Archive for the ‘attitude’ Category

Writer’s block

June 15, 2013

Dear Linda,

(or whomever else feels inclined to weigh in on this conversation)
 I had a writing question for you, that you may (or may not) be able to answer.
 
I am finding myself with a large case of “writers block”
It feels like I’m  mentally constipated.
 
There is a lot of ” stuff” (material for blog posts)  starting to pile up, but I am finding it increasingly more difficult to get it out.
 
As I alluded to in one of my recent blog posts, we have a writer staying with us (has been now for about 2 months)  We’ve had some fun conversations about writing in general as well as me watching her wrestle with putting together some writing projects of her own.
 
So I’m second guessing anything I would want to post.   Sentence structure, improper punctuation, you name it.  I struggled with grammar back in 9th grade.  The rules  of writing (to me) feel like trying to grasp a foreign language.  It is like trying to understand a bunch of squiggly lines on a page.  It just doesn’t make sense to me.
 
An additional problem it seems is I am not motivated (enough) to master those same rules
Hence = writers block.
 
I did begin the habit of keeping a personal writing journal in the morning.  I get up, start writing, and some pretty neat stuff has come tumbling out of my brain.  Still in it’s raw unedited form but good stuff never the less.
 
So there is a part of me that thinks, I do have some level of writing ability.  Not going to quit my day job, but it is an activity I do enjoy.
 
So, any help, suggestions, direction, affirmations would be greatly appreciated.
 
Signed,
 
I’m stuck
 
ps,  I would love to hear from any of you that are already subscribers to this blog.  What was it initially that drew you  enough to my blog that you wanted to subscribe?  I’m curious because the answer to that may help me to identify who I really am as a writer.  I loath pretense and work really hard to “keep it real” when I communicate.  What is it in my blog posts that you enjoy (or appreciate)  Danka.  DM
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Buffalo Tavern

May 4, 2013

April 17th  a young singer/ songwriter/ poet moved into our B and B suite for  3 months. .  It has been so enjoyable to have her in the mix.  Last week she wanted to  watch “The Voice” on NBC.   That sounds like a simple enough  request, but since watching TV is not a priority around here, I had my doubts that the rabbit eared contraption would be able to deliver.  Both the wife and I would much rather read a good book, or spend time in deep conversation.

If you ever come to visit, bring a favorite book and read me a chapter ;-)

Below is one of my favorite stories from one of my favorite authors, Robert Fulghum:

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One Portion Of A Minister’s Lot concerns the dying and the dead.  The hospital room, the mortuary, the funeral service, the cemetery.  What I know of such things shapes my life elsewhere in particular ways.  What I know of such things explains why I don’t waste much life time mowing grass or washing cars or raking leaves or making beds or shining shoes or washing dishes.  It explains why I don’t honk at people who are slow to move at green lights.  And why I don’t kill spiders.  There isn’t time or need for all this.  What I know of cemeteries and such also explains why I sometimes visit the Buffalo Tavern.

     The Buffalo Tavern is, in essence, mongrel America.  Boiled down and stuffed into the Buffalo on a  Saturday night, the fundamental elements achieve a critcal mass around eleven.  The catalyst is the favorite house band, the Dynamic Volcanic Logs.  Eight freaks frozen in the amber vibes of the sixties.  Playing stomp-hell rockabilly with enough fervor to heal the lame and halt.  Mongrel America comes to the Buffalo to drink beer, shoot pool, and dance.  Above all, to dance.  To shake their tails and stomp frogs and get rowdy and holler and sweat and dance.  When it’s Saturday night and the Logs are rocking and the crowd is rolling, there’s no such thing as death.

     One such night the Buffalo was invaded by a motorcycle club, trying hard to look like the Hell’s Angels and doing pretty good at it too.  I don’t think these people were in costume for a movie.  And neither they nor their ladies smelled like soap-and-water was an important part of their lives on anything like a daily basis.  Following along behind them was an Indian-an older man, with braids, beaded vest, army surplus pants, and tennis shoes.  He was really ugly.  Now I’m fairly resourceful with words, and would give you a flashy description of this man’s face if it would help, but there is no way around it-he looked, in a word, ugly.  He sat working on his Budweiser for a long time.  When the Dynamic Logs ripped into a scream-out version of “Jailhouse Rock” he moved.  Shuffled over to one of the motorcycle mommas and invited her to dance.  Most ladies would have refused, but she was amused enough to shrug and get up.

