Conversation with a Zen Master

Like many Westerners in the late sixties, I wanted to be somewhere else in my religious journey.  Confusion reigned in the kingdom of my mind, and I yearned to construct a framework of understanding that seemed beyond my present cultural tools.  I couldn’t seem to get “there” from “here.”

Zen and its idea of enlightenment appealed to me.  That one might sit very still and empty one’s mind and suddenly be hit by a mighty wave of comprehension beyond words – well, that would do.  Hit me with the big news and let me walk away with a sense of “I get it!”

Took a leave of absence from my dailiness and went off to Japan to get Zenned properly.  Got connected to a temple and a master.  Shaved my head and face, put on the drab grey robe of novitiate, and stood in line to get enlightened.  Figured to become a pretty holy man in pretty short order, like in about six weeks, which was when my return ticket home expired. Right.

But of course it was not to be.  Sitting still gave me hallucinations and cramps, but not enlightenment.  The food gave me diarrhea.  Sleeping on a board gave me a backache.  And my fellow monks treated me like a Western fool, laughing at me behind my back.  It was one of those times when you know enough to realize there’s something everybody but you knows, but you don’t know enough to know exactly what it is you don’t know.

But I did know it was time to leave.

To my surprise, an invitation was extended for an interview with the master of the temple.  Which was like a stock boy being asked to have lunch with the president of the company.

Since it was largely because of his reputation that I had chosen this particular temple, and since he rarely spent time with tourists like me, the master’s invitation seemed a special honor.

Manabu Khohara, Ph. D. in economics from Tokyo University, solver of all Zen koans (mind puzzles) adviser to captains of industry, writer of books, speaker of seven foreign languages, a paradigm of the treat teacher.  Wise, good, respected, accomplished.  If he didn’t have “it” all figured out, then nobody did.

After I was ushered into his private study, we knelt on cushions and bowed our mutual respect.  He out of courtesy and I out of awe.  For a long time he looked at me and into me.

Very deliberately he shifted his weight to one knee, and just as deliberately reached for his backside and scratched himself in a way and in that place your mother told you was a no-no in public.

“I have hemorrhoids.  They hurt and itch.”

There was nothing in my mental manual as to how to reply to such an opening remark.  I kept my mouth shut and pretended to be thoughtful.

“The hemorrhoids come from stress, you know.  From worrying about tourists burning down this firetrap of a temple.  From worrying about trying to get enough funding from businessmen to keep it in repair.  From arguing with my wife and children, who are not as holy” – he smiled – as I am.  And from despairing over the quality of the lazy young fools who want to be priests nowadays.  Sometimes I think I would like to get a little place in Hawaii and just play golf for the rest of my life.”

He leaned to one side and scratched himself again.

“It was this way before I was “enlightened” you know.  And now it is the same after enlightenment.”

A long pause while he silently gave me time to consider his words and actions.

Rising, he motioned me to follow him to the entrance alcove of the temple, and we stood before an ancient scroll I had often passed.  He said it was time for me to go home, where he felt I had been a “thirsty man looking for a drink and all the while standing knee- deep in a flowing stream.”  Yes…..

from the book It was On Fire When I lay Down on it.  by Robert Fughum

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DM here   Grant Wood (artist of American Gothic fame)  grew up just a stones throw from where we live.  He traveled all over the world studying the masters of paint  and palate . Eventually he  returned home to Iowa, formed an artist colony and painted profusely until the day he died.

I love that line  “thirsty man looking for a drink and all the while standing knee- deep in a flowing stream.”

Someone once told me if I had to go somewhere else in order to be happy..it wouldn’t take long and I wouldn’t be happy there either.

We tend to take our baggage with us.

American Gothic  DM Style

18 hours

 

I had something happen this past Friday that was a first…before I tell you what happened, a little background:

I got a two month remodeling  job this Spring on a handshake.  (I’m a building contractor)

When   Mark asked me if I’d be interested in the project,  he  didn’t even ask me my hourly rate.

