A little something to let you know I’m still alive and well. DM

This first clip is just three minutes long.  It will make your day.

This next one is on

the topic of vulnerability.  Let me know what you think. DM

The Poetry of Anne Maren-Hogan

“I can feel the grit of dust and crunch of downed cornstalks in these poems.  They are not nostalgic ditties, but instead are strong songs, often in a haunting minor key, that remove me to a time when many footsteps, from many families, from many homes, sounded on the Midwestern farm scape.”

Timothy Fay  (taken from  the back cover of Anne’s book of poetry)

Anne and Sam  with the Mrs and I  March 23 2013

I was introduced to Anne Maren-Hogan’s book of poetry this past November by her nephew Chris.

I would be the first to admit I am not a big reader of poetry….which makes what happened to me all the more powerful.

I can still remember sitting in Ms Burns 7th grade class reading “Jonathan Livingston Seagull. “

I got the impression something deep and profound was  going on in that story, but it was  beyond me.

(The same thing happened in Mr Newland’s slide rule class…..I felt  over my head and could not swim)

NEVER  wanting  to find  myself in that sort of discussion setting again.

Flash forward 40 year .

Chris  hands me a little book of poetry @ coffee break written by his aunt Anne. (Chris works with me)

In my mind, I’m thinking...oh/ no/  if I take it, he’s going to ask me later what I think…?

I will be exposed for the uncultured farm boy that I am.

I took the book.

I inhaled the book.

I discovered a writer that drew me in.

She wrote about growing up in a large farm family , not too many miles from me.

Here’ another quote from the back of the book:

“With narrative grace and keen insight, Anne Maren-Hogan celebrates the strength and perseverance of women.  Spanning two decades, the poems in The Farmers Wake offer a thoughtful meditation on family, place and culture.   The poems move beyond a chronicle of farm lief in the Midwest to remind us all of the very human connections we share with each other and this earth.  The landscape in these poems may be harsh and isolated, but the writing is rich and rewarding: stitching it all together with this certainty/ of leaving and returning as  Maren-Hogan writes in “Lifting My Eyes”  Pat Riviere-Seel

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Anne and her husband Sam were back in the area this past week visiting family.

I’d built a multipurpose addition to our shop this Fall and had been wanting to do a “German Building dedication”

Last Saturday night, was the dedication.

Anne and Sam, joined us for a night of poetry/ music and mirth.

I asked Anne,  if she cared if I included one of her poem on this post.  So I did get her blessing.

I intended to include my favorite poem titled The Farmer’s Wake”

(It is about her dad’s wake)

I’ve had a change of heart.

I’m going to hold off  because  I feel like she  has shared something with us very precious and sacred.

A  glimpse into her heart.

I will instead give you a link to her book of poetry, so you could have your own copy.

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In case you stumble across this post later Anne, I just want to say  thank you again for  sharing your heart, both in your poems and for actually coming and reading them aloud .

I am a wealthy man.  DM

German building dedication

Lead carpenter (me) nailing the evergreen branch to the gable. 

A Desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul

I had an opportunity to have several desires of my heart fulfilled this past week….

1.  Take a cross country train ride with my  girlfriend

2.  Spend my birthday in Seattle hanging out with  a blogging friend and her family.

3.  Check  out Pike’s market while we were in town

4. Experience the music scene of Portland Oregon with our musician friend Katie.

And best of all, I came home refreshed…I have  honestly figured out  how this leisure thing works.

If you’re a regular reader  on my other blog, some of this will  be old news.

 

Train pulling into the station

Last Friday night we boarded The Empire Builder in La Crosse Wisconsin.

We were headed for Seattle

Wife has taken the Amtrak a couple of times to Denver and Chicago, but I’ve never been on a train  before. (unless you count that tourist train in Boone Iowa  that takes you on a ride through the woods and over a bridge)

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Lacrosse Wisconsin. 