     Well, I’ll not waste words.  This ugly, shuffling Indian ruin could dance.  I mean, he had the moves.  Nothing wild, just effortless action, subtle rhythm, the cool of the master.  He turned his partner every way but loose and made her look good at it.  The floor slowly cleared for them.  The band wound down and out, but the drummer held the beat.  The motorcycle club group rose up and shouted for the band to keep playing.  The band kept playing.  The Indian kept dancing.  the motorcycle momma finally blew a gasket and collapsed in someone’s lap.  The Indian danced alone.  The crowd clapped up the beat.  The Indian danced with a chair.  The crowd went crazy.  The band faded.  the crowd cheered.  The Indian held up his hands for silence as if to make a speech.  Looking at the band and then the crowd, the Indian said, “Well, what’re you waiting for? Let’s DANCE.”

     The band and the crowd went off like a bomb.  People were dancing all through the tables to the back of the room and behind the bar.  People were dancing in the restrooms and around the pool tables.  Dancing for themselves, for the Indian, for God and Mammon.  Dancing in the face of hospital rooms, mortuaries, funeral services, and cemeteries.  And for a while, nobody died.

    “Well,” said the Indian, “what’re you waiting for?  Let’s dance.”

Excerpt taken from the book All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergartenby Robert Fughum

The length of our days is seventy years- or eighty, if we have the strength;  yet the span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass….so teach us to number  our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  Psalm 90:10.12

Thursday and Friday night of this week  we stood in a funeral home receiving line to acknowledge the passing of two more people.   Combine that with my cousin Michelle’s unexpected passing and that makes for a busy month.   So, fellow bloggers and Internet surfers, make sure you are not just sitting on the side lines and watching life pass you by.  The Indian said it best.   “Let’s Dance! “

“Also” Did he just say “also”????

March 1, 2013

pit of despair

A pit you don’t want to fall into

Jim  told  with  me  yesterday  he had been thinking about  the things I’d shared with him  the week before.

“What things?”  I asked with a smirk  “What  did I tell you?

(That’s one of the beautiful things about short term memory loss….every day is a new day)

He reminded me I   had vented some  anger  frustration  in the realm of relationships.  I had been  feeling devalued.

(Last week’s blog post came out of that stuff) 

Well, He said, “I thought more about it  and by the middle of the week  I  was also battling self pity.”

also”…did he just say “also”?

Self pity is  what Junior High girls do, right????

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After my conversation with Jim  I decided to look up the definition for self-pity:

     Psychiatrists have an interesting name for people who habitually indulge in self-pity–it’s “injustice collector.” These are the folks who are constantly dwelling on their hurts and hardships – whether real or imagined – and they enjoy thinking about them and talking about them. They lovingly collect and number each and every offense that others commit against them, and they search out people who will sympathize with them and commiserate with them. All this keeps the focus on themselves, which is what they want most.”

Dang, some of that felt a little too close to home.

That is the last thing I want rolling around in my brain!

I”m beginning to  think self pity is a lot more common than I realized.

I’ve been calling it other things  like ” being in a funk”,  “being down” “discouraged” “feeling rejected” feeling down”

My wife’s  daily devotional  had a warning about self pity this past Saturday:

Be on guard against the pit of self pity.

  When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face.

  Don’t even go near the edge of the pit. 

Its edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down. 

It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it, 

That is why I tell you to be on guard.            

   from   “Jesus Calling”     

Grandma was wrong

January 18, 2013

IMG_9202

Picture of me at work yesterday….20 feet in the air/ living the dream ….my dream that is;-)

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“Oh Doug.. You were such a good student…I really hoped you would go to college.”  grandma said when she found out her eldest grandson was NOT planning to go to college..instead, I had decided to follow in my dad’s foot steps and work in construction.

