Why You Don’t Want To Imitate Jesus

Disclaimer- This  is an “in house” memo.   If you’re not a believer, you’re probably better off not reading this one.  DM

 

       

Photos from my journal 1988

 

    I can still remember when it happened.  We were living @ 1561 Green Wood Lake Turnpike, about 5 minutes East of West Milford New Jersey.  I was miserable. (see photo above)   We were broke, 1000 miles from family pursueing schooling so I could be a marriage and family counselor, 4 kids, living check to check, way too busy with “church” activities.and I read this Scripture:

    “Out of his heart shall flow rivers of living water.”  It was talking about what is supposed to happen in the lives of a believer.  Literally, God himself should be flowing out of my life like a river.  What would that look like?   Well, I thought, rivers of joy, peace, love, compassion, confidence,  The qualities I imagined Jesus would have evidenced.

     I read that and thought to myself, “Now that is a joke.”  at best, there is tiny trickle maybe…but a river…Nada

     It was at that point I said to God,   “It says there are supposed to be rivers of living water flowing from my life and I barely see a trickle.I give up.”  Show me what that looks like.”

     I dropped out of all my “church” responsibilities, decided I was going to focus on being a better dad and husband…I knew it might tick off some of those in leadership, but frankly I didn’t care.  When you’re a people pleaser and you finally say enough is enough- what a rush.

     Over  the next several weeks, something  started happening.  I remember having this mirthful grin.  I felt like I was in on a secret- just between God and I.  My friend John Reilly commented to me weeks later…”Doug, there’s something different about you, I  not sure what it is.  “  

      I  did. 

       I went from trying to imitate Jesus to experiencing him live through me.  I kid you not…there is a night and day difference between me trying to  “imitate” Jesus and him living through me.    I know that might sound a little abstract and mystical.  I can’t help it.  I would be willing to bet, I’m not the first person who has made the same mistake. 

      That would have been in the Fall of 1989.  When I’m doing well spiritually I feel like Michael Jordan on the basketball court in his prime.  It just flows.  When I’m not, I can also feel it.  That sense of connection with God lasted for months, long enough for me to recognize when it’s not there now.  It’s not a one time thing.  It really is a day by day thing for me. 

     I know that  if  I cop an attitude with my wife,   it directly affects that connections. 

     It really has nothing to do with going to some building on Sunday.  If you are spiritually healthy, then you will long to connect with your spiritual siblings, somewhere.  It has nothing to do with giving a certain percentage of your money somewhere…if you’re spiritually healthy, you want to help others.  It has nothing to do with saying certain “prayers” at certain times.    Your conversation with the divine  will have an ebb and flow to it, just like you have with anyone you care for.   Its not something you have to legislate. 

Thoughts, comments, questions?

Good Grief, That was 13 years ago

     

 

          I came across  the  picture Sunday night.  Facebook mentioned one of my friends had been tagged in a photo.

          Some of you talk about “triggers,” well, this photo  triggered something.  It  triggered  a heaviness  that was  almost palatable.

      Today at work,  that photo  and the accompanying  heaviness  came back to my mind several times.

     I didn’t understand.     I didn’t even know 1/2 of the people in the photo,  the ones I did  were  smiling.

       and then it hit me….

     I was  grieving

       Grief.  

      The picture triggered a wave of  grief that is 13 years old.   

     I didn’t think grief was supposed to last   that long.

           A good friend of mine is  still grieving the loss of a child, 4 years later.   He recently compared his   grief to  waves on the ocean.  
     Initially the waves  were strong, one after another… Four years later, they’re  further apart.

   

      Have you experienced grief in your life?  As I’ve alluded to, grief can come into our lives for lots of different reasons.

     If  you have experienced grief  and feel comfortable, would you tell me about it?  I suspect this post will generate a lot of hits long term.   What sort of comfort, insight, hope, wisdom would you give the person who stumbles across this later.  Please don’t give any pat  answers on this one.  I’m not interested in  theory.  Speak only of what you’ve experienced first hand.  Thank you in advance. DM

When The Pastor Gets Mad

     

 

     Subtitle:  Whose ”Kingdom”  Am I Really  Building?    

  I can still remember the Wednesday night  prayer meeting our pastor got ticked.  It  had something to do with the “hit and miss” involvement of several families. 

