“You can sit by me if you like….”

“You can sit by me if you like,” Jarret said to me at lunch today

“Do you know why I asked you to sit by me?”, he asked.

“No, Why do you ask me to sit by you?” I replied.

“Because I like you! “he said with a shy smile.

Jarret is 4 years old.

He has been asking me to sit by him now for the past three weeks.

Our crew is building a shop at their farm.

The family  has  invited us in for  lunch  almost every day we’ve been on the job.

When I sit down at their  14 ft farm table  I think,...this is what it must have felt like to be a part of a large threshing crew..

Grant Wood’s Dinner For Threshers

People with a real gift of hospitality are a dying breed.

Even here in Iowa.

It’s one thing to invite a few close friends over for  lunch once in a while..

I scratch your back, you scratch mine..right?

Well, …it’s a completely different ball game to cook lunch for  a construction crew of 4 , 5 days a week, for the better part of a month.

Today lasagna  was on the menu

Yesterday I thought  Jarret’s mom had asked if I wanted a piece of “cheese cake” for desert?
“Yummy I said..I love cheese cake…!

“No” she replied, I said  “sheet cake”

my bad.

Well, today, guess what we had for desert?

Cheese cake topped with a blueberry filling.

I had to pry the guys away from the table today….

They did not want to go back to work.

John said it was the best tasting lasagna he’d ever had.

While I’m thinking about it..here’s a recent crew photo

Crew photo

I work with a great bunch of guys.

The morale on this crew is second to none.

Nothing worse than working around someone with a bad attitude.

At this point in my life, when I’m looking to hire someone, the numero uno thing I am looking for is

ATTITUDE.

I don’t care if you don’t know how to properly hold a hammer or read a tape measure.

I can teach you those things.

What I really detest is a whiner or someone with a dark cloud following them around.

I am really enjoying  the guys   that is helping me out this Winter.

As I write this, I feel like I’m starting to fade….4:30 AM comes pretty early

Jarret’s comments were still rolling around in my head when I got home from work, and I wanted to tell you about it…

Yea, I’m assuming I have a couple of regular readers 

There is just something serendipitous about a 4 year old   requesting that I be his lunch buddy 3 weeks in a row.

I am a rich man.

I will miss Jarret when the job is done…

Heck, I will miss the whole family…

Here is a picture of the shop we’ve been working on:

End view of shop

One last thing before I sign off…

Did you know what the word Hospitality literally means?

Hospitality:  Lover of strangers

I believe it is more caught than taught…

Jarret is growing up in a home where it is being modeled in a powerful way….

If I were a betting man, someday when he has a home of his own, he will also know how it’s done….

Is there anyone in your life, with the gift of hospitality?  Tell me about them.

If you were my daughter, if you were my son…

Had a little drama on my other blog last night.

A mother  recently left a comment on a blog post sharing about the heartache she has been going through with an older son….well, Son got onto the computer that was still logged onto my post  her comment  was still visible.

He was not a happy camper.

Having personally experience 18 years of parental hell myself, ( it started when our oldest was about 14..and is only just now tapering off 19 years later as child #4 is finally getting his bearings)  I have some perspectives on parenting I wish I could have tapped into so many moons ago.

So for what it’s worth, if I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with this distraught mother (and her slightly dysfunctional son)  here is what I would tell them…

First to the Young man.

I would sit across the table , look him in the eyes and  say.. ” It’s time you grow up.   You need to move out and get a place of your own.  It’s going to be tough…financially and every which way..but the truth is, you do not appreciate what your parents have been doing for you  and you  need an  attitude adjustment.  I might (might have) considered letting you stay here a little longer if you had been willing to play by the rules of our home..but as it is, the drinking, smok’n and blatant disrespect for your mama is the last straw…. You need to be out by the end of the week.  period.”

“Mom…I know you love your little cub.. you love him dearly..unfortunately, at this point, he doesn’t feel it. and he will continue to disrespect you and break your heart until he comes to his senses.  and that may take getting to the end of himself.    When that finally does happen. he’ll be back and you’ll have a new son.”