There was disappointment written all over her face..

I felt bad.  Not until she was dead and gone did I appreciate where she was coming from.  Not until I had children of my own, watched them make life choices  that would affect them  long term… in ways they didn’t understand…then I was finally able to understand my grandma’s concerns…

But Grandma was wrong.

There is more to life than money.  A meaningful life  has nothing to do with material things…

I have a couple of friends who are making 2 and 3 times the amount of money  I do but hate their jobs….

They have full benefits, a 401 K… and they are quick to talk about what they want to do when they retire.

No thank you.

Quoting my dad now...”The word retirement is not in my vocabulary”

(Dad just turned 80 this past year and is still active in construction)

Last week I stopped @ Loes to buy a new  skill saw.

Good morning”  I said to a woman about my age.   She looked tired.

“How are you?” I asked…”(It was about 7 AM..she was  checking inventory)

“I wish I were home” she  replied.

I felt for her..  Her life was not her own.  There were bills to pay…only God knows the series of life decisions and circumstances that have brought her to this place in life….

Last April I was invited to speak at a jobs fair for high school students.

Started by sharing a quote that has cast a long shadow over my life :

“Do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

Don’t just settle for a job where you punch the time clock.

You may have to work @ a job  (or three) where you  “punch the time clock” in order to get where you really want to be….

but don’t stop there.. God didn’t create you to be a mindless worker ant ..unless that is what you really love to do.

I remember the pressure I felt  in school trying to figure out what I wanted to do once I graduated.   A real part of me thought I should  be a vet…that was until Mr Guard pulled me to the side one day in the guidance office  and  “suggested ” my grades indicated I probably couldn’t handle vet school.  I know he was only doing his job..but “dream killer” comes to mind  when I think of that conversation.

(years later I built a house for a vet/ told her my story, to which she replied, “Doug, if you really wanted to be a vet,one way or the other, you could have done it.  I didn’t make it the first time or two when I applied to vet school either..if you want it bad enough, you could have done it”)

Two  of my daughters , have  the desire to be a wives  and mothers.

Period.

I remember being @ the ripe old age of 20, having the strongest desire (nesting urge?) to settle down and start a family.

So  I did.

Best decision I ever made.

Pop culture today  mock those kind of  dreams…and I’m here to tell you, pop culture is full of #@$%%.

(that’s  German for incorrect…I’ve been using more German in my blog posts lately  you may have noticed ) ;-)

If truth be told, pop culture is wrong on just about everything it promotes.
We’ve  got a form of brainwashing going on in our country.”  Morrie sighed.  “Do you know how they brainwash people?  They repeat something over and over.And that’s what we do in this country.  Owning things is good.  More money is good.  More property is good.  More commercialism  is good.  More is good.  More is good. We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise.  The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore….

from the book Tuesday’s with Morrie.

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If there is more to life than money…what do you think that “more” is?

What in your life brings you satisfaction?

What would you tell the person who is up to their eyeballs in bills, who feels stuck in a dead in job they hate?

DM

If you were my daughter, if you were my son…

January 14, 2013

Had a little drama on my other blog last night.

A mother  recently left a comment on a blog post sharing about the heartache she has been going through with an older son….well, Son got onto the computer that was still logged onto my post  her comment  was still visible.

He was not a happy camper.

Having personally experience 18 years of parental hell myself, ( it started when our oldest was about 14..and is only just now tapering off 19 years later as child #4 is finally getting his bearings)  I have some perspectives on parenting I wish I could have tapped into so many moons ago.

So for what it’s worth, if I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with this distraught mother (and her slightly dysfunctional son)  here is what I would tell them…

First to the Young man.

I would sit across the table , look him in the eyes and  say.. ” It’s time you grow up.   You need to move out and get a place of your own.  It’s going to be tough…financially and every which way..but the truth is, you do not appreciate what your parents have been doing for you  and you  need an  attitude adjustment.  I might (might have) considered letting you stay here a little longer if you had been willing to play by the rules of our home..but as it is, the drinking, smok’n and blatant disrespect for your mama is the last straw…. You need to be out by the end of the week.  period.”