     Disclaimer:  My thoughts today are directed toward those of you in Christian leadership.  There is lots of  ”Christianese” in this one….proceed accordingly

 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness… ”                        

                                From the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 6 verse 33

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              It wasn’t too long after that Wednesday night “incident” , the  church began heading in the direction of

 “Mandatory attendance at all regularly scheduled meetings unless providential hindered”    

    Translation:  you needed to be at all four weekly meetings to be a voting member.   We bailed.

       Before you write and express disdain for the pastor, flash forward 5 years.  My wife and I were then part of a new  church, we only meet once a week… I am part of leadership, and I begin to feel anger  for the same reason….Who’d have thunk? 

         I told my wife it felt like  I was trying to “push a rope” (motivate someone who didn’t want to be motivated)    I knew  ministery is supposed to flow out of a heart of  love.  (Corinthians 13)   I  cared….    Didn’t  I have people’s best interest in mind????   

      I finally came to the conclusion  there was more “self” motivating me  than I wanted to admit…..

      A growing, vibrant church = success = validation.

 

     I’m guessing I’m not the first person who has got caught in the trap of building  the kingdom of Self.

      “We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people.

                                 General   George S. Patton

                                             1885-1945

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     That season in my life is over, I’m no longer attempting to herd, drive or lead anyone….sure I know there are people who read this blog and get a little encouragement or insight from it ..but in terms of actively, intentionally attempting to mentor or shape another person…well….unless I’ve been specifically asked (or you’re under 18 and my kid),  it probably won’t happen. 

footnote: 

 Please don’t speak negatively about my former pastor or I will have to edit or delete your comment.  ;-)  Pastoring is the second hardest job on the planet (my humble opinion) second only to that of being a mom. 

 

Any other thoughts?

DM

   

    

   

    

Job’s Relationship With God-Living Authentically

  

     Today’s post comes  from a pamphlet written by Kristi Casteel  of  Caleb Ministries.  Kristi and her husband Rick have been our “mentors” the past 8-9 years.  When my wife and I  have needed help with  our personal “stuff”/marriage/ parenting, etc.  they have been who we’ve turned to.   Kristi wrote a series of articles titled Living From The Heart .   I’ve had two posts  here and here  on the blog talking about “emotional numbness”.    Kristi’s  booklet addresses this  issue head on.

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     Honesty:  The Genuine Heart

    “TOTAL HONESTY?…Feels too threatening!”

      Certainly if we define “living from the heart” as “genuinely examining our lives and hearts before God and others on a daily basis without pretense or hiding, and loving with abandon in spite of our deficits,” honesty is imperative.  To be honest is to be genuine.

      Sometimes however, being honest with ourselves is the most difficult obstacle overcome.  Admitting to myself how I really feel  in a given situation may mean facing the anger, betrayal, or sorrow I have been carrying with me for years, or are presently experiencing within a significant relationship.  Depending on the circumstances that surround these feelings,  the length of time we have carried them, or the intensity of the emotions, telling myself the truth can appear very daunting and fearful.  Or maybe we have never learned how to acknowledge and deal with our emotions in a healthy way and our experiences of trying to do so have only complicated our lives more.  In addition, we may  have been taught or are presently being told that our emotions are not reliable, important, or valid,  so attempting to acknowledge them brings not only more pain, but criticism or even rejection.  Others don’t know  what they feel or think, because they have been so focused on performing, succeeding, or pleasing others, all the while being separated from their hearts and feelings.  Fear of finding nothing inside, as a result of honest examination, feels too devastating to face.  Exposure is the enemy and denial or avoidance of being exposed seems to be the only safe answer.  They feel alone, and trapped in their insecurity and resulting shame.

    Surprisingly, genuine honest relating oftentimes results in greater struggle with others  both in our interactions and relationships with them.  Some will be a great encouragement to us as we honestly share our feelings and struggles with them, as well as being encouraged themselves as they share mutual life experiences and struggles with us.  Others, however may feel threatened or uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability that goes along with honesty and like Job’s friends, may judge and criticize, offering only cognitive assents to our struggle and emphasizing that the “truth” of scripture will solve our problems.  Some might choose to relate only on a surface level, avoiding “personal” conversation altogether while others will make the choice to simply avoid our company.

     Job took great risk in struggling so honestly and intensely with God in front of his friends, but surprisingly God honored him.  His friends’ poor responses and misguided words stood out in sharp contrast to him. Why?  What was it about Job that pleased God in contrast to his friends?

