft plot would look like:

 The “three sisters” garden has been around for 1000′s of years 

Why have I never heard of it before this week?

Have you?

     “According to Iroquois legend, corn, beans, and squash are three inseparable sisters who only grow and thrive together. This tradition of interplanting corn, beans and squash in the same mounds, widespread among Native American farming societies, is a sophisticated, sustainable system that provided long-term soil fertility and a healthy diet to generations….

There is definitely a life  lesson in this gardening model

3 different crops with different nutritional needs living in  the same garden plot, producing different types of fruit. 

   Come to think about it,  Steve and my relationship is a little like this gardening model.  We each come to the table with different life experiences, different world views, etc.  yet we can benefit from the others insight.  

     The next time you meet someone   you know has a  different take on a current event, instead of looking @ them as a nut job who obviously doesn’t understand real life because they don’t see things as you do,  stick a cork in it.

      Instead of launching into an attack mode,   we really do need  change the tone of our social discourse.  And what better place to begin than with you? (and me)   ;-)

  “According to Three Sisters legends corn must grow in community with other crops rather than on its own – it needs the beneficial company and aide of its companions.”

The Winter of 1831 When We Ran Out of Salt

     The following is a must read.  

I (DM)   alluded to this true account put to verse  last week.  

Lines written on the circumstance of my children going to Chicago for salt in the year of thirty-one, in most bitter cold weather.

“My brother Jacob charge me,

 And told me not to let them go,

Across those wide prairies, In the winter, on the snow.

For he said, “The snow kept blowing

And drifting all around,

 My children might get lost

And perish on the ground.”

He said, “You must prepare for winter,

 Get your salt and bread and meat,

 And all things else accordingly,

 That you may want to eat. “

And when the winter comes,

Don’t let them go far away,

 Not much farther than the ravines,

To make rails on a good day.”

 Our salt was in a gum,

And was standing on the loft,

 But met with a bad accident

When the cover got shoved off.

I had some in a box,

That was standing down below,

Not enough to last till spring,

And we knew not where to go

 A man had been selling salt,

 That lived up at Marseilles,

But when I saw the man

He said his salt had failed

. I asked him when he’d have some,

He said, “Never, as I know,

If I go for salt I’ll freeze to death,

 And perish in the snow.”

I said I had fat oxen

That were able then to go,

 But my children had the ague

And were unfit to try the snow.

When I got home, I told my children

 What the man said,

Then William said, “I’ll go myself

And take that big old sled.

“Mother, do not be uneasy,

 None but lazy people freeze,

 Because they will not exercise,

They are so fond of ease.

“There is no fear for me, Mother,

 I will jump and kick the sled,

 I will keep myself in exercise,

 Run, and kick the wagon bed.”

 The sled roller was so low

That the gopher hills it hit,

Then they’d have to stop, hitch on behind,

And haul it back a bit.

 And take another course,

So they might get along;

Their team was good and active,

 All four year olds, and strong.

With an axe he had along,

When he could, he chopped them down,

 And that did save the trouble

To unhitch and drive around.

 When at the mouth of the Fox

They did take off their team,

For the river was frozen over,

And very smooth did seem.

Squire Cloud and George E. Walker

 Helped them over with their sled,

“For the cattle had enough

 to do To keep their feet,” they said.

Then they hitched on their team

And drove on out of sight,

That first day they got lost,

 And lay out all that night.

It was most bitter weather,

 A terrific, freezing night,

The Good Lord did protect them,

They did not freeze one mite.

 And when the child got lost,

 He drove till late, he said,

Then chained his oxen on

 To the hind part of his sled.

 Where he gave them corn and hay;

 After the team was fed,

 The next thing to be done

Was to creep down in his bed.

 And that good dog was at his feet,

His brother at his side,

He said he slept most sweetly;

The Lord doth still provide.

When he awake next morning

 He saw a man in sight,

A riding very fast,

Soon after it was light.

 He called and did inquire

 Where he might find the grove.

He point out the course

 And then on did move.

His boots were very tight,

 And his socks were very thin,

 And his feet were still a growing,

Made long before they’d been.

And they hauled frozen people

 From day to day, they said;

People that were traveling,

 Glad to get in their sled.

 A lady lately told me

That when he asked to stay,

 He turned about immediately

And put his team away.

 She said, “When the men came in,

They came to the fire to warm,

Leaving out their teams

Standing hungry in the storm.

“But that manly little boy,

Went back and fed his team,

 And when he came to the fire,

 He not much cold did seem.”

 A man called for spring water

 And said his feet were froze,

 And as the boy came in,

 Said, “I must lose two of my toes.”

He saw six toes upon each foot,

And he replied, so grave,

“You will have as many left

As other people have.

” No one had taken notice

 That he had so many toes,

 Then they took a hearty laugh,

Though some of them were froze.

His little brother had come in,

 His eyes looked black and bright,

And those children cheered the company

All the forepart of the night.

The weather was extremely cold

All the time that they were gone

 Hard freezing day and night, 

 could but sigh and groan.

 And of those dear lost children

I hardly could make mention,

I could not sleep, my heart was full

 Of direful apprehension.

 When they came to the mouth of the Fox,

 Come to the other shore,

Those kind gentlemen did meet them,

And again did help them o’er.

