My spiral into Depression

I learned at CCEF  ”almost anything can be at the root of depression: a recent illness in which you get behind in your work, hormonal changes, a reversal of fortune, the consequences of simple negligence, guilt over a particular sin, self-pity arising from jealousy or a disadvantageous turn of events, bad feelings resulting from resentment, worry, etc….the important fact to remember is that a depression does not result directly from any of those factors, but rather comes from a cyclical process in which the initial problem is mishandled in such a way that it is enlarged in downward helixical spirals that eventually plunge one into despair.

    Mine came about due to the death of a  vision.

WARNING: Going to talk about my faith….if that sort of thing gets under your skin….stop now…you won’t hurt my feelings.

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May 4, 1980 7:48 PM I wrote this in the front cover of a little New Testament:  “I made a commitment to God to live my life for his Glory’

Translation:  Just like a  person entering into a marriage covenant , I entered into a “covenant” with God Himself….as an adult I made an intentional decision to become a believer.

As is often the case,  I desired to be more effective in reaching  out to other people…there was this restlessness in my life.  Looked at 50 different Christian Colleges, trying to decide whether to be a formally trained pastor, or marriage and family counselor…Moved from Iowa to New Jersey in 1985 (with two kids in tow) , enrolled @ CCEF, decided I was being called to be a bi-vocational pastor .   Carpenter by day,  teacher/facilitator when  I could….1990 returned to the Midwest with a strong sense of purpose.  I’d  experienced  5 years of intense discipleship/mentoring  in New Jersey and believed God had brought us home to pass on what I’d learned.

Things were great for the first 2  1/2  years,  then  began to butt heads with  our pastor  In hindsight, God set me up- we had two completely different  understandings for a healthy church.  His was a more traditional model-  I on the other hand craved  deeper relationships  that can’t be cultivated when you’re sitting in rows looking at the back of each others heads.  We had two different models..not wrong/ just different.  I know I  wore him out with our intense discussions.   It finally came to a head in November  of 1995- we left the church-  the hardest decision of my life (till then) – 90% of my closest friendships were in that church/ someone told me later, it felt like a divorce- (it did).

I was confused, I was angry-(I’m not giving you all the details- this would get too wordy)- I believed I would eventually  be a co-pastor that church….instead I was on the outside looking in.

The depression probably started  two years previous, and lingered  another year.  Things  gradually got better since 1996 – here we are 12 years later and there is still a bruise on my soul.  Just this morning, as we’ve been organizing our office, I came across several magazines and books related to mentoring and discipleship-  I pitched the magazines, and am selling  some of the books on e-bay. I have no aspiration or intention of ever taking an active role in leadership in a local church.  I’m no longer depressed    just broken- and there is a big difference.

Have you ever wrestled with depression?  What triggered it?  What brought you out of it? (if you’re out of it?)   What good came from it (if any)?

Have you ever watched your life  goal  die?  What was it and where are you at in the process now?

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I originally wrote this in 2008 .  I was interacting with someone this morning about depression, when I mentioned I’d gotten a little taste of it myself, they asked if they could  hear my story…decided to re-post it for my new readers (all 3 of you)  DM

Hungry

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That was then and this is now.  Things are different  today.” 

I didn’t buy his answer.

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I was in my early 20′s , experiencing a spiritual hunger and restlessness I hadn’t  gone looking for it…

it had popped out of the ground of my life like a mushroom.

One minute I was minding my own business, doing my own thing, the next thing I knew, there was a hungry for something spiritual that was real.

It  started when I read  the following account:

“All the believers continued together in close fellowship and shared their belongings with one another.  They would sell their property and possessions and distribute the money among all, according to what each one needed.  Every day they continued to meet as a group in the temple, and they had their meals together in their homes, eating the food with glad and humble hearts, praising God and enjoying the good will of all the people.  and every day the Lord added to their group…”

Just for a second, try not to get hung up in the “churchy” words and just try to imagine what it would be like to be involved with people on that level of relationship…

Certainly not like any church experience I’d ever had.

