About a week or two before New Years Day this year, I started thinking up an idea to do a one-year project to confront my shyness. I’ve been reading a lot of great books lately and some of my favorites were ones about one-year projects. The first one I read was No Impact Man by Colin Beavan, which I really loved and couldn’t put down. It’s about a guy and his family who try to live one year without negatively impacting the environment. The next book I read was The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which was another year-long memoir where a woman tried to live a happier life by setting various goals for herself that were supposed to boost happiness. And the other book I read was The One Week Job Project by Sean Aiken, which was about a recent college grad who tried out 52 jobs in 52 weeks because he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life career-wise.
I wanted to do a one-year project too. I thought about various ideas, but decided that the one thing that I know the most about and want to do a project on is shyness.
Ever since I was in preschool, I have been labeled by teachers and peers as the “shy/quiet one”. I had a hard time making friends and had a couple in elementary school, but I wasn’t that close to them. In 5th grade I don’t think I had any friends that I could hang out with at recess. I remember hating recess because I had to pass the time by wandering around the playground alone, and occasionally would stand near a group of kids to make it appear like I wasn’t friendless. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or to make fun of me. I often hear my friends say they wish they could be in elementary school again when life was so easy and care-free, but I know I’d never want to go through that again.
In 6th grade, I was bullied by my “friends” for being quiet and shy. They tormented me each day and made my life miserable, but that is a long story that will be told another time.
And now here I am, a senior in high school. I’m still considered to be the shy and quiet one, but I’ve come a long ways. But still, I feel like my shyness is interfering with my life. There are many things I feel like I “can’t” do because I’m shy, and I want to be able to believe that I “can” do those things.
I’ve read some books on shyness(and plan to read more), but none of them have really been as effective and inspirational as the one-year project books were. I liked how those books had a “show not tell” way of illustrating a story. They weren’t just written by experts who have studied the subject and were giving out advice, they were written by people who have actually experienced what they are writing about.
So this year is officially devoted to The Shyness Project. The goals I brainstormed before New Years were to talk to strangers, improve friendships, participate in class, build self-confidence, make new friends, get over my fear of the phone, become a better speaker, become more comfortable in a large group, go out alone(driving and walking), let go, and try new things. Each of those goals has more specific tasks within it that I will have to address. They are not set in stone, and I can adjust as the year goes on if I find something else I need to work on. Throughout the project I’m going to record my thoughts and findings, and I’m also going to work on recognizing and changing the way I think and perceive situations.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post, and if you would like to see how the project is coming so far you can read my blog at http://theshynessproject.wordpress.com/
. Thanks again to DM for letting me be a guest blogger!
Picture of me last Summer @ Yosemite
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Note from DM to you the reader…. Brittany is a new blogger who is just getting started. I would really encourage all of my regular readers to take a minute and stop by her new blog. Give her a big welcome! Thanks…and thank you Brittany to taking the time to share a part of your story. I’m excited for you, as someone who was also hamstrung by shyness all through my years in school.
January 31, 2011 at 3:08 pm |
Way to go Douglas!
I have so much admiration for anyone who makes a commitment to personal growth of any kind.
I know so many people who would say, “that’s just the way I am and I can’t do anything about it.” Bravo for not taking that route.
We can all grow, even if we don’t fully reach our goals, every tiny step is a step towards that end.
All the best to you! I will be checking out your other blog!
Jenny
January 31, 2011 at 3:09 pm |
oops! I just realized that was a guest post.
)
(I think I need to create a slow-down and pay attention project.
Welcome Brittany, and I still stand by my comments.
Heading over to your blog now…
January 31, 2011 at 10:29 pm |
Thanks again Jenny! I read the comment you posted on my blog and just noticed you had written another one here too.
I agree that we can all grow, and we shouldn’t feel like we are just “that way” and can’t change. Confronting shyness is a tricky thing, because sometimes people think that’s just who you are and you should accept yourself. It’s not that I don’t accept myself, I just feel like I can do more and am being weighed down by my shyness at times. I don’t think my shyness has to define who I am. Thanks for reading my blog, and hope to hear again from you soon!