Just told me I had the job if I wanted it.

I’ve never worked for him before, but my brother and Uncle have.

As I was putting together my  bill last Friday,  I realized I had made a simple mathematical mistake two weeks previous  and short changed myself over 18 man hours.

As I pondered my options, my first thought was, I am going to have to tell him what happened.
It was the end of the day and the home owners son stopped by  the job site with a blank check. I had quickly totaled up our hours  for the past 3 weeks, plus some extra material expenses.  I made two copies of the invoice and hadn’t given it another thought…now here I was 2 weeks later, realizing my mistake.

I tried to put myself in his shoes….he had paid me my first check/ no questions asked….

Now if I had hired someone by the hour  and 2 weeks later he came up to me with his next bill,  told me  .I owed him an additional  18 man hours  from the previous billing cycle  because he had made a mathematical mistake,

I would pay him, but it would have leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Now I know there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t think twice about demanding the additional money, even though it was their mistake.

In the end, I decided to chalk this up to the school of hard knocks and not tell the home- owner.

If you were in my shoes what would you have done?]

Now think about it from the customer’s perspective…

The exciting thing for me in all of this, I am not beating myself up.

This isn’t the first time  I have said or done something that ends up costing me hundreds of dollars….

I told my son John on Saturday, I choose to look at it like I just paid some  tuition for a summer class in college.

Any suggestions on the name of the class?

pouring a floor

Thanks for leaving a comment if you’re so inclined.   DM

It started with a look

“So who do you think are some of the hot girls in your class?” I remember asking my brother Steve one night as we were going to bed.  He was 13 and I was 14.

We never talked about that sort of thing but for some reason that night, we did.

One of the girls in his class that especially caught my eye was  the doctor’s daughter.   Long dark hair, cute smile.  friendly…

whoa…….

Yep, he agreed, she definitely needed to be on the   a ” hottie” list 

But since she was a year younger than I, and I was  shy,  (I would get tongue tied any time I found myself in the presence of a pretty girl,)

the odds of me going out on a date were slim to none.

Flash forward 2 years.

Our highschool combined the 9th through 12 grade classes into adviser groups for morning attendance.  Imagine my rush of excitement  when I realized  I’d been assigned the same group as that girl who had caught my eye as far back as 6th grade..    She didn’t have a clue as to my feelings because I couldn’t for the life of me, begin to have a simple conversation with her.

One day in study hall, that girl and her friend Mary were working on their Spanish home work.  The three of us were sitting at a round table together and one of them asked me a question…  heart beating wildly in my chest, I said something.  I’d actually had a short conversation with not one, but two pretty girls

Over the next several days I relived that  moment again and again.

I was coming upon my 16th birthday.

I   was locked  in a life and death internal battle with  a monster….

Fear

A Fear Monster

Ever hear of one of those?  Me neither

You’ll have to take my word for it, they are just as real, even though they are invisible to the naked eye.

If you ever have the misfortune to be inhabited by one, you’ll know it.

He ruled my inner world …  merciless.

The Monster of fear that ruled my life into adulthood.

I was trapped between this monster and the thought that unless I somehow escaped his grip I would spend the rest of my life single and alone….

and I didn’t want to be alone.. 

This monster guarded the door to the cave in which I lived….

and the only way out was past him.

I devised a plan.

I would call this young lady up on the phone.

Ask her if she would like to go on  a date?

a movie…

Summoning up the nerve to make that phone call took a  few days.

I can still remember the shaking of my fingers as I dialed her number….

She was home,  we talked.  Said she would go to the movie with me.

Went to the movie…

had a nice time.  Took her  home.

The next Monday at school, she came up behind me in the lunch line.

I panicked.  The Fear monster was still calling the shots.

I looked @ this girl of my dreams, mumbled something, excused myself and walked out the door of the lunch room.

She had no idea what had just happened, and wouldn’t know until years later.

We didn’t talk for the next 5 years.

I’d see her cruising around with different guys and kick myself.

