“You can sit by me if you like….”

“You can sit by me if you like,” Jarret said to me at lunch today

“Do you know why I asked you to sit by me?”, he asked.

“No, Why do you ask me to sit by you?” I replied.

“Because I like you! “he said with a shy smile.

Jarret is 4 years old.

He has been asking me to sit by him now for the past three weeks.

Our crew is building a shop at their farm.

The family  has  invited us in for  lunch  almost every day we’ve been on the job.

When I sit down at their  14 ft farm table  I think,...this is what it must have felt like to be a part of a large threshing crew..

Grant Wood’s Dinner For Threshers

People with a real gift of hospitality are a dying breed.

Even here in Iowa.

It’s one thing to invite a few close friends over for  lunch once in a while..

I scratch your back, you scratch mine..right?

Well, …it’s a completely different ball game to cook lunch for  a construction crew of 4 , 5 days a week, for the better part of a month.

Today lasagna  was on the menu

Yesterday I thought  Jarret’s mom had asked if I wanted a piece of “cheese cake” for desert?
“Yummy I said..I love cheese cake…!

“No” she replied, I said  “sheet cake”

my bad.

Well, today, guess what we had for desert?

Cheese cake topped with a blueberry filling.

I had to pry the guys away from the table today….

They did not want to go back to work.

John said it was the best tasting lasagna he’d ever had.

While I’m thinking about it..here’s a recent crew photo

Crew photo

I work with a great bunch of guys.

The morale on this crew is second to none.

Nothing worse than working around someone with a bad attitude.

At this point in my life, when I’m looking to hire someone, the numero uno thing I am looking for is

ATTITUDE.

I don’t care if you don’t know how to properly hold a hammer or read a tape measure.

I can teach you those things.

What I really detest is a whiner or someone with a dark cloud following them around.

I am really enjoying  the guys   that is helping me out this Winter.

As I write this, I feel like I’m starting to fade….4:30 AM comes pretty early

Jarret’s comments were still rolling around in my head when I got home from work, and I wanted to tell you about it…

Yea, I’m assuming I have a couple of regular readers 

There is just something serendipitous about a 4 year old   requesting that I be his lunch buddy 3 weeks in a row.

I am a rich man.

I will miss Jarret when the job is done…

Heck, I will miss the whole family…

Here is a picture of the shop we’ve been working on:

End view of shop

One last thing before I sign off…

Did you know what the word Hospitality literally means?

Hospitality:  Lover of strangers

I believe it is more caught than taught…

Jarret is growing up in a home where it is being modeled in a powerful way….

If I were a betting man, someday when he has a home of his own, he will also know how it’s done….

Is there anyone in your life, with the gift of hospitality?  Tell me about them.

Grandma was wrong

Picture of me at work yesterday….20 feet in the air/ living the dream ….my dream that is;-)

________________________________________________________

“Oh Doug.. You were such a good student…I really hoped you would go to college.”  grandma said when she found out her eldest grandson was NOT planning to go to college..instead, I had decided to follow in my dad’s foot steps and work in construction.

There was disappointment written all over her face..

I felt bad.  Not until she was dead and gone did I appreciate where she was coming from.  Not until I had children of my own, watched them make life choices  that would affect them  long term… in ways they didn’t understand…then I was finally able to understand my grandma’s concerns…

But Grandma was wrong.

There is more to life than money.  A meaningful life  has nothing to do with material things…

I have a couple of friends who are making 2 and 3 times the amount of money  I do but hate their jobs….

They have full benefits, a 401 K… and they are quick to talk about what they want to do when they retire.

No thank you.

Quoting my dad now...”The word retirement is not in my vocabulary”

(Dad just turned 80 this past year and is still active in construction)

Last week I stopped @ Loes to buy a new  skill saw.

Good morning”  I said to a woman about my age.   She looked tired.

“How are you?” I asked…”(It was about 7 AM..she was  checking inventory)

“I wish I were home” she  replied.

I felt for her..  Her life was not her own.  There were bills to pay…only God knows the series of life decisions and circumstances that have brought her to this place in life….