I tend to chew on stuff like this,  So there I was at work one morning,  setting up scaffolding with Lester.  He was in his 60′s,  an old retired farmer.  minding his own business, and there I was, wound tight, asking him  about deep spiritual things on a construction site.

You got to love him ….we’d worked together for a few years so he didn’t just write me off as some nut job.

His answer didn’t satisfy me but I let it go…..

There was a major disconnect when I would read about the 1st century Christians and what  passes for “Christianity” today.

A major disconnect

I have a hair trigger when it comes to hypocrisy and  phoniness.

I have been known to get  agitated and  leave the room.

What happened was, my hunger for deeper, genuine relationships actually increased.

We’re all at different places in our lives.  As I’m writing this,   I’m talking to someone who is spiritually hungry, but put off by organized religion.

Ever wonder how you can sort out all of the conflicting voices out there telling you this is truth…no, this is truth…no, there is no such thing as absolute truth,  all paths will eventually lead you to the truth…bla bla bla.

Here’s a tip-  look @ the person  or the source of who’s talking to you and look at their life...If they’re married do they seem to have a healthy marriage or does it feel phony. If they have children…do they look like they’re nurtured, or is something not quite right? Does this person for some weird reason give you the creeps?  (don’t discount that sort of thing/ I think it’s discernment)

We moved to the East Coast so I could pursue some schooling.    A local faith community took us under their wing, full of imperfect but genuine people who had also decided they wanted nothing to do with the phony crap that passes for “church” today.   It was there I had my thirst for deep significant relationships slaked.   We were there 5 years.  When we did eventually return to the Midwest, I brought back with me the know-how , the first hand experience on how to cultivate those same type of relationships….genuine, loving, trusting,  practical and real.

Reminds me of doing an internship at an organic farm for 5 years.

After 5 years you would  hopefully come away with the ability to grow fresh vegetables.

So here I sit this morning thanking God for the spiritual hunger and restlessness he puts into my heart so many years ago now  and for the ways he regularly satisfies it.  DM

no regrets

In 1987  I penned a list of long-term  personal goals.

It wasn’t as easy as you think.

I never know who is reading my stuff so if you’re a regular, bear with me 30 seconds while I give the context

I was 29 years old. Married to a very supportive wife, 3 young children, working full-time as a carpenter, pursuing schooling on the side to potentially be a marriage and family counselor.   VERY  involved @ our local church in youth work and Saturday work days.  Things were very tight financially  but overall, I felt things were going pretty well.  My wife felt otherwise.  Plus we were living 1000 miles from home.  Things came to a head.  She was angry because she saw me reaching out to other people’s kids while ours were being neglected, doing work on other people’s homes while stuff @ our home went untouched. I’m embarrassed now to even think I was so  dense

There’s a song by Sanctus Real on Christian radio right now that captures that time in my life perfectly

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear her saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re independent, but on the inside

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I dropped out of everything.  Focused my energies where they belonged…first and foremost a husband and father.

Made a list of long-term goals (back to where I started this post)

I  set some long-term goals.  A 5 year goal, a 10 year goal,  a 20 year goal , a 30 year goal  and lend of life goals.

Here’s  a portion of my end of life goal:

#1  I would have loved my wife, children, brothers and sisters with no regrets.

#2   I would have a  home in the countryside  with animals and growing things.

#3  That I would have been faithful to God to the end...that I ran the race well.

(Life is a marathon/ not a  50 yard dash)  If I’m going to make the long haul, then by golly, I need to know how to set a long-term pace/ and that includes knowing how to live a balanced life)

We live in such a materialistically saturated culture.

I know financial pressures first hand. I know what it’s like to not have enough money to  take the kids to the dentist. Clothes shop @ the  Salvation Army.  Grocery shopping @ Aldi’s.   Not have enough $ for postage stamps.   Drive old cars donated to help out families like ours.

