The title of this song by U2 (Still haven’t found what I’m looking for) captures where I’m at again today.
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Update/ the next morning..
I’m always tempted to delete this sort of stuff.
The gnawing restlessness I was experiencing last night has subsided.
I need to keep a journal and keep track of how often it happens.
My response last night was to suck it up, and ride it out.
I still contend it’s a universal condition. (ie everybody experiences it)
Most of us (myself included) just don’ talk about it, who wants to come across as a looser.
I am blessed with a healthy marriage, a job I love, a very real sense of God’s presence in my life, I have purpose, my self worth is good- I love being who I am, the age I am, etc. etc…..I have several close friendships…
and yet, this restlessness still creeps up on me @ the most random times.
I have two questions for you….
can you relate to what I’m talking about?
What do you do about it when it happens?
As always, thanks for reading my stuff. DM
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PSS Another update the next day
This morning my wife read this to me from her morning devotional:
“Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace.
It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look as if you have it all together. Your attempts to look good can fool most people. But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being. There is no place for pretense in your relationship with me. Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood. Talk with me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Little by little, I will transform your weaknesses into strengths…”
Taken from this book January 14th’s reading.
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Tags: attitude, Christianity, faith, house church, Life, personal, spirituality, thoughts
January 17, 2012 at 9:01 am |
Hey Doug,
Warning: I did one of my “longer response than even your blog post” things. I’m baaaack! For whatever good or bad that might bring you, and again my apologies for my long-windedness and monologuing…
As usual, I enjoy your honesty. If more people were willing to “come across like a loser” from time to time, less people would think they’re alone…because I am firmly convinced that we ALL have days when things just don’t feel right.
I think at least half of what I learned when I was finally really “growing up” was that EVERYONE has struggles. For some, it’s situations and events that are hard and that hurt; for others, it’s moods they can’t shake; for still others, it’s memories that won’t go away. Sure, I can relate!
That said, what I “do” about it has changed over the years. I think the main thing I do about it now is that I try to put it in perspective… and then it tends to go away– or I can make it go away– more easily.
When I was a teenager, if I woke up and thought, “I barely have any friends,” (which might or might not be true, I ALWAYS had friends and I NEVER had TONS of friends, so I could be glass half-full or glass half-empty about that), it could go on: “And I’m ugly. And I’ll never have a boyfriend. And no one understands. And it’ll always be like this.” Etc.
Now if I wake up and think, “I barely have any friends,” I say to myself, “hey, do you have PMS?” (
) — or, “this is because you had a fight with your husband last night, Lisa!” or, “you really need to get more sleep,” or “I wonder if more sunlight and more exercise would help this?”
…I KNOW now that I will sometimes have days when I feel unloved (or like I still haven’t found what I’m looking for or emotionally leaden or whatever), and that usually the reason I’m feeling this way is either,
a) situational (something serious or scary happened or I’m anticipating something happening and the anxiety is playing tricks on me)
b) related to a lack of balance (i.e. not enough sleep, exercise, sunlight, nature, or God, or too much sugar, TV, bad news, sitting still) or
c) hormonal (PMS– they say men have cycles, too, so somehow this might apply to men too, but I KNOW it applies to at least some of the women I know) or seasonal (which is really a lot of the first two things).
Anyway. Now how I handle these moods is, first, to locate a possible reason (any of the above! )– and then, second, to take action. The main thing that makes it all so much better is that now, I figure I’m just having a day of being human…and that’s OK. Sometimes all it takes is that thought to get me back on track. I don’t even have to “take action” then—I have a little perspective, suddenly the world opens back up to me.
Ok, other times, there’s something I need to DO– so I aim at the first likely thing and try to work on it. I talked to friend and they seemed dismissive of me because I am a stay-at-home mom right now? So I have to remind myself why I chose to stay home and maybe dive right into the privileges of this life choice– being able to do something really good, and a little time consuming, for my family, something that makes me AND them feel more bonded/happy/whatever. I don’t always hit on the right action (i.e. if I think it’s all about sleep, then sometimes I’ll get more sleep…and I still feel crappy the next day. Well, next thing: take a walk and get some sun. Still feeling crappy? Maybe I’m feeling “unconnected” to the human race: so I’ll write that long overdue letter, or call someone, or whatever.