Last April I was invited to speak at a jobs fair for high school students.

Started by sharing a quote that has cast a long shadow over my life :

“Do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

Don’t just settle for a job where you punch the time clock.

You may have to work @ a job  (or three) where you  “punch the time clock” in order to get where you really want to be….

but don’t stop there.. God didn’t create you to be a mindless worker ant ..unless that is what you really love to do.

I remember the pressure I felt  in school trying to figure out what I wanted to do once I graduated.   A real part of me thought I should  be a vet…that was until Mr Guard pulled me to the side one day in the guidance office  and  “suggested ” my grades indicated I probably couldn’t handle vet school.  I know he was only doing his job..but “dream killer” comes to mind  when I think of that conversation.

(years later I built a house for a vet/ told her my story, to which she replied, “Doug, if you really wanted to be a vet,one way or the other, you could have done it.  I didn’t make it the first time or two when I applied to vet school either..if you want it bad enough, you could have done it”)

Two  of my daughters , have  the desire to be a wives  and mothers.

Period.

I remember being @ the ripe old age of 20, having the strongest desire (nesting urge?) to settle down and start a family.

So  I did.

Best decision I ever made.

Pop culture today  mock those kind of  dreams…and I’m here to tell you, pop culture is full of #@$%%.

(that’s  German for incorrect…I’ve been using more German in my blog posts lately  you may have noticed )

If truth be told, pop culture is wrong on just about everything it promotes.
“We’ve  got a form of brainwashing going on in our country.”  Morrie sighed.  “Do you know how they brainwash people?  They repeat something over and over.And that’s what we do in this country.  Owning things is good.  More money is good.  More property is good.  More commercialism  is good.  More is good.  More is good. We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise.  The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore….

from the book Tuesday’s with Morrie.

_______________________________

If there is more to life than money…what do you think that “more” is?

What in your life brings you satisfaction?

What would you tell the person who is up to their eyeballs in bills, who feels stuck in a dead in job they hate?

DM

Johnny

Friend of mine purchased an old  building, asked if I could help  install a patio door 20 feet up, through an  exterior  wall, covered with Stucco.

(stucco = concrete)

I came prepared.  Brought the  cement saw with a diamond blade.

a handful of new sawzall blades. (they look like sharp steak knives…hold on to that detail)

and two quarts of coffee.

Must have coffee.

My friend had a young man in his early 30′s there to help.

His name was Johnny..

He was built  like a tank.  chiseled,  and had  this hard stoic look in his eyes..

He looked like he belonged  in a  gang.

Construction types  remind me of my dad’s roosters….

Sometimes  I pick up an undercurrent of circling  and sizing  each other up…  like roosters getting ready to spar

Johnny  and I were was no exception.

When I looked at the 4 sections of rickety  scaffolding set up for us to work on, it creeped me out..I told Johnny  I was allergic to heights.   (I really do hate heights btw)

“What???” he said with a sneer ,  “I thought you were  the carpenter, and  you’re telling me you are afraid of heights?”

  “Yep” I  said with a smirk.    Now he really didn’t know what to do with me…

I love to banter w/ tough guys   and soften them up…poke holes in their machismo.

It took me less that   30 minutes  working along Johnny to soften him up ..

He  went from questioning my sanity to thinking I was (his words, not mine  a “Master”).

I jumped on the section of scaffolding below Johnny,  asked him to hand me  the  sawzall.  He let it down by the chord, (it wasn’t running, but the 6 inch  blade was sticking down as he swung it to me).

It slid deeply into my wrist .  I took one look at the wound and  said, “Johnny, I need to go  to the hospital” . 

Johnny said, “You’re kidd’n right?”   “No,  I said,  “I just got stabbed, and need to go to the hospital NOW!” 

           He felt terrible.  “It would be one thing, if you were just some “grunt”, but you are like a “Master” ” he moaned.

Hour and 1/2,  $750.00 later I was back on  the job,  (arm wrapped  w/ 5 stitches)

I tried to supervise when we got back, but it was taking forever.