I also know that in some mysterious way, I have been led.  We just celebrated 33 years of marriage this past weekend and our relationship is still smoke’n!

We survived the teen years and I have great lines of communication with all 4 of our children.

My relationship with my parents and siblings has never been better.

Came across a list from the book by Bronnie Ware titled The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

In it, she lists the top five regrets of those lying on their death beds.

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I had not worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

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I read that list and can honestly say @ this point.  I have no regrets. None, Nada. Period.

I am so thankful things came to a head back in 1987.   If you’re reading this post and are wondering about your life purposes…your goals, if you feel trapped…you know what I’m talking about.  This is not a bad place to be.

It may mean in the deep recesses of your sub-conscience  the real you, is crying out for you to stop long enough to set some goals.

Quit running a hundred miles an hour…..

in the wrong direction…

DM

You owe me money

Brother and myself pouring a basement wall

Two people warned me you were a tight @#% when they heard I had agreed to do some work for you.

I thought to myself…It won’t be a problem because while I didn’t know you all that well, I knew you professed to be a Christian, so, as long as I made sure I put everything  in writing, and did my normally good job of communicating, there won’t be a problem.

And here I sit, 6 weeks after the fact -  I sent you a second invoice this week and have yet to be paid.

I have pretty much decided unless something really drastic changes I am not going to do any additional work for you.  At this point, I’m out $300 in wages and $100 some dollars in material.

I do intend to contact your pastor if I have to.

I realized this morning this is really not about me.

Up until this point, I have been personalizing your disrespect and fighting the tendency to get angry.

This morning I realized what I really think is happening is God may want to put the spot light on this pattern in your life.

It wouldn’t have been so frustrating for me if I myself hadn’t been feeling a cash flow pinch.  Honestly, if I had several thousand dollars of “cushion” in the work checking account, I probably ….I say probably….wouldn’t have let this get under my skin like it has.

There is usually always two sides to every misunderstanding.

In this case, if it comes down to me having to sit down with you and your pastor (instead of taking you to small claims court)  I’m 95% sure this is a going to be a slam dunk win in my favor.

You’re not the first “christian” ( I use that term loosely) I’ve had dealings with  who have a nasty scrimping,  miserly worrisome attitude about money.

Jokingly (but seriously) I’ve said more than once, I would rather work for a bunch of pirates rather than work for  some  “christians.”

At least if I agreed to work for a pirate, I would know going into it what I was dealing with and proceed accordingly.

You are almost a contradiction in terms.

My friend Jim told me last week, he hoped you wouldn’t pay me   He told me, this may be the very thing you need to have happen…me asking to sit down with you and your pastor, so as to  put the spot light on this issue in your life.

I’m getting to the point this morning where I’m OK with that.

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Update as of 6/18/2011 

I met with the customer in person this morning.  Long story short, I got paid.  The end

I’ve sometimes secretly wondered…..

I’ve sometimes secretly wondered if there wasn’t something a little “weird” in our marriage.

(Not to worry…I told my wife this on Thursday) ….after reading the following article.

Here’s what weird:  we’re coming up on 32 years of marriage  this April and we  still experience  lots of romantic feelings for each other.

  I am not lying. 

 The “sizzle” is still there.

Not going to get all TMI  on you here.

But after reading this recent column by Andree Seu  I felt a lot better…

(I’ve reposted it below)

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Superlative Song

Scripture has a powerful response for those who think God dislikes romance

The  Song of Songs stands through the centuries, as an immovable testimony of God’s intention for man and woman.  It is a rebuke to our tiny loves, a constant goad to our lackluster marriages.  It calls drifting and depleted couples back to the Creator’s ideal: Do not settle for less than joy.  It is far from a manual, and yet in its poetry it shows how the secrets of connubial bliss are found in the readily available commodities of openness, verbal affirmations, playfulness, occasional getaways, committed oneness, and working through trials.