Friday night

As we waited in the Depot I  bantered  with an Amish farmer who was also waiting for the train.  He looked to be in his mid 40′s .He and his wife were getting away for a couple of days to see friends in Minnesota. He told me with a twinkle in his eye  they had 10 kids @ home who were keeping an eye on things.  I told him this was my first real train trip. He  didn’t know what to think about that.

About 7:30 PM the train pulled into the station…

There was a light snow was falling as  the conductor  scanned our ticket and told us which car to get on.

It felt like a “Norman Rockwellian” moment…

Or  I was about to step into a time machine…

 

Saturday morning Date 2

We woke up the next morning near Devils Lake North Dakota.

Blowing snow

wheat fields for as far as the eye can see…

Harvested wheat field of North Dakota

As we continued west, we went through towns with names like Wolf Point, Malta, Cut Bank, Sand Point…

Train station in Malta MT 

(didn’t realize it until after I took this picture but  it looks like a young Amish mother  and 4 of her children waiting for someone)

I kept thinking..I wonder how many more years these communities will have  train service..

50 years ago, 1000′s of small communities each had their train stations..You could hop on a train and travel to just about anywhere you wanted.

The train doesn’t come to our town any more.  The tracks  are no longer there….they are just a memory. I remember a work crew tearing out the tracks in the late 1970′s   The depot disappeared  in 1972 I’m thinking..

One of the highlights of the train ride was meeting Linda….a fellow traveler.. I think she’d gotten on shortly before we boarded..When she told us she was also headed for Seattle..there was an instant connection.  We were all in this “adventure” together.

She told us she was heading west to spend some time with her daughters and help out with a new grand-baby.

Sunday morning Day 3 of our trip

We woke up the second day in Eastern Washington state.  Barren apple orchards flashed by my window for several minutes.  As a fellow orchardist , I  would have loved to see those trees  in the Fall….

As we neared Seattle, I texted Kristina our soon to be hostess and told her I thought we would be about an hour late…not bad for traveling  2000 miles in the dead of winter through the Northern plains and Rocky Mountains…not  bad @ all

I heard someone ask the conductor about our arrival time?. Conductor said we were going to be on time…

whoops…

I retexted Kristina told her what  I’d just found out and told her we would be fine..didn’t want her to  stress out.

Got off the train, asked one of the rail car attendants if he would take our picture…

Just arrived in Seattle via Amtrak

I felt like Country Mouse coming to visit his cousin City Mouse

Here’s a view of part of the Seattle train station…

Train Depot in Seattle

Let me know if you’d like to read about the rest of the  trip…I’ll give you a link to the other posts.  g-nite. DM

Grandma was wrong

Picture of me at work yesterday….20 feet in the air/ living the dream ….my dream that is;-)

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“Oh Doug.. You were such a good student…I really hoped you would go to college.”  grandma said when she found out her eldest grandson was NOT planning to go to college..instead, I had decided to follow in my dad’s foot steps and work in construction.

There was disappointment written all over her face..

I felt bad.  Not until she was dead and gone did I appreciate where she was coming from.  Not until I had children of my own, watched them make life choices  that would affect them  long term… in ways they didn’t understand…then I was finally able to understand my grandma’s concerns…

But Grandma was wrong.

There is more to life than money.  A meaningful life  has nothing to do with material things…

I have a couple of friends who are making 2 and 3 times the amount of money  I do but hate their jobs….

They have full benefits, a 401 K… and they are quick to talk about what they want to do when they retire.

No thank you.

Quoting my dad now...”The word retirement is not in my vocabulary”

(Dad just turned 80 this past year and is still active in construction)

Last week I stopped @ Loes to buy a new  skill saw.

Good morning”  I said to a woman about my age.   She looked tired.

“How are you?” I asked…”(It was about 7 AM..she was  checking inventory)

“I wish I were home” she  replied.

I felt for her..  Her life was not her own.  There were bills to pay…only God knows the series of life decisions and circumstances that have brought her to this place in life….