After I graduated high school, my buddy Chuck and I stopped by a little pizza joint…This same girl waited on our table.

Chuck knew about my panic attack with her back in the day. Jokingly he says to me…“If you don’t ask her out, I will.”

and the rest is history….

Thirty three years, and four beautiful children later,

she is still my wife and best friend….

Today is Father’s Day 2012.

I’ve told this story before.

If you’re someone who get’s tongue tied when you’re in the presence of the opposite sex, I get it.

I totally get it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Some girls find that very attractive. ( and there are nice guys who find a shy girl attractive as well)

Find a friend,  get some counseling…don’t give up.

It is possible to escape the cave ruled by the Monster of Fear.

I’m living proof.

If you need help getting out, drop me a line.

I will do everything in my power to get you out.

While you can…

“The Greeks didn’t write obituaries when someone died…they just asked one question….”Did he have passion?”  From the Movie Serendipity

50 Things to do before you die

In 1999 I read an  article in Reader’s Digest  that changed my life.   It was called “50 Things to do before you die”

Wendy Swallow Williams, the author  suggested  writing a list of things you’d  like to see happen.

This was 10 years before The Bucket List  craze.

Anything could be on the list.

It revealed much about the person.

As you would write the list, don’t  let money be a factor; just take some time to dream.  Before you die, If God would make a way, what are fifty things you’d like to do?

Maybe you’d like to take a trip…or several trips.

Maybe you’d  like to learn how to play the piano or ride in a helicopter.

Maybe you’d take a 6 month extended trip across the United States and see people and places.

The key was  to take some quiet time and let your mind dream.  Wendy  had listed several places she wanted to visit, skills she wanted to acquire, etc.

I spent some time and identified 25 things I wanted to  do…if you’ve never done this sort of thing before, it is not as easy as it sounds.

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It’s been 13 years since that first list…here is a portion of  my current list:

1.  Take a cross country motorcycle trip

(I did end up getting an 800 CC Suzuki  Intruder/  got my license…rode it for a couple of years then changed my mind…too many people locally were getting killed on bikes.  I’m not so concerned about dying.  It’s getting into a motorcycle accident and living the rest of my life in a wheel chair...that concerned  me.

2.  Work on a potter’s wheel   (done)

3.  Take a trip to Ireland

4,  Write a book   (done)

5.   Run the mile without stopping

6.  Learn how to swim

7.  Take an extended trip (several months if possible) across the US and see people and places

8.  Record a song  (done)

9. Take a painting class  (done)

10.  Have a Bed and breakfast  (done)

11.  Speak in front of a large crowd  (I’m thinking @ least 5000 ) (I love to push that fear envelope)

12. Take a class in self -defense  (done)

13.  Learn how to make wine

14.  Visit Germany,  the areas of our family’s heritage

15.  Visit New Zealand

16.  Host an outdoor concert among our apple trees (done)…(  and we’ve had 7 of them since I first wrote this list)

17.  Be totally out of debt including our mortgage ( 99% done on this one)

18.  Go whitewater rafting, (done)

19.  Float down our local river until it connects to the Mississippi River.

20 .  Take up kayaking w/ my wife

21. learn to fence (as in swords)

22. sing or perform in a band or music group that sounds excellent

23.  plant apple trees and beautify our grounds (done)

24.  get up close to a gorilla/ look into his eyes.

25. ride 1 day @ least in RAGBRAI  (it is a week long bike ride across Iowa)

26. not be overweight and keep it off  (I dropped 35 pounds 2 years ago/ got too thin/ I’m just 5 pounds above where I’d like to be currently)

27. complete a Narnia display  on our property complete with a wardrobe and false back door leading into the woods

28. learn how to play fiddle

29.  scuba dive with tanks

30.  get a really good camera w/ a zoom and close up lens so I can perfect my picture taking abilities

31.  grow 75% of our own food

32. learn how to butcher a large animal

33. visit Muir Woods

34.  Ride the train from Saint Paul to  Seattle too see friends

35.  Take a road trip down the coast of Oregon from Seattle into California

Hopefully you’ll not come away with the thought I’m advocating  a ‘health, wealth, and prosperity gospel” because I’m not.  On the other hand, some of us have gone to the other extreme, thinking it would be nonspiritual to have such a list.