“Mom…I know you love your little cub.. you love him dearly..unfortunately, at this point, he doesn’t feel it. and he will continue to disrespect you and break your heart until he comes to his senses.  and that may take getting to the end of himself.    When that finally does happen. he’ll be back and you’ll have a new son.”

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Parents..(especially moms) have a tendency to short circuit the natural consequences of of poor life choices ..the result is, our children continue to flop and flounder and get into all sorts of heartbreaking  situations…heartbreaking.  and we keep bailing them out... you need to stop.  if they get busted, let the natural consequences of their choices  unfold…period.

When I was in the middle of it all, there was a time when I felt like an elephant was stepping on my chest…the stress and pressure was crushing.  I told someone yesterday, I felt like I went through an emotional wood chipper.

I am not the same dad I was going into the parenting gig, 30 plus years ago.

I’ll never forget the time I sat across the table from my 14 yr old daughter who I had just brought home..she’d ran away for 3 days, had no intention of coming home..( I knew where she was, it was just a matter of reeling her in)…

I sat across the table looking @ her …anger, defiance rebellion,contempt written all over her face

She was our strong willed one….that rebelliousness needed to be broken… to break the rebellion but not break the spirit..  you can do it..in fact, if you don’t you will never have real peace…  so I gave her two options…put her in a girls school, or spend a week @ my cousins and his family..(which she really , really did NOT want to do either,for reasons I am not @ liberty to tell you)…. It was a watershed moment in our relationship.  She is still a strong willed young lady.  Yea, we went through a lot more after that, but @ least she knew if push came to shove, I was not going to back down.

I taught a high school shop class for a year…I discovered the same dynamics that made for healthy relationships with my older children also made for healthy relationships in the class room with a group of rowdy young men…

First they needed to know who was in charge…call it what you want, respect/ fear..maybe a little of both…

Secondly…love..they needed to feel that I genuinely liked them… and I did..

Once in a while, they would test me just to see if I was still in charge….

Here’s how it works in Realville :

teacher first- friend second..

Parent first- friend second.

boss first/ friend second.

Feel free to do otherwise ;-)   DM

 

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This post is still in a rough draft form, but wanted to post it, so I could get some initial feedback. DM

Johnny

January 11, 2013

Friend of mine purchased an old  building, asked if I could help  install a patio door 20 feet up, through an  exterior  wall, covered with Stucco.

(stucco = concrete)

I came prepared.  Brought the  cement saw with a diamond blade.

a handful of new sawzall blades. (they look like sharp steak knives…hold on to that detail)

and two quarts of coffee.

Must have coffee.

My friend had a young man in his early 30′s there to help.

His name was Johnny..

He was built  like a tank.  chiseled,  and had  this hard stoic look in his eyes..

He looked like he belonged  in a  gang.

Construction types  remind me of my dad’s roosters….

IMG_8345

Sometimes  I pick up an undercurrent of circling  and sizing  each other up…  like roosters getting ready to spar

Johnny  and I were was no exception.

When I looked at the 4 sections of rickety  scaffolding set up for us to work on, it creeped me out..I told Johnny  I was allergic to heights. ;-)   (I really do hate heights btw)

“What???” he said with a sneer ,  “I thought you were  the carpenter, and  you’re telling me you are afraid of heights?”

  “Yep” I  said with a smirk.    Now he really didn’t know what to do with me…

I love to banter w/ tough guys   and soften them up…poke holes in their machismo.

It took me less that   30 minutes  working along Johnny to soften him up ..

He  went from questioning my sanity to thinking I was (his words, not mine  a “Master”).

I jumped on the section of scaffolding below Johnny,  asked him to hand me  the  sawzall.  He let it down by the chord, (it wasn’t running, but the 6 inch  blade was sticking down as he swung it to me).

It slid deeply into my wrist .  I took one look at the wound and  said, “Johnny, I need to go  to the hospital” . 