 

 Then it was after night,

Though it was not late,

When they brought over their sled,

But sometime after eight.

And came with them through the timber,

 Perhaps more than a mile,

 For fear he might get lost,

 That they might help the child.

 At length the tedious week rolled round,

And on the appointed night

Those children did come stepping in

, O, it was a joyful sight.

 On that same night a young man stopped,

That day he was some froze,

 He was riding upon horseback

And froze his cheeks and nose.

 We all set by a good log fire,

Talking of those poor boys,

 When we heard the front door open,

In the entry, heard some noise.

The room door quick flew open,

 In stepped those precious boys,

I never shall forget that hour,

 It was so full of thankful joys.

Their cheeks they looked so red,

 And their eyes they looked so bright,

 O, I was one glad mother,

 And my heart, it felt so light!

The distance more than ninety miles,

To Chicago, where they went

And brought us back six barrels of salt,

And but one week they spent

. Its thirty-one years now

 Since those children went away,

Twenty-seventh day of November,

 They started on that day.

The little one was seven years old,

His brother was fifteen,

The little one rode in the sled,

The other drove the team.

He said he had not ague

 From the day he went away,

 His health was still improving,

He grew stronger every day.

 He took three yoke of oxen,

 As sound as might be found,

To bring six barrels of salt,

 If the snow should leave the ground.

 But that was not the case,

 The snow was but too plenty,

And did lay upon the ground

Till January Twenty

. That salt prove quite essential,

Bought corn and apple trees,

Although predicted by the neighbors

The little boys would freeze.

For we had hogs and cattle,

 And all the horses still,

Except the one that killed herself

 A grinding in the mill.

And some we got the cash for,

 And that went near Lacon,

When my brother came to visit us,

It was my brother John.

I should be very thankful

For so much mercy given,

 O, grant me, gracious Saviour,

But the lowest seat in Heaven.

E.S.A.

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Question for you to ponder

What was the big deal about salt in 1831?  

Loosing what today might have the same implications in our lives?

Let me know if you’d like to hear any more of these accounts.  (all 6 regular readers to my blog) 

 There are several more poems  where this came from.  DM

Sarah’s Reader

    Or     “Why I love local  history ”

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Pretend  for a moment,  you were a crew foreman for 10 years.

Then  a new job  takes you out-of-state. 

 25 years later  you  step back into your old  position  at the same company and  realize things have really gone down hill  in the time  you ’ve been  gone. 

There are new faces on the crew. People  are padding their time cards, leaving work early to go  road drinking…and worse,  most of the crew think this is normal.

What do you have that the rest of them don’t have? 

Perspective

And it is this perspective that gives you the confidence to stand up for what you know is right.

(That’s been my experience the past month, if you’re curious , you can read more at   this link)

Hang on to that word…perspective.  I’ll come back to it in a minute.

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Last weekend  I  grabbed an old school reader off  my shelf published in 1833.  I noticed for the first time, the name  Sarah Ann ______ dated 1838 in the inside cover.

  On a lark I did some checking on the Internet to see if she was mentioned anywhere at all. 

 I hit a gold mine. 

I found her mentioned several times.

 I’m not going to give you too many details of her life just yet.. but I will tell you  this…Between Sarah Ann, her husband Will and her mother-in-law, there is enough raw material  to write a whole new  Little House on the Prairie series….anyone want to help me????

 Getting back to Sarah…

Sarah Ann marries when she is  just 17.    Her and her husband  Will   owned a hotel that entertained this young man  on several occasions:

  I wondered what it was about their story that stirred me so?

 Was it just the thrill of discovery?

 A lust for knowledge?

 It wasn’t until yesterday that I was finally able to connect the dots and put a name to my inner angst.

Their story gives me Perspective.

When I read about Sarah’s mother in law  with 7 sons carving out a livelihood in 1831, dealing with Indians  on the rampage murdering neighbors it gives me perspective on how good I have it.

When I read about harsh midwest Winter storms dumping 2 feet of snow and ice  and  young families  trying to keep warm in a 24 by 16 ft log cabin and all they had to eat was corn dodgers, salted pork and coffee  it gives perspective on how comfortable I have it.

 When I read about how a  families meager salt  supply  runs low so a mom  is forced to let her 15 yr old son and his  7-year-old brother travel 90 miles with 3 yoke of ox to get salt in the dead of winter, it gives perspective on  worry and anxiety.

When I read  about an economic bubble popping   in our nation in 1837 which plunges our country into 5 years of  extreme deprivation, it brings perspective in these uncertain economic times.

    Found a quote on history that  also speaks to me:

     The writers of history seldom give more than the rise and fall of nations, biographies of great men, kings and princes, and but little or nothing of the common people - a matter of far more importance, and more interesting.

To know the intelligence, opinions, tastes, amusements, method and means of living, routine of every day life, the hopes and fears, which swayed and controlled a people, would be far more interesting than the life of a prince socially far removed from and having no feelings in common with the masses”

So what do you think? 

 What would you do if  the electrical grid were to go down for a month? 

   What if  we experienced the popping of another economic bubble and all the wage earners in your home were suddenly out of work…long term? 

  Would you (and I) have what it takes to survive? 

It really does come down to our perspective.  (attitude)

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my stuff.   DM