Last April I was invited to speak at a jobs fair for high school students.

Started by sharing a quote that has cast a long shadow over my life :

“Do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

Don’t just settle for a job where you punch the time clock.

You may have to work @ a job  (or three) where you  “punch the time clock” in order to get where you really want to be….

but don’t stop there.. God didn’t create you to be a mindless worker ant ..unless that is what you really love to do.

I remember the pressure I felt  in school trying to figure out what I wanted to do once I graduated.   A real part of me thought I should  be a vet…that was until Mr Guard pulled me to the side one day in the guidance office  and  “suggested ” my grades indicated I probably couldn’t handle vet school.  I know he was only doing his job..but “dream killer” comes to mind  when I think of that conversation.

(years later I built a house for a vet/ told her my story, to which she replied, “Doug, if you really wanted to be a vet,one way or the other, you could have done it.  I didn’t make it the first time or two when I applied to vet school either..if you want it bad enough, you could have done it”)

Two  of my daughters , have  the desire to be a wives  and mothers.

Period.

I remember being @ the ripe old age of 20, having the strongest desire (nesting urge?) to settle down and start a family.

So  I did.

Best decision I ever made.

Pop culture today  mock those kind of  dreams…and I’m here to tell you, pop culture is full of #@$%%.

(that’s  German for incorrect…I’ve been using more German in my blog posts lately  you may have noticed )

If truth be told, pop culture is wrong on just about everything it promotes.
“We’ve  got a form of brainwashing going on in our country.”  Morrie sighed.  “Do you know how they brainwash people?  They repeat something over and over.And that’s what we do in this country.  Owning things is good.  More money is good.  More property is good.  More commercialism  is good.  More is good.  More is good. We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise.  The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore….

from the book Tuesday’s with Morrie.

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If there is more to life than money…what do you think that “more” is?

What in your life brings you satisfaction?

What would you tell the person who is up to their eyeballs in bills, who feels stuck in a dead in job they hate?

DM

Johnny

Friend of mine purchased an old  building, asked if I could help  install a patio door 20 feet up, through an  exterior  wall, covered with Stucco.

(stucco = concrete)

I came prepared.  Brought the  cement saw with a diamond blade.

a handful of new sawzall blades. (they look like sharp steak knives…hold on to that detail)

and two quarts of coffee.

Must have coffee.

My friend had a young man in his early 30′s there to help.

His name was Johnny..

He was built  like a tank.  chiseled,  and had  this hard stoic look in his eyes..

He looked like he belonged  in a  gang.

Construction types  remind me of my dad’s roosters….

Sometimes  I pick up an undercurrent of circling  and sizing  each other up…  like roosters getting ready to spar

Johnny  and I were was no exception.

When I looked at the 4 sections of rickety  scaffolding set up for us to work on, it creeped me out..I told Johnny  I was allergic to heights.   (I really do hate heights btw)

“What???” he said with a sneer ,  “I thought you were  the carpenter, and  you’re telling me you are afraid of heights?”

  “Yep” I  said with a smirk.    Now he really didn’t know what to do with me…

I love to banter w/ tough guys   and soften them up…poke holes in their machismo.

It took me less that   30 minutes  working along Johnny to soften him up ..

He  went from questioning my sanity to thinking I was (his words, not mine  a “Master”).

I jumped on the section of scaffolding below Johnny,  asked him to hand me  the  sawzall.  He let it down by the chord, (it wasn’t running, but the 6 inch  blade was sticking down as he swung it to me).

It slid deeply into my wrist .  I took one look at the wound and  said, “Johnny, I need to go  to the hospital” . 

Johnny said, “You’re kidd’n right?”   “No,  I said,  “I just got stabbed, and need to go to the hospital NOW!” 

           He felt terrible.  “It would be one thing, if you were just some “grunt”, but you are like a “Master” ” he moaned.