My husband was the first person who made me see how much my moods were related to plain old body issues– like, your body is tired. (I used to fall apart, reliably, once or twice a month, on Friday nights. Why? Because I’d pushed myself, physically, to the limit all week, not gotten sleep, worked relentlessly at my job, and now my body was going, “I give!!”) Every Friday night that this happened, I became convinced that I was a failure, my life wasn’t working, etc, etc. ‘Til maybe the 15th time my husband looked at me and just said, “go home, go to sleep” and refused to go further into all my emotional angst…and I realized, hey, I am SOOO tired. Maybe I should try that sleep thing before I decide to break up with him, quit my job, move to another state, or whatever else I was contemplating in the depths of my messed-up head.
I am not proud to admit that I probably do the most praying when I am most needy…that I might be a more “god-centered” person when the chips are DOWN…but it’s the case. Because, when NOTHING works to make a mood go away, I pray. I try to do 1 part “talking to a good friend who knows everything (i.e. God),” 1 part, “giving it to God” (i.e., “please God, help me see your plan, I don’t understand why I’m here, help me understand what I should do next”), and 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or more parts gratitude. That usually works. The meditation/devotional from your wife was beautiful…
Doug, I could go on and on (I think you have just hit on one of my main areas of self-study, “how to manage your own moods”! — so I really could go on forever)…..but I won’t.
Just wanted to tell you the last thought I had, that specifically pertained to you. Now, I ONLY know you through your on-line writings…this blog, Facebook, your other blog. So for me, it’s almost like I DO get to look back at your journal and see patterns! And I think I see some patterns:
…you write less in the summer (and I think, take more pictures!)– you are super active and do a lot and really enjoy (and work in) the outdoors. I can expect to get less Doug updates well into the fall because you are BUSY just DOING.
I know that as the snow falls more and more, there will be some really amazing and thoughtful blog posts…because you are turning inward a bit more. And it’s my personal thought that the 10% you reference on your blog, “when I get stuck”–is really likely to hit around the time of the longest and coldest days. (I always feel like celebrating, myself, on December 22, because Dec. 21, the shortest day of the year, has finally passed–it will only get better after that!).
I just went and checked your blogs for Dec. and Jan. of 2010 and 2011. Sure enough, there’s at least one “more struggling than usual” blog post in there during the last couple of winters. I think that’s probably normal and makes sense in all the ways I usually worry about for me– situational, balance-related, and seasonal (maybe even hormonal!
)
So maybe what you did– sit it out– cause it is not “abnormal,” it just IS….
(and blog about it, and check in with your wife, who had a really wise and amazingly appropriate God-centered meditation to share with you!)
….was all exactly right?
January 17, 2012 at 5:21 pm |
Lisa…I totally appreciate your “long winded” replies…don’t stop. Secondly, you are so insightful. Even though I know some people are more affected by the shorter days/ less day light thing in winter, I’ve never felt I was one of those..but now that you’ve put your finger on an annual pattern..you’ve put your finger on something I personally have been oblivious to. Sweet…thank you. I will also keep all those practical tips you shared in mind the next time one of those funky moods catches me off guard. I appreciate your friendship. thanks for stopping by.! DM
January 17, 2012 at 11:24 pm |
Yeah I think most people can relate Doug. There are a lot of things I feel great and content about now, but there are still some things that I’m restless about too. I’m just trying to spend more time on the things I’m restless about and reflect in my journal so I can explore my thoughts and feelings. Talking with a close friend helps a lot too.
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And Brittany, for me, some of the best insight, and sense of unconditional acceptance have come through a few of you (yourself included) that read my stuff. thanks.
January 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm |
Doug, as I am starting to read your posts, all I keep thinking is, “Wow, he is really deep!” And your wife seems really cool, too!
Of course, from reading some of my stuff, you know I can totally relate to being restless — trying to meet that restlessness with compassion for myself.
And I have to share with Lisa who commented so thoughtfully above, that my husband, too, always points out to me that I’m tired. I seem to totally miss that sometimes. I usually get mad at him when he says that, because I think he doesn’t want to listen to me, but he’s usually right. I feel so much better after some rest.
Doug, you should write a book! Seriously!
January 25, 2012 at 5:29 pm |
Barbara, thanks again for your encouragement(s) Actually, I have written a book.
.(two of them in fact) I self published them in 2002 and 2005 w/ Xulon Press…Heart to heart volume 1 and Heart to heart volume 2.
January 25, 2012 at 3:19 pm |
P.S. AWESOME video!