Johnny said, “You’re kidd’n right?”   “No,  I said,  “I just got stabbed, and need to go to the hospital NOW!” 

           He felt terrible.  “It would be one thing, if you were just some “grunt”, but you are like a “Master” ” he moaned.

Hour and 1/2,  $750.00 later I was back on  the job,  (arm wrapped  w/ 5 stitches)

I tried to supervise when we got back, but it was taking forever.

I  grabbed the cement saw and  went back to work.

  “Man, you are one bad #*&, he said.    :-)  

If he only knew.

touching the ubenshlauger

..pardon the sweat… that’s me showing off

it’s a little trick I know….

you  touch your nose with a 10 pound sledge

very carefully ;-)

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Footnote. those of you that are long time readers may remember this post..It was buried in the archives.

Appointment with Love

December 23, 2012

I can still remember a Christmas eve , doesn’t seem that long ago…I was @ my grandparents, talking with my Uncle Bill.  I remember telling him I wished I had a girl friend…

There were absolutely no prospects on the horizon…none...nada…

He told me, you never know…that special someone might be just around the corner…

Would you believe I bumped into her less that two months later..

So my encouragement to you my fellow blog reader if that is your situation…

Don’t give up!~

The following story is for you ;-)

Sending you a Christmas Blessing.  DM

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      Six minutes to six, said the great round clock over the information booth in Grand Central Station.  The tall young Army lieutenant who had just come from the direction of the tracks lifted his sunburned face, and his eyes narrowed to note the exact time.  His heart was pounding with a beat that shocked him because he could not control it.  In six minutes, he would see the woman who had filled such a special place in his life for the past 13 months, the woman he had never seen, yet whose written words had been with him and sustained him unfailingly.

     He placed himself as close as he could to the information booth, just beyond the ring of people besieging the clerks…

      Lieutenant Blanford remembered one night in particular, the worst of the fighting, when his plane had been caught in the midst of a pack of Zeros.  He had seen the grinning face of one of the enemy pilots.

     In one of his letters, he had confessed to her that he often felt fear, and only a few days before this battle, he had received her answer: “Of course you fear…all brave men do.  Didn’t King David know fear?  That’s why he wrote the 23rd Psalm.  Next time you doubt yourself, I want you to hear my voice reciting to you, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me.”  And he had remembered;  he had heard her imagined voice, and it had renewed his strength and skill.

     Now he was going to hear her real voice.  Four minutes to six.  His face grew sharp. 

       Under the immense, starred roof, people were walking fast, like threads of color being woven into a grey web.  A girl passed close to him,  and Lieutenant Blanford started.  She was wearing a red flower in her suit lapel, but it was a crimson sweet pea, not the little red rose they had agreed upon.  Besides this girl was too young, about 18, whereas Hollis Meynell had frankly told him she was 30.  “Well, what of it?” he had answered.  “I’m 32.  He was 29.

     His mind went back to that book- the book the Lord Himself must have put into his hands out of the hundreds of Army  library books sent to the Florida training camp.  Of Human Bondage, it was; and throughout the book were notes in a woman’s writing.  He had always hated that writing-in habit, but these remarks were different.  He had never believed that a woman could see into a man’s heart so tenderly, so understandingly.  Her name was on the book-plate  Hollis Meynell.  He had got hold of a New York City telephone book and found her address.  He had written, she had answered.  Next day he had been shipped out, but they had gone on writing.

     For 13 months, she had faithfully replied, and more than replied.  When his letters did not arrive, she wrote anyway, and now he believed he loved her, and she loved him.

     But she had refused all his pleas to sent him a photograph.  That seemed rather bad, of course.  But she had explained: “If your feeling for me has any reality, any honest basis, what I look like won’t matter.  Suppose I’m beautiful.  I’d always be haunted by the feeling that you had been taking a chance on just that, and that kind of love would disgust me.  Suppose I’m plain (and you must admit that this is more likely) Then I’d always fear that you were going on writing me only because you were lonely and had no one else.  No, don’t ask for my picture.  When you come to New York, you shall see me and they you shall make your decision.  Remember, both of us are free to stop or go on after that- whichever we choose…”

      One minute to six- he pulled hard on the cigarette.