Hour and 1/2,  $750.00 later I was back on  the job,  (arm wrapped  w/ 5 stitches)

I tried to supervise when we got back, but it was taking forever.

I  grabbed the cement saw and  went back to work.

  “Man, you are one bad #*&, he said.     

If he only knew.

..pardon the sweat… that’s me showing off

it’s a little trick I know….

you  touch your nose with a 10 pound sledge

very carefully

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Footnote. those of you that are long time readers may remember this post..It was buried in the archives.

No more shame

“I’ve thought about every word you said,” Dan told me on Friday….and the shame is gone…completely gone. I haven’t felt this light and free in years.“

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End of November I (Douglas)  spent an extended weekend high in the mountains of Colorado at a men’s retreat working through some issues.   I wasn’t sure quite what to expect as I got there, I told someone later, I felt like I was going to have a “spiritual colonoscopy”

Colon cancer runs in our family, so I’ve had the “opportunity” to be scoped on more than one occasion. Once you hit 50, it’s recommended everyone get’s one of these, but if you’re like most chickens (I mean people)  we put it off and put it off…the thing is, if you catch the polyps early it is a very treatable cancer..the problem comes when you wait….

So too, in life,  personal  issues that are ignored usually don’t  just magically go away…they tend to grow and fester…so early on in our marriage, when  I found myself completely stuck and confused,  at a point of desperation, I reached out for help.  It taught me a valuable lesson.  Why  should I  spend months (or years)  struggling with the same old crap  when an answer may be forthcoming in  a 60 minute conversation if I have the gut’s and I’m humble enough to say “I’m stuck, I have a problem…can  you help?”

This stuff was never modeled for me growing up.  I’ve had to learn it the hard way.

So, over the years in our marriage, and through the turbulent teenage years, we’ve proactively sought out help, whenever it became obvious, we were over my heads…after the 2nd or 3rd issue, it isn’t really that much different from  making an appointment to see the dentist if you have a toothache….

I am not at liberty at the present to talk about specifics..there may come a day in the not too distant future where I will write about it but not yet…    Some long standing, buried, pain has been  coming to light this Summer and Fall, and I decided to step up to the plate and deal with it head on…hence my trip to Colorado.

Most of us have painful “stuff” in  our lives no one else knows about…I don’t have to list it here…if you have it, then you know what I’m talking about.  Well, stop for just a second and try to imagine the sting of that pain being gone…not just suppressed but gone…..

After my trip to Colorado,   I  happened to tell Dan about some of the radical  emotional freedom I was  experiencing…I wasn’t  even aware of the hurts in his life…he trusted me enough to tell me his story He told me he had been having flash backs and night mares…dark shameful memories had dogged him for years…. I listened, and encouraged him…and hadn’t thought any more about our conversation..then he told me on Friday,  “I’ve thought about every word you said,”….and the shame is gone…completely gone. I haven’t felt this light and free in years.“

I have no idea who may stumble across this particular blog post at some point.  God has an amazing way of allowing people’s paths to cross in the most serendipitous fashions….anyway, if you’re reading this and are at a broken stuck place in your life and need someone to talk to…(or are not there currently but have something to add to this conversation, let me know)

Time to get moving.  Sincerely,   DM

 

50 things to do before I die

“If  you want to know what’s really important to you, make a list.”

The following is an article by Wendy Swallow Williams I clipped out of a Readers Digest in the late 1990′s.

This article changed the quality of  my life.

This morning as I was catching up on what my fellow bloggers were posting,   this  long term life goal jumped off the screen:

“lots and lots of land for gardens, orchards, chickens and room to breathe…” 

  I told this young blogger , she had just described my life to a T.

I can trace the course  of my life the past 15 years  directly back to this short  article.   Since starting the habit of having a “list”  there are literally dozens of things I’ve  checked off.

To say it has enriched my life immeasurably is an understatement.  DM

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A few weeks ago, I followed a friend into an art-supply store.  I found him picking out tubes of watercolor paint, which surprised me because he’s not an artist.