      We thought we had made too much of love when we had made too little of it.  We thought our songs too charged with passion when they had fallen short.  Our honeymoons are a mere two weeks when God had suggested a year:  “When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty.  He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife who he has taken.”  Deut. 24:5

     The ancients, embarrassed by the Song, stripped it clean of scents and touches.  It is no shabby proof of divine inspiration that when the smoke cleared on the canon in the mid-third century, the Song was still there.  Cyril of Alexandria (376-444) made the two breasts of the Shulamite the Old and New Testaments.  The bearded ones were right that the Song is about Christ, but it is about Christ via the erotic love of husband and wife (“This mystery is profound”- Ephesians 5:32)

Painting by Domenico Morelli depicting the Song of Songs

     For some of us, the Song is not only helpful but essential.  It gives permission to be as in love as you want to be.   It destroys the notion that God grants romance as a concession but holds His nose.  It debunks the notion of love sickness as a brief biological agitation for the prosaic purpose of perpetuation of the species.  If your marriage passes from intoxication into humdrum cohabitation, it is not God’s idea.  Put away from you the fatalists who say, “Romance is a flame that dies but companionship is its consolation. ”  Put away those who believe that “letting yourself go” after the ring is on is normal.  Not from heaven does such counsel come.  “At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11)

      The Shulamite brings warning:  ”I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem….that you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. ”  (vs2:7, 3:5, 5:8 8:4)  She is so very much in love with this man that she doesn’t want her friends to forfeit this experience by forcing love prematurely, by taking matters into their own hands.  (also note the emotional price tag for love- 3:1-5; 5:2-8.)

     The “daughters of Jerusalem” are cheerleaders, for our sakes.  This love affair enjoys the approval of objective onlookers and is not some tawdry tryst that must keep a nervous lookout for men and from the light.

      Tend your marriage, even if you think it is too late.  There is wonder-working healing in a touch, a look, a word, an unexpected embrace.  Nor is it artificial to work on love.  C. S. Lewis reminds us that a garden is no less beautiful for needing to be weeded and fussed with (The Four Loves)

      “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards.”  (2:15)   What are the little foxes but our inconsiderateness, laziness, resistance, hard-heartedness, and above all unbelief?  Believe in love, for love is of God.  Everything in the universe is arrayed on its side.

     The world has had many songs since the world began, but this one is the Song of Songs.  The Hebrew construction in the superscript indicates the superlative.  Tell me what is more superlative , if you know.  Whatever you propose, the daughters of Jerusalem will spurn it and will say:  “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.  Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.  Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.  If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.” (8:6-7)

Andree Seu February 26, 2011 World Magazine

Sarah’s Reader

    Or     “Why I love local  history ”

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Pretend  for a moment,  you were a crew foreman for 10 years.

Then  a new job  takes you out-of-state. 

 25 years later  you  step back into your old  position  at the same company and  realize things have really gone down hill  in the time  you ’ve been  gone. 

There are new faces on the crew. People  are padding their time cards, leaving work early to go  road drinking…and worse,  most of the crew think this is normal.

What do you have that the rest of them don’t have? 

Perspective

And it is this perspective that gives you the confidence to stand up for what you know is right.

(That’s been my experience the past month, if you’re curious , you can read more at   this link)

Hang on to that word…perspective.  I’ll come back to it in a minute.

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Last weekend  I  grabbed an old school reader off  my shelf published in 1833.  I noticed for the first time, the name  Sarah Ann ______ dated 1838 in the inside cover.

  On a lark I did some checking on the Internet to see if she was mentioned anywhere at all. 

 I hit a gold mine. 

I found her mentioned several times.

 I’m not going to give you too many details of her life just yet.. but I will tell you  this…Between Sarah Ann, her husband Will and her mother-in-law, there is enough raw material  to write a whole new  Little House on the Prairie series….anyone want to help me????

 Getting back to Sarah…

Sarah Ann marries when she is  just 17.    Her and her husband  Will   owned a hotel that entertained this young man  on several occasions:

  I wondered what it was about their story that stirred me so?