     Then Lieutenant Blanford’s heard leaped higher than his plane had ever done.

     A young woman was coming toward him.  Her figure was long and slim; her blond hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears.  Her eyes were blue and flowers, her lips and chin had a gentle firmness.  In her pale green suit, she was like springtime come alive.

     He started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was wearing no rose, and as he moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips.

      Going my way soldier?” she murmured.

      Uncontrollably, he made one step closer to her.  Then he saw Hollis Meynell.

      She was standing almost directly behind the girl, a woman well past 40, her greying hair tucked under a worn hat.  She was more than plump; her thick-ankled feet were thrust into low-heeled shoes.  But she wore a red rose in a rumpled lapel of her brown coat.

     The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.

     Blanford felt that though he were being split in two, so keen was his desire to follow the girl, yet so deep was his longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companion-ed and upheld his own; and there she stood.  Her pale  plump face was gentle and sensible;  he could see that now.  Her gray eyes had a warm, kindly twinkle.

     Lieutenant Blanford did not hesitate.  His fingers gripped the small, worn, blue leather copy of Of Human Bondage, which was to identify him to her.  This would  not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even rarer than love- a friendship for which he had been and must ever be grateful.

     He squared his broad shoulders, saluted and held the book out toward the woman, although even while he spoke, he felt shocked by the bitterness of his disappointment.

      “I”m lieutenant John Blanford, and you- you are Miss Meynell.  I’m so glad you could meet me.  May…..may I take you to dinner?”

      The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile.  “I don’t know what this is all about, son,” she answered.  “That young lady in the green suit- the one who just went by- begged me to wear this rose on my coat.  And she said that if you asked me to go out with you, I should tell you that she’s waiting for you in that big restaurant across the street.  She said it was some kind of a test.  I’ve got two boys with Uncle Sam myself, so I didn’t mind to oblige you.”  Sulamith Ish-Kishor

from A  3rd serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Whoops, Duuuu’s , and Oh fiddle sticks

November 23, 2012

I  had to return a 10 ft section of plastic 4 inch PVC pipe last week to Theisens.  When the cashier rang up the transaction, I noticed she had accidentally rang up a 4 inch splicer instead of 4 inch pipe.  Simple mistake.   She had to call her supervisor over to override the transaction, which in my mind was no big deal.  She apologized to me and said, that was the first time in 6 months she had made that type of mistake.   I told her, “heck”,  I try to make at least one mistake every day..just to stay in shape.” 

She didn’t know what to say.

My point was, she was being way too hard on herself, and needed to lighten up just a wee.   I had watched her wait on another customer before me, and could tell she was “wound tight”

wound tight:  hard to live with/ perfectionist/never makes mistakes.

Last night our son was lamenting on the fact he had bought a used set of Disney books off his sister for $50, thinking he could re-sell them for $200.00…He found out, they might be worth $25.00.. Oh well

I told him about the time I got caught up in a bidding war on e-bay for an “original” Grant Wood water color.

The picture went from $1600 to over $3200 the last 30 minutes of the auction, and when the dust all settled, I won :-)

I knew that if it were an original, it was worth 3 times that amount.  After we received the picture, I took it to an art appraiser, who informed me it was NOT an original Grant Wood…and might be worth a couple of hundred dollars…tops.

Side note…we did not have $3000 of discretionary money just laying around…..It came from a line of credit which made the whole thing that much more painful.

Why is it we tend not to tell other people our screw ups but are more than willing to talk about our successes? :-)

I could tell my son felt much better about himself when he heard his dear old dad had dropped a couple of thousand dollars he couldn’t afford to loose :-)

That picture I had paid $3200  it lay around here for a couple of months…but it was sending out some bad vibes. .long story short, I relisted it on E-bay and sold it for $400.00   (do the math if you haven’t already :-)

“Tuition”

That is what I call those life experiences…I paid $2800 in tuition to learn I am weak willed when it comes to auctions…the best thing I can do is stay as far away from  high stakes auctions  as I can.