     Was it because his faith kept Him from asking “Why me God?”  No, Job 10:2 says,” Let me know why you contend with me?  His friends rebuked him for the lack of faith that he was expressing in his suffering.  They felt a man of his stature and spiritual leadership should know better than to question God’s sovereignty.

 or

    Was it because he trusted in God and did not complain?  No, quite the opposite. Again, Job 10:1 says, ” I will give full vent to my complaint, I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.”  Eliphaz accused him of impatience and urged to submit to God, suggesting that if he would repent, God would bless him. (Job 4,33:25-28)

Or

     Was it because in all of his suffering his faith never wavered?  No, Job 30:20-21 says, “I cried out to you for help, but you do not answer me…You have become cruel to me.”  His friend Elihu rebuked him for charging God with hostility toward him.

Or

     Was it because he stood steadfastly on the “truth” and claimed his healing and restoration?  No, Job 17:15-16 says,  “Where now is my hope?  And who regards my hope?  Will it go down to Sheol with me?”

 If not these….

     Then it must have been because he was able to believe that God must have a purpose in his suffering that he need not know?  No, nothing of the sort.  Job 13:3  “But I would speak to the Almighty, and I desire to argue with God.”

     So, if it was not that Job didn’t ask why, or didn’t complain, or that he held fast to his faith, or believed God promised to answer his prayers and heal him, or that he accepted his suffering without questioning God’s purpose (Sound familiar?) …What in the world was it that God so highly commended Job for?  Why would he give Job such honor over his friends, when although they were wrong in their assumptions about Job’s problem, each did state many things that were true about God?  Weren’t his friends merely trying to keep him from abandoning his faith in God?  After all, Job did go too far, didn’t he, in cursing his own birth, accusing God of cruelty, and even giving up on God and life completely, not to mention desiring death over life, asking God to just leave him alone for a while before his death?  Any hope for healing was gone.

     How is it that the most highly respected Godly man of the times, (God Himself described Job as “blameless and upright, the greatest man on earth”) when confronted with great sorrow and suffering , seemed to spiritually “fall apart” (according to much of the teaching of modern day Christianity), and yet God gave him instead of reproof, honor?  He even went on to “personally” vindicate him before all his arrogantly accusatory friends? Why?  I believe the answer to that question is as simple as it is difficult and as obvious as it is surprising.

     I am so struck with the picture I see painted in the book of Job of the relationship between God and man.  It seems to me that God used both subtlety and drama to point to the most important aspect of life…relationship.  I also believe that the book of Job points to the kind of relationship God desires.  In other words, Job demonstrates for us what God desires in His relationship with us.

      Although all appearances seem to say otherwise, Job displayed great trust in God as a Father whom he could bring his doubts, anger, confusion, despair, and even naive arrogance, trusting in His character and in the relationship he had with Him.  Without a deep sense of trust, in God and in their relationship, Job would have never come to God in the way that he did, with what seems like brutal honesty.  (We, like his friends, would probably label it disrespect and great lack of faith if he was sitting in our pews today)  Yet that assumption begs the question, “If Job had such great faith and trust in God, where was it in his experience of suffering?  Didn’t he all but loose his faith before God intervened?”  If we answer that question only according to his words and apparent struggle, we would have to question  the idea that prior to God’s intervention he had a deep trust in God.  But, I would like to suggest that we reevaluate or redefine what it means to trust in a relationship, what it might look like to have faith in another, or how love  might play out when there is conflict, using their relationship as a model.  In looking a little more closely through the grid of relationship, we might find ourselves looking at Job’s relationship with God differently.  In fact we might find ourselves reevaluating not only our relationship with God but all our relationships….”

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     You’re thought? 

    

My Spiral Into Depression

    I learned at CCEF  ”almost anything can be at the root of depression: a recent illness in which you get behind in your work, hormonal changes, a reversal of fortune, the consequences of simple negligence, guilt over a particular sin, self-pity arising from jealousy or a disadvantageous turn of events, bad feelings resulting from resentment, worry, etc….the important fact to remember is that a depression does not result directly from any of those factors, but rather comes from a cyclical process in which the initial problem is mishandled in such a way that it is enlarged in downward helixical spirals that eventually plunge one into despair.

    Mine came about due to the death of a  vision.

