“Check on me in a half hour.” I told my wife this morning.
I planned to knock down 20 feet of rock wall on our 130 old barn.
The barn was built in the 1880′s. I can still see broad ax marks on many of the supporting beams.
As a builder, I am in awe at the type of workmanship that went into this barn . Last September, I noticed the rock wall on the North side starting to lean. I knew if I didn’t do something about the rock wall soon, it was going to collapse.
As I tore into the rock wall , my mind went back to that season in our lives where we lived in a Christian community. For 18 months…. even though we had our own apartments, we shared a common kitchen with two other young families. Boy was that an experience. 
Imagine 3 different households trying to coordinate meal times, grocery shopping, and parking. There were some intense moments….
(plus some great memories)
One of the most valuable life skills that came out of that season in my life was learning how to address issues instead of simply ignoring them. Not only did I learn how to address and work through conflict with the other people in our building, we learned how to work through conflict in our marriage, with our children, and on the job.
Our children are now adults. I can see the fruit of conflict resolution skills in their lives 20 years later. They are much quicker to address things in their relationships than most of their peers.
Going back to that barn I was working on this morning, I couldn’t help but see some parallels to that time in our lives….
#1 Sometimes it can get pretty messy when I first wade into a problem.
#2 The bigger the issue, the more time and energy I will probably have to expend.
#3 When I ignore a problem, it doesn’t mean it will somehow magically fix itself…all I am doing is postponing a bigger problem for later…
guaranteed
#4 Living life this way (addressing problems instead of ignoring them) has made my life so much richer… I prefer relationships based on reality instead of walking around on egg shells.
Another example….
Several years ago now, we were attending a church with a single man who had “emotional issues.”
Long story short, he started wanting to hug my teen age daughters every week. (Not the older women mind you, just the young ones). I approached the pastor and said, he was making my daughters uncomfortable and someone needed to say something to him privately or I would do it myself.
The hugging stopped.
One last story…
Healthy conflict resolution skills were NOT taught or practiced in my family of origin..
They were not part of the family business I grew up in either.
I’ve refused to play along with the passive aggressive mind games and as a result, I am the black sheep.
Well, it’s about time to eat..better wrap this one up….
Thoughts, comments, questions?
As always, thanks for stopping by the blog! DM
Tags: anger, Christianity, conflict, conflict resolution, faith, Gilgal Bible Chapel West Milford NJ, house church, marriage, personal, relationships, spirituality, thoughts
October 31, 2012 at 6:34 pm |
I like what you write when you write it, DM — heartfelt, honest, and to-the-point. Like you, I try to address situations that bug me .. sometimes I do avoid them but, after enough pondering, I usually find a way to make myself clear.
My family of origin does not communicate well at all; there’s a lot of fake politeness so as to never address a real issue. There’s a lot of talking about and around but rarely ever at. Everyone’s too busy trying to be “nice” and what really happens is … nothing. It makes me crazed. I love them but I really can hardly stand being around them. I know, it is hard to say that out loud.
Wonderful post!
sometimes I start to second guess myself after posting something DM
MJ
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thanks MJ! I appreciate your affirmation
November 2, 2012 at 8:01 am |
I need to learn how to communicate with people. Conflict resolution is one of my biggest issues right now. Instead of telling people how I feel, I eat my anger and it festers until I explode into tears. The problem I have is not liking a characteristic of somebody else and turning that into judgement which leads to anger in my heart. It isn’t even necessarily a wrong done to me. How do I stop doing THAT? have issues, but don’t we all?