As much as anything, my bucket list has enriched my life 10 fold.  It has allowed me to channel my energy (passion) for life and see tangible fruit.

My mother-in-law was in her mid 60′s when she passed away.  She told me just a few years before she died of brain cancer not to wait until I was her age to travel and do those things she’d always wanted to do but never seemed to find the time or money to pull off.   Her husband (my father-in law) and already died @ this point..he was in his early 60′s when he’d died….so at the time of my conversation with her, she was planning a trip to Ireland with a girl friend…

      “Doug, she said, do those things  you want to do while you can…there  is no guarantee you’ll be able to  later….look at me..Jack and I planned to travel and do these things when he retired…we never made it….”

That conversation gave me permission to pursue my life with even more passion, if that is possible…

 Someone with passion

I know I could decieve her…

…”A few years ago I had been away from home for many weeks on a long trip and had been with people constantly.  I was desperate3 to get away from people for a while.  So when I got on the plane I sat in an aisle seat.  The middle seat was vacant and the window seat was occupied by a young woman.  As we waited for the plane to take off,  I retreated as deeply as possible into a book I was carrying.  It was purely an anti-social maneuver.  But my traveling companion wanted to talk.  She asked, ” What are you reading?”

“A book,” I replied.

“What is the name of it?” she asked.

“Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz,” I said.

“Do you study psychology?”

“No”

Everything was monosyllables.  By then the engines were running and we were beginning to taxi down the runway.  She kept at it.  I had a head cold and could hardly hear.  Finally, I closed the book and moved to the vacant seat between us, and we began to converse.

I soon realized what she really had in mind was to find a companion.  Going straight to the point, I said, ” I travel a lot and many times I am lonely.  I often encounter temptations to be unfaithful to my wife.  But I’ve decided it’s not worth it.  I know I could deceive her, but the basis of our relationship is our mutual love and confidence.  She trusts me, and I trust her.

I’ve lived long enough to realize that meaning in life is not found in seeing what I can get away with, or in bigger achievements, or in a position, or in how my leisure time is spent.  I’ve learned that meaning is found in relationships.  Consequently, I don’t intend to destroy the best relationship I have.  If I came home having been unfaithful to my wife, even though she might not perceive it, and even though I could keep it from her, I’d know.  She would come to me with her blind confidence and I’d have to somehow create a distance between us.  We’d be pulled apart and she would never know why.  Soon we would be strangers living together under the same roof.”

The ones who would pay most heavily would be my wife and children.  That strikes me as the height of selfishness.”

She was dumbfounded!~

Then she began to open up.  She said, “I”m twenty-four years old.  I ought to be getting married, but all my married friends have affairs and if that’s the way it is, I don’t want it.  When my friends go away for the weekend, their husbands are soon knocking at my door.  They are like little boys.  I just don’t think I could handle it if my husband were like that.”

Then she added, “I’ve never heard ideas like yours.  Where do they come from?”

“You’d laugh if I told you.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” she said.

“I got them from the Bible,” I said.  I went on to explain to her what the Christian message is and how it changes a person so he can get his life in order.  By then we were about to land.  What frustration!  We were in the middle of my explanation.  She was intensely interested in every word, but we had to quit.

As the passengers moved into the aisle, I let her go on ahead.  When I came off a bit later and walked up the concourse, I passed her standing with a circle of about ten of her friends who had come to meet her.  They were the ones she had told me about on the plane.  She stopped me and made the rounds of introductions.  I stood there for at least ten minutes while she related our conversation to them. …

excerpt from a book by Jim Peterson

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I (DM) have been chewing on this book the past couple of days.

What does  trust look like in  a marriage relationship?

Integrity…

Who am I when no one is looking?

Priorities….What are the most important things  in my life?