WARNING: Going to talk about my faith….if that sort of thing gets under your skin….stop now…you won’t hurt my feelings.

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     May 4, 1980 7:48 PM I wrote this in the front cover of a little New Testament:  “I made a commitment to God to live my life for his Glory’ 

 Translation:  Just like a  person entering into a marriage covenant , I entered into a “covenant” with God Himself….as an adult I made an intentional decision to become a believer. 

       As is often the case,  I desired to be more effective in reaching  out to other people…there was this restlessness in my life.  Looked at 50 different Christian Colleges, trying to decide whether to be a formally trained pastor, or marriage and family counselor…Moved from Iowa to New Jersey in 1985 (with two kids in tow) , enrolled @ CCEF, decided I was being called to be a bi-vocational pastor .   Carpenter by day,  teacher/facilitator when  I could….1990 returned to the Midwest with a strong sense of purpose.  I’d  experienced  5 years of intense discipleship/mentoring  in New Jersey and believed God had brought us home to pass on what I’d learned.  

     Things were great for the first 2  1/2  years,  then  began to butt heads with  our pastor  In hindsight, God set me up- we had two completely different  understandings for a healthy church.  His was a more traditional model-  I on the other hand craved  deeper relationships  that can’t be cultivated when you’re sitting in rows looking at the back of each others heads.  We had two different models..not wrong/ just different.  I know I  wore him out with our intense discussions.   It finally came to a head in November  of 1995- we left the church-  the hardest decision of my life (till then) – 90% of my closest friendships were in that church/ someone told me later, it felt like a divorce- (it did).

    I was confused, I was angry-(I’m not giving you all the details- this would get too wordy)- I believed I would eventually  be a co-pastor that church….instead I was on the outside looking in. 

   The depression probably started  two years previous, and lingered  another year.  Things  gradually got better since 1996 – here we are 12 years later and there is still a bruise on my soul.  Just this morning, as we’ve been organizing our office, I came across several magazines and books related to mentoring and discipleship-  I pitched the magazines, and am selling  some of the books on e-bay. I have no aspiration or intention of ever taking an active role in leadership in a local church.  I’m no longer depressed    just broken- and there is a big difference. 

    Have you ever wrestled with depression?  What triggered it?  What brought you out of it? (if you’re out of it?)   What good came from it (if any)?

   Have you ever watched your life  goal  die?  What was it and where are you at in the process now?

Healthy Conflict

   

 

     Healthy conflict can be good-I just had one.  Read a post last night  even posted a comment, had no idea I would find myself smack dab in the middle of a very heated conversation with my 26 yr old daughter over my  50th birthday party change of plans this morning.

     We were planning to go out for a fancy dinner tonight- just immediate family- no boyfriends/ girl friends…I envisioned a intimate time of conversation- with just our kids.   The dynamics change when all of their significant others are present..I enjoy all of them, it’s just I wanted to savor my children one last time.

   Well, the weatherman said we were going to get another winter blast today- 40 mph winds, temperature down to 10 below F….decided to cancel our plans…stay close to home-  told my daughter she could invite her significant other.  This morning  the weather report didn’t  look so bad so we were talking about still doing the fancy restaurant thing.  What to do w/ the boyfriend that was now invited  for local pizza?  I said I’d prefer to stick to the original guest list if we  are going fancy-  I’d told one of the other kids their significant other couldn’t come last week-now if  I made an exception - that  child would be hurt…their boyfriend lives out of town and not sure on short notice they can make it…are you with me so far?

     At this point, things quickly heated up- lines were drawn in the sand- I even said the “f” word – (under my breath -in another room so only  God and I heard )…. Then I hear this still small voice whispering to me…this is a teachable moment…( no way could I ever go to the fancy restaurant w/o that child (they already told me, if the  boyfriend can’t go-neither will they)…wouldn’t that be a great way to cap off my 50th celebration?

   I stood there at the kitchen sink, looking out the window thinking to myself..why didn’t I want all the other people present…because the conversations tend to degenerate  into off color jokes, off color comments.  -so why don’t I go to my daughter, right now, while we are both still hot and talk this through…we did-there was no name calling, I shared my heart-acknowledged we were both frustrated, told her why  I was initially opposed to the large group…told her my concerns about the other child being hurt…in the end, decided, let’s stay local, invite all the significant others- I said I was sorry for my sarcasm..and we’re both good with where things now stand.