_______________________

Parents..(especially moms) have a tendency to short circuit the natural consequences of of poor life choices ..the result is, our children continue to flop and flounder and get into all sorts of heartbreaking  situations…heartbreaking.  and we keep bailing them out... you need to stop.  if they get busted, let the natural consequences of their choices  unfold…period.

When I was in the middle of it all, there was a time when I felt like an elephant was stepping on my chest…the stress and pressure was crushing.  I told someone yesterday, I felt like I went through an emotional wood chipper.

I am not the same dad I was going into the parenting gig, 30 plus years ago.

I’ll never forget the time I sat across the table from my 14 yr old daughter who I had just brought home..she’d ran away for 3 days, had no intention of coming home..( I knew where she was, it was just a matter of reeling her in)…

I sat across the table looking @ her …anger, defiance rebellion,contempt written all over her face

She was our strong willed one….that rebelliousness needed to be broken… to break the rebellion but not break the spirit..  you can do it..in fact, if you don’t you will never have real peace…  so I gave her two options…put her in a girls school, or spend a week @ my cousins and his family..(which she really , really did NOT want to do either,for reasons I am not @ liberty to tell you)…. It was a watershed moment in our relationship.  She is still a strong willed young lady.  Yea, we went through a lot more after that, but @ least she knew if push came to shove, I was not going to back down.

I taught a high school shop class for a year…I discovered the same dynamics that made for healthy relationships with my older children also made for healthy relationships in the class room with a group of rowdy young men…

First they needed to know who was in charge…call it what you want, respect/ fear..maybe a little of both…

Secondly…love..they needed to feel that I genuinely liked them… and I did..

Once in a while, they would test me just to see if I was still in charge….

Here’s how it works in Realville :

teacher first- friend second..

Parent first- friend second.

boss first/ friend second.

Feel free to do otherwise   DM

 

__________________

This post is still in a rough draft form, but wanted to post it, so I could get some initial feedback. DM

Parents in pain

This post is written to the Christian parent who finds themselves dealing with a prodigal child (or children).

Dear fellow parent,

As I sit  here this morning, our children range in age from 32 down to 25.  The last 17 years have felt like I’ve chopped my way through the Amazon jungles on foot.  Many, many times I felt lost, did not have a clue as to where I was at or if I were even heading in the right direction .

I have to tell you, once the overt rebellious stuff started happening, I realized there is are overly simplistic and   naive  schools of thought in the Christian camp about our children and  how to keep them from wallowing in all of the crap this world has to offer.

You can do it all right…not try to jam your faith down their throat,  be an approachable parent, willing to own up when you’re wrong,  involve them in good activities,  try your best to help them find good friendships, and avoid the bad ones, participate in youth programs, church, even send them away to  a Bible school…do it all, and  there is NO guarantee, they will still not chose  to shack up with some looser of a boyfriend or, binge drink till they black out...week after week.….

Then what are you going to do?

Nag?

preach ?

take them for counseling?

Second guess yourself?

….if only I had been more firm when I first noticed  she had a strong will!

Why didn’t I do a better job of looking into _________________(fill in the blank)

What do you do with the anger?  Because at some point,  besides feeling afraid for your dear child, there’s a good chance you’re going to be angry about something that has happened…maybe their blatant disrespect or sass, …maybe at someone they “love” , or are running around with…

What

To

Do

About

The

Anger???

As I sit here this morning 2 of our 4 children are still sexually active outside of marriage. (at least I’m 95% sure they are, they’d never tell us that is the case, but  it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to  connect the dots…

So, what is my role in their life, and what is my attitude with them as they continue to make choices that will bring them emotional pain, not to mention some STD or unplanned child, etc?

What do I do with the stuff  you feel?

Biggest help has been finding another parent that “get’s it” and rant together.

Nothing wrong with ranting.

