“Have ye leisure, comfort, calm, shelter, food, loves gentle balm? Or what is it ye buy so dear with your pain and with your fear?” Percy Bysshe Shelley
Wednesday morning wife and I had an appointment with Marilyn, a friend and Christian counselor. I went in to work for a couple of hours then met them at her office. As I got out of my truck I felt like the Thanksgiving turkey walking into the butcher shop.
gobble gobble
These things were going through my mind:
#1 I am not going to play any mind games, I am going to own up to anything that comes out of this session where I am in the wrong.
#2 Lately, God has shown me how completely he sees into my heart. There’s a verse in scripture “Before him no creature is hidden but all are open and laid bare to the eyes of him with whom we have to do..” He sees into every nook and cranny, and still he loves me.
99.9% of the time he is just a silent observer, but once in a while something will happen to show me that yes he does know about X Y or Z, and I’m just fooling myself if I think otherwise.
#3 Marriage takes work.
Like tending a garden in Iowa. After that initial excitement , the weeds start to show up. If too many days go by, I can’t even see the stuff I planted. Wednesday was “weed pulling time.” My eldest asked me last week,” Are you going to write mom a letter ?” (referring to the series I’ve written to my children) We will mark 33 years of marriage this coming April. Our children range in age from 31,30, 25, and 23.
For the record, our relationship rocks. It has not happened by accident. Talk to 10 different couples and I’m guessing they will tell you 10 different things on what is the key to their relationship. For me, I would say it’s an intentional choice to make our relationship a priority over any other area of either one of our lives..
over being a parent (the best gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage),
over our jobs which some of us love as much or more than any lover,
over ministry.
Throw in large doses of forgiveness, humility, honestly and kindness and there’s a good chance you’ll do just fine….
Now to my letter…
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To my best friend and soul mate, Thank you for saying “Yes” so many years ago. It is hard to believe over 30 years have passed since the night I popped the question. There are so many things about you that I am attracted to…like I said the other morning, at the top of the list is your kind and gentle spirit..and I’m not just blowing smoke. Just last week I was looking in your eyes. Felt like I was noticing how grey they were for the first time. I love the way we continue to discover new things about each other. Won’t get all mushy for you on the blog…will save the rest over coffee…
XXXX Your farm boy
ps the picture above was taken when we were on the West Coast visiting our daughter…we were looking out to the ocean…made me think later it was like the two of us were standing side by side, looking to the future, the sea was a little rough, it was overcast..there we were, standing side by side, facing the future, come what may.
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pss this one was originally written in 2008. Since it’s been a while and buried in the archives, thought I would repost it for some of my new readers. DM
Tags: attitude, Christianity, family, love, marriage, personal, sex, spirituality
January 5, 2012 at 7:11 am |
I love seeing a Godly, healthy perspective on marriage. Thanks for the post.
January 5, 2012 at 10:01 am |
You know, if I ever get married again, I’m so happy to know folks like you to be inspired by… Happy New Year! Love me
January 6, 2012 at 11:01 am |
Pray we get where you are, bro! Hey, I’m back to blogging (daily – go see why…) and also reading others’ blogs.
FB is ok, but not much substance…
January 8, 2012 at 11:08 pm |
Aww I loved this! You guys are such a great couple.
January 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm |
I actually have tears in my eyes reading this. You made me think of my parents who shared the same devotion to each other. I would say that they still do even though Dad past over 8 years ago.
When I meet, or read about couples like you, I cannot but be filled with hope and gratitude. Hope that the same is possible for me, and gratitude to have such living examples to prove it.
January 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm |
How touching. Glad to see your love is still going strong for 30+ years and counting!
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Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment as well Dienna. I was sitting here feeling in the mood to do a little writing this afternoon, but the creative juices were just not flowing. When I read a couple of your posts I was struck by how even every day events can come alive when you shared what it felt like to feel lost, or judged, or confronted with a 250 pound bully without any manners. DM
January 13, 2012 at 8:53 am |
Awww good to read this one (again) and to see the picture (I love this one)
January 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm |
What a great post! (and what a great letter).
A couple times in the last few years, people I am close to, married couples who I’d assumed would “last,” have announced that they are separated or moving ahead with a divorce. More than once, I’ve found myself suddenly feeling very shaken– like, “maybe staying married isn’t such a sure thing.”
I’ve since learned to just remind myself of where I (and my husband) come from…I have my parents’ marriage to look at, and at 40+ years, it is clear that their partnership continues to mean the world to each of them…and that it is one of the great achievements (along with the family they made out of that partnership) each of them can lay claim to. And my husband, too, can look at his parents’ 60+ years together, and be reminded constantly that marriage can be “til death do us part.”
That said, it still helps all of us who ARE trying to stay married, to see more (and more and more!) examples of people who ARE married, who work at it (and say so) and who are really and truly sure that in this marriage is exactly where they want to be. Thank you for saying it and showing it. You two are very lucky have each other…and we are all lucky to have your example.
May you both have many, many more wonderful years together!
July 31, 2012 at 11:30 am |
Absolutely loved this! Way to rock that marriage … like you said, half the battle is admitting to our own “stuff” and the rest is in appreciating theirs.
MJ