“I signed up for a watercolor class, and it starts next week, He said sheepishly.  “I don’t really have time for it, but it was on my list of 50 things to do before I die, so I went for it.”

This sounded interesting,”What else is on the list?” I asked.

“All kinds of things, ” he said.  “Every few months I look at the list and decide what to focus on next.  Before I had a list, I moaned a lot about what I was missing in my life.  Now I just do stuff.”

“Can I see your list sometime?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said.  “It reveals a lot about me.  Write your own list, and you’ll see what I mean.”

So that night I did just that, and he was right.  The list revealed a whole lot about what was important to me.  It also revealed how hopelessly behind I am at getting to the things I really want.

Just writing the list helped me sort through priorities.  I filled up the first 20 blanks quickly, but then began to think carefully.  Eventually I added items I’ve thought about for years, dreams I’ve carried with me since I was young, and things that resonated when I first heard about them.  When I reviewed the list later, some entries surprised me.

First, I want to travel much more particularly now that my children are older and can go with me to see the world.  There are ten trips I would like to make with the boys- from biking through Denmark to camping in the Canadian Rockies.

I was also surprised to find some things on the list that need to be done soon.  If I’m going to learn to Rollerblade, for instance, I’d better start before turning 50.

Some items, though I can put off until I’m older.  I would love to grow flowers,  to really garden, but while I”m raising kids and working I don’t have time for roses.

I would love to do volunteer work in a hospital nursery someday, rocking crying infants and giving them their first baths.   I would like to work with teen-agers,  leading youth groups or helping at the local high school.  If I’m going to do these though, I may need to reconsider running the bake sale for the school fair each year.

A few of the items are intimidating because they mean a serious commitment of some sort.  I would like to publish a novel before I die, and I would like to get a Ph.D, in English literature.  I also would like to learn to draw and play the piano with a string quartet.  If I’m going to accomplish these things, I need to start writing every day and polish my piano skills.

I may not make it through the list.  Some things may just be out of reach, such as New Zealand, and other ultimately may not work with the rest of my life, such as owning a horse.  Yet I see that I already have built the framework for many of these pipe dreams, and that if I make them goals, there is no reason I can’t find a way to taste at least part of that reality.

Like my friend, I now have an alternative do complaining.   When I’m bored with my life, I take out my list.  Maybe I’ll send off for travel brochures or take my pencils out in the back yard and doodle around for an  hour, trying to sketch trees that look like trees.

I have no idea how the boys and I will get to Africa, but if it’s important enough, I’m sure we’ll find a way.  One of them might grow up to be a zoologist, or I might become a nature writer and get sent on assignment or maybe we’ll just save a few dollars every week till we have enough.

I had a cousin who accomplished an amazing string of interesting things.  She once told me the key was preparing so that life could work in mysterious ways. “If you want your ship to come in, you must build a dock,” she said.

Thanks to my list, I’m working on some big docks.

Wendy Swallow Williams

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I (DM) will close with a few pictorial highlights off my list….

hosting  concerts in our home and barn.  When Katie Sawicki came to visit we also sponsored a songwriting workshop.

Yep, we went white water rafting in 2010 (that’s my wife in the boat on the right clocking the guy in the other boat with her oar. )  She said it was an accident. 

Had a pet pig I named Winston.  To tell you about that pig would take a whole blog post in itself.

Our orchard started out as a wish/ and idea on my “list”

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So tell me, do you have a working list of sorts?

Care to share any items you have yet to check off but plan to  sometime soon?

Someone has said the older we get, the less action oriented our goals become…. What do you think?

What type of relationship goals could be on a list?

It’s that time of year again…

You could hear them coming.

Geese.

It was a crisp Fall morning, The leaves were turning ,  Dean and I  were putting sheeting on a  12/12 pitch roof of  a  $750,000.00 house.

A Kodak moment.

We watched  as the formation flew over us, low enough to throw a rock at…

plop,plop, plop…

goose dung on his shoulder and hat.