 Was it just the thrill of discovery?

 A lust for knowledge?

 It wasn’t until yesterday that I was finally able to connect the dots and put a name to my inner angst.

Their story gives me Perspective.

When I read about Sarah’s mother in law  with 7 sons carving out a livelihood in 1831, dealing with Indians  on the rampage murdering neighbors it gives me perspective on how good I have it.

When I read about harsh midwest Winter storms dumping 2 feet of snow and ice  and  young families  trying to keep warm in a 24 by 16 ft log cabin and all they had to eat was corn dodgers, salted pork and coffee  it gives perspective on how comfortable I have it.

 When I read about how a  families meager salt  supply  runs low so a mom  is forced to let her 15 yr old son and his  7-year-old brother travel 90 miles with 3 yoke of ox to get salt in the dead of winter, it gives perspective on  worry and anxiety.

When I read  about an economic bubble popping   in our nation in 1837 which plunges our country into 5 years of  extreme deprivation, it brings perspective in these uncertain economic times.

    Found a quote on history that  also speaks to me:

     The writers of history seldom give more than the rise and fall of nations, biographies of great men, kings and princes, and but little or nothing of the common people - a matter of far more importance, and more interesting.

To know the intelligence, opinions, tastes, amusements, method and means of living, routine of every day life, the hopes and fears, which swayed and controlled a people, would be far more interesting than the life of a prince socially far removed from and having no feelings in common with the masses”

So what do you think? 

 What would you do if  the electrical grid were to go down for a month? 

   What if  we experienced the popping of another economic bubble and all the wage earners in your home were suddenly out of work…long term? 

  Would you (and I) have what it takes to survive? 

It really does come down to our perspective.  (attitude)

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my stuff.   DM

Fighting a heavy heart

“Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, (heavy-hearted)

but a sudden good break can turn life around.”

That’s me.

The first part of that statement.

Words are powerful so on one hand I do not want to give voice to the negative thoughts that bombard my mind

So I’ll tell you a story about someone else.

      Last  year I attended a teachers orientation @ the local community college.   There were 30 some of us. We were an eclectic mix.   An older teacher sat across the table from me.  The more he talked the more I felt sorry for him.  He had a pronounced lisp. Drove an old car.   He was a former jr high history teacher.  Long story short.  the guy was just getting by financially.  He did not radiate optimism.  I was embarrassed for him.   Had looser and failure stenciled on his forehead.

I’ve only been depressed (as far as I can tell) once in my life.

and I feel it coming on. 

My emotions are starting to flat line

I have lots to be thankful for, so I try to focus on that..but it hasn’t helped.

My friend Don is a lot worse off than I so I went to  see him yesterday.    His place was  a pit when I got there.  His wife is battling cancer, she recently left him, charged him with all sorts of stuff that is total nonsense.  He suffers from PTSD, is severely overweight. yea, compared to Don, my life is a cake walk..but that still doesn’t fix my heavy heart.

If you’re curious as to what’s got me by the scruff of the neck  you can read this post

(Things have gotten crazier since I penned that.)

Physically, I am in good shape.

  I’m active, working outside- brain is not turning to mush sitting in front of a computer for hours

(I only mention that because in the past these have been contributing factors to a mid winter funk)

So I’m doing everything I know to stay on top of things  (guard my thought life, reach out to others, get physical exercise and eat right) and I’m not shaking it. 

 Long term disappointment can apparently do that to a person

I didn’t really want to be around people yesterday (Christmas / family get together)

Listening to what some of them  spent this year on gifts was disgusting. especially, when I was going around our house last night  checking the wattage of light bulbs, trying to think of ways to save a few dollars.  talk about humiliating.

Sorry if this post is a downer, but when I started this blog, one of  my goals was to keep it real.    DM

No turning back

         

When  I logged onto Facebook this morning, I found myself scrolling down the friends of a friend…..people we used to attend a local church with.   

        It stirred up this feeling of being on the outside looking in….

