A Sarlacc
Jason and I were talking about the people in our lives who” suck the energy out of us” on Friday.
He has a neighbor lady who comes over to their house every couple of weeks and whines about her husband, whines about her health, whines about life…
“I know exactly what you’re talking about” he said, when you talk about an “energy sucker.”
“When I used to work @ Acme Rental, there were a couple of women who were like that.
I coined a term for them.
I called them “Sarlaccs”
“How did you come up with that?” I said with a smirk.
Remember the Star Wars Movie…Return of the Jedi? There was a scene where Jabba the Hut was going to throw Luke into a pit in the desert where he would slowly have the life sucked out of him for 10,000 years?”
That pit was called the “Sarlacc”
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Doesn’t seem very loving to call someone a “sarlacc” I can just hear someone say..
Well, talking for 3 hours nonstop and not having any interest in what the other person has to say isn’t very loving either.
I can’t for the life of me see Jesus standing there for 3 hours while someone droned on and on about all their problems.
My wife has tended to be one of those people who will allow that “energy sucking person” to go on and on. She has not known how to get disentangled from the “monologue” without being rude…..whether it’s on the phone or in the flesh.
But she’s getting better. 
We’ve had to do some roll playing, and an occasional pep talk.
As I survey the landscape of my life, there are (7) Sarlac personality types in my general orbit.
I refuse to get trapped in the same room with any of them.
6 out of the 8 are men.
I can’t change them.
And they are just as needy at the end of any monologue…notice I keep using the word monologue..you don’t have a conversation with a Sarlacc.
When I was younger, I thought if I invested a little time and TLC in Dave’s life, I could help get him back on track spiritually.
Lots of active listening and lots of chocolate milk…
At the time we were living next door to the county care facility. Dave was just a couple of years older than I. He wasn’t retarded so I wasn’t quite sure what a young man like that was doing living in the county poor house.
We would get together every Monday night for an hour or two while Dave sucked me dry….all in the name of ” love.”
He never changed.
He was an opportunist
Last I knew, he had been charged with doing some inappropriate things with a couple of minors.
I still have a soft spot in my heart for hurting broken people so I’m not completely jaded 
One of the Sarlacc’s in my life invited us over for dinner…It’s probably been 7 or 8 years ago now.
talk talk talk
talk talk talk.
Even after I said we had to leave , it was another 45 minutes before we were able to get to the car.
Do you think I’ll ever go to their house again for a meal?
Not on your life.
Do you have any “sarlacc” people in your life?
Do you have any pointers on how to relate to them without completely shutting them out ?
Is it genetic?
Is it just the fact they are completely self centered and love to hear themselves talk or is there more to it?
Tags: attitude, clingly people, counseling, Life, mental-health, ministry, needy people, people pleasing, relationships, thoughts
October 21, 2012 at 6:05 am |
I know one who isn’t completely self centered, but sucks the life out of me anyway. When I offer her advice, she lets it go in one ear and out the other. I always feel like I’m wasting my time. And sadly, I think I May have been one myself before Christ. I don’t know what to do about her. I mostly avoid her these days. Sad.
that would really be challenging…trapped on a boat w/ a sarlacc 
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She’s not on the ship with you is she?
October 21, 2012 at 8:04 am |
I love this! I call them “energy vampires.” I have many in my orbit but, like you and your wife, I’ve learned how to manage them instead of having them manage me. How? Realizing that I am not here to solve their issues. There was a time I tried… maybe because that fulfilled a need in me. A need to be needed perhaps? Time went on, nothing changed, and my ears grew weary of those one-sided friendships. I tried something uncharacteristic for me … I stepped away. They didn’t step forward. Lesson learned.
Brilliant post!
MJ
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Thanks MJ> always enjoy getting your perspective! DM
October 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm |
I love this!
I have a number of sarlaccs in my life. I think they are everywhere. I have an overwhelming inclination to try to fix and love the pulp out of most people, so like your wife, I often struggle with getting out of those situations. I am getting better at setting boundaries, making defined time limits and being clear on them.
I have a very close friend who borders on sarlacc from time to time and is one for many others. I find we have a relationship such that I can be very open and honest and sometimes just say “you are being too self focused here” or “we need to talk about something else.” It sounds heartless, but the friend is aware of their struggles in this area (in some ways) and how much it impacts others. We have a friendship is a two-way street understanding. At least we try to make it that way.
I think some sarlaccs are not just self-centered, but have other deeper rooted issues that make them the way they are, like poor past relationships, issues with anxiety or grasping social cues.
But yes, some people are just plain needy and draining.
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Glad this one made sense…after I wrote it I began to second guess myself wondering if what I said made sense. (then the ratings started coming in on the blogowogo website and I knew I had. DM
October 23, 2012 at 9:40 am |
First of all, you used a Star Wars reference so I automatically had to read this post and “like it” I’m a huge Star Wars nerd….Anyway! the Sarlaccs are not as bad as the “Rancors” in my life. I have about 5 in my life and 4 of them are women. One guy. This is something I really struggle with and have written about often. I tend to be the type of person who attracts the “life suckers”, which I call “Leeches” in my life…. Luckily for me, my best friend is a bit of a jerk to people…(she openly admits it too lol) She will tell me “Suzannah you absolutely cannot answer that phone call, so-and-so just wants to whine. Do not answer it.” I’ll feel like crap for a minute but later I’ll thank her and wish I had done that with everyone else who bothered me that week. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with my “friends” who are actually just using me for free counseling…Which then my best friend jokes that I don’t get “paid enough” for giving free therapy to those “friends”….I think some people attract these life leeches and have the misfortune of having them follow you around for years…(I am one of those people who definitely attract them)
Anyways, wonderful post!
-Sue
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Thanks Sue..always good to hear from you! DM
October 24, 2012 at 6:34 am |
Great Post! I used to have a LOT of Sarlaccs in my life; but years ago I started holding up all of my relationships to the light and if they were plain old draining, I made myself a lot less accessible…What can make it easy to make the right moves, for me, is to start considering my own (potential) resentment as a kind of sin….i.e., if it gets to the point that the other person can sense my resentment or anger towards them, then I have just nullified every kindness that was involved in my listening to begin with. Alternatively, if OTHER people in my life Start to get the short end of the stick. ALSO, if I become “less present” for people in my life who I OWE my attention to…family friends I have more reciprocal relationships with, an employer, myself, or even God–because I let myself be drained by a Sarlacc…well then, again, I have done more hurt than help. Knowing what I just said is true, deep down, makes cutting off long conversations, not stopping to talk, etc., easier and more automatic… anyway, re the really obvious energy draining people, who seem to go on and on…I think some of them just don’t have enough people in their lives to listen. I know I am capable of talking for an hour straight to my husband; but he loves me enough, thank goodness, to find me interesting…or, at least as frequently, he proves he loves me by listening even when he really isn’t finding me interesting! I figure, if someone really needs that shotnof “someone cares!” and they aren’t lucky enough to have a significant other, or a mom, then sometimes, particularly if they are really low, I can serve that function, and help them get through one more day…but other times, no. Mostly, if I can see them with compassion, I can listen…but as soon as the irritation surpasses the love….well, I can’t be that person anymore, go find someone else…..
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Hi Lisa, thanks for stopping by the blog! thinking about your family as the Hurricane comes to town in the big apple DM