Now  it was really a Kodak moment.

Ever since, whenever geese are heading our way, I will  say to whomever is with me…“Hurry, they’re coming!  Look up,  you might get some “geese candy”.    It hasn’t happened since, but I’m always hoping.

Several years ago this same Dean and I were trying to put felt paper on a new roof in the dead of Winter.

The wind was howling,  wind chill was below zero.

it was crazy we were even on a roof.

Finally,  we decided to head for the basement and warm up.

There was an unventilated LP heater hooked up.   It  felt SO GOOD.

1/2 hour later,  we went back on the roof to finish.  The two of us  started giggling like a couple of little girls, the tears were running down our faces.

We decided that we must have been “gassed.” ;-0

Everything was funny.

We could barely hold on to the roll of paper w/o the wind ripping it our of our hands.  The extreme cold. The fact we’d just about been gassed. Everything.

My wife read to me a proverb the other day that said  ”A cheerful heart has a continual feast”  

She said it reminded her of me.

I have a “help wanted” add in the paper this week…. Here’s  what a “DM” “help wanted add looks like:

 Help wanted.  Could turn into full-time.  General construction.  Prefer someone with NO experience.  Must be able to read tape measure, climb, have valid driver’s license and GOOD ATTITUDE.

If I’m going to spend  8 hours of  my day with you, the last thing I want  is  to work with someone who has a dark cloud overhead.  If you think you fit the qualifications, drop me a note.  I have been known to hire women in the past.

 

Enough for now, time to set some cement forms.   Thank for reading along!  DM

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I originally posted this in 2007.  I was rooting around in the archives this afternoon…there are over 400 posts there..figured some of my newer readers may have never read this one before so I decided to do a little editing and re-post it.  I really may be looking for some help btw..won’t be running an ad in the paper but it looks like I have quite a bit of work coming in the next couple of months..so, if you’re feeling the urge to work in construction…don’t hesitate to ask…you don’t know if you don’t ask DM

My rendezvous with a pumpkin beer

On Thursday, Jason asked me if I would  drink a pumpkin beer with him after work the next day?

While I am not a “tea-teetotaler” my alcoholic consumption in a  year is probably less than   4 or 5 drinks….

and then to clinch the deal he adds, “By the way,  there’s a quote on the bottle by Thoreau about pumpkins, and it IS pumpkin season “

“What the heck I told him...bring me one…..”

So Friday after work I had my first pumpkin beer.

The taste  wasn’t half bad/ pretty mellow as far as beers go…about 1/3 of the way into the bottle he tells me…“By the  way, this stuff has an 8% alcohol content in it, so it has more “kick”than a regular beer…

Boy he wasn’t kidding…

Within a couple of minutes  I was feeling no pain. It took a good 2 hours before the effects wore off.

I haven’t had a hangover in 30 years..don’t miss those days one bit.

Looking back, the  turning point for me, came when I began dating my future wife.   We were out for pizza one night…I looked across the table at her and thought, Boy ,she would probably drop me like a hot potato if she knew some of the stuff I was doing…..

The decision was  simple…I walked away from the booze, the weed and the little diet pills and never looked back.

Today my drink of choice is coffee.

Starbucks French Roast if you’re looking for any gift ideas

It’s  legal, affordable and I don’t wake up with a splitting headache.

Our kids grew up in a home where heavy drinking was not the norm.  There was  too much heartache in both of our families related to alcohol.  I was telling my wife about the pumpkin beer Saturday night…told her  how thankful I was she rarely drinks…

I am of the persuasion there is nothing wrong with an occasional drink.

The issue for me is control.

I’m completely convinced the bible does not teach total abstinence.  You have to really do some linguistical   contortions to come to that conclusion.

On the other hand, alcohol is so subtle in its ability to enslave a person.   I’ve watched it happen to at least three people near and dear to me.

