Stupid things I have done and lived to tell

Yesterday afternoon as I was pulling into the parking lot of the Prescription Shop I heard  what sounded like breaking glass  and a loud thump come from behind my  truck.  When I got out , I discovered  a parking lot covered with  2 inch roofing nails.   On the top of my cab, a wooden nail  crate lay on it’s side, nails spilling out everywhere.    15 minutes before, I had tried to unload  a walking tractor from the back of my truck. The box of nails and a small plow  were  in the way, so I’d temporarily plopped the box of nails on top of my ladder rack, forgetting to  set them  down before I left the shop.

I thought to myself as I was scrambling  to pick up the nails (and keep one eye on the traffic so as not to get run over) it’s a good thing this happened in the parking lot and not in middle of the intersection I had just crossed.  I was embarrassed  and  wanted to laugh @ the same time..

lesson:  slow down and count my good fortune.  It could have been much worse.

Most of the time, we don’t like to tell other people about our  screw ups because we don’t like to look stupid…when if truth be told, all of us screw up once in a while, even you have

Ever hear this little ditty?

Dentists mistakes are pulled; carpenters turn their mistakes into sawdust; doctors bury their failures and lawyers lock them up from the public view.

At the  end of this post I’d like to invite you to share a blooper from your own life and  your lesson learned

Here’s two more from my own life:

* In 2006 we decided to convert part of our home into a B and B.  As we upgraded our bathroom, we ended up installing, not one but (3) different tubs before we finally got it right…the first one was too small, the second one too tall but the third tub was just right.  (yes, all of these tubs were actually installed, and functioning..it was not a cheap lesson.

Lesson:  sit in a tub before you purchase it./ don’t just order over the phone.

* decided I wanted to sell ice cream back in the early 90′s (like those guys who drive around in the summer playing that silly music)  After spending  hundreds of dollars fabricating my little mobile stand, I am told I need to be bonded, to the tune of $900.  So I had to pull the plug.

lesson:  do my homework before spending a bunch of $ a new great idea.

DM

Arne Saknussemm

In 1864 Jules Verne wrote  Journey to the Center of the Earth, a fictional story of 3 men, following in the footsteps of a Mr Arne Saknussemm, to the very center of the earth.  They encountered trials and situations beyond their wildest dreams.  At certain critical points, they would discover the name:

(Arne Saknussemm) carved into rock. That meant that in spite of what they were going through, that yes, they were on the right course.  Arne had been through this very same area and had returned to the surface to tell about his adventure, so they could keep pressing on.

I became a Christian May 4th 7:48 PM 1980.    Since that time, I have on occasion found myself in various  trying situations , some relatively short-term, others that caused me to stumble for weeks and months. For the most part, I have felt alone as I would attempt to gain (or keep) my spiritual bearings. Most of the mentoring that God has used to keep me on track has come in the form of good books and biographies.

While I am thankful for all of those timely books, I believe there is a better way….somebody who could have looked me in the eye and said, “Yes, I hear you,” or “Yes, I too can relate to what you are struggling with,” or “What you are going through happens more often than you might suspect.”

I am not talking about quoting verses about this or that, or telling you to “claim the victory” or other cheap trite platitudes.  Rather, as one battle hardened, battle- weary soldier to another.

All of us, sooner or later, to one degree or another, will taste many of the same pains:  Addictions, depression, grief, loss, betrayal, rejection, slander, loved ones who wrong us in a significant way, other Christians who turn on us, etc. etc.  Really, the list is endless.  Not one of them will come into our lives without first having to pass through the hands of God.

Even as Satan (yep, I do believe he’s real) could not touch so much as one of the hairs on Job’s camels without God’s permission, so too, nothing comes into our lives without the same permission.  There is not one harsh word, one look, one bit of slander, not one wrong doing that comes into our lives without first passing through the nail- pierced hands of Jesus.

Let me close by sharing a few things  I learned when I passed through an extended season of depression and discouragement, at a time where I lost all but one my closest friends,  and my life goal suddenly disappeared right before my very eyes. (I’m not talking about some short term, project, but something I had invested years of my life.)

#1  My focus was to remain “connected” and “soft” to God and  other people.  when I was tempted to get angry ( I was and you will be)  I could not afford to harbor bitterness.  Instead  I needed to pray God’s best over their lives.  I did it, and so can you.

#2  I wrote out my inner turmoil on paper.  Gradually it helped to clarify the many feelings and thoughts swirling around in my head.

