“Have ye leisure, comfort, calm, shelter, food, loves gentle balm? Or what is it ye buy so dear with your pain and with your fear?” Percy Bysshe Shelley
Wednesday morning wife and I had an appointment with Marilyn, a friend and Christian counselor. I went in to work for a couple of hours then met them at her office. As I got out of my truck I felt like the Thanksgiving turkey walking into the butcher shop.
These things were going through my mind:
#1 I am not going to play any mind games, I am going to own up to anything that comes out of this session where I am in the wrong.
#2 Lately, God has shown me how completely he sees into my heart. There’s a verse in scripture “Before him no creature is hidden but all are open and laid bare to the eyes of him with whom we have to do..” He sees into every nook and cranny, and still he loves me.
99.9% of the time he is just a silent observer, but once in a while something will happen to show me that yes he does know about X Y or Z, and I’m just fooling myself if I think otherwise.
#3 Marriage takes work.
Like tending a garden in Iowa. After that initial excitement , the weeds start to show up. If too many days go by, I can’t even see the stuff I planted. Wednesday was “weed pulling time.” My eldest asked me last week,” Are you going to write mom a letter ?” (referring to the series I’ve written to my children) We will mark 33 years of marriage this coming April. Our children range in age from 31,30, 25, and 23.
For the record, our relationship rocks. It has not happened by accident. Talk to 10 different couples and I’m guessing they will tell you 10 different things on what is the key to their relationship. For me, I would say it’s an intentional choice to make our relationship a priority over any other area of either one of our lives..
over being a parent (the best gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage),
over our jobs which some of us love as much or more than any lover,
Throw in large doses of forgiveness, humility, honestly and kindness and there’s a good chance you’ll do just fine….
Now to my letter…
To my best friend and soul mate, Thank you for saying “Yes” so many years ago. It is hard to believe over 30 years have passed since the night I popped the question. There are so many things about you that I am attracted to…like I said the other morning, at the top of the list is your kind and gentle spirit..and I’m not just blowing smoke. Just last week I was looking in your eyes. Felt like I was noticing how grey they were for the first time. I love the way we continue to discover new things about each other. Won’t get all mushy for you on the blog…will save the rest over coffee…
XXXX Your farm boy
ps the picture above was taken when we were on the West Coast visiting our daughter…we were looking out to the ocean…made me think later it was like the two of us were standing side by side, looking to the future, the sea was a little rough, it was overcast..there we were, standing side by side, facing the future, come what may.
pss this one was originally written in 2008. Since it’s been a while and buried in the archives, thought I would repost it for some of my new readers. DM