I  grabbed the cement saw and  went back to work.

  “Man, you are one bad #*&, he said.     

If he only knew.

..pardon the sweat… that’s me showing off

it’s a little trick I know….

you  touch your nose with a 10 pound sledge

very carefully

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Footnote. those of you that are long time readers may remember this post..It was buried in the archives.

Whoops, Duuuu’s , and Oh fiddle sticks

I  had to return a 10 ft section of plastic 4 inch PVC pipe last week to Theisens.  When the cashier rang up the transaction, I noticed she had accidentally rang up a 4 inch splicer instead of 4 inch pipe.  Simple mistake.   She had to call her supervisor over to override the transaction, which in my mind was no big deal.  She apologized to me and said, that was the first time in 6 months she had made that type of mistake.   I told her, “heck”,  I try to make at least one mistake every day..just to stay in shape.” 

She didn’t know what to say.

My point was, she was being way too hard on herself, and needed to lighten up just a wee.   I had watched her wait on another customer before me, and could tell she was “wound tight”

wound tight:  hard to live with/ perfectionist/never makes mistakes.

Last night our son was lamenting on the fact he had bought a used set of Disney books off his sister for $50, thinking he could re-sell them for $200.00…He found out, they might be worth $25.00.. Oh well

I told him about the time I got caught up in a bidding war on e-bay for an “original” Grant Wood water color.

The picture went from $1600 to over $3200 the last 30 minutes of the auction, and when the dust all settled, I won

I knew that if it were an original, it was worth 3 times that amount.  After we received the picture, I took it to an art appraiser, who informed me it was NOT an original Grant Wood…and might be worth a couple of hundred dollars…tops.

Side note…we did not have $3000 of discretionary money just laying around…..It came from a line of credit which made the whole thing that much more painful.

Why is it we tend not to tell other people our screw ups but are more than willing to talk about our successes?

I could tell my son felt much better about himself when he heard his dear old dad had dropped a couple of thousand dollars he couldn’t afford to loose

That picture I had paid $3200  it lay around here for a couple of months…but it was sending out some bad vibes. .long story short, I relisted it on E-bay and sold it for $400.00   (do the math if you haven’t already

“Tuition”

That is what I call those life experiences…I paid $2800 in tuition to learn I am weak willed when it comes to auctions…the best thing I can do is stay as far away from  high stakes auctions  as I can.

I’ll tell you one more story and call it good..

In 2007 I was asked to general contract a home for someone with a beautiful lakeside view.   The neighbors in the area were none to happy about this new home blocking their views of the lake.  Oh well…

The day we were scheduled to dig the basement, things were really hectic and crazy on the job site.  It was my responsibility to calculate the finished depth of the basement.  After the wall was poured, I started second guessing my calculations,  realized I may have made a 2 ft error  and the house might be sticking out of the ground 2 ft higher than it was supposed to…@ which point, I just knew the neighbor across the street was going to take me to court and have me tear out the wall and re-dig (that would have easily been a $25,000 to $30,000 error)…When I was able to finally  re-check my numbers  I discovered I  had NOT made a math mistake and swore I would never let someone pressure me when it came time to do important math calculations on the job.

Lesson learned :  NEVER ever be in a hurry when it comes to math calculations when building a house.

OK it’s your turn…tell me a story about one of your screw-ups…. (or more)

you need to do this..

it will be good for your soul    DM

It’s that time of year again…

You could hear them coming.

Geese.

It was a crisp Fall morning, The leaves were turning ,  Dean and I  were putting sheeting on a  12/12 pitch roof of  a  $750,000.00 house.

A Kodak moment.

We watched  as the formation flew over us, low enough to throw a rock at…

plop,plop, plop…

goose dung on his shoulder and hat.

Now  it was really a Kodak moment.

Ever since, whenever geese are heading our way, I will  say to whomever is with me…“Hurry, they’re coming!  Look up,  you might get some “geese candy”.    It hasn’t happened since, but I’m always hoping.

Several years ago this same Dean and I were trying to put felt paper on a new roof in the dead of Winter.