#3  If you are depressed, you are in great company.  Elijah, David, Spurgeon, Luther, Winston Churchill and a host of modern day Christians have walked where you are walking.   Sometimes, it’s not due to any wrong doing on your part whatsoever.  Sometimes it is as simple as “burning the candle on both ends.”  Vince Lombardi put it like this; ” Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”

#4  Schedule some R and R into your life. (Remember Elijah?  God sent him to a B and B (well sort of);-) to recharge)

#5  Seek Godly counsel, someone removed from your situation with whom you can “unpack” the whole tangled mess.  My experience has been that some of these things are rather complicated.

#6 Don’t beat yourself up, cut yourself some slack, be patient with yourself.

________________________________________________

I originally wrote this back in 2000.  Since that time, I’ve dealt with the sexual assault of a daughter,  some heavy duty marriage stress,  one child landing in jail for drunk driving, just to name 3 significant life events.  I’m still on track and plodding .  DM

Celebrating my Immigrant Roots

Grandma came to America in 1929.

She was 23 years old.

Picture of grandma when she was still single.

She came to America with a girl friend.

They, like thousands of others, came by ship…

Grandma second from the right

She told me later, she never saw her father again and didn’t see her mother until after the war. She moved to  Chicago, but came west to  visit her Aunt and Uncle on the farm near Scotch Grove Iowa.  Her aunt and uncle were her sponsors.

Grandma sitting with her Aunt and Uncle Fred and Hannah Otten  shortly after coming to America.

While visiting them  she met my grandpa.  A big strapping farm boy who spoke low German and English.

Side note…Grandma spoke both High and Low German.  She was a city girl from

Wilhelmshaven, Germany  a port city on the North Sea

His parents were good friends with the Ottens….and the rest as they say is history.

Grandpa told me his friends made fun of him for marrying a “city girl”

He said, “What’s it to them???   They could just  to go to….@%#&” .

Grandma  learned how to milk cows (by hand) .  Grandpa told me he got grandma  a couple of hundred chickens “so she could have her own egg money.”

Dad was born at home, (I’m pretty sure on the kitchen table)

Those had to be tough years..

Here’s a picture of grandma and my dad:

Here’s a song  that reminds me of grandma….

and finally, here’s a picture of me….all decked out in my German leterhosen.

To Hell with it, let the story begin….

“How does the creative impulse die in us?  The English teacher who wrote fiercely on the margin of your them in blue pencil: “Trite, rewrite,”  helped to kill it .  Critics kill it, your family.  Families are great murders of the creative impulse., Particularly husbands.  Order brothers sneer at younger brothers and kill it.  There is that American pass time known as “kidding” – with the result that everyone is ashamed and hangdog about showing the slightest enthusiasm or passion or sincere feeling about anything.”  Brenda Ueland

_____________________________________________________________________

I have been sitting on a mother load of raw material for another book for 4 years,  every bit as interesting as the Little House On the Prairie or  Janette Oke’s Love Comes Softly series, and yet I’ve done nothing with it.

Saturday  Steve stopped by  for coffee.   He asked me (again )  “Well, how’s the book coming?”

“I’m stuck,” I said.. “I have writer’s block”…(I thought to myself….in good measure because of you”

(Hi Steve!  I know once in a while you stop by the blog..so just in case, I know you mean well )

Tonight I picked up my favorite book on writing by Brenda  Ueland  “If you Want to Write.”

And  it felt like someone was stirring the coals down in the furnace of  my soul. .  She  is the type of  friend we all long for…a friend who can speak grace into our timid souls.  I love her, even though  I never met her and she’s been gone since 1985 @ the ripe old age of 93.

Brenda encouraged me to write  ” Bold, Free, and  Truthful.”…

and on that note, I thought I would give the book another try….

_______________________________________________________________

Introduction

On The Trail Of Lyman Dillon

 “I can still see that man …had a dam rod as thick as my arm over his arm…he was laying there, couldn’t move.  Both engines were laying in the ditch.  Then the Doctor hollered. “Does anybody got some whiskey???  Come on get some!  If you got nothing, get some!  We’ve got to have whiskey for this guy.”  They poured the whole pint in him.  He was suffering….  It took all day and all night… It was 35 to 40 below.  You don’t ever forget those things….”

Grandpa  recalling the train accident South of his farm in 1929

One afternoon   May of 2007 , on a lark I  listened to a  tape I’d made of my Grandpa  from 1999.  He retold several stories from his youth.

After  the tape finished , I got on line  and did a search of Iowa History –    The February 21^st 1921 edition of The Palimpsest came up.

The article described the journey of Marcus L. Hansen and John E. Briggs retracing the route of Old Military Road September of 1920 as they came into my home town.  They  imagined  who else had  traveled the   road….Concord stage coaches,  circuit riding preachers,  dragoon soldiers, immigrant wagons  by the hundreds, even Lyman Dillon, who was famous for  plowing  a furrow to mark the original route in 1839.

