“I’ve thought about every word you said,” Dan told me on Friday….and the shame is gone…completely gone. I haven’t felt this light and free in years.“
End of November I (Douglas) spent an extended weekend high in the mountains of Colorado at a men’s retreat working through some issues. I wasn’t sure quite what to expect as I got there, I told someone later, I felt like I was going to have a “spiritual colonoscopy”
Colon cancer runs in our family, so I’ve had the “opportunity” to be scoped on more than one occasion. Once you hit 50, it’s recommended everyone get’s one of these, but if you’re like most chickens (I mean people) we put it off and put it off…the thing is, if you catch the polyps early it is a very treatable cancer..the problem comes when you wait….
So too, in life, personal issues that are ignored usually don’t just magically go away…they tend to grow and fester…so early on in our marriage, when I found myself completely stuck and confused, at a point of desperation, I reached out for help. It taught me a valuable lesson. Why should I spend months (or years) struggling with the same old crap when an answer may be forthcoming in a 60 minute conversation if I have the gut’s and I’m humble enough to say “I’m stuck, I have a problem…can you help?”
This stuff was never modeled for me growing up. I’ve had to learn it the hard way.
So, over the years in our marriage, and through the turbulent teenage years, we’ve proactively sought out help, whenever it became obvious, we were over my heads…after the 2nd or 3rd issue, it isn’t really that much different from making an appointment to see the dentist if you have a toothache….
I am not at liberty at the present to talk about specifics..there may come a day in the not too distant future where I will write about it but not yet… Some long standing, buried, pain has been coming to light this Summer and Fall, and I decided to step up to the plate and deal with it head on…hence my trip to Colorado.
Most of us have painful “stuff” in our lives no one else knows about…I don’t have to list it here…if you have it, then you know what I’m talking about. Well, stop for just a second and try to imagine the sting of that pain being gone…not just suppressed but gone…..
After my trip to Colorado, I happened to tell Dan about some of the radical emotional freedom I was experiencing…I wasn’t even aware of the hurts in his life…he trusted me enough to tell me his story He told me he had been having flash backs and night mares…dark shameful memories had dogged him for years…. I listened, and encouraged him…and hadn’t thought any more about our conversation..then he told me on Friday, “I’ve thought about every word you said,”….and the shame is gone…completely gone. I haven’t felt this light and free in years.“
I have no idea who may stumble across this particular blog post at some point. God has an amazing way of allowing people’s paths to cross in the most serendipitous fashions….anyway, if you’re reading this and are at a broken stuck place in your life and need someone to talk to…(or are not there currently but have something to add to this conversation, let me know)
Time to get moving. Sincerely, DM