Temptations…

Internet relationships…

Dad

Old newspaper clipping  dad running a transit

Dad worked  the equivalent of 2 full time jobs  all the while  I was growing up.

I don’t remember seeing much of him except on the weekends.

It wasn’t until  mom had a run in with cancer that priorities and family patterns started changing.

Definitely never heard “I love you” or  “I’m proud of you” those early years.   though I’m sure both were true…we just weren’t a verbal / “touchy -feely” family.  I didn’t really know what a hug was until I married into my wife’s family.

It wasn’t until I was  in my early 40′s that dad asked if he could take me out for breakfast on my birthday.

It was a stretch.

The only thing we felt comfortable talking about those first few birthdays  was work.

That year, Dad began taking all of my siblings out when our birthday’s rolled around.   He  wanted to invest in  and regain some of the ground lost from our youth.   A few years later, my siblings and I decided it would be good to take him out for breakfast on his birthday.

Siblings taking dad out for his birthday

Yesterday we had a surprise  party for his 80th birthday.  The four of us kids invited  people  he had worked with over the years to a buffet at the local truck stop.

He didn’t see it coming

 yesterday morning

I’m feeling nostalgic today….can you tell?

Here are some random things I’ve picked up from my dad.

#1  “Retirement is not in my vocabulary”  He is still working, though not quite as intensely as he did 10 years ago.  He was pouring concrete walls last Saturday morning with  my uncles crew at a dairy set up.  He loves what he does (farms 240 acres of ground and part-time  construction.)  Do what you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life

#2  “Look people in the eye when you talk to them, and have a firm hand shake.“  Yep.  If you ever meet me in person, expect both.  I got both of those traits from my dad.

#3  It is possible to love the same woman your whole life time.

Mom and dad celebrated 55 years together last Fall…and they still like each other.

#4   Real men have a spiritual dimension to their lives.     He is not just a “go through the motion” type  of guy.

I’ve watched him   wrestle with what  it means to bring your faith with you to the construction arena.

#5  I’ve definitely picked up the  “farming bug” and love for animal  from my dad.

#6 Heart of mercy.  Yep, got that one from him for sure. I remember one time, our family dog had taken a liking to fresh chicken. ie.  he got into the chicken house and killed several hens.   Dad took the dog out behind the barn to put him down…cause once a chicken killer/ always a chicken killer…that’s just how it works.   Dad came back in the house a few minutes later and said. he just didn’t have the heart to shoot the dog…it just sat there on its haunches, looking him in the eyes,  with a guilty look.

#7  “Your word is your bond.  If you tell somebody something, then by golly, you need to follow through on it.”  In the mid 1970′s  one of the local banks in our community decided to build .  It was built on a handshake between dad and the bank president.  I’m serious.  Things are still done around here on a handshake on occasion.

#8  If you win every job you bid, then you’re probably too low.   Profit is not a dirty word.  Regardless of what the politically correct crowd would have you believe today.

#9 Attitude.   There is power in a positive attitude….and I DO have some control on what I allow my mind to think on.

I remember dad reading Norman Vincent Peal’s book, the Power of Positive thinking….to this day, those thoughts are with me.

#10   Hair is sooooooooooo  over rated.  I’ve got my receding hair line from my dad and by the look of things, have passed it on to my son.

It’s never too late to set some new patterns in your life.   Even in your 70′s and 80′s you can do it if you want.  You really can.

Well, it feels like it’s about time for my power nap.   DM

What’s under YOUR grow light? ;-)

Do you know what’s more fun than growing weed in your basement?

Heirloom tomatoes!

Why? Because

A.  they’re  legal

and B.

Instead of  only being able to choose from a dozen  varieties at your local garden center, you can choose from several hundred  different varieties of tomatoes.

In  March I started two trays of Brandy wine’s  in our basement:

Brandy wine tomatoes @ 8 weeks.

My Mom reminded me a couple of weeks ago  to set them out  a few hours  a day, a  couple of weeks before   sticking them in the ground.