I’ll tell you one more story and call it good..

In 2007 I was asked to general contract a home for someone with a beautiful lakeside view.   The neighbors in the area were none to happy about this new home blocking their views of the lake.  Oh well…

The day we were scheduled to dig the basement, things were really hectic and crazy on the job site.  It was my responsibility to calculate the finished depth of the basement.  After the wall was poured, I started second guessing my calculations,  realized I may have made a 2 ft error  and the house might be sticking out of the ground 2 ft higher than it was supposed to…@ which point, I just knew the neighbor across the street was going to take me to court and have me tear out the wall and re-dig (that would have easily been a $25,000 to $30,000 error)…When I was able to finally  re-check my numbers  I discovered I  had NOT made a math mistake and swore I would never let someone pressure me when it came time to do important math calculations on the job.

Lesson learned :  NEVER ever be in a hurry when it comes to math calculations when building a house.

OK it’s your turn…tell me a story about one of your screw-ups…. (or more)

you need to do this..

it will be good for your soul ;-)    DM

No More eggshells

October 31, 2012

   “Check on me in a half hour.” I told my wife this morning.

I planned to knock down 20 feet of rock wall  on  our 130 old barn.

barn-repair-001.jpg

The barn was built in the 1880′s.  I  can  still see broad ax marks  on many of  the supporting beams.

As a builder, I am in awe at the type of workmanship that went into this barn . Last September, I noticed the rock wall on the North side  starting to lean.   I knew if I didn’t do something about the rock wall soon, it was going to collapse.

As I tore into the rock wall , my mind went back to that season in our lives where we lived in a  Christian community.   For 18 months…. even though we had our own apartments, we shared  a common kitchen with two other young families.   Boy was that an experience. ;-)

Imagine 3 different households trying to coordinate  meal times, grocery shopping, and  parking.    There were some  intense moments….
(plus some great memories)

   One of the most valuable life  skills that came out of that  season  in my life was learning how to address issues instead of simply ignoring them.  Not only did I learn how to address and work through conflict with  the other people in our building,  we  learned how to work through conflict  in our marriage,  with our children, and on the job.

Our children are now adults.   I can see the fruit of conflict resolution skills  in their lives 20 years later.  They are much quicker to address things in their relationships than most of their peers.

Going back to that barn I was working on this morning, I couldn’t help but see some parallels to that time in our lives….

#1   Sometimes it can  get pretty messy when  I  first  wade into a problem.

#2  The bigger the issue, the more time and energy  I  will probably have  to expend.

#3  When I ignore a problem, it doesn’t mean it will somehow magically fix itself…all I am doing is postponing a bigger problem for  later…

guaranteed

#4  Living life this way (addressing problems instead of ignoring them)   has made my life so much richer…  I prefer relationships based on reality instead of  walking around on egg shells.

Another example….

Several years ago now,  we were attending a church  with a single  man  who had “emotional issues.”

Long story short,  he started wanting to hug my teen age daughters every week.    (Not the older women mind you, just the  young ones).  I approached the pastor and said,  he was making my daughters uncomfortable and someone needed to say something to him privately or I would  do it myself.

The hugging stopped.

One last story…

Healthy conflict resolution skills were NOT taught  or practiced in my family of origin..

They were not part of the family business I grew up in either.

I’ve refused to play along with the passive aggressive mind games and as a result, I am the black sheep.

Well, it’s about time to eat..better wrap this one up….

Thoughts, comments, questions?

As always,  thanks for stopping by the blog!  DM

50 things to do before I die

October 25, 2012

“If  you want to know what’s really important to you, make a list.”

The following is an article by Wendy Swallow Williams I clipped out of a Readers Digest in the late 1990′s.

This article changed the quality of  my life.

This morning as I was catching up on what my fellow bloggers were posting,   this  long term life goal jumped off the screen:

“lots and lots of land for gardens, orchards, chickens and room to breathe…” 

  I told this young blogger , she had just described my life to a T.