Second thing… I can’t emphasize this strongly enough…

Nagging does not work

Getting angry with them does not work

See, deep down, they feel conflicted…and second thing..it’s not about you,  if sure feels like it is, I know but it’s not…it’s between them and God…

And at the end of the day, God has got to be the one to reel them in, and he is able.  I’ve seen it twice now..and there is a good chance they will have even more spiritual depth than their parents when it happens.

Keep the lines of communication open

Resist those  temptations to draw a line in the sand and say..if you do ________________,  then I’m through trying….

Nope, best thing you can do, is to find another adult and unload.

Couple of final thoughts…

If you kids do happen to turn out, right, don’t be to quick to take the credit..

I’m sitting here 17 yrs into the crisis called parenting older teens and I still have my joy, the kids still love to come home for visit,  2 out of 4 have found their way back spiritually, and the wife and I still love each other…nobody said parenting was a walk in the park.

Drop me a note if you need to talk.   DM

If you’re feeling trapped

Maybe you are

We just got home  from a  family reunion..

Seeing most of these people only every 2 or 3 years gives me the  a sense I’m watching  time-lapsed photography…

I used to internally  cringe at these get togethers.

I would compare our families life choices with the other young families in the mix.

5 of the cousins are either Dr’s or have married Doctors.  I suspect several of the Aunts and Uncles are millionaires…

And then there was our family

My wife chose to stay at home as  our  kids came along…

which meant shopping @ Goodwill and garage sales for the kid’s clothes

Renting instead of owning

Driving an older car

bread from the day old store….

you get the picture.

There are lots of people in the world who have it a 100 times tougher..that I know..

but still, it’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap.

Now, 30 years later, our kids are grown,

wife and I are still in love

I’m still working at a job that energizes and stimulates me most days.

money is still tight, but for the most part we are out of debt….

And those earlier choices don’t seem so stupid any more…

I came across the following description in a book a few weeks ago, that described our life to a T:

     “My grandparents lived a simple country life.  They were totally self-sufficient, tilling a small piece of land and raising their own food….there was a sense of unhurriedness  and simple pleasures.  All the money in the world couldn’t buy such luxury in today’s world.  It is not for sale.   You have to create it….

It is unlikely you can ever totally escape from this high-stress world.  We are all on the same train….but to preserve your sanity and achieve a healthy life, you have to make some choices and resolve to live a balanced life.  By a “balanced” life, I mean, that like a marathon runner, you must learn how to pace yourself.  You give it all you’ve got going uphill and rest as much as you can going downhill.  You try to balance the drain on your energy so you can “go the distance”

From the book The Anxiety Cure by Archibald Hart

_________________________________

As I listened to some of the stories this past weekend, I couldn’t help but think about an article I recently read  about rats,   overcrowding and stress.

Because some (not all)  of  my successful relatives are living under a lot of self-imposed stress, .and I thought to myself but are they happy?

They may be making big bucks, but at what cost?

Here’s a link  to that article  if you’d like to read it.      Rat Study

______________________________

If you hear a still small voice calling you to get out of the rat race don’t just ignore it.

It may be the voice of God.

And He can make a way.

I know what you’re thinking…

There is nobody in your life who would understand…

But here’s the deal…30 years from now, you will not regret it….

“If you make it to the top of the company ladder, but loose your family in the process, you are a fool.”

__________________________–

Sorry if this comes across as a little intense.  I don’t mean to be.  DM

Who’s counting?

by Mary Pierce

Life’s a dream with Firstborn.  In his perfect nursery, we arrange educational toys by stage of development, sub-categorized by color.  Good books like his bookshelves according to the Dewey decimal system.

We order 100 copies of Firstborn;s hospital picture.  We gush.  “Did you ever see a cuter baby?

Every precious Firstborn moment is documented in his baby book.  The first real eye contact (“He looked at me!  He’s a genius!”  The first time he rolls over (Olympics, here we come!”)  His first word  (“Did you hear that?  Hippopotamus” clear as a bell!”_

We save his first shoes, film his first steps and preserve a curl from his first haircut.  We even shrink-wrap Firstborn’s first outfit, for Firstborn’s first born  to wear someday.