The wind was howling,  wind chill was below zero.

it was crazy we were even on a roof.

Finally,  we decided to head for the basement and warm up.

There was an unventilated LP heater hooked up.   It  felt SO GOOD.

1/2 hour later,  we went back on the roof to finish.  The two of us  started giggling like a couple of little girls, the tears were running down our faces.

We decided that we must have been “gassed.” ;-0

Everything was funny.

We could barely hold on to the roll of paper w/o the wind ripping it our of our hands.  The extreme cold. The fact we’d just about been gassed. Everything.

My wife read to me a proverb the other day that said  ”A cheerful heart has a continual feast”  

She said it reminded her of me.

I have a “help wanted” add in the paper this week…. Here’s  what a “DM” “help wanted add looks like:

 Help wanted.  Could turn into full-time.  General construction.  Prefer someone with NO experience.  Must be able to read tape measure, climb, have valid driver’s license and GOOD ATTITUDE.

If I’m going to spend  8 hours of  my day with you, the last thing I want  is  to work with someone who has a dark cloud overhead.  If you think you fit the qualifications, drop me a note.  I have been known to hire women in the past.

 

Enough for now, time to set some cement forms.   Thank for reading along!  DM

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I originally posted this in 2007.  I was rooting around in the archives this afternoon…there are over 400 posts there..figured some of my newer readers may have never read this one before so I decided to do a little editing and re-post it.  I really may be looking for some help btw..won’t be running an ad in the paper but it looks like I have quite a bit of work coming in the next couple of months..so, if you’re feeling the urge to work in construction…don’t hesitate to ask…you don’t know if you don’t ask DM

knowing when to get angry

“You have to learn what’s worth getting angry about.”  Lester said to me  in his gentle way.

I was 16 years old, had just unleashed a string of profanities.

That conversation took place almost 40 years ago and  I can STILL remember it to this day.

I remember thinking, “You know, he’s right.  Nobody pays too much attention to me now when I get mad.  That can’t be good.”

Les  reminded me of Ben Franklin….

retired farmer,

bib overhauls,

in his 60′s.

Here’s an early crew photo…Lester is in the middle and I’m to his right:

Work crew from back in the day.  We had just finished pouring a basement wall.

And yes, that was a can of Old Mill in my hand.

________________________________________

These days, it does take a lot more to light the fire.

The fuse got lit on Tuesday.

I’m temporarily working with another construction company…

My work load had slowed up, and this crew needed some extra help.

Win win

Tuesday night  on the way home, my cell phone rang..it was the owner of the construction company…He’d just got off the phone with the customer of the job I’ve been at the past month.    It was implied we were taking too long to finish the project and we needed to start putting in 10 hour days.

You’ll have to take my word on this one, but I have been busting my chops the past 5 weeks  with a crew of 2 (just myself and a helper)

The week previous I  picked up some  little clues the boss thought we must surely be about done, he had sent Dave to round up the screw guns, and extension chords .  I could see we had at least another 2 to 3 weeks, assuming there were no more change orders.  To compound my frustration, the boss has not personally set foot on the job site for two weeks,…. he personally hates detail work   (which is what we have left to finish)…

Fast forward to this phone call….

After I hung up, Jack, who was riding in the truck with me and  who had heard my side of the conversation asked what that was all about?

I repeated what I’d been told.   He reacted with “That is bull@#$%”   (which is German for that is not fair)

We both felt unappreciated and misjudged.

I could feel the anger start to build.  Rather than just stuff it, I wrote a punch list (things yet to do) when I got home.

The next morning I was @ the shop 30 minutes early, with the intention of talking to the boss one on one.

When  I got there,  the crew was already starting to trickle in. I asked to talk  with the boss in the office.   He said he didn’t  think it was necessary so I gave him the punch list in front of the assembled.    I told him  someone else could finish those items because I had my hands full,  framing walls and installing glass board.

He told me I was over-responding, and made light of my frustration.

(this is in front of others mind you)

I told someone later the mind games and passive – aggressive behavior in the midst of conflict no longer works on me quite like they once did.

