Had it bad yesterday.
I call it “the “gnaws”
If you’re alive, you’ve experienced it , even if you won’t admit it on the internet….
My heart leaks like a sieve. I’ve attempted to keep it quenched and satisfied by many of the same things you do to keep your soul satisfied.
I written about it here so I’m not going to repeat myself. That post continues to be the most “hit” post on my blog.
I’m not looking for sympathy, many of you reading this have way more on your plate than I do. Here’s a note I wrote to a friend last time this happened :
I’m home puttering around. I have a moderate case of the “gnaws.”
In my gut, and heart, a feeling of empty and restless. It feels like a rat is gnawing on my
soul. I thought about blogging about it, but not sure what to say. I “know”
the right answers: Get busy.
It’s overcast outside which is contributing to it. I’m out of my routine. I’m all caught up on my bookkeeping. I don’t want to be “clingy” w/ people..whether on line or w/ wife so I’m trying to
stay occupied. I have this almost obsessive compulsiveness to keep checking my e-mail to see
if anyone has written. Ever do that? Anyway, that’s where I”m at
When I do internal inventory, (using the acronym HALT) Hungry, Angry Lonely, Tired, there is a moderate level of loneliness .
Nothing compared to when I was single. Just goes to show, being in a healthy deeply committed relationship is not the cure all for this inner angst. I know it will pass but dang, when I’m in the midst of it, it sucks. It feels like am covered with a heavy, wet blanket of shame.
Anyway, thanks for listening. DM
ps. One of the more intriguing chunks of ancient wisdom literature for me was written by a man who also knew first hand what it felt like to have a case of “the gnaws.” His name was Solomon and unlike you and I, he had the resources to pursue every human craving to the nth degree (which he did). He kept a journal which you can read here.
If you’ve never read it, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts. As always, thanks for taking the time to stop by. DM
pss. The angst is gone. The sun is shining. Life is good. I need to head outside and get ready for a concert. Wanted to post this while I could still access some of the darker emotions. Sincerely, DM