Ever ounce of Firstborn’s food is scrutinized for salt, fat and sugar content.  We puree fresh fruits and veretables and offer only whole grains and healthy cereals.  No junk food for our little one!

We record Firstborn’s growth on the “See How I’ve Grown” chart.  Month after month, we suspend him by his underarms, dangling him against the chart, his tiny toes barely brushing the floor, to preserve – and celebrate0 every  adorable quarter-inch.

Life is under control.

Number Two

Along comes Second Child.  We take the hospital picture, but by now we know the truth.  Newborns are kind of goofy looking – even ours.   Only the grandparents see the pictures.

We’re tired but try to valiantly to maintain that perfect atmosphere Firstborn enjoyed.  Feeding standards, however change.  WE puree less and purchase more.  Instead of daily nutritional balance, we try for weekly.

We are stunned as Second Child dismantles the educational toys.  She chews through the home library, finding picture books and the Encyclopedia for Babies equally tasty.

The growth chart reflects Second Child’s development in larger chunks: 1, 3, 6, 8 months and a year.  Her baby book is succinctly sums up her early stages of development:  She came, she saw, she destroyed.”

     Three’s a Charm

Enter Child Three.  We only thought we were tired before.  The Third-child Challenge hits the first time we have to get the whole family out the door.  It’s easier to herd worms.

Child Three has little archeological evidence to prove she exists.  Her hospital picture was lost in the chaos of life.

One photograph is eventually found stuffed into the binding  of her baby book, after the page recording her birth and first shots.  (the rest of the pages are blank)

Child Three appears on the growth chart at 7 weeks and 13 months.  The next mark is at 25 months and then nothing.

With three children food rules go out the kitchen door.   Our menu plan is simple:  Don’t open the same kind of can two days in a row.  Marshmallows become a food group.  To cover the nutritional bases, we toss an occasional chewable dinosaur vitamin into the morning bowl of Sugar Maxi-Bits.

     Home Sweet Home

As Child Three wrestles with the dog for a bologna sandwich that fell off the table, we dream about life before kids:  reading grown up books, watching movies with no animation.  Everything was under control.  Live was better wasn’t it?

We thought so, but somewhere between potty training and T-ball we changed our minds.  Control is highly overrated.  Maintaining a perfect atmopshere is exhausting and impossible – really impossible.

Life got better when we gave up trying to keep a perfect house and decided instead to create a home: an imperfect, sometimes crazy place where imperfect  people can live, grow, try, fail, laugh and love.  A place to belong.

A home with new rules:  Clutter keeps, kids don’t .  A little dir – even occasional chaos – never hurt anyone.  and every life, every season, every day, every moment is a gift.  Precious and brief.

One day we expect to have plenty of time for grown-up movies.  Life will have some semblance of order again.  And the house will be quiet.  Very, very quiet.

We’ll have plenty of time to marvel at how quickly these days have passed.  And we’ll have plenty of time to miss them.

____________________________________________________________________

(This was an article Mrs DM clipped out of an old Focus on the Family magazine.  I printed off a copy for a friend tonight (she has 3 little ones in tow, one was “grazing on the kitchen floor” when we stopped…Mrs DM reassured her, that it was OK and had this article to pass along….Wanted to share it with those of you with little ones.  DM)

Picture of my brother and I back in the day…I was a first born

I know I could decieve her…

…”A few years ago I had been away from home for many weeks on a long trip and had been with people constantly.  I was desperate3 to get away from people for a while.  So when I got on the plane I sat in an aisle seat.  The middle seat was vacant and the window seat was occupied by a young woman.  As we waited for the plane to take off,  I retreated as deeply as possible into a book I was carrying.  It was purely an anti-social maneuver.  But my traveling companion wanted to talk.  She asked, ” What are you reading?”

“A book,” I replied.

“What is the name of it?” she asked.

“Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz,” I said.

“Do you study psychology?”

“No”

Everything was monosyllables.  By then the engines were running and we were beginning to taxi down the runway.  She kept at it.  I had a head cold and could hardly hear.  Finally, I closed the book and moved to the vacant seat between us, and we began to converse.