(The process is called “hardening”)

Different gardeners use different technique but basically, the idea is to introduce  your young plants  to the forces of nature gradually.

…if you don’t, the first good wind and they’ll all snap off.

I set them on the east side of our house, next to the compost pile.  It’s kind of sheltered there and out of direct sun light.

They were still  pretty beat up by the end of the first day.

I  put them back  under the grow light, and within a couple of days, they  started to recover.

It reminded me of a true story I’d read about  few years ago.  The mature trees in an arboretum  mysteriously began falling over.  What they eventually discovered was this….because the trees had grown up inside, in such a sheltered environment,  they had never experienced adversity.  As they matured, the cell structure in the trees was so weak they collapsed under their own weight.

I’ve been thinking about that all day today.

The  relationship between adversity and personal growth.

As much as I hate adversity, I know  that a certain amount of it can actually be good for me.

Right now, I’m roofing a 2 story farm-house.

At the end of the day I come home mentally exhausted.

I am  responsible  not only for my own  safety, but the safety of two other men.

We are installing a new type of metal roof.

So in addition to  safety concerns, I’m also dealing with a learning curve.

(At the end of the day, that roof better not leak, or you know who’s phone is going to be ringing the first time it rains….)

Did I mention, I hate heights

Yep, a carpenter who hates heights…go figure….

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Went to a walk-a-thon 3 weeks ago for our grandson Rigg.   One of the disabilities he has been identified with is Angelman’s Syndrome.

My daughter deals with adversity and stress    24/7

One of the songs playing  in the back ground at the walk-a-thon was a song by Kelly Clarkson…..

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…”

When I was watching that video tonight.  it reminded me of one of my blogging friends

If you’ve been a reader here for any length of time, you know one of my few pet peeves is  religious people who spew out “trite platitudes”

If you ever see me in a receiving line at a funeral home..I want to warn you in advance..don’t..and I repeat, don’t  mumble some trite platitude to comfort me.

It won’t be pretty.

I say that here because undoubtedly someone at some point, is going to read this post and think I’m spouting off simplistic trite platitudes in response to the  adversity and suffering life can sometimes dish out.

Not on your life.

Some of the tomatoes I started out with  didn’t make it.

Others are still alive..

barely….

Here are some pictures of the ones  still standing  tonight:

Brandy wine tomato thick and healthy stalk  starting to bloom

Notice how robust that stem is

Down but not out

Broken and starting over

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my “stuff”   DM

Some of last years crop

The Dance

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.  the old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.  He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.  The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, ” Hey old man, have you ever danced?”]

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I have never did dance…never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna dance now.”and started shooting at the old man’s feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.  Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.  The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.  The crowd stopped laughing immediately.  The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.  The silence was almost deafening.  The crowd watched as the young gunslinger stared at the old-timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.  The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, and he quietly said, “Son, have you ever licked a mule’s @%$?

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No sir, but…..I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here…

* Never be arrogant

* Don’t waste ammunition

*Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are

*Always, always make sure you know who has the power

*Don’t mess with old men, they didn’t get old by being stupid.

 

 

I just love a story with a happy ending, don’t you?

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       I (DM) was scrolling through  the archives on  my other blog this morning.  I normally try not to have too much over-lap, but will make an exception once in a while.  I originally got this one from my buddy Jim .

Story reminds me of a movie we watched a year or so ago that definitely had an edge to it.. Grand Torino.  Now before you watch this clip..couple of comments..

#1 It’s got some profanity  in it.

#2 It’s got some racial slurs in it.

I personally try not to use too many dirty words @ this point in my life/ although if you really tick me off, you might hear something. Secondly, when we lived in New Jersey,  I had a  good friend named Everett.  He was a young black man coming off the street of Paterson.  He ended up asking me to be the best man in his wedding.

I hate prejudice.

If you can look past those two issues,  go ahead and check out this clip. It is a snapshot of what it’s like in some corners of the hood.  Always good idea to pay attention to where you’re at and handle yourself accordingly.