Even I get conflicted once in a while ;-)

Conflicted:  Full of conflicting emotions,   A psychic struggle, often unconscious, resulting from the opposition or simultaneous functioning of mutually exclusive impulses, desires, or tendencies.

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“We’ve got a form of brainwashing going on in our country.”  Morrie sighed. “Do you know how they brainwash people?  They repeat something over and over.  And that’s what we do in this country.  Owning things is good.  More money is good.  More property is good.  More commercialism is good.  More is good.  More is good.  We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise.  The average person is so fogged up by this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore.”

From Tuesday’s With Morrie  page 124

I (DM) have been gnawing on  a related issue for a while now.  The value  placed on physically attractiveness , youth and beauty in our culture.    A part of me rolls my eyes at the shallow sillyness of it all, and yet there is a  small part of me that wishes I had just a little piece of that pie too.

Not the whole cake mind you, just a little slice….like a piece of cheese cake.

This thinking rears its head when I scroll through pictures of my niece on facebook.  She’s in the prime of her youth, attractive, always seeming to be getting lots of attention.  Lots of pictures where she and her friends are striking poses for the camera…you know the pose….

It also rears it’s head  in the blog world.  Young  female writers will regularly get dozens of comments  and I’m lucky if I get one or two   Now don’t take this personal any of you my regular readers…I’m not trying to whine, it’s just that in the back of my mind, I wonder if I were female, and in my 20′s how many more comments might roll in.

So here’s where the conflicted feelings come into play.   I love my privacy and my space.  I have no desire to be the center of attention in a group.  I “know” physical beauty and youthful vigor  do not last.  That stuff is an illusion. and yet in my heart of hearts, I still crave some of it.  If I didn’t this sort of stuff wouldn’t bother me.

Brittany posted  the following video clip  a couple of weeks ago on face book… It bears watching at least once a month:

A letter to my younger self

Dear Me in 1973,   I saw your picture in the flashback section of the local paper, thought I’d jot you a note.

I know this is hard to understand, but this letter is being written by yourself 38 years into the future.    The year is 2011 and you’re still fascinated with  the computer.  I’m not sure how much time I have on this end before I loose the connection, so this is going to be quick.

There are so many  things going through my mind….

That kid sitting next to you (along with all the other jocks in your class, ignore them, you’re not going to see most of them ever again except at class reunions-  And Mr J, the gym teacher-  he should never have been given a teaching position, lining you guys up to pick teams.   I know  you’re one of the last ones picked because of your size.

I know you like to take your medicine straight so here’s the deal…you still have 3 more years before you fill out.  I know you don’t want to hear that  but  by the time you are 20, you’ll be  pushing 6 ft.   And because of your job,   you’re in  better shape than most  of those guys I run into now.

One of the good things that came out of all those years of being small, shy and insecure is it has given you a tender heart for  hurting people.    I know, that doesn’t sound like something exciting at your age, but trust me, your priorities change after those crazy years of high school.

I want to tell you something that will really blow your mind…let’s talk about girls for a second.  You’ve only had one or two conversations with the fairer sex..and dude…get this… you’re only going to have one or two more until after you graduate…not to worry…the race is not always to the fastest…I’m going to tell you something that is going blow your mind….you are going to get a date with you know who ..and not only that, but you and her are going to end up having 4 kids together…yea, I know what you’re thinking…that’s OK,  I’m sitting here 35 years later still amazed myself.

What else should I tell you…stop grinding your teeth…, not sure what to do with them.  You’ve ground  1/4 inch off them at this point, and there is no easy fix for this mess.

I’m going to give you a quote I didn’t come across until my 20′s..it  has to do with your attitude..and it will radically change your life if you embrace it.:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than success, than what other people think say or do.  It is the more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company…a church…a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is wit you…we are in charge of our Attitudes”

                                                                     Charles R. Swindoll

Oh, oh, I need to go.  One last thing….you are way more gifted than you give yourself credit for.  I know you’re not a hugger, but I would love to wrap my arms around you, look you in the eyes and pour some of the older me into you now.

I got this idea for the  letter here

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Footnote 12/11/2011.  I (DM) noticed Brittany had tagged this post for someone, When I reread it, I felt like it was begging to be re-posted.  That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.