I soon realized what she really had in mind was to find a companion.  Going straight to the point, I said, ” I travel a lot and many times I am lonely.  I often encounter temptations to be unfaithful to my wife.  But I’ve decided it’s not worth it.  I know I could deceive her, but the basis of our relationship is our mutual love and confidence.  She trusts me, and I trust her.

I’ve lived long enough to realize that meaning in life is not found in seeing what I can get away with, or in bigger achievements, or in a position, or in how my leisure time is spent.  I’ve learned that meaning is found in relationships.  Consequently, I don’t intend to destroy the best relationship I have.  If I came home having been unfaithful to my wife, even though she might not perceive it, and even though I could keep it from her, I’d know.  She would come to me with her blind confidence and I’d have to somehow create a distance between us.  We’d be pulled apart and she would never know why.  Soon we would be strangers living together under the same roof.”

The ones who would pay most heavily would be my wife and children.  That strikes me as the height of selfishness.”

She was dumbfounded!~

Then she began to open up.  She said, “I”m twenty-four years old.  I ought to be getting married, but all my married friends have affairs and if that’s the way it is, I don’t want it.  When my friends go away for the weekend, their husbands are soon knocking at my door.  They are like little boys.  I just don’t think I could handle it if my husband were like that.”

Then she added, “I’ve never heard ideas like yours.  Where do they come from?”

“You’d laugh if I told you.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” she said.

“I got them from the Bible,” I said.  I went on to explain to her what the Christian message is and how it changes a person so he can get his life in order.  By then we were about to land.  What frustration!  We were in the middle of my explanation.  She was intensely interested in every word, but we had to quit.

As the passengers moved into the aisle, I let her go on ahead.  When I came off a bit later and walked up the concourse, I passed her standing with a circle of about ten of her friends who had come to meet her.  They were the ones she had told me about on the plane.  She stopped me and made the rounds of introductions.  I stood there for at least ten minutes while she related our conversation to them. …

excerpt from a book by Jim Peterson

_______________________________________

I (DM) have been chewing on this book the past couple of days.

What does  trust look like in  a marriage relationship?

Integrity…

Who am I when no one is looking?

Priorities….What are the most important things  in my life?

Temptations…

Internet relationships…

Dad

Old newspaper clipping  dad running a transit

Dad worked  the equivalent of 2 full time jobs  all the while  I was growing up.

I don’t remember seeing much of him except on the weekends.

It wasn’t until  mom had a run in with cancer that priorities and family patterns started changing.

Definitely never heard “I love you” or  “I’m proud of you” those early years.   though I’m sure both were true…we just weren’t a verbal / “touchy -feely” family.  I didn’t really know what a hug was until I married into my wife’s family.

It wasn’t until I was  in my early 40′s that dad asked if he could take me out for breakfast on my birthday.

It was a stretch.

The only thing we felt comfortable talking about those first few birthdays  was work.

That year, Dad began taking all of my siblings out when our birthday’s rolled around.   He  wanted to invest in  and regain some of the ground lost from our youth.   A few years later, my siblings and I decided it would be good to take him out for breakfast on his birthday.

Siblings taking dad out for his birthday

Yesterday we had a surprise  party for his 80th birthday.  The four of us kids invited  people  he had worked with over the years to a buffet at the local truck stop.

He didn’t see it coming

 yesterday morning

I’m feeling nostalgic today….can you tell?

Here are some random things I’ve picked up from my dad.

#1  “Retirement is not in my vocabulary”  He is still working, though not quite as intensely as he did 10 years ago.  He was pouring concrete walls last Saturday morning with  my uncles crew at a dairy set up.  He loves what he does (farms 240 acres of ground and part-time  construction.)  Do what you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life

#2  “Look people in the eye when you talk to them, and have a firm hand shake.“  Yep.  If you ever meet me in person, expect both.  I got both of those traits from my dad.

#3  It is possible to love the same woman your whole life time.

Mom and dad celebrated 55 years together last Fall…and they still like each other.