        I felt like a little boy standing outside a store window @ Christmas time, with my nose pressed against the glass, watching  people shop.

     If you sense a hint of  bitterness toward that church  (small c) or the people in it, you would be wrong.    I’m not. 

      What I was (and still am) turned off by, is the  spiritual climate, the spiritual apathy,  served  there on a week to week basis…. 

 A.W. Tozer  puts it like this :

      “There is today no lack of Bible teachers to set forth correctly the principles of the doctrines of Christ, but too many  of these seem satisfied to teach the fundamentals of the faith year after year, strangely unaware there is in there ministry no manifest Presence, nor anything unusual in their personal lives.  They minister constantly to believers who feel within their breasts a longing  which their teaching simply does not satisfy.

      I trust I  speak in charity, but the lack in our pulpits is real.  Milton’s terrible sentence applies to our day as accurately as it did to his:  “the hungry sheep look up and are not fed.”  It is a solemn thing, and no small scandal in the  Kingdom, to see God’s children starving while actually seated at the Father’s table….” 

     It all started in 1998 my wife asked me a  few harmless questions (or so I thought)…

     “Where have you felt the most  refreshed spiritually?

     ”Think of the times when you  were most encouraged spiritually?  “

       I remember saying things like…

“At that  lay ministry  weekend retreat back in 1981.”

 ”Not always but on occasion in a small group get together.”

“That “body life service “we used to attend in New Jersey @ Gilgal.”

“Sometimes  AFTER  church when we are hanging around catching up with Leslie, or Lance, or Thomas…..” 

  Then we  tried to identify what was it about those times that made them stand out?

 Having a  genuine sense of connectedness both to people and to God.

 Masks were down.

 people  really listening to where each other was at.

 God’s word was talked about as it practically applied in our current situation.

  Then she asked: “How can we get more of that  in our lives?”

      and the rest is history

At  this point, we are part of a  small house church. 

As much as I miss those people we used to attend church (small c) with, I would never go back.

      I have no idea who might @ some point read this…but just so you know….

      I’ve spent years…literally years  in three  different local churches thinking we  could/ should  ”reform” them  from the inside out.   

      Finally came to the realization  that the pastor and leadership in a  local church casts a long, long shadow spiritually. 

        I only have one life to live…  Do I spend it settling for second best just so I have lots of friends or is there a point where I  ”take the road less traveled”?

     If   you get a chance, pick up a copy of John Fischer’s Dark Horse.

Letters to my son

      

Dear J,                                                                                  11/6/2010

 

                I am excited to see a renewed interest in your relationship with God the past several months.  

     As I said to you last week,  Mom and I tried real hard not to  jam our faith down your  throat as you were growing up …nothing worse than growing up  with heavy-handed parents.

        Too often, Christians have a habit of answering questions, no body is asking  

       I hate it when I feel I am on the receiving end of a canned conversation…so that’s the last thing I want to do with you. 

   But now that you are asking some great questions, I do want to share with you what I believe.   

     As you know, I grew up attending a Lutheran church and mom grew up Catholic.  I won’t bore you with all the details, but to make a long story short, I decided to join the Catholic church once we made the decision to get married.  That meant I had to attend a series of classes on becoming Catholic.  The classes raised several questions for me, not the least of which, who is right?????
       Are the Catholics right?  Was the denomination of my childhood right? What about the Baptists, Methodists, Assembly of God, Nazarenes, charismatic, and the list goes on? 

     Who could I talk to find out who is right and who is wrong?  

 Everybody can’t be right.

And obviously, anyone I would talk with would be convinced that their belief system was right. 

  It was a very unsettling time in my life, I felt like I was in the middle of a  spiritual earthquake….

the very ground under my feet was shaking…but out of that time of sifting and shaking came a nugget of  insight for me…and  to this day, 3o years later believe this with my whole heart….are you ready?

    To the degree a particular church or denomination is in line with the Bible, to that degree it is right.