   (I only mention the “f” word  because I was HOT-  I used to cuss like a sailor in my younger days- pretty much gave up that dirty habit  the past 25 yrs… but-wanted to give you a sense of how hot things were getting- and hey, I have never claimed I was perfect.)

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On a completely different note-  I am in the pitching/decluttering mood this weekend…I have 16 old  back issues of  Discipleship Journal published by Navpress from the 1990′s- They are yours if you pick up the postage (let’s say $4.00).  Full of excellent articles- I hate to throw them away.  Here are some of the topics:Burned by the church/how to find healing- Just FORGIVE?  Tempted to give up?  Long distance disciplining,  How to leave a legacy of faith ,   Why do I still feel Guilty?   Joy the Elusive Fruit, Paul’s Model For Friendship, How to IGNITE a Bored Believer, TOO Busy?  The SECRET to Contentment,  (and dozens of other articles).  This is an all or nothing deal- first person who says they wants them  gets them).

My Approach To Blogging

  Photo of two of my mentors:

         C.S. Lewis

         Corrie Ten Boom (having a cup of coffee)

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      I got a note from my friend Hope yesterday after  I’d written this.

   

    She asked:

“What’s going on with you? I just read your blog. You sound so hugely hurt and majorly ticked. I don’t think I’ve ever “heard” you so ticked off before…I think another good question is, what are your motives behind blogging?”

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Here is a portion of my reply to her:

      I am fine now.  Why do I blog?…it’s not to have other people put me on their blog roll…honestly,  I’ve only been tempted once or twice to even ask someone to consider adding me..it was someone with whom I had been doing a lot of interaction with.  I write for a couple of reasons…the biggest reason is  for it to be a vehicle of encouragement ……that’s my primary reason.  On of my instructors at CCEF  once said that if we start looking at our motives for doing things, it’s like peeling an onion…there are layers of reasons we do things, both selfish and others centered.  I’m not surprised when I see a little “self” in my  motives, doesn’t stop me from doing something, because the biggest motive is others centered.  I figure the older I get in the Lord, the less there will be of me…meanwhile, I keep pecking away…

     So, my motive is to be an encourager…now how does posting something that def. sounds like a vent become an encouragement?   I purposed several months ago after I started writing, while I was still trying to “find my voice”   (my style if you will)  , that one of the principles I would use was to be authentic… post the real stuff/ not just a  ”sanitized”/ edited version , so when I woke up the other morning still feeling those emotions of rejection, I thought…I need to write while I’m still at that place….I want people to know I’m a whole person, I still have my moments where I smoke and sputter too..even though I’ve been a Christian actively pursuing my relationship with Him since 1980…When I’ve read  these type of things from people (like CS Lewis, or Corrie Ten Boom) for example, it did encourage me, in fact it made the other things they shared even more creditable..they weren’t some super saint so far removed from where I live that I  didn’t feel I could relate to them…rather, those dear people also wrestled with confusion, doubt, anger, etc.  and they had such relationships with God that blew my mind…and to think they still had moments when they sputtered…I soaked it in….so that’s why I posted it. ….\

as always, thanks for keeping in touch and making me think.  DM

 

     I didn’t include this in my reply to Hope but  should have.   The second reason I write is because it helps me to process life.  It does two things.  First,  just getting the hard  stuff “out” often times helps me diffuse it.  Secondly,  Because I’m doing this in such a public setting,  it allows other people to speak into my life.   There is a risk of being misunderstood   to be sure, but the benefits outweigh the  risk and   so far I’m  willing to take my lumps.       Any thoughts?

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 1/29/08  I got a note via e-mail this morning pertaining to this issue:

     “thank you for having a blog that is candid.   So many out there are so rose-colored I can’t imagine they are actually written by real human beings.”

What Do You Do When You Feel Rejected?

I went from hurt to pissed in just a few seconds.

(see photo above…what is the monkey with the peanut sized brain doing?)

I’m sitting here, still feeling waves of untempered emotion rumble back and forth in my heart. I had a restless night. Came across another blogger** who had deleted me from their recommended reading list- last night- right before I went to bed. (that makes two this week), then had one of those conversations with my dear wife, so I sucked it in, tried to remember all of the good things I have to be thankful for.