#4   Real men have a spiritual dimension to their lives.     He is not just a “go through the motion” type  of guy.

I’ve watched him   wrestle with what  it means to bring your faith with you to the construction arena.

#5  I’ve definitely picked up the  “farming bug” and love for animal  from my dad.

#6 Heart of mercy.  Yep, got that one from him for sure. I remember one time, our family dog had taken a liking to fresh chicken. ie.  he got into the chicken house and killed several hens.   Dad took the dog out behind the barn to put him down…cause once a chicken killer/ always a chicken killer…that’s just how it works.   Dad came back in the house a few minutes later and said. he just didn’t have the heart to shoot the dog…it just sat there on its haunches, looking him in the eyes,  with a guilty look.

#7  “Your word is your bond.  If you tell somebody something, then by golly, you need to follow through on it.”  In the mid 1970′s  one of the local banks in our community decided to build .  It was built on a handshake between dad and the bank president.  I’m serious.  Things are still done around here on a handshake on occasion.

#8  If you win every job you bid, then you’re probably too low.   Profit is not a dirty word.  Regardless of what the politically correct crowd would have you believe today.

#9 Attitude.   There is power in a positive attitude….and I DO have some control on what I allow my mind to think on.

I remember dad reading Norman Vincent Peal’s book, the Power of Positive thinking….to this day, those thoughts are with me.

#10   Hair is sooooooooooo  over rated.  I’ve got my receding hair line from my dad and by the look of things, have passed it on to my son.

It’s never too late to set some new patterns in your life.   Even in your 70′s and 80′s you can do it if you want.  You really can.

Well, it feels like it’s about time for my power nap.   DM

Blogging relationships and the process of thinning

We have 80  different apple trees on our property.

They are a sight to behold when they are all laden with fruit….

These are pictures from 2009 and 2010:

Ginger gold

Red Delicious

_________________________________________

I was out in the orchard today checking on the 2012 crop.

Noticed they are about ready to go through their thinning process :

I took this picture this afternoon.

If you look really closely, there are larger apples as well as little tiny ones.

Just to give you an idea, the larger ones are about the size of a quarter…the smaller apples will drop off in the next week or two so that the tree will pour it’s energy into the apples that remain.

I’ve been blogging since 2007.

Hard to believe.

Noticed on my counter this morning there have been over 300,000 hits, whatever that means

During this time my wife and I have become friends with people literally from around the globe.

I’ve met 4 of you in person, in some cases more than once.

A handful of you are also friends on face book, so that has added another dimension to our interactions.

I have been very intentional from the very beginning to include my wife in all of my interactions on line.   We share the same e-mail address, same Face book account, etc.  Most of us have heard accounts of people running off with someone they “met” on line.  Unfortunately  that sort of thing happens in a broken world.

and I don’t want it to ever  happen to me….

If you think it could never happen to you, then the slide has already been greased.

Every so often, I will meet another blogger and really “click”…a genuine friendship will begins to form… (like an apple) but then one day, when I log on to visit their blog… poof..they are gone,  no notice..just gone….like those small apples that will fall off during thinning.

Even though I know it’s a natural and healthy process, it leaves  me a little sad….

That happened again this week.

Blogging friend dropped off the radar.

I was tempted to feel like Puff the Magic Dragon..

Remember the song?

the little boy sudden stops coming to visit…

Fortunately for me,

I am surrounded by several loving nurturing relationships…..both on-line as well as in person.

I thought about the apple tree  and its ability to only grow so many apples in a season…

There’s a reason for that.

Even those of us that tend to be more social than others can only maintain and invest in a limited number of relationships.

I used to think there was no limit to the number of friendships I could stay current with.

Not any more

Those of us that blog, blog for different reasons….

If you’re a blogger, why do you blog?

If you’re not a blogger but enjoy reading blog posts..what do you get out of it?

Is it possible to have genuine friendships with people and never meet them in person?

Do you have any friendships that started on line and matured into something significant in your life?

