You’ve probably heard if we have just one or two deep long term friendships we should count ourselves blessed.
Archive for the ‘friendship’ Category
I’m going to get right to the point on this one. I met Joy probably 4 years ago now because both of us were using WordPress to blog. While I’ve never met her in person, she has become a friend in real life.
About a month ago, she found out she had some type of cancer that affects her blood.
She has been uncharacteristically quiet on her Facebook involvement, so I shot an quick e-mail to a mutual acquaintance earlier this week who sent me an update.
She needs a blood marrow donor and unless there is at least a 90% match, they won’t even attempt the procedure.
I’m sorry if some of the medical details are a little sketchy…I’m not @ liberty to tell you much more than this…in fact, I’m not even going to link back to her blog because I don’t have her permission and I know she’s in the fight of her life..don’t want to bother her with something like that.
One of the things that has surprised me most about blogging (I’ve been @ it now since late 2007) is how some blogging relationships have turned into real, honest to goodness friendships, some of them quite significant.
I (DM) looked into becoming a bone marrow donor this week after getting the update on Joy. It sounded like the marrow donor program are really looking for people between the ages of 18 to 44 so they kind of discouraged me from registering
So couple of things…if you are a person of faith, and believe in the power of prayer, please remember Joy the blogger in your prayers..and secondly, if you’re under 44 years of age, I would really invite you to consider getting registered w/ the bone marrow donor bank…sounds really simple and easy to do…
Thank you in advance! DM
Blogging brings with it the temptation and false illusion of deep friendships.
Last night I was thinking about the many, many people I’ve had the opportunity to get to know via my wordpress blog since 2007
I’ve observed a pattern.
most eventually drift away…not all of them, but most.
It is actually a good thing.
Apple trees do the same thing every summer. (we have a small orchard)
The tree start out with hundreds of newly pollinated apples in late May, but by early June, many have fallen to the ground. The remaining apples will then have the nourishment and energy they require to mature.
The following is a portion of an essay on friendships by Ralph Waldo Emerson:
“Our friendships hurry to short and poor conclusions, because we have made them a texture of wine and dreams, instead of the tough fibre of the human heart. The laws of friendship are austere and eternal, of one web with the laws of nature and of morals. But we have aimed at a swift and petty benefit, to suck a sudden sweetness. We snatch at the slowest fruit in the whole garden of God, which many summers and many winters must ripen.”
And finally, I posted this on facebook last night:
I glanced out our kitchen window this past Saturday and just about died.
Donna B (not her real name) was reaching for the door nob.
The last time she’d stopped, I had to tell her three times we did not want to listen to her gossip and slander her estranged husband, (who happened to be a friend of mine). The visit lasted at least 3 hours. Wore both my wife and I out.
That was two months ago…and now here she was again.
She came in, sat down @ the kitchen table and began to talk.
For 2 and 1/2 hours she talked. One story to the next.
It was not a conversation, because she does most of the talking.
Wife and I caring people.I would say we are both great listeners.
But how much is too much?
It took a while but I finally decided there has got to be a tactful way to put a time limit on a compulsive talker.
I came across an excellent article by Charles Shahar
Here’s a portion of it:
“A comfortable conversation has a certain flow. Both parties are focused on each other. There is an active give-and-take. This dynamic exchange brings pleasure to the participants. They are energized by the experience. When they leave, they will seem livelier than before the conversation. They may look back at the encounter with fondness, and will respond favorably to the other person when they meet them again.
A conversation with a compulsively talkative person has a different flow. All of the attention is aimed in one direction: you are doing the listening, they are doing the talking. They seem to have an infinite capacity for spouting forth words. You will find that you are getting tired, your body is sagging, you feel restless, or you feel tightness in the pit of your stomach. They are draining your energy. You are doling out tons of attention, you are working hard for them, and they are reveling in the limelight. This is what they live for.
...you are conversing with a human leech…. When the conversation is over you will feel depleted, spent. They took your juice. It may take hours to recover it….
Compulsive talking is an indication that you are dealing with a neurotically needy person. The reason they speak obsessively is to hold your attention. They are desperate to this end, and fear that if they stop talking, you will lose interest and leave. They rely on your sense of courtesy, on your desire not to appear offensive by interrupting or cutting them off. In fact, they will take advantage of someone who lets them continue unabated.
Needy people will tell you all about their problems. They will spare no details. They don’t care whether you are interested or not. In fact, they are completely insensitive to your feelings or desires. The important thing for them is the juice– your attention. It is like a drug for them.
They are addicted to your attention. ….. When you start to cut off the juice, they get anxious.”
So this morning in our home church, I brought up the situation and asked if we could do a little role-playing
I don’t want to be rude, yet I also don’t want to feel trapped.
One of the suggestions was the next time Donna (or someone like her) pays a visit, greet them @ the door and establish the amount of time right up front. You have 20 minutes for a cup of coffee, (or If I don’t thank her for stopping, but now is really not a good time.)
For the life of me, I can’t see Jesus siting there for 3 hours while someone sucked the life out of him emotionally.
So tell me your story. Are there any “compulsive talkers” in your life? How do you handle them?
As always, thanks for stopping by my little corner of the Internet DM