The title of my blog is heart to heart, that means my intention is to write the raw-uncut version of what goes on in my heart. I’m secure enough to know, most of us battle with the same stuff. You may not be letting anyone close enough to your life to see the struggles when they happen- but we all smoke and sputter at times because we’re human.

C.S. Lewis wrote a book called A Grief Observed It was his personal journal after the death of his wife Joy Grisham from cancer. It is powerful stuff. What made it powerful, was the fact that you can read his inner most thoughts in the midst of his grief.

Now I’m not C S Lewis, and I’m not dealing with the loss of my wife, but most of us get rejected from time to time, and I’m not the only one whose had a restless nights sleep because of it.

I’m not sure where to go with this post. Just writing it out has helped defuse a lot of my anger. Hurt (for me) doesn’t stay hurt for very long. It quickly ferments into a low grade anger. I’m temped to delete several names off my recommended reading list….people whose blogs I read but never hear back from. The only problem with that is, most of them are really good blogs, and I do think you’ll enjoy most of them or I wouldn’t have them listed.

Most of us leave a trail of burnt bridges . Some of them needed to be burnt…abusive toxic relationships….

Others, we burn because we’re hurt and it feels good to strike back. The only problem with that is, sooner or later, in virtually every close relationship, there are going to be misunderstandings. The closer you get to another person, the more likely it is, one of you is going to say or do something to hurt the other person- and there’s a good chance they won’t even know it. Do I want to get to the end of my life-pretty much alone, due to my habit of torching relationships the first or third time the other person did something to upset me? I have that option, and I’ve done it….I’ve also forgiven my friends when maybe someone else would have walked away, and those relationships feel that much richer and deeper because of it. Thanks for listening to an old fool vent.

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PS. these thoughts are being added several hours after my initial post. I think the reason I decided to post my thoughts today were not so much these were life and death issues as much as I think all of us experience moments where we feel rejected by people close to us….and for me this is what it feels like.

** There is more going on with this that I’m letting you in on.

*** I got this comment via e-mail this morning:

> ” We as humans are wired to connect, and when
> we are abandoned everything inside of us rises up
> screaming. I continue to read your blog and enjoy it
> immensely.”

Coming Out Of The Ice / Emotional Numbness part 2

      A new friend Shelly had a comment/question  on  my post Emotional Numbness .    I asked her if she would be willing to write a follow-up letter.   Here it is:

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Coming Out of the Ice

Back in 2001 the Lord said to me, “I want to capture
your heart.”  My mind was a blank. What was God
telling me? A counselor said to me a few years ago,
“You remind me of a Hollywood set. Everything looks
fine on the outside, but you go behind it and there is
nothing there.” I had a gut sense that he was right,
but I had no idea what he meant.  Other remarks
through the years have elicited the same internal
“Huh?” from me.

In God’s grace and infinite mercy He has connected the
dots, and I now understand fully.  Words are symbols
for the meaning behind them, and the words had no
meaning for me. I had no life experiences to draw on
to show me what those words meant. There are many
things that unless we experience them we won’t know
what they are.  I can explain to you in precise detail
what it is like to peel and eat an orange, but until
you actually peel and eat one you are not going to
know what that experience is like.

I grew up in a home where the verbal abuse was
constant, vicious, and broke my spirit, my identity,
my hope, my joy, anything beautifully human about me.
Threats to throw me out of the house were constant.
They did ultimately disown me as a young adult.  My
parents wanted control at all costs and would stop at
nothing to make sure that they got it. I became numb
to survive.  If I had fully felt and been aware of all
of the arrows, knives, and atom bombs being thrown at
me I’m sure that I would have become catatonic, run
away, turned to drugs, or committed suicide. Being
numb saved me. Being numb kept the true me “on ice” as
well.

225 books, 9 years of counseling, and most importantly
redeeming experiences from kind, caring people are
finally calling those sleeping emotions back to life.
However it has been a long, slow, painful journey to
“wake up.”  Imagine how painful a tingling hand feels
when the circulation is coming back from being almost
totally frozen. (OW-OW-OW!)