As I read Hansen and Brigg’s account 87 years after their walk, it stirred something deep within me-

     As far as I knew, no one else had ever retraced the route on foot since Hansen and Briggs, and if so,  it wasn’t well-known.   I said to my wife, “I think it’s time someone does it again.” 

      That set in motion a series of events.

  The Palimpsest article mentioned Mr Lyman Dillon-

   “In 1839, 147 years ago, Lyman Dillon plowed a furrow from Dubuque to Iowa City.  Reportedly it is the longest furrow ever plowed- almost 100 miles.  Using a prairie breaking plow and five yoke of slow, lumbering, stubborn oxen…”

I tried to imagine Dillon with a breaking plow and 10 oxen cutting a furrow through virgin prairie.  Tall grass prairie  ten feet high- you could loose a man on a horse in it.  black bear, wolves – not to mention Native Americans being crowded off their land.

Hanson and Briggs had retraced Old Military road in 1920.  As far as I knew, no one had done it since, so I said to my wife, I think it’s about time someone does it again…..I chose September of 2008 to retrace  it myself.

I was curious to know what the landscape would have looked like, if any of the original road still existed, and what significant events might have happened along the route.

I became a student of   early Iowa history….

to be continued….

Top 5 Regrets of the dying and why I don’t have them

Granddaughter and friend dancing @  one of our music festivals

I  (DM) celebrated another birthday yesterday.  I still feel  like I’m 28…   I love getting older. (so far at least)  I’m still  physically fit (just ask my 30 yr old daughter Angie about that)   One of the reasons I love life as much as I do can be traced to the following article by Bronnie Ware.  

I don’t have any regrets. Honest.  

Have I messed up on occasion?  Oh yes, very much so. 

Am I perfect?  Not on your life.  Just ask my wife, she’s got lots of dirt on me. 

Have I been the perfect parent? Nope, done some very stupid things on occasion...very

But  I have learned the secret of not wallowing  when I do screw up. 

Nothing gained by self flagellation.

Dust yourself off, and get back in the game.

 Here’s that article.  Let me know what you think.

___________________________________________________________

“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

(That is where having your own bucket list comes into play.  I have actively used one for years, even though I didn’t call it that in the beginning.  If you need any help w/ yours, let me know I’ve taught a workshop on how  to write your own bucket list several times/ gotten some great feedback on it. DM)  You can also read  a portion of my bucket list here.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

(Here’s a blog post I wrote back in 07 that pertains to this regret/ working too much. DM)

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

This post was originally published on Inspiration and Chai.

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently released a full-length book titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing’. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. For more information, please visit Bronnie’s official website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.

_______________________________________________________

Where my mind has been

Long term gardening goals.

That’s where my mind has been.

I would like to raise 90% of what we eat.

Labor free as possible

Organic/ or at least as chemical free

only grow what we will eat and  as much as we will use

I’ve read articles, attended workshops, bought books… everything from  Permaculture gardening, square foot gardening, raised bed gardening,  Ruth Stout and Mulching, composting, organic gardening, self watering container gardening,, hoop buildings, three sisters gardening, earthworm composting…

and I’m still confused.

Here are some random pictures from the last couple of gardening cycles…..

just to get your mind  percolating:

Cortland apple tree in bloom

Heirloom Brandy-wine tomato  Grew this from seed

Close up of pole bean climbing  Mandan Bride corn in our 3 sisters garden patch

Heirloom tomato in bloom

my first attempt @ braiding onions.  Don’t let this picture fool you   they were not very big.

close up of Mandan Bride Heirloom corn  at pollination stage

Another Mandan Bride in pollination.  Didn’t realize there was so much color diversity.

Winter Greens experiment.  The past couple of months  I have been trying to grow Kale in our basement under a grow light.

Kale chips.  (think potato chips, only lighter)   Very easy to make…toss in olive oil, salt lightly, bake @ 250 or 300 for 15 minutes/ until crisp)

Farm fresh eggs.  We have (1) rooster and (2) hens currently

Red Delicious ready for the cooler

Black Futsu squash

Wild grapes behind the barn. ( I didn’t grow them or do anything with them, just

loved the picture and wanted to share)

Mandan Bride drying

Did I mention, I love watch things grow (people too for that matter)

Talk to me about  food, gardening, or  things  related.  DM

____________________________

Update 2/2/2012

Just came across this utube clip…I’m not interested in doing everything they are doing, but at least it gives me an idea how much you can cram in a 4000 sq ft space. Wow….Imagine what a person could do with an acre (43,560 sq ft)

Guess I better start eating more vegetables