Early in our marriage wife and I made a decision to not drink  unless the other person was there or  on rare occasion, we were at some kind of family gathering.

We were both on the same page with that idea….I’m not talking about being sticks in the mud, I’m talking about setting up simple boundaries so as not to get sucked into something you’d regret later…

I’m in construction.  Stopping @ the bar on the way home at the end of a long day was what we did.

Before I was married I did it regularly.

Now, not a chance.

I can still remember sitting in The Office  watching Dave, a family friend  make lovey-dovey eyes with  some young lady 1/2 his age.  Pretty sure it was someone from work.  He had no idea I was there…his wife was a good friend of my mom…..

I told Jason on Friday,  when I’m out  in public, the last thing I want to be is fuzzy headed.  I want to be on my game.

I was telling my 25 yr old son about all of this yesterday….I told him, there is a part of me that would love to make my own wine, or even moonshine for that matter.  I am intrigued by the whole  fermentation process.  My grandpa even gave me the family recipe for moonshine. My concern is, I would like the stuff.

 

Old Cheese

“Society is commonly too cheap.  We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other.  We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are……certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications…”

from his essay on solitude  Thoreau

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“I missed you” my wife told me this morning.

Music to my ears.

She just got back from spending 3 days with a good friend who is grieving the loss of her son.

Things have been a little tense (stale?) around here, lately so I chuckled and  and mumbled something about being “good fresh cheese/ and not stale musty cheese”

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There is a rhythm to relationships…

all relationships…

friendships,  family relationships, even Internet blogging relationships…

reminds me of  this verse from Ecclesiastes:  “There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing…”

I (had) a friend who used to stop by to chat.

He would stop by on  Sunday afternoons.

I noticed I started to get this knot/ uptight feeling in my gut Sunday afternoons.
I would feel a nap coming on, and  think….hummm, it’s been 3 or 4 weeks since my friend had last stopped…I wonder if today he’ll pop in….

These would not be 30 minute visits,  they would last for a couple of hours.

Things finally came to a head.

One Sunday, we were getting ready to leave for a birthday party…Wife and I were scurrying around, I still needed to shave…

This friend pulls into the driveway, I meet him at the door, he steps into the kitchen, I say to him...’Today’s probably not a good day for a visit…I need to get ready for a party,”

he replies…“Go ahead and get ready…”

he continues to stand there, looking like he has no intention of leaving….

It ticked me off.  Can’t remember what I said after that, but it took some additional coaxing for me to help him connect the dots, that now was not going to work, and he would have to leave…

We have another friend, whom we see  3 or 4 times a year….tops

We’ve been known to close down a Starbucks on more than one occasion…reminds me of those days when I would sit for hours engrossed in a deep conversation with someone on a Saturday night in a bar….it would feel like we were in a bubble, and the people  and noise all around us were not really there.

As I thought about this second friendship and the frequency of our getting together’s , I  said to the friend who had a hard time connecting the dots when it came time to leave

.“I  would prefer we just  together every 6 to 8 weeks..”

(My thought was, in this other friendship,  which I dearly enjoy, we can go 8 to 12 weeks between visits, then getting together only every 6 to 8 seems more balanced with the rest of my life)

He took it well enough I thought at the time…. I said maybe we could do a little more communicating via e-mail…

(side note : I have not seen or heard from him again, as of this writing it’s been about 30 weeks.. ..I’ve called, e-mailed and sent him a note, oh well, )

What I was experiencing in this relationship is not uncommon…. it is part of being human.

When the knot in my stomach would start and I would have these thoughts about   not being a “good friend”. this verse would pop into my head:

“Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.”                           from the  book of Proverbs 25:17

yep, that pretty much summed up what I was feeling…

(boy am I on a roll this week..two verses in one blog post )

So here’s to all of us who enjoy  interacting with people…

Sometimes less is better.

Even in the world of cheese…it’s all about timing.

ps if you’re ever looking for a gift ideas for me… I love swiss cheese DM