I can trace the course  of my life the past 15 years  directly back to this short  article.   Since starting the habit of having a “list”  there are literally dozens of things I’ve  checked off.

To say it has enriched my life immeasurably is an understatement.  DM

____________________________________________________________

A few weeks ago, I followed a friend into an art-supply store.  I found him picking out tubes of watercolor paint, which surprised me because he’s not an artist.

“I signed up for a watercolor class, and it starts next week, He said sheepishly.  “I don’t really have time for it, but it was on my list of 50 things to do before I die, so I went for it.”

This sounded interesting,”What else is on the list?” I asked.

“All kinds of things, ” he said.  “Every few months I look at the list and decide what to focus on next.  Before I had a list, I moaned a lot about what I was missing in my life.  Now I just do stuff.”

“Can I see your list sometime?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said.  “It reveals a lot about me.  Write your own list, and you’ll see what I mean.”

So that night I did just that, and he was right.  The list revealed a whole lot about what was important to me.  It also revealed how hopelessly behind I am at getting to the things I really want.

Just writing the list helped me sort through priorities.  I filled up the first 20 blanks quickly, but then began to think carefully.  Eventually I added items I’ve thought about for years, dreams I’ve carried with me since I was young, and things that resonated when I first heard about them.  When I reviewed the list later, some entries surprised me.

First, I want to travel much more particularly now that my children are older and can go with me to see the world.  There are ten trips I would like to make with the boys- from biking through Denmark to camping in the Canadian Rockies.

I was also surprised to find some things on the list that need to be done soon.  If I’m going to learn to Rollerblade, for instance, I’d better start before turning 50.

Some items, though I can put off until I’m older.  I would love to grow flowers,  to really garden, but while I”m raising kids and working I don’t have time for roses.

I would love to do volunteer work in a hospital nursery someday, rocking crying infants and giving them their first baths.   I would like to work with teen-agers,  leading youth groups or helping at the local high school.  If I’m going to do these though, I may need to reconsider running the bake sale for the school fair each year.

A few of the items are intimidating because they mean a serious commitment of some sort.  I would like to publish a novel before I die, and I would like to get a Ph.D, in English literature.  I also would like to learn to draw and play the piano with a string quartet.  If I’m going to accomplish these things, I need to start writing every day and polish my piano skills.

I may not make it through the list.  Some things may just be out of reach, such as New Zealand, and other ultimately may not work with the rest of my life, such as owning a horse.  Yet I see that I already have built the framework for many of these pipe dreams, and that if I make them goals, there is no reason I can’t find a way to taste at least part of that reality.

Like my friend, I now have an alternative do complaining.   When I’m bored with my life, I take out my list.  Maybe I’ll send off for travel brochures or take my pencils out in the back yard and doodle around for an  hour, trying to sketch trees that look like trees.

I have no idea how the boys and I will get to Africa, but if it’s important enough, I’m sure we’ll find a way.  One of them might grow up to be a zoologist, or I might become a nature writer and get sent on assignment or maybe we’ll just save a few dollars every week till we have enough.

I had a cousin who accomplished an amazing string of interesting things.  She once told me the key was preparing so that life could work in mysterious ways. “If you want your ship to come in, you must build a dock,” she said.

Thanks to my list, I’m working on some big docks.

Wendy Swallow Williams

____________________________________

I (DM) will close with a few pictorial highlights off my list….

hosting  concerts in our home and barn.  When Katie Sawicki came to visit we also sponsored a songwriting workshop.

Yep, we went white water rafting in 2010 (that’s my wife in the boat on the right clocking the guy in the other boat with her oar. )  She said it was an accident.  :-)

Had a pet pig I named Winston.  To tell you about that pig would take a whole blog post in itself. :-)

Our orchard started out as a wish/ and idea on my “list”

_____________________________

So tell me, do you have a working list of sorts?

Care to share any items you have yet to check off but plan to  sometime soon?

Someone has said the older we get, the less action oriented our goals become…. What do you think?

What type of relationship goals could be on a list?


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