Anger in and of itself is not always a bad thing…..it all depends on what you do with it.

Anger reminds me of rocket fuel.

If you’re not careful, it can  ignite, blow up and you’ll have a bigger problem.

Anger can be a wonderful  motivator for change and conflict resolution.

Thoughts, comments, questions?

If you’re feeling trapped

Maybe you are

We just got home  from a  family reunion..

Seeing most of these people only every 2 or 3 years gives me the  a sense I’m watching  time-lapsed photography…

I used to internally  cringe at these get togethers.

I would compare our families life choices with the other young families in the mix.

5 of the cousins are either Dr’s or have married Doctors.  I suspect several of the Aunts and Uncles are millionaires…

And then there was our family

My wife chose to stay at home as  our  kids came along…

which meant shopping @ Goodwill and garage sales for the kid’s clothes

Renting instead of owning

Driving an older car

bread from the day old store….

you get the picture.

There are lots of people in the world who have it a 100 times tougher..that I know..

but still, it’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap.

Now, 30 years later, our kids are grown,

wife and I are still in love

I’m still working at a job that energizes and stimulates me most days.

money is still tight, but for the most part we are out of debt….

And those earlier choices don’t seem so stupid any more…

I came across the following description in a book a few weeks ago, that described our life to a T:

     “My grandparents lived a simple country life.  They were totally self-sufficient, tilling a small piece of land and raising their own food….there was a sense of unhurriedness  and simple pleasures.  All the money in the world couldn’t buy such luxury in today’s world.  It is not for sale.   You have to create it….

It is unlikely you can ever totally escape from this high-stress world.  We are all on the same train….but to preserve your sanity and achieve a healthy life, you have to make some choices and resolve to live a balanced life.  By a “balanced” life, I mean, that like a marathon runner, you must learn how to pace yourself.  You give it all you’ve got going uphill and rest as much as you can going downhill.  You try to balance the drain on your energy so you can “go the distance”

From the book The Anxiety Cure by Archibald Hart

_________________________________

As I listened to some of the stories this past weekend, I couldn’t help but think about an article I recently read  about rats,   overcrowding and stress.

Because some (not all)  of  my successful relatives are living under a lot of self-imposed stress, .and I thought to myself but are they happy?

They may be making big bucks, but at what cost?

Here’s a link  to that article  if you’d like to read it.      Rat Study

______________________________

If you hear a still small voice calling you to get out of the rat race don’t just ignore it.

It may be the voice of God.

And He can make a way.

I know what you’re thinking…

There is nobody in your life who would understand…

But here’s the deal…30 years from now, you will not regret it….

“If you make it to the top of the company ladder, but loose your family in the process, you are a fool.”

__________________________–

Sorry if this comes across as a little intense.  I don’t mean to be.  DM

18 hours

 

I had something happen this past Friday that was a first…before I tell you what happened, a little background:

I got a two month remodeling  job this Spring on a handshake.  (I’m a building contractor)

When   Mark asked me if I’d be interested in the project,  he  didn’t even ask me my hourly rate.

Just told me I had the job if I wanted it.

I’ve never worked for him before, but my brother and Uncle have.

As I was putting together my  bill last Friday,  I realized I had made a simple mathematical mistake two weeks previous  and short changed myself over 18 man hours.

As I pondered my options, my first thought was, I am going to have to tell him what happened.
It was the end of the day and the home owners son stopped by  the job site with a blank check. I had quickly totaled up our hours  for the past 3 weeks, plus some extra material expenses.  I made two copies of the invoice and hadn’t given it another thought…now here I was 2 weeks later, realizing my mistake.

I tried to put myself in his shoes….he had paid me my first check/ no questions asked….

Now if I had hired someone by the hour  and 2 weeks later he came up to me with his next bill,  told me  .I owed him an additional  18 man hours  from the previous billing cycle  because he had made a mathematical mistake,

I would pay him, but it would have leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Now I know there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t think twice about demanding the additional money, even though it was their mistake.

In the end, I decided to chalk this up to the school of hard knocks and not tell the home- owner.