DM

no regrets

In 1987  I penned a list of long-term  personal goals.

It wasn’t as easy as you think.

I never know who is reading my stuff so if you’re a regular, bear with me 30 seconds while I give the context

I was 29 years old. Married to a very supportive wife, 3 young children, working full-time as a carpenter, pursuing schooling on the side to potentially be a marriage and family counselor.   VERY  involved @ our local church in youth work and Saturday work days.  Things were very tight financially  but overall, I felt things were going pretty well.  My wife felt otherwise.  Plus we were living 1000 miles from home.  Things came to a head.  She was angry because she saw me reaching out to other people’s kids while ours were being neglected, doing work on other people’s homes while stuff @ our home went untouched. I’m embarrassed now to even think I was so  dense

There’s a song by Sanctus Real on Christian radio right now that captures that time in my life perfectly

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear her saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re independent, but on the inside

______________________________________________

I dropped out of everything.  Focused my energies where they belonged…first and foremost a husband and father.

Made a list of long-term goals (back to where I started this post)

I  set some long-term goals.  A 5 year goal, a 10 year goal,  a 20 year goal , a 30 year goal  and lend of life goals.

Here’s  a portion of my end of life goal:

#1  I would have loved my wife, children, brothers and sisters with no regrets.

#2   I would have a  home in the countryside  with animals and growing things.

#3  That I would have been faithful to God to the end...that I ran the race well.

(Life is a marathon/ not a  50 yard dash)  If I’m going to make the long haul, then by golly, I need to know how to set a long-term pace/ and that includes knowing how to live a balanced life)

We live in such a materialistically saturated culture.

I know financial pressures first hand. I know what it’s like to not have enough money to  take the kids to the dentist. Clothes shop @ the  Salvation Army.  Grocery shopping @ Aldi’s.   Not have enough $ for postage stamps.   Drive old cars donated to help out families like ours.

I also know that in some mysterious way, I have been led.  We just celebrated 33 years of marriage this past weekend and our relationship is still smoke’n!

We survived the teen years and I have great lines of communication with all 4 of our children.

My relationship with my parents and siblings has never been better.

Came across a list from the book by Bronnie Ware titled The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

In it, she lists the top five regrets of those lying on their death beds.

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I had not worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

__________________________________

I read that list and can honestly say @ this point.  I have no regrets. None, Nada. Period.

I am so thankful things came to a head back in 1987.   If you’re reading this post and are wondering about your life purposes…your goals, if you feel trapped…you know what I’m talking about.  This is not a bad place to be.

It may mean in the deep recesses of your sub-conscience  the real you, is crying out for you to stop long enough to set some goals.

Quit running a hundred miles an hour…..

in the wrong direction…

DM

Grandpa you were wrong

Don’t

Surrender

Your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more

Deep.

Let it ferment and season you

As few human

Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight

Has made my eyes so soft,

My voice so

Tender….

from the poem “My Eyes So Soft”  by Hafiz

_______________________________________________

For years I’ve  been intrigued by the issue of loneliness.

I’m very relational, and on those occasions where the winds of loneliness did  blow through my soul I HATED  it.

Yes, even when you’re in a great marriage, on occasion a person still can experience the angst of loneliness.

On the morning of my wedding I stopped by my grandpa’s house after I got my hair cut to say “Hi”

He’d been married for over 50 years by this time.

We talked about marriage.

 He told me : “After three months,  it’s all work”

He gave me the impression, the romantic feelings I was feeling were not going to last.

That was 33 years ago this weekend.

4 children later….

We still like to hold hands,

Read to each other

and  are very much in love

Mrs DM is taking off on a trip to help out with the grand kids tomorrow.

She’ll be gone for 5 days.

I miss her already.

If you’ve been a reader of my blog for very long, you know I’m a big U2 fan…

Some couples have a song that captures their relationship…

here’s ours….

The picture below was taken on our 25th anniversary.

We still look pretty much the same today.  Mrs. DM’s hair is a little more gray and mine,

well, I don’t have  as much.

Still rock’n after 33 years.