It started with a look

“So who do you think are some of the hot girls in your class?” I remember asking my brother Steve one night as we were going to bed.  He was 13 and I was 14.

We never talked about that sort of thing but for some reason that night, we did.

One of the girls in his class that especially caught my eye was  the doctor’s daughter.   Long dark hair, cute smile.  friendly…

whoa…….

Yep, he agreed, she definitely needed to be on the   a ” hottie” list 

But since she was a year younger than I, and I was  shy,  (I would get tongue tied any time I found myself in the presence of a pretty girl,)

the odds of me going out on a date were slim to none.

Flash forward 2 years.

Our highschool combined the 9th through 12 grade classes into adviser groups for morning attendance.  Imagine my rush of excitement  when I realized  I’d been assigned the same group as that girl who had caught my eye as far back as 6th grade..    She didn’t have a clue as to my feelings because I couldn’t for the life of me, begin to have a simple conversation with her.

One day in study hall, that girl and her friend Mary were working on their Spanish home work.  The three of us were sitting at a round table together and one of them asked me a question…  heart beating wildly in my chest, I said something.  I’d actually had a short conversation with not one, but two pretty girls

Over the next several days I relived that  moment again and again.

I was coming upon my 16th birthday.

I   was locked  in a life and death internal battle with  a monster….

Fear

A Fear Monster

Ever hear of one of those?  Me neither

You’ll have to take my word for it, they are just as real, even though they are invisible to the naked eye.

If you ever have the misfortune to be inhabited by one, you’ll know it.

He ruled my inner world …  merciless.

The Monster of fear that ruled my life into adulthood.

I was trapped between this monster and the thought that unless I somehow escaped his grip I would spend the rest of my life single and alone….

and I didn’t want to be alone.. 

This monster guarded the door to the cave in which I lived….

and the only way out was past him.

I devised a plan.

I would call this young lady up on the phone.

Ask her if she would like to go on  a date?

a movie…

Summoning up the nerve to make that phone call took a  few days.

I can still remember the shaking of my fingers as I dialed her number….

She was home,  we talked.  Said she would go to the movie with me.

Went to the movie…

had a nice time.  Took her  home.

The next Monday at school, she came up behind me in the lunch line.

I panicked.  The Fear monster was still calling the shots.

I looked @ this girl of my dreams, mumbled something, excused myself and walked out the door of the lunch room.

She had no idea what had just happened, and wouldn’t know until years later.

We didn’t talk for the next 5 years.

I’d see her cruising around with different guys and kick myself.

After I graduated high school, my buddy Chuck and I stopped by a little pizza joint…This same girl waited on our table.

Chuck knew about my panic attack with her back in the day. Jokingly he says to me…“If you don’t ask her out, I will.”

and the rest is history….

Thirty three years, and four beautiful children later,

she is still my wife and best friend….

Today is Father’s Day 2012.

I’ve told this story before.

If you’re someone who get’s tongue tied when you’re in the presence of the opposite sex, I get it.

I totally get it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Some girls find that very attractive. ( and there are nice guys who find a shy girl attractive as well)

Find a friend,  get some counseling…don’t give up.

It is possible to escape the cave ruled by the Monster of Fear.

I’m living proof.

If you need help getting out, drop me a line.

I will do everything in my power to get you out.

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Tags: attitude, Christianity, fear, loneliness, low self esteem, personal, relationships, self esteem, sex, shyness