      Since this is first letter is going to be posted on my personal blog, I’m a little reluctant to go any further  in this conversation,  lest I be guilty of answering questions that nobody is asking myself.

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      If you are one of the handful of  regular visitors here  and are  interested in following along on this conversation with my son , you’re welcome  to click on this link   

  I’ve been  wanting  to share some of my more personal  stuff on-line for a while now  but have never felt like the  ”heart to heart” blog was the place.

Thin Places

  “Doug, I was wondering if you had any more apples that needed picking….I really enjoyed doing that last weekend, it was so relaxing.”    Message on the answering machine from our friend Marilyn

     Later when Marilyn did stop out, she told me she felt so relaxed after an hour in the orchard picking apples, it was “better than going to a therapist” to which I replied..”I think we should call it “tree therapy…that will be $20.00 please “

 :-)

 Then I read this in the local paper last night:

   “Whenever I’m feeling sorry about losing Dan, I come out here, and it’s gone, just like that.  There’s something about the healing power of working in gardens.” 

      Celtic believers have long maintained  the veil between us and God is thinner in a garden.

    (I’d like to  add, in an orchard)   They called those places and experiences  ”Thin places”

  “In simple terms a ‘thin place’ is a place where the veil between this world and the next  is thin….

      I (DM) promise not to get all new-age on you, but I can’t tell you the number of times someone has commented when they’ve visited our place, they’ve experienced a profound sense of peace and tranquility, and on occasion  had their  spiritual batteries recharged.

     It happens to me    all      the      time.

     My grandpa Conley  used to say, he felt closer to God when he was fishing than going to church which was why he did the former.   At the time, I thought, yea, right, that’s just an excuse Grandpa, but now, 30 years later,  I would have to say he was probably being honest and not just making a lame excuse.

    Here are a few pictures I’ve taken in our East Orchard:

Early morning in the East Orchard

Mist in the Orchard

  Pruning

     Pruning is the art of trimming an apple tree to keep it healthy and fruitful.   I regularly find myself thinking about the spiritual implications in my own personal life. 

     If you don’t prune an apple tree (and I’ve intentionally let a couple of them go without  just to see what would happen)…the fruit is small…lots of little apples that aren’t worth that much.

     You also prune diseased or dead branches  to keep them from spreading to the rest of the tree….sort of like having certain relationships/ or activities a person might be involved in that are not good for them.

     Fruitfulness

This is not original with me, but if you’re someone who thinks about having a fruitful life…think long and hard about the fruitfulness of an apple tree.  Have you ever seen an apple tree grunting? 

Nope, me neither

They just quietly stay connected to their root system drawing nourishment from the ground, combined with  sunshine and  rain..and wha-la…in it’s season, it produces a crop of fruit.

    All  apple trees don’t produce the same type of fruit either.  Did you know there are over 2000 varieties of apple trees world-wide? 

  So why do we think our fruit need to all look the same?

    Harvest

  The biggest rush I get however, is harvest time.  I get a tiny little jolt of joy every time I remove an apple from the tree branch.   Some of you will probably think I’m crazy, but sometimes I am so overwhelmed  by the sheer volume of apples on a branch I’ve said “Thank you” to the tree as I’ve picked.   *(probably got that from watching movies where the native americans would say something over the buffalo they’ve just killed):-)

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continuing 1 hr later….

    I just came in from digging a couple of hills of new potatoes to make for breakfast for our B and B guests…noticed the 2nd crop of green beans need picking today.  This reminds me of another mystery I’ve thought about as I’ve worked outside in the garden and orchard. 

 A Seed

       One seed becomes a plant,  not over night mind you, but over the course of several weeks.  When I plant the seed, I don’t go back and dig it up to see if it’s growing.  nope,  I might water it, pull some weeds, etc. but leave the original seed alone. similar to  life…I “plant” seeds of kindness and love, then often times/ not always that seed takes root and begins to germinate, and something beautiful begins to form.

    Well, it’s about time for coffee.   Wife is probably wondering where in the heck I am.