There is a part of the Christian recovery movement
that say, “You think what you feel. Change what you
think and your feelings will follow.”  I don’t
disagree with the position.  However it doesn’t take
into account those people who have virtually no
internalization of feelings like hope, trust, faith,
belonging, being loved, etc. You don’t learn those
things growing up in an unsafe hell hole (also known
as a war zone).or later if no one shows you anything
different in adulthood.  There is nothing inside to
draw on to change your thinking.  I have also found
that most Christians (as most Americans) live time
starved lives and can’t/won’t dedicate the time and
energy it takes to be kind, caring, and loving at a
deep level so that you can begin to have those
feelings awaken. If you have been broken relationally,
you heal relationally. Getting together with a
“caring” Christian at Starbuck’s once every 6 months
won’t fix this; but that’s as much time as they can
give you.  I recently had a pastor tell me, “The
American church is not relational.” It’s truly
pathetic.  How are the emotional orphans supposed to
heal if Christians find it too time consuming to step
up to the plate and show loving relationships to those
who have never seen them?  For us poor, broken
creatures a kind, safe relationship is like talking
about life on Mars.  I have been a Christian for 34
years.  It is only in the last 3 years that I have
finally found relationships that heal.  I certainly
wish those folks had “come ’round” sooner.

       Is there
anyone who would like to comment?

Looking Beyond tragedy

      From a collection of essays by Andree Seu titled In Due Time

    Andree Seu is one of  my favorite authors.  I’m guessing she is in her early 50′s.    Her husband of 20 some years died suddenly a few years ago, leaving her a widow with several young children.   She is a regular contributor to World Magazine. 

       The Chapter “In Due Time” starts out with a conversation between her and her 7 yr old daughter….

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     “WE HAVEN’T SEEN ALL the fallout of this yet.  After a stretch of smooth sailing that I mistook for wellness, the child has taken to bedtime queries about orphans- with more than a theoretical interest.  This isn’t out of the blue, it is on schedule, I suppose; the next phase, a time-released installment of mourning, side effect number 57 of having your daddy ripped from you.

     I know what you’re wondering, little one: Where are the promises?  You cry in the night but….silence.  We have to talk about “time,” you and I.  My years are more than yours, you know.  Not to pull rank, but at 7, patterns hardly being to emerge.  Still, you may have noticed in our Bible stories, the way it feels long between promise made and promise kept.  Abraham.  Noah.  Old man Simeon.

     People fall into that time trap, Aimee.  They think God forgets, or God is distracted doing something-else- and they do anything they please….

     Someday your big brother will teach you chess, and that will help.  Till, then, remember Joseph of he psychedelic coat?  How sometimes things that start out bad turn good, and things that start out good turn bad?  You and I read about that little Jewish boy’s peaks and valleys in a single sitting, from our catbird seat in history.  But what about him,Aimee  (I know you’re good at imagining.)  What did he feel like in that caravan of Ishmaelites?

      Let’s play this out; how are you at seeing around corners:  hated by your brothers, sold like an old Beanie-baby, orphaned like a kitten, a teenage slave, Isn’t that bad, darling?

     No, it’s good!  He ends up the household manager of Pharaoh’s captain of the guard!

    Isn’t that good, Aimee?  No, it’s bad:  Potiphar’s wife frames Joseph and he lands up back in jail.

      Isn’t that bad,Aimee?  No, it’s good!  In jail, he hears important dreams that land him as Pharoah’s vizier.  Strands of history and geography woven together by a skillful hand, and Joseph saves his dad and brothers, and counts his former troubles but a pittance on the scales.

     “Better is the end of a thing than it’s beginning.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8)  The last chapter is what counts, isn’t it?  Between the covers of the book, knights will fall, pawns will be sacrificed, bishops will topple and be toppled, rooks will come and go-  all those great upheavals and reversals Mary saw in the Spirit, singing her Magnificat.

    The faithfulness of God is why the perseverance of man (and little girls) is so important.  What you’re seeing now is middles, freeze frames, the crest of the curve and not its falling arc, the ball as it looks snapped in mid-air by your Polaroid.  But “you have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purposes of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” James 5:11

     There will be magic, daughter mine (I know you are a big girl and you understand).  Remember Sleeping Beauty, how the fairies ‘ wands turned arrows of the witch’s archers to daisies in mid-flight?  Think of it like that.  God will turn your hope to joy, and the Valley of Achor to a door of hope.

      Too early to call this tragedy, my girl.  Not a forever after one, at least……

     We haven’t seen all the fallout of this yet, the gentle misting rain of grace…..”

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Several of my blog readers have a full plate of suffering in their lives…..I read this  tonight and thought of you.