February 2, 2011 at 5:48 pm |
This is a great goal to set and I’m so glad you were inspired by ‘real’ people and not just experts. You have set yourself a realistic goal and the project being so public will help you and motivate you. I will say, however, I was just like you as a child and young adult. Time does do wonderous things to shy/quiet people…not that I am a limelight hogger now, I am just far more self-assured than I ever thougth I’d be. I’ll be stopping by your blog to see how things are going
All the best!
Gems xxx
February 4, 2011 at 12:50 am |
Thank you Gems! I am grateful that you will visit my blog, I will surely be checking out yours too.
I’m glad you can relate to my experience, and I’m glad to hear that over time things have gotten a lot better for you. I’ve certainly improved a lot from where I used to be in elementary school and middle school. Thanks again for leaving a comment!
February 4, 2011 at 10:46 am |
Well aren’t you ever the cutest little thing. I’ll admit I was a bit confused too. I thought it was DM because you sounded like him. I could see him in your feelings.
Welcome to blogging. I hope you do well and I’m sure you will. This is very well written.
Shyness is such a hard thing to deal with. Don’t you think it’s something that affect all of us at some points? People who know me don’t think I’m shy because I’m not when around those I know but boy, I’ll tell you, if I were alone in a crowd and don’t know anyone you’d find me in the corner.
I think what you’re doing is wonderful in so many different ways. It’s always good to do things that take us out of our comfort zone but at the same time, it’s sometimes hard to see you’re stuck and need help in the middle of a crisis or feelings of dispair. I’m glad you’re wise enough to see it. Sometimes it can ruin lives for a lot of years before people see it. I commend you.
Good luck with your blogging. You’re welcome to come to ours and feel a part of our family.
February 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm |
Haha thanks! No worries about the confusion, I think it’s interesting that I sound a lot like DM.
Thanks for the welcome! I’m glad you think this is well written, I just sat down and wrote it out on pen and paper without doing much editing.
Yeah I think everyone is shy at times, and situations where you don’t know anyone or have to make a speech can be especially difficult.
Thank you, I’ve set goals and worked on self-improvement for years, but this project is really taking it to another level for me. It feels like a deep commitment now.
Aww thanks, I’m looking at some of your posts now!
February 17, 2011 at 11:23 am |
Hi DM, Hi Brittany,
Great post! (I’m sure people have said this to you before, Brittany, but you are a REALLY good writer.)
I think I, too, was and still am shy– in certain situations. But I have to agree with Gems and Rhinestones, too– time can make tremendous changes. My first year of college, I discovered that, given the right circumstances, I can actually be something of a “social-coordinator” and leader. At other times, my wallflower self makes itself known and (still) I want nothing more than to get out of the large social gathering I might find myself in…
But clearly, my confidence has grown.
You have the blog-voice of a very confident and self-assured person. I hope this project helps you manifest that confidence and self-assurance not just here, but in all (or most) of the circumstances where you want to make yourself heard. You CLEARLY have things to say! Good luck! I’m off to check off your blog…
February 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm |
Aww thank you so much!! I’m really glad that you think I’m a good writer, that means a lot to me!
That’s great that your confidence has grown with time! I’ve actually ended up being a bit of a leader myself last year and this year through some high school clubs, sports, and school projects. But yes, sometimes those large social gatherings can be quite uncomfortable. I’ve noticed this when I’m sitting/standing in a large circular group or even just sitting at a long dinner table with friends or other people in general.
Thank you, I’m glad my writing is confident, I seem to express myself well through writing. I don’t always say what’s on my mind, and this blog has been a good voice for those thoughts to be heard. Hope you like my blog! I have a couple of posts written on paper that I haven’t posted yet, so stay tuned!
February 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm |
Hey Lisa, do you have a link for your blog? I can’t click on your name to get to your site, thanks!
May 7, 2011 at 10:20 am |
Your action steps for overcoming shyness sound very good. Many folks assume shyness is a problem all the time. Worse, they think that shy people are self-absorbed, etc. Conversely, some people presume that shyness is a right and proper and justifiable thing and something that should not be subjugated. The truth is somewhere in between.
May 8, 2011 at 11:02 am |
Thanks Tim! I agree, it does get kind of annoying when others assume shyness is always a problem and a negative thing. It may include some more self-absorption than usual, but not in a narcissistic way or anything. I certainly don’t try to have as many thoughts and worries as I do. It’s hard being shy and quiet while living in a more extroverted world, but I think it isn’t something that makes you any less capable than anyone else.
December 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm |
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