If you were in my shoes what would you have done?]

Now think about it from the customer’s perspective…

The exciting thing for me in all of this, I am not beating myself up.

This isn’t the first time  I have said or done something that ends up costing me hundreds of dollars….

I told my son John on Saturday, I choose to look at it like I just paid some  tuition for a summer class in college.

Any suggestions on the name of the class?

pouring a floor

Thanks for leaving a comment if you’re so inclined.   DM

Things I wish someone would have told me…

I was asked to give a 30 minute presentation to a group of high school students  this morning at a job  and career fair.

I was asked to talk about on how I got into construction, what I look for  when hiring someone, etc.

I wanted to tell them  things I wish someone would have told me when I was their age…

Here are some of my notes…

__________________________________

When I was your age, I did not have a clue as to what I wanted to do when I finished high school.   I felt the pressure of having to decide what I wanted to do with my life and I               just            didn’t                    know.

Several of my peers were planning to attend a state university.  (currently this year, that school would cost you about $21,800 for room, board and tuition)

I thought to myself , why spend thousands and thousands of dollars  just to party????   (I could do that and still live @ home)

So, I decided to work for a year in construction, save up some $ and see where things were at in a year.

My grandma was very disappointed her eldest grandson decided  not to go to college…

After a year , I realized I LOVED my job.

I loved the variety of what we did.

I poured cement, assembled metal buildings….

I loved the fact that my job moved around.

I loved that my job kept me in shape.

It was mentally stimulating.

The pay was good  and the potential was there to make more.

My days would just fly by.

What I’m telling you is,  I got into construction by accident.

Years later, I came across this quote that has become one of the touch stones of my life:

“Do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

____________________

Quick story about my sister

My sister Karen  is a realtor

She  gets   paid on commission….no sales/ no paycheck

Ask:

Does anyone have any idea what a realtor makes?  (  answer: they gross between  3% to 7% on a sale typically)

So, if she sells a $150,000 house, she will gross between $4,500 and $10,500 for that one sale.

Karen  was telling me about some training her company was paying for her to attend…my ears perked up when she told me it was being put on by Dale Carnegie. Their seminars on leadership training are  not cheap/  but the information they cover can translate into thousands of additional dollars in the course of your lifetime.

If I had the  money, I would pay for each and every one of you to be able to attend.

It  is just that good.

I can’t do that, but I can do the next best thing….  I can tell you where to go to get the information they cover and it won’t cost you a cent.

You don’t even have to buy a book.  You can check it out @ your local library:

How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It is an easy read.

I read it 25 years ago and  to this day, I regularly apply things I learned from that book.

______________________________

Finally, I want to talk to you about the unlimited earning power of your mind.

If I get paid by the hour, there is only so much I can make in a week…if I get paid $10.00 per hour, and work 40 hours, that’s $400 gross.  If I really bust my chops and work 60 hours..that’s $600 a week.  but that’s a long week.  Even if I were to get paid $25  or $50 an hour..there is only so much I can make by myself…

Let’s say I start my own business…XYZ painting company.

I have 2 employees.  So in addition to my hourly rate, I also can make additional $ off the people  that works for me.  I pay them a good wage….plus overhead..and when it’s all said and done, I might make an additional $10.00 per hour off each employee..so not only am I making $25.00 on myself, but also an additional $10.00 per hour on my co-worker.

Then let’s say I bid on painting a parking lot…I bid it for $2,000 and get the job…we end up getting done early…after expenses I make an additional $500.00…so not only do I make my hourly wage, plus profit on my employees, I also make an additional $500 profit on the job…  I am now  working with my mind, in addition to my hourly paycheck.

Nobody ever talked to me about these things when I was your age..they just encouraged me to get a job.

I would encourage each and every one of you to think about starting your own business.

An honest profit is not a dirty word.

_____________________________

Finally, I want to talk to you about the importance of knowing how to get along with  people.

There is more to a job than just having a skill.

You can be the best finish carpenter in the world, but if you have a dark, brooding personality, I won’t want to work with you.

People are people…sometimes when I order something through the lumberyard, things happen.  maybe it get’s lost, or back ordered, or there’s a mistake.  If I get angry and chew out the person on the other end of the phone…how are they going to feel?  (maybe hurt/ then get mad)  I guarantee you they are not going to recommend me to the person that comes to the store looking for a good contractor.  So keep that in mind when you’re dealing with people.

Learn how to get along with people and you will go far.

________________________________

and finally, here’s a link  titled
A modern take on Carnegie’s how to win friends and influence people

the meaning of (my) life

He was standing on the tracks, listening to death’s locomotive whistle, and he was very clear about the important things in life……….

______________________________________________________

I (DM)  want to introduce you to one of my mentors.. Morrie Swartz.

What follows  is an excerpt from a book of Morrie’s distilled wisdom.

“the first time I saw Morrie on Nightline, I wondered what regrets he had once he knew his death was imminent.  Did he lament lost friends?  Would have have done much differently?  Selfishly, I wondered if I were in his shoes, would I be consumed with sad thoughts of all that I had missed?  Would I regret the secrets I had kept hidden?

When I mentioned this to Morrie, he nodded, “It’s what everyone worries about isn’t it?  What if today were my last day, on earth?”  He studied my face, and perhaps he saw an ambivalence about my own choices, I had this vision of me keeling over at my desk one day, halfway through a story, my editors snatching the copy even as the medics carried my body away.

“Mitch?”  Morrie said.

I shook my head and said nothing.  But Morrie picked up on my hesitation.

“Mitch.” he said, “the culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die.  We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money ,  meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks- we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going.  So we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, “Is this all?  Is this all I want?  Is something missing?”

He paused.

“You need someone to probe you in that direction.  It won’t just happen automatically.”

I knew what he was saying.  We all need teachers in our lives.

And mine was sitting in front of me.

Fine, I figured.  If I was to be the student, then I would be as good a student as I could be.

On the plane ride home that day, I made a small list on a yellow legal pad, issues and questions that we all grapple with, from happiness to agin to having children to death.  Of course, there were a million self-help books on these subjects, and plenty of cable TV shows, and $90 operhour consultation sessions.  America had become a Persian bazaar of self-help.

But there still seemed to be no clear answers.  Do you take care of others or take care of your “inner child”?  Return to traditional values or reject tradition as useless?  Seek success or seek simplicity?  Just Say No or Just Do It?

All I knew was this:  Morrie, my old professor, wasn’t in the self-help business.  He was standing on the tracks, listening to death’s locomotive whistle, and he was very clear about the important things in life.

I wanted that clarity.  Every confused and tortured soul I knew wanted that clarity.

“Ask me anything,”  Morrie always said.

So I wrote this list:

Death

Fear

Aging

Greed

Marriage

Family

Society

Forgiveness

A meaningful life

This list was in my bag when I returned to West Newton for the fourth time, a Tuesday in late August when the air-conditioning at the Logan Airport terminal was not working, and people fanning themselves and wiped sweat angrily from their foreheads, and every face I saw looked ready to kill someone.”

From the book Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

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I (DM) love love love this book.  I remember as my grandma was getting older, she refused to have her will made out because somehow in her mind it might hasten her death or bring her bad luck.   My wife and I on the other hand love strolling through a local cemetery, looking at the old tombstones and learning  the stories of people buried there .   It comes down to perspective.

I think that’s one of the reasons I have enjoyed this book so much. It gives me added perspective on life.

I told someone yesterday I love being the age I am now….. 53 .

Inside I still feel like a 23 year old,  just now I have  30 years life experience under my belt…

what

a

rush!

Rereading this post I realized this is just a teaser to the subject at hand (the meaning of life).  Since I am not one to jam my “stuff” down anyone’s throat, I will stop  here.  If this is a topic you’re really hankering to find answers to, I’ll make two suggestions.

First,   get a copy of the book.  It will slake your thirst like nothing else.

Secondly, if you’d like my thoughts on a specific issue, ask your question and I will